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Crises, Or Invitation To Anniversary Celebration?

restaurant invitation

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22 replies to this topic

#1 1desperateladysaved

 
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Posted 11 March 2013 - 06:38 AM

THIS IS FOR SUPER SENSITIVES ONLY:

 

I have been avoiding restaurants.  My immediate family goes in, I eat in the car.  The immediate family thinks it is "My decision."  I feel I am constrained to do it.

 

This morning I got an invitation to Dad and Mom"s (possibly last) anniversary.  I want to go, but even the smell of restaurants bothers me.  Is it serious, well, it has not killed me yet?  I have been completly avoiding restraunts for atleast a year, except running in to connect with someone in there.  I don't know if my problems are celiac related or not.  My MD says that I am not an allergic person.  My chiro says that I am.  My IgE is extremely low.  My intestine seems to have extreme damage.

 

If I go in, I will be expected to join in from now on, or people will feel I am being manipulative.  If I don't I miss a rare oppertunity of helping to celebrate Dad and Mom's 52nd (and likely last) anniversary.  It is also a rare occassion to get together with my family.

 

I could bring my own food.  That is not the issue.  Just being in a restaurant is.  There are many more complications including my mother not believing in my food issues.  Mom is simply having mind troubles and I cannot reason with her.  I don't think my Dad appreciates my food, or I would be able to host it here.  Maybe I should offer that anyway?

 

Well, any ideas anyone?

 

Diana


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#2 mommida

 
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Posted 11 March 2013 - 08:06 AM

Eat before you go to the restaurant.  Go for some drinks to the event.  (I have amuch better time with family if I drink!)


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#3 GFreeMO

 
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Posted 11 March 2013 - 08:19 AM

I would offer to hold the event at your home.  

 

I avoid restaurants at all costs.  I did however sit in a Wendy's with my friend on Sat.  I brought my food and ate while she drove and she stopped at Wendy's and got a chili and some fries.  I just sat there and we talked while she ate.  It was ok.  

 

If you do have to go to the restaurant, I would just go and not eat or drink anything that I did not bring from home.  I don't get drinks out b/c I wonder about the ice sometimes.  

 

You could tell your Dad that you really want to make this a nice and memorable event for everyone and that you will cook whatever he likes. gluten-free of course but you could make it really special at your home.  


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#4 GottaSki

 
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Posted 11 March 2013 - 08:24 AM

If it is the smells in the restaurant -- you can try putting oil of something that makes you feel very good under your nose before you go in -- essentially aroma therapy.  Most health food stores sell many different oils...some have calming properties as well.  The bottles are very small so you can bring it in your bag for easy touch up in the ladies room.

 

I do encourage you to start going to functions with family and friends -- always bring your own -- it is possible to do this safely.  It will be nice for you and for your family to have you part of this and future celebrations.


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-Lisa

Undiagnosed Celiac Disease ~ 43 years

3/26/09 gluten-free - dignosed celiac - blood 3/3/09, biopsy 3/26/09, double DQ2 / single DQ8 positive

10/25/13 - MCAD

Health history since celiac diagnosis became too long -- moved to the "about me" section of my profile

My children and I all have multiple copies of the genes for Celiac Disease, along with large variety of symptoms/resolution gluten-free

Current tally from me, three kids and two grands: 4 diagnosed with Celiac Disease, 2 NCGS

Get PROPERLY tested BEFORE REMOVING GLUTEN.

ALWAYS independently research health related information found on internet forums/blogs.

"LTES" a Gem :)


#5 julissa

 
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Posted 11 March 2013 - 10:06 AM

I would also go and just eat first. don't do anything to call attention to the fact you are not eating as much as possible. I went to an out of town wedding last weekend. I ate before the rehearsal dinner, and before the wedding.  no one noticed I wasn't eating. I believe people are more caught up in what they are eating and doing.

 

of course your family will question it since you haven't gone in to these things before, but just say you're not eating and leave it at that.

 

why miss out on family time?? I do everything with my family, I either eat first or bring my food.


