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What Do You Do At A Wedding?

wedding gluten-free special occassion

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#1 Ciel121

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Posted 24 April 2013 - 10:13 AM

  I can't say enough about how comforting it is to read through all the posts on here. Sometimes when I'm down or glutenized, I just read through them till I feel better...

  My question though is what to do you if you have to attend a wedding? At my own wedding the catering was amazing and provided me a truly delicious gluten-free meal (with sauce!). The chef was trained to cook gluten-free by taking an additional culinary course--praise to them.

  But my cousin is getting married in June and my husband's friend the week before that. I'm thinking of replying that we are both coming, but that I won't be eating. I think I will stuff myself with food beforehand and just drink champagne or wine at the wedding. I've learned there is not one restaurant I can eat at safely (well, ok one). The rest are not an option and I'm in tremendous pain if I get glutened. I'm thinking that's the only safe option.

   Also, for the other wedding we have to travel so it is very difficult to stay safe when traveling and then also with a wedding in the same trip. I'm thinking of buying food at Whole Foods and stocking up, eating before that wedding too...


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#2 GFreeMO

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Posted 24 April 2013 - 10:22 AM

Yep..you are right on track.  Eat before hand and stick something safe in your purse..a banana, candy..whatever.  

The good thing about wedding is that people are either a little tipsy from the drinking or they are dancing and having fun.  No one will even notice that you are not eating.  

:)


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#3 Gemini

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Posted 24 April 2013 - 11:17 AM

I have a wedding to attend at the end of May and it is for a family member so it was easier for me to address my food issues with them.  I have a different attitude about it all and I really think that if people are going to have a wedding or a party, in other words, they will be a host, it is up to them to make sure there is safe food for ALL of their guests.  This is old school and I am sticking with it because I think it rude to invite someone to a wedding and then not care to make sure they have safe food to eat.  I disagree that no one will notice that you are not eating.  I have been to events where the fact that I was not eating was noticed and it made people feel very uncomfortable when they are stuffing their faces and I am not.  It wasn't very fun for me either because if you aren't eating, then just drinking alcoholic beverages is kind of out because I have to be eating when I drink.

 

The wedding I am going to is for my husband's niece who we do not have much of a relationship with.  No one in the family does, either, so in all honesty, it's kind of an expensive trip for someone we are not close to.  But we are trying to be supportive so there you go. My husband contacted the bride and told her that I was a diagnosed celiac and needed to have a dedicated, gluten-free meal.  The reception is in a restaurant so we thought that would make it a bit easier for her, rather than a caterer.  The bride then told us that there were other gluten free eaters coming, along with vegertarians, so it shouldn't be a problem.  The fact she lumped the gluten-free eaters in with vegetarians clued me in she was clueless.  The reception is a buffet, with gluten-free options.  My husband contacted her again and stipulated that I could not eat off of a buffet and needed a cooked meal, with my input to the servers at the time of reception.  I mean, really, this is a restaurant and they do cater to Celiacs...how hard can it be.  I was willing to do all the work.  The end result is that the bride agreed to this, although she got snarky about the extent to which I go to ensure a safe meal.  She, like many others, just do not understand but I expect that.  I am wondering if she got snarky with the vegetarians and, as it turns out, the other gluten-free eaters are the fad diet kind and they will be eating off the buffet.  That explains the lack of understanding but I pushed it because I want to educate people about the realities of gluten-free dining.

 

Not everyone can go this far at weddings but I am getting a little sick and tired of not being accommodated for by family.  I am still bringing some food with me because we arranged for a suite at the hotel, with a fridge and microwave.  All my other meals will be home cooked and packed.  But as we are spending a lot of money to attend this out of state wedding, and they will be receiving a wedding gift, I want a wedding meal like everyone else. 

 

If you cannot be pushy and obnoxious like me, ;) , then I say secure a place with a microwave and fridge and either eat before hand or maybe you can bring home made and someone can re-heat it for you.  I hate not eating with the crowd because of the 5,000 quesions I inevitably get or the fact I am a thin celiac, they all think I have an eating disorder.  <_<   I like to party like everyone else and need food so I can drink.  No way will I not drink my red wine at a wedding!  :D

 

This can all be very difficult and highly dependent on whether there is gluten free dining knowledge but you'll have to adjust what you do depending on that, and other factors.  Good luck!


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#4 Ciel121

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Posted 24 April 2013 - 01:39 PM

I totally agree Gemini! I'm not the kind of Celiac to try to blend in. I find it offensive as well, but the culprits to me are the caterers and restaurants. They should be able to cater to Celiacs in our age. Really, we can send a man to the moon and have iphones and ipads, but not cater to Celiacs? In fact, I plan to tell everyone at both weddings that I'm not eating and if they don't notice I will tell them and I will highlight that no one caters to Celiacs. I want to be visible and I'm very angry that I can't eat a safe meal when yes, we are giving a gift like everyone else and covering costs of travel.

