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Here Goes The Cold Water.

Jcoursey

Entry posted by Jcoursey in college

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I'm Justin, I'm 21 years old, and here I am, it's 1:40 in the morning, I have to be up at 4:45 to get ready for work. Tonight, as happens some nights, I cannot sleep, something unsteady rushes through me.

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 Recently i have lost much weight due to finding out a couple weeks ago through diagnosis that i have celiacs disease and i have cut out gluten all together.

All my life i have had problems with my stomach, constant diarrhea, stomach cramping, inability to regain appetite, depression and anxiety. I even tried to commit suicide on 12/12/12.

I am now finding out that celiac may be a contributing factor to everything i have been through. It would seem as if this should be...i don't know....a good thing. But the truth is i don't know if it is, or just a curse waving in front of my face, constantly watching me struggle, yet it had been hidden from sight for so many years. Could it possibly be true, Dropping out of college, nearly finding out whether or not hell exists, and being completely unable to control the way my body had felt, all of this could not be caused solely from a disease....or could it. I'm sorry for being so depressive tonight, i just don't know where to turn and this is the best i can do. I hope now that i may sleep, i hope now that i may start my journey through the rough times i have placed myself in through my actions, i just hope this passes, i hope some day i can be the Fiance that my woman deserves, and i just hope there is someone out there who understands.

thank you.

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4 Comments

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lexibrowning
Hey Justin! Welcome to the board. I'm sorry you're feeling so down about everything right now. I understand what it's like to go through years of stomach issues, depression, chronic migraines, etc and then to find out it's all because of this one little thing you're eating. So you cut that part out, but that is also depressing. It sucks honestly, but you have to come to terms that this is your reality now.
As for the weight loss, we should just trade places haha. I gained weight when I went gluten free. And as an almost 20 year old woman, gaining 20 pounds in 3 months is terrifying and embarrassing.
I joined this board recently also (a few months ago I think) and it has been a great support system. Lots of the men and women on here have been dealing with their diagnosis for years and give really great advice. And the group of newly diagnosed is a great support. I hope you find it as helpful as I have this summer.
You need to accept that you have Celiac, forgive yourself for making your future harder, and put the rest behind you. Keep your head up and move forward. Things will get better.
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1desperateladysaved

There is hope. There is relief. I hope you will find it soon.

D

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JordanBattenSymons

I found out 3 days ago and it feels like the world has something against you. Why has it made you different to everyone else. But you have to really on sites like this, these sites let people like us come together, become strong and fight back. It lets us say "no, we will not let you, I still have my life".

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Charliexxx

Hi Justin, 

I am so sorry to read your story. I can empathise, the severe depression, the dropping out of studies, sleep problems and all the issues with the stomach. You finally have a diagnosis and yes it can really just be celiac disease. There’s access to lots of information and support.
The science bit, I won’t be technical but if we cannot absorb nutrients then we cannot make the chemicals and hormones to function properly. So it affects our sleep pattern, our appetite, our ability to think, to be happy. We can have so many physical symptoms from joint pain to muscle weakness and just everything is a huge effort. I hope you have had your iron, vitamin B12, folate, vitamin D and calcium levels checked. 
Your gut should heal going gluten free but it needs time to repair. So does the rest of your body and brain. 
I have tattoos, one says ‘gluten free’ and another says ‘Hope’. It maybe worth just taking each day at a time.

Like Lexi, I put on 20 lbs in 3 months as I was starving once gluten free but before I could barely eat. 

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