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#6 1desperateladysaved

 
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Posted 11 March 2013 - 04:33 PM

My kids don't think I should offer to cook.  First off they don't think anyone would like to eat it.  Then my parents and brother's family would have a long drive.

 

Maybe if I dun a surgical mask?


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#7 GFreeMO

 
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Posted 11 March 2013 - 04:41 PM

You might just have to go and take your chances. Spending time with your family will be worth it!  Just take your food like you always do.  Hang in there..this really is a pain and all hard to take.  


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#8 julissa

 
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Posted 11 March 2013 - 04:50 PM

Diana, sorry I didn't realize being in a restaurant was an issue, even if you're not eating. is it the smell?


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#9 1desperateladysaved

 
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Posted 12 March 2013 - 04:12 AM

Diana, sorry I didn't realize being in a restaurant was an issue, even if you're not eating. is it the smell?

 

  My situation is a little unusual to say the least.  If I knew exactly what, I guess my decision could be easier.  I don't know if my situation is dangerous (I doubt it) or just uncomfortable and am really not sure how I could find out.


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#10 mommida

 
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Posted 12 March 2013 - 07:35 AM

I didn't suggest hosting the event for fear of the expense.  People eat gluten free at my house all the time, and tust me they don't leave hungry!

 

Stick to a meal that is naturally gluten free like...

 

shish kabobs and rice  (some deli/ butcher counters have these made up and ready to go.  marinate with Italian dressing if you make these up yourself.  Chicken or steak)

Mexican taco bar / walking tacos

chicken with white wine sauce thickened with small amount of gluten free flour/corn starch

turkey with fixins (check for rice stuffing recipes if u must stuff)

chili baked with baked potato

Or maybe just a loaded baked potato bar

 

side dishes

salad

fruit


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#11 GottaSki

 
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Posted 12 March 2013 - 07:45 AM

Hi Diana-

 

I would not promote wearing a mask unless your immune system is so weak that you can not leave the house without catching a cold or flu bug.

 

Moderate precaution is wise for any of us -- I am extra cautious when out in the world....with food and I have a bandana around my neck for when I ride my bike that I use to cover my mouth & nose when needed due to severe reactions from car exhaust.....but attending a gathering of family and friends is safe for me.  I bring my own food, wash my hands frequently at the event and again when I return home. 

 

Donning a surgical mask - in my opinion would do more harm than good - again, just my opinion.


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-Lisa

Undiagnosed Celiac Disease ~ 43 years

3/26/09 gluten-free - dignosed celiac - blood 3/3/09, biopsy 3/26/09, double DQ2 / single DQ8 positive

10/25/13 - MCAD

Health history since celiac diagnosis became too long -- moved to the "about me" section of my profile

My children and I all have multiple copies of the genes for Celiac Disease, along with large variety of symptoms/resolution gluten-free

Current tally from me, three kids and two grands: 4 diagnosed with Celiac Disease, 2 NCGS

Get PROPERLY tested BEFORE REMOVING GLUTEN.

ALWAYS independently research health related information found on internet forums/blogs.

"LTES" a Gem :)


#12 1desperateladysaved

 
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Posted 12 March 2013 - 08:17 AM

Hi Diana-

 

I would not promote wearing a mask unless your immune system is so weak that you can not leave the house without catching a cold or flu bug.

 

Moderate precaution is wise for any of us -- I am extra cautious when out in the world....with food and I have a bandana around my neck for when I ride my bike that I use to cover my mouth & nose when needed due to severe reactions from car exhaust.....but attending a gathering of family and friends is safe for me.  I bring my own food, wash my hands frequently at the event and again when I return home. 

Yeah, I agree!

 

I also agree with this is painful.  I feel torn between heatth concerns and family ties.

Donning a surgical mask - in my opinion would do more harm than good - again, just my opinion.


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#13 GFinDC

 
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Posted 13 March 2013 - 07:04 AM

Hi Diana,

 

I'd go in the restraunt myself.  But I'd choose a restraunt that doesn't do baking, or make it's own pasta from scratch.  That way you are less likely to have flour in the air.