  Being a bride in August though, I know how hard and stressful it is to pull together a wedding and I won't bother the bride or groom about this. I know many people don't know about Celiac disease, but the restaurants need to be held accountable. I have been to so many restaurants that say they are gluten-free only to suffer dearly days later. I really wish I could sue or there could be a law passed to cater to Celiacs. I mean if you're traveling, sometimes it is a choice of starving or being extremely sick, that is immoral in a society that has plenty. I feel so so bad for diabetic Celiacs. That must be harder still because their blood sugar has to be maintained.

  So yes, I think it's immoral and disgusting to feel like I'm abnormal because I'm not eating and feel like an outcast because I have an illness. That is so wrong. But on the bright side I call so many companies all the time about this and if I have to attend a restaurant with friends I go to the manager and tell them I'm not eating there because they can't properly accommodate Celiacs--all this to get them going and thinking that something has to change and eventually it will. I think we all need to speak up more until something is done. :-D


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#5 mamaw

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Posted 24 April 2013 - 01:46 PM

I've  been to many  receptions  of  sorts , only  one  had  a  gluten-free  menu with a  couple  of  appetizers  not  gluten-free....Most  were  family   &  friends  events  that  know  my   gluten-free  restrictions. But, I  think  they  forget about  the  dietary issues   when  they  are  busy  with  the planning. No, I don't  think its  okay    that  I'm usually/always  forgotten  until  the  time  when  the  people  see  I  have  nothing to eat  then the bell goes  off....

So  what  I do  is  contact  the  carterer or the  restaurant  on  my own  &  ask if  they  can do  a  gluten-free  meal...I  even offer  to pay for  it  myself  but  I always  stress  that I don't  want to bother  the  host/bride/groom....

I  know  many  state  it  is  the  social  part  that  we  should  focus  on  but  after  ten years  of  that  it is  old .....I  want to  enjoy  a  meal  I  don't  have  to  prepare  too...

I  find  if  the  host  does not  have  issues  then  they never  think  about it much....family for me  is the  worse  not  ever having  a  gluten-free  option .............

Do  a  bit  of  research &  question  asking  &  one  can usually find  out  who  is  preparing  the  food for the  event.....


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#6 IrishHeart

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Posted 24 April 2013 - 03:34 PM

My best friend is a chef and runs a catering business and she has said many times, It's not that hard to accomodate a Gee Freer and be mindful of cross contamination, too.

.

What's the big deal? she says....most meals are Filet or chicken. Pick the filet and tell the mother of the bride to call the caterer you have celiac and remind them who needs what. She does it all the time and finds it not to be an issue at all. (see why I think she's awesome? LOL

 

I am attending my cousin's daughter's wedding in June-- out of state ---and like Gemini, I have a hotel room with micro and fridge booked (I do this every time I travel) and

I spoke with my cousin's wife and made sure she understands what I need to eat safely. She was very gracious about it

and there are 7 other Gee Freers attending, one is my Mom and another is my cousins's wife who I am very close to, so I suspect we'll all be dining together  at the same table :)

 

I am not worried because I know my cousins realize how sick I was before DX and they will make damn sure I am taken care of.

 

 

(But you can bet your ass I'll have my Crunchmasters in my bag so when the cheese platters and hors d'oerves some out, I'm prepared. :) ).

 

Traveling is not that difficult, honest. I just did ot for 5 weeks, unscathed.

Get a Koolaton cooler for your car, bring food and use the Find Me Gluten Free app to find places to eat.

I am a pretty sensitive celiac and I have had great luck eating out in places that other celiacs recommend,

Don't be afraid to be assertive  yet polite. Do not go into it thinking "I'm being a pain in the ass" or "they will not be willing to help me".... you'd be surprised how much people want to be accommodating if you approach it the right way.

 

Nobody "owes us" anything really just because we are celiacs and we can be gracious about it.  I can honestly say I have not had anyone give me the "eye rolls" when I explain politely and calmly what I need.

 

Good luck! :)


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"Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way we cope with it makes the difference." Virginia Satir

"The strongest of all warriors are these two - time and patience." Leo Tolstoy

"If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else" Booker T. Washington

“If idiots could fly, the sky would be like an airport.”― Laura Davenport 

"Do or do not. There is no try. "-  Yoda.

"LTES"  Gem 2014

 

Misdiagnosed for 25+ years; Finally Diagnosed with Celiac  11/01/10.  Double DQ2 genes. This thing tried to kill me. I view Celiac as a fire breathing dragon --and I have run my sword right through his throat.
I. Win. bliss-smiley-emoticon.gif


#7 tarnalberry

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Posted 24 April 2013 - 07:18 PM

  I can't say enough about how comforting it is to read through all the posts on here. Sometimes when I'm down or glutenized, I just read through them till I feel better...

