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What Do You Do At A Wedding?

wedding gluten-free special occassion

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36 replies to this topic

#16 notme!

 
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Posted 25 April 2013 - 08:14 AM


what do *i* do at a wedding?  I DANCE!  VERY BADLY!  lolz :D

 

i do call ahead of time.  i don't trust someone else to call (except my hubs) because they won't ask the right questions.  if they sound absolutely clueless, i ask for someone else.  i get everybody's name!  if it sounds like they are never going to get it right, i ask them if i can bring my own cooler (that way i bring my own beer too bwah hah haaaaa and anything i want!) and keep it in the kitchen.  just put 'gluten free' on it you could put a million dollars in it and nobody will as much as open it ;)  sometimes i will just eat ahead of time and not fool with the cooler, bring cheese & crackers or whatever kind of snackie thing i want, and drink a bunch of wine.  helps with the dancing....


 


Plan for the best, prepare for the worst - I think you'll be pleasantly surprised how often you get the best :)


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#17 GottaSki

 
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Posted 25 April 2013 - 09:19 AM

 

what do *i* do at a wedding?  I DANCE!  VERY BADLY!  lolz :D

 

i do call ahead of time.  i don't trust someone else to call (except my hubs) because they won't ask the right questions.  if they sound absolutely clueless, i ask for someone else.  i get everybody's name!  if it sounds like they are never going to get it right, i ask them if i can bring my own cooler (that way i bring my own beer too bwah hah haaaaa and anything i want!) and keep it in the kitchen.  just put 'gluten free' on it you could put a million dollars in it and nobody will as much as open it ;)  sometimes i will just eat ahead of time and not fool with the cooler, bring cheese & crackers or whatever kind of snackie thing i want, and drink a bunch of wine.  helps with the dancing....


 

 

laughing here -- because of the "trendiness" of gluten-free -- don't want to get into that -- but my kids friends ALL want my food when i bring it along -- I just label things with my name and -- please do not touch


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-Lisa

Undiagnosed Celiac Disease ~ 43 years

3/26/09 gluten-free - dignosed celiac - blood 3/3/09, biopsy 3/26/09, double DQ2 / single DQ8 positive

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Health history since celiac diagnosis became too long -- moved to the "about me" section of my profile

My children and I all have multiple copies of the genes for Celiac Disease, along with large variety of symptoms/resolution gluten-free

Current tally from me, three kids and two grands: 4 diagnosed with Celiac Disease, 2 NCGS

Get PROPERLY tested BEFORE REMOVING GLUTEN.

ALWAYS independently research health related information found on internet forums/blogs.

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#18 IrishHeart

 
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Posted 25 April 2013 - 09:23 AM

 

what do *i* do at a wedding?  I DANCE!  VERY BADLY!  lolz :D

 

 

  :lol: not I, notme. I can dance my face off. The hubs, er ....not so much. He sort of stands there and I dance around him.We make it work. LOL

 

 

I meant to add, because I know there are going to be several other Gee Freers at this wedding, I am bringing them 

some carrot cake/buttercream cheese frosted cupcakes I will make in a cooler so that when everyone else eats the cake.

we can have ours,  too. I'll just duck out and grab them from the car. 

 

I drink booze so no need to drag the beer with us. 


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"Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way we cope with it makes the difference." Virginia Satir

"The strongest of all warriors are these two - time and patience." Leo Tolstoy

"If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else" Booker T. Washington

“If idiots could fly, the sky would be like an airport.”― Laura Davenport 

"Do or do not. There is no try. "-  Yoda.

"LTES"  Gem 2014

 

Misdiagnosed for 25+ years; Finally Diagnosed with Celiac  11/01/10.  Double DQ2 genes. This thing tried to kill me. I view Celiac as a fire breathing dragon --and I have run my sword right through his throat.
I. Win. bliss-smiley-emoticon.gif


#19 Gemini

 
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Posted 25 April 2013 - 09:34 AM

I don't trust anything at an event like that. Eat before you go. Being food. Ask if you can have a clean plate and eat your own food.

People may ask, but give them a quick explanation and move on!

 

It really is a shame when you trust no one in the catering/restaurant business because there are many that do an outstanding job.  And if you educate yourself well, then you'll be able to weed out the ones who may not do such a good job....long before the food reaches your plate.

 

I attended a wedding in NY in the Hudson River Valley in 2011, and it was for a friend I worked with.  The caterer was a fancy schmancy one, located in Manhattan.  Very highly trained chef. My friend took care of everything and as we used to dine out together in Boston, she knows exactly how careful I need to be.  The food was incredible.  Four courses of very inventive dishes and all very gluten free.  I am extremely sensitive yet never even had so much as a burp afterwards.  It was mainly beef, veggies and fruit for dessert but she did an amazing job with everything.  And because I didn't fill up on starchy crap, I was the only one not complaining their stomach hurt from all the rich food.

You have to have friends who are celiac savvy and they do exist.  I would never trust my gut to someone who wasn't.  You also need to have a caterer who went to a good culinary school because they do know food better than caterers who just set up a business because they are good cooks....not the same thing.  Many culinary schools now have courses in gluten-free cooking and food prep......the CIA does.