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Proverbs 25:16 "Hast thou found honey? eat so much as is sufficient for thee, lest thou be filled therewith, and vomit it."
Job 30:27 My bowels boiled, and rested not: the days of affliction prevented me.
Thyroid cyst and nodules, Lactose / casein intolerant. Diet positive, gene test pos, symptoms confirmed by Dr-head. My current bad list is: gluten, dairy, sulfites, coffee (the devil's brew), tea, Bug's Bunnies carrots, garbanzo beans of pain, soy- no joy, terrible turnips, tomatoes, peppers, potatoes, and hard work. have a good day! :-) Paul

#14 dilettantesteph

 
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Posted 17 March 2013 - 04:41 AM

I hope that it goes well.  I do know super sensitives who wear masks when they go into unsafe environments.  I would feel so strange, but they report that it isn't that bad.  My personal way of dealing with it is to avoid unsafe situations as much as possible.  When it isn't possible, I take my chances.  It's been a good while now since I have had a mystery glutening.  Things with family can be so complicated.  At some point you have to not care about what others think of you, and protect your health.  Friends are the family we choose for ourselves.  Edna Buchanan


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#15 Takala

 
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Posted 17 March 2013 - 11:21 AM

Get a bottle of San Pellegrino water and bring your own straw, avoid the ice.  Suggest you do a few practice runs of just drinking at bar/restaurant with an actual sympathetic family member (if you have any  :rolleyes:  :ph34r: ) first.   Slip a baggie of safe gluten-free munchables in your purse to knosh on, if you want.  If you tip the bar wait staff very well, smile confidently, and just say "food allergies" they usually will not care.   Agree with the essential oil therapy, (this is proven to work on horses, we may as well use it ourselves) but the trick is to put it on BEFORE you are feeling stressed, and then do something calming, so it kicks in.  You can put a dab of diluted essential oil of lavender on your inner elbow, for example, wet a cotton ball with water and then add a drop of the oil before dabbing it.   I live in a high mosquito area, so I mix up essential oils in a dabber bottle that I keep in the car, along with some cotton, so I can re apply this before we go out, what cracks me up is how many people have said, "gee, your perfume smells great, what is that ? :lol:   This past week I've literally had mosquitoes bouncing off of me like crazy at dusk on a trail, but I smelled good and got a hit of lavender, all at once.  :D

 


My kids don't think I should offer to cook.  First off they don't think anyone would like to eat it.  Then my parents and brother's family would have a long drive.

 

So, let me get this straight.  They think your function in life is to just show up, after you've traveled the long distance, and pick up part of the restaurant bill ?  :blink:

 

 

Offer to do an hors d'ouvres (finger snacks) and drinks thing party for the relatives on a different day/time.  99% of appetizers can be made gluten free, on gluten free crackers, chips, etc,  and nobody would know the difference.  Most dips, such as guacamole or bean dip, are very, very easy to make gluten free.  Mock ranch dressing can be made out of almost anything, dairy free if need be,  if you have additional intolerances.  You don't have to eat anything you do not want to, just have food around for the others that is still gluten free, so you don't mess up your kitchen.  Most people will eat almond meal skillet bread with fresh rosemary and grated fresh lemon peel, or brazilian cheese rolls (chebe style) quite avidly, as long as they are told it's "gourmet" instead of gluten free.  You can put water chestnuts or almonds in pitted dates, wrap them in bacon, bake it, stick a toothpick in it, and people will devour it.   You can make mini meatballs with cooked rice instead of bread, and put them in a safe BBQ sauce, and then stick a toothpick in them for the serving platter.  If you don't trust commercial, gluten-free bbq sauce, you just make your own out of cider vinegar, molasses or agave, juice, oil, wheat free soy or coconut amino sauce, tomato paste, smoked paprika or smoked tabasco, or a hot, chopped up pepper for heat.       See also the idea above for a Taco bar or a baked potato bar.     Obviously the only reason these [redacted, unflattering phrase re: relatives ] care whether or not Mom and Dad have one last get- together is not that everybody gets to "be together" but that they think this is the Last Supper where somebody else picks up the tab for their favorite restaurant meal.  Sorry, I have no sympathy for them.  Other than that, don't waste time arguing with people who are no longer right in the head, life's too short. 


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