  My question though is what to do you if you have to attend a wedding? At my own wedding the catering was amazing and provided me a truly delicious gluten-free meal (with sauce!). The chef was trained to cook gluten-free by taking an additional culinary course--praise to them.

  But my cousin is getting married in June and my husband's friend the week before that. I'm thinking of replying that we are both coming, but that I won't be eating. I think I will stuff myself with food beforehand and just drink champagne or wine at the wedding. I've learned there is not one restaurant I can eat at safely (well, ok one). The rest are not an option and I'm in tremendous pain if I get glutened. I'm thinking that's the only safe option.

   Also, for the other wedding we have to travel so it is very difficult to stay safe when traveling and then also with a wedding in the same trip. I'm thinking of buying food at Whole Foods and stocking up, eating before that wedding too...

 

Yup - I bring my food (and eat before hand).


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Inconclusive Blood Tests, Positive Dietary Results, No Endoscopy
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#8 Ciel121

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Posted 24 April 2013 - 07:26 PM

I wish that were true...I have had too many experiences when servers and managers promise me my meal will be safe and I'm completely glutened over and over and over. It's always the same--they smile and promise and then I'm in pain and out for a week. I'm always polite, but I always speak up and that just never works. Restaurants and catering are completely out for me forever...unless I move to California or out west. I hear it's different over there.

  And I absolutely think something is owed to Celiacs--absolutely. We deserve respect as much as people with diabetes and other diseases and we  deserve to sit and eat at the table with everyone else. I know a few Celiacs who have no social life because they are too afraid to go out. So sad. There was a little eight year old girl who went to an Olive Garden and was told she was getting gluten-free pasta, but they gave her wheat pasta...she was in the E.R. for a week. So sad. Hopefully more will become informed...


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#9 thleensd

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Posted 24 April 2013 - 11:29 PM

I don't trust anything at an event like that. Eat before you go. Being food. Ask if you can have a clean plate and eat your own food.

People may ask, but give them a quick explanation and move on!
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#10 julissa

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Posted 25 April 2013 - 03:38 AM

I totally agree here with eating before you go and bringing anything with you you might want to have. it's your body, I wouldn't trust anything that comes out of a catering mass produced kitchen.

 

I went out of town for a wedding, brought a backpack filled with food and ate before the wedding. I found a great place to eat on Find Me Gluten Free.  no one noticed, literally no one, that I wasn't eating. it gave me more time to dance!


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#11 cavernio

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Posted 25 April 2013 - 05:49 AM

If I can't trust a product off the shelf even though it would appear gluten free, I would never expect someone else to cook for me gluten free without me telling them specifically what products I can eat. The chef could simply use a product that says gluten free but isn't free enough for your level of sensitivity, or that isn't labelled with 'may contain traces', and that's how you get the gluten. Might not have anything to do with how the food was prepared. Even fancier restaurants that do everything from scratch will use spices that would appear safe but might not be. 


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#12 IrishHeart

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Posted 25 April 2013 - 05:51 AM

I wish that were true...I have had too many experiences when servers and managers promise me my meal will be safe and I'm completely glutened over and over and over. It's always the same--they smile and promise and then I'm in pain and out for a week. I'm always polite, but I always speak up and that just never works. Restaurants and catering are completely out for me forever...unless I move to California or out west. I hear it's different over there.

  And I absolutely think something is owed to Celiacs--absolutely. We deserve respect as much as people with diabetes and other diseases and we  deserve to sit and eat at the table with everyone else. I know a few Celiacs who have no social life because they are too afraid to go out. So sad. There was a little eight year old girl who went to an Olive Garden and was told she was getting gluten-free pasta, but they gave her wheat pasta...she was in the E.R. for a week. So sad. Hopefully more will become informed...

 

 

I am sorry to hear you have had such horrible experiences. :(  California is not the only place that "gets it right".

I do not know where you live, but NYC, Boston, Florida--these places are good about gluten-free dining.

 

I did not say we don't deserve respect.

Not at all.... and believe me, I am a  huge celiac advocate.  

I said we are not "owed" anything--as in, we have to ask specifically for what we need for our meal to be safe.

 

If I did not think someone could handle it, I would eat beforehand, too, but I'm not going to make a big fuss about it.

 

 I have never had a problem if I call ahead, speak to the chef or the manager. The only time I got burned was at a 99 restaurant.

 

You asked, "what do you do at a wedding"? and I told you what I am going to do.I know my request will b honored as I spoke to the people in charge. 

