Emotions

Today is a really bad day for the exhaustion, even with the liquid vitamins.  And now I am in a very deep emotional slump.  I have been raining tears continuely for a long time today.  Today and too many other days this past year, I wonder why I was so happy that they diagnosed celiac disease.  Another two weeks and I would have died.  I wish that I had.  I really don't mind the diet and it really is not that hard once you get the hang of it.  But, my quality of life really sucks.  When we moved here 4 years ago, we were so busy building a home and getting settled, that I only had time to make a couple of friends.  And they did not turn out to be very good friends as my diet is so restrictive that they don't want to be bothered to invite us over for dinner, etc.  We do meet one couple for dinner now and then, but since the diagnosis, we have not again been invited to eat at their home.  We had a very few casual dinners in the last home, after the diagnosis (and a partial recovery), but because of the tiredness we are still not settled enough for entertaining in this home.  When they finally get our patio fixed, I am hoping to have a barbecue.  I always have hopes of going away for a few days, but I would not have the energy to pack a bag.  This is so much worse then I imagined.  I used to be so strong and a fighter over all my illnesses.  I am just not me anymore.  And I don't like who I have become.  If this is all I have for the rest of my life, then I wish it was over.  No, I won't do anything, because it would destroy my husband.  But, going to the grocery store, Whole Foods, reading books and out to dinner three times a month is not a life.  I am sorry to be so negative.