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Ratimus

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About Ratimus

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  1. Top Five Reasons To Get A New Doctor

    (after years of debilitating symptoms that magically went away after going gluten-free) Me: I went gluten free and all those symptoms I've had for five years went away, including the daily bouts of excruciating facial pain. Doc (after a year of near indifference): Facial pain? Let me check your sinuses....... They look fine. Here is a prescription for antibiotics. Come back in three weeks for a physical because you're overdue for one. ***Three weeks later*** Doc: If you still want that celiac test, you can get it today, but your insurance probably won't pay for it (Doc leaves). Me (to nurse): I've been gluten free for over two months. Would I even pop positive if I had it? Nurse: That's a good question. Let me check with the lab guy. (Leaves. A flurry of typing is heard from around the corner.) Nurse: We think so. It's an antibody, and antibodies last for years. Think of smallpox vaccines... Besides, you may think you are gluten free, but gluten free means a lot more than not eating bread. You'd also have to avoid rye, barley, beer, and just about every prepackaged food. ***Three weeks later*** Me (calling on phone): Hi, you said my test results would be in a week ago.... Receptionist: Sorry, let me see if the doc left any notes for you. Hrmm, there is nothing to worry about, your physical looks great, you are perfectly healthy, except that your vitamin D is alarmingly low. Doc recommends you buy the sublingual drops that we sell here...
  2. Every time I eat gluten I go crazy. I do not have an official diagnosis. I told my doctor that the symptoms which had been plaguing me for five years went away within days when I stopped eating gluten (I knew nothing of celiac at the time; I thought I was dying but was toying with the idea of it being a food allergy). Doc decided to give me the blood test AFTER I had been strictly gluten-free for over two months. Big surprise, results negative. Now he is not at all concerned about the headaches, arthritis-like symptoms, fatigue, diarrhea, blistering rash (I could go on and on) that disappeared completely, but is quite adamant that I need to start taking the vitamin D drops that he sells because I tested low for that. Anyway, the main way I go crazy is that every time I accidentally get a dose of the old glutenous maximus, I become instantly depressed--feeling unmotivated, cynical, pessimistic and morbid; along with feeling constant rage that does not affect my actions but is not in response to any external circumstances. I also become completely, beyond a shadow of a doubt, 100 percent convinced that my doctor is right and that I do not have a gluten problem. In this state I hold on to the notion that that's just the way my body is--that I inexplicably had a nice "vacation" from my health problems (coinciding with going gluten-free) and that things are now returning to normal (i.e. miserable). Even though I know this happens every time, I still become convinced that I do not know what's wrong with me, and that I am fated to feel miserable for the rest of my life. As soon as the effects wear off, I return to sanity and thank my wife for being so understanding while my brain is going haywire.