 

I did not mean to imply that Celiacs are owed something.  My stance comes from the way I was brought up.  It was considered rude in my generation to not provide good food for anyone who was invited over. If I were getting married today, I would never even consider not taking care of someone with a food intolerance and I would never hire a caterer who couldn't meet that request.  Luckily, I live in New England and it is an area that leads in the gluten free world.  We have many good options here and if I can eat out successfully, the vast majority of celiacs who don't have multiple food intolerances can.  You just have to do your homework.  I also got pushy with my husband's niece because of the fact she was getting rude and snarky about it.  Being busy with planning a wedding is no excuse. You invited both of us, now provide us with a safe meal.  We are supposedly family....I am not asking non-family members to do this.  My husband is also gluten-free but is not as sensitive as I am and not diagnosed officially so sometimes he will eat off of a buffet to keep the family peace.  That annoys me but that's a topic for another day.  Do not make fun of the extent I go to for a safe meal at the wedding you want me to come to.  Do you make fun of a diabetic when they request a certain meal?  Probably not, because many cheat and then adjust their insulin.....which is not an option for a Celiac.

 

The one good thing about this is I put my foot down about the meal the night before the wedding too and I am going to Rissoteria in NYC.  According to GPS, it's about 2 miles across the river from where we will be staying. It's Mecca for celiacs so that's where I am going, regardless of wherever else the rest of them eat.  They cannot seat more than a party of 6 so that means the wedding party will have to do different groups to different locations for dinner.  There are no set plans for the dinner before the wedding so far and, with the wedding only 5 weeks away, I am not waiting for them to make a decision.  We'll see them all at the wedding and the day after so I am psyched about going to Mecca!  People need to stop worrying about offending anyone in order to obtain a safe meal.  Sure, some of it will be eaten in the hotel room but I have a life and want to eat out like everyone else.  NY is an awesome town for gluten-free....like Boston.  I am taking advantage of all the options.


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#20 IrishHeart

 
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Posted 25 April 2013 - 09:41 AM

I did not mean to imply that Celiacs are owed something.  My stance comes from the way I was brought up.  It was considered rude in my generation to not provide good food for anyone who was invited over. If I were getting married today, I would never even consider not taking care of someone with a food intolerance and I would never hire a caterer who couldn't meet that request.  

 

 

People need to stop worrying about offending anyone in order to obtain a safe meal.  Sure, some of it will be eaten in the hotel room but I have a life and want to eat out like everyone else.  NY is an awesome town for gluten-free....like Boston.  I am taking advantage of all the options.

 

Same in my house, I have always catered to people's various food preferences (long before I was Dxed) and I continue to do that.

That's just being a gracious host. (I did not interpret your post as saying you felt that way, BTW. It was another one. I just sort of bristle at the thought that as celiacs, we think we're automatically "entitled" to something. )

 

If I were getting married tomorrow, the caterer would be  making whatever was necessary---and doing it safely--for my guests. 

 

Gem, I'm going to send you my long list of NYC places people have generously shared with me via email. You're gonna have a blast!!  ;)


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"Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way we cope with it makes the difference." Virginia Satir

"The strongest of all warriors are these two - time and patience." Leo Tolstoy

"If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else" Booker T. Washington

“If idiots could fly, the sky would be like an airport.”― Laura Davenport 

"Do or do not. There is no try. "-  Yoda.

"LTES"  Gem 2014

 

Misdiagnosed for 25+ years; Finally Diagnosed with Celiac  11/01/10.  Double DQ2 genes. This thing tried to kill me. I view Celiac as a fire breathing dragon --and I have run my sword right through his throat.
I. Win. bliss-smiley-emoticon.gif


#21 mommyof4

 
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Posted 25 April 2013 - 10:43 AM

You have already gotten quite a few great responses.  I'm just going to add a quick response too since we have had several weddings in the past year & I have had the same issue. 

 

Usually the wedding invitation states who is catering...I have had good success calling the cateror or restaurant myself & just asking if they are familiar with g.free & if they can offer a g.free alternative.  I can tell pretty quickly if they know what they are talking about or if I need to eat beforehand & make sure I have a purse full of food with me.  :)  I get really sick too if I get glutened.

 

Since I LOVE chocolate, I do bring a piece of chocolate of some sort in my purse...otherwise I feel sorry for myself not getting that wedding cake...ha! 

 


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#22 Gemini

 
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Posted 25 April 2013 - 11:11 AM

Same in my house, I have always catered to people's various food preferences (long before I was Dxed) and I continue to do that.

That's just being a gracious host. (I did not interpret your post as saying you felt that way, BTW. It was another one. I just sort of bristle at the thought that as celiacs, we think we're automatically "entitled" to something. )

 

If I were getting married tomorrow, the caterer would be  making whatever was necessary---and doing it safely--for my guests. 