If you feel more comfortable taking your own food or eating beforehand, go ahead. I don't blame you one bit!

 

And yes, it is very sad about the little girl (but I would not trust my child's health to a chain restaurant who specializes in pasta and bread either)

We all make responsible choices about what we eat. and  I do not think people should never socialize or leave their homes because they have celiac. That's no way to live. This is  just IMHO.

 

 

I happen to know that Gemini went to a wedding last year and she was served extra special food and dessert and all the other diners were jealous :D 

Sometimes, it pays to be gluten free.


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"Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way we cope with it makes the difference." Virginia Satir

"The strongest of all warriors are these two - time and patience." Leo Tolstoy

"If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else" Booker T. Washington

“If idiots could fly, the sky would be like an airport.”― Laura Davenport 

"Do or do not. There is no try. "-  Yoda.

"LTES"  Gem 2014

 

Misdiagnosed for 25+ years; Finally Diagnosed with Celiac  11/01/10.  Double DQ2 genes. This thing tried to kill me. I view Celiac as a fire breathing dragon --and I have run my sword right through his throat.
I. Win. bliss-smiley-emoticon.gif


#13 cavernio

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Posted 25 April 2013 - 06:19 AM

I will say that at my own wedding last december, I didn't seem to get a gluten reaction, not that I really had a good idea of what my gluten reaction was. Because I was also not feeling well in general around then anyways, but I was also eating at other people's houses (gluten free of course, specified lots of things, washed dishes beforehand, etc) and not being as strict as I am now in my own kitchen. It's become increasingly clear to me, from what I assume must be dh flare ups, nerve pain, tiredness, flu-like symptoms and even slow healing intestines, that my standards weren't good enough.

 

There seem to be people who can eat out at many restaurants just fine, or eat at a friend or family member's house just fine. I used to think I was one of them because I never got that 'glutened hit'. But the chronic, low-grade symptoms were all still there, and I don't think I'm one of those people anymore.

 

It really depends on your level of comfort and if you think you can trust chefs, you know, more than 50% of the time.


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#14 IrishHeart

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Posted 25 April 2013 - 06:26 AM

 

 

There seem to be people who can eat out at many restaurants just fine, or eat at a friend or family member's house just fine.

 

I think we can eat out at some restaurants just fine and at the homes of those friends and family who take the time to learn about cross contamination. (I do not trust just anyone) :) I help them prepare dinner and  I bring dessert, because those are tricky for people.

I bring a flexible cutting board for them to use. The friends who understand celiac and gluten have never caused me any problems.

 

It's all about our choices, how we inform others, and the reliability of those we place our trust in.

 

In the end, we can choose how much our lives are defined by celiac or how much we do in spite of it.


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"Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way we cope with it makes the difference." Virginia Satir

"The strongest of all warriors are these two - time and patience." Leo Tolstoy

"If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else" Booker T. Washington

“If idiots could fly, the sky would be like an airport.”― Laura Davenport 

"Do or do not. There is no try. "-  Yoda.

"LTES"  Gem 2014

 

Misdiagnosed for 25+ years; Finally Diagnosed with Celiac  11/01/10.  Double DQ2 genes. This thing tried to kill me. I view Celiac as a fire breathing dragon --and I have run my sword right through his throat.
I. Win. bliss-smiley-emoticon.gif


#15 GottaSki

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Posted 25 April 2013 - 07:03 AM

Had to laugh - not at anyone - but I live in California and we have the same issues with eating safely as every other celiac on this planet.

Sure there are pockets of our state that do better than other parts of the state - but I think this is the same everywhere - I've had wonderful experiences in NY state and Illinois - I've found rural areas superior to big cities.

For me the key anywhere is being polite, gracious but most important FIRM!

Plan for the best, prepare for the worst - I think you'll be pleasantly surprised how often you get the best :)

 

Edited to add:  My entire life I have lived by the hope for the best, plan for the worst theory -- I changed it a bit since learning to eat safely in this world --- same idea -- just needed a little fine tuning ;)


Edited by GottaSki, 25 April 2013 - 10:25 AM.

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-Lisa

Undiagnosed Celiac Disease ~ 43 years

3/26/09 gluten-free - dignosed celiac - blood 3/3/09, biopsy 3/26/09, double DQ2 / single DQ8 positive

10/25/13 - MCAD

Health history since celiac diagnosis became too long -- moved to the "about me" section of my profile

My children and I all have multiple copies of the genes for Celiac Disease, along with large variety of symptoms/resolution gluten-free

Current tally from me, three kids and two grands: 4 diagnosed with Celiac Disease, 2 NCGS

Get PROPERLY tested BEFORE REMOVING GLUTEN.

ALWAYS independently research health related information found on internet forums/blogs.

"LTES" a Gem :)




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