 

Gem, I'm going to send you my long list of NYC places people have generously shared with me via email. You're gonna have a blast!!  ;)

 

What a dope I am!  I should have asked you when I was searching for places to eat.  I originally was trying to find places that I could suggest to everyone that would accommodate us all but then started getting the whiners complaining about the cost or it wasn't this or that so I just cut bait, made plans for the gluten-free people in the group and the hell with everyone else.

They haven't even made up their mind about a bunch of details yet and we are 4-5 weeks out.  I hate that...... :lol:   Celiac's can not be that spontaneous with their food, can they?


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#23 kareng

 
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Posted 25 April 2013 - 11:21 AM

I have a headache and need to get a few things done, so I haven't read all of the above comments.  I'm sure they are brillant and a touch humerous. ;)

 

Here's what I would do:

 

I would talk to the caterer.  If they sound like they have a clue & it sounds like food that wouldn't have gluten in it, I would plan to eat the food.  When I got there, I would assess the situation.  Maybe talk to the server and explain about getting sick.  Then see what she/he says.  Talk to the caterer at the dinner.   If it looks good.  I would go for it.  I would bring a dessert because I doubt there would be a gluten-free one.

 

Here is what I would do , just in case -I would bring something that will be filling like some nuts, a Lara bar, little PB packet and crackers, etc.  And something really fun - like Fritos or chocolate or some treat you don't eat often.  This way, if the caterer says "I forgot" or it looks dicey, you have something filling and something fun.

 

I always, every day,  keep some nuts or a nut bar with me.  You never know when you might get stuck somewhere and be hungry.  Even just going  to drop something off for your kid at school - the tornado sirens go off and you can see the funnel cloud and get stuck in the school for an hour until the storm blows over and its way past your lunch time & your getting a headache from not eating.... (really happened to me). :ph34r:


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#24 IrishHeart

 
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Posted 25 April 2013 - 11:53 AM

and I always have Jif to go cups and Crunchmasters in the car. Plus, when we travel, I have a Koolatron cooler in the car, too. 

 

Like, Karen, if I do not eat, I do not feel great and a headache will follow.:(


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"Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way we cope with it makes the difference." Virginia Satir

"The strongest of all warriors are these two - time and patience." Leo Tolstoy

"If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else" Booker T. Washington

“If idiots could fly, the sky would be like an airport.”― Laura Davenport 

"Do or do not. There is no try. "-  Yoda.

"LTES"  Gem 2014

 

Misdiagnosed for 25+ years; Finally Diagnosed with Celiac  11/01/10.  Double DQ2 genes. This thing tried to kill me. I view Celiac as a fire breathing dragon --and I have run my sword right through his throat.
I. Win. bliss-smiley-emoticon.gif


#25 Ciel121

 
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Posted 26 April 2013 - 07:24 PM

I am sorry to hear you have had such horrible experiences. :(  California is not the only place that "gets it right".

I do not know where you live, but NYC, Boston, Florida--these places are good about gluten-free dining.

 

I did not say we don't deserve respect.

Not at all.... and believe me, I am a  huge celiac advocate.  

I said we are not "owed" anything--as in, we have to ask specifically for what we need for our meal to be safe.

 

If I did not think someone could handle it, I would eat beforehand, too, but I'm not going to make a big fuss about it.

 

 I have never had a problem if I call ahead, speak to the chef or the manager. The only time I got burned was at a 99 restaurant.

 

You asked, "what do you do at a wedding"? and I told you what I am going to do.I know my request will b honored as I spoke to the people in charge. 

If you feel more comfortable taking your own food or eating beforehand, go ahead. I don't blame you one bit!

 

And yes, it is very sad about the little girl (but I would not trust my child's health to a chain restaurant who specializes in pasta and bread either)

We all make responsible choices about what we eat. and  I do not think people should never socialize or leave their homes because they have celiac. That's no way to live. This is  just IMHO.

 

 

I happen to know that Gemini went to a wedding last year and she was served extra special food and dessert and all the other diners were jealous :D 

Sometimes, it pays to be gluten free.

That's so great. I really think Celiacs needs advocates and I'm so, so passionate about promoting awareness. I see those pink ribbons everywhere and others for other causes and I wonder, where's our ribbon? So May is coming up! May is Celiac month so I hope everyone will wear the green ribbon because this is definitely one illness not enough people are aware of.

  But I totally see your point about staying positive. I love the book, Gluten-Free Girl because she points out that having a positive outlook really helps us cope.

  So glad to hear others' experiences, especially regional differences. I live on Long Island and try to get food in NYC and it is so awful. You would think NYC would have truly gluten-free food, but it seems only one restaurant is truly safe for me--Risotteria. If you get a chance to go, go. It is delicious. Try their red velvet cupcakes. Oh, so good. I suppose it all depends how sensitive each person is. I'm sadly becoming so sensitive and it's so frustrating, but I know I'll find solutions.

  One of the best, best things about being a Celiac is that when someone cooks awful food I have the best excuse in the world not to eat it! Ha ha. :-) It has also made a me a cook, a foodie and a health nut and I love that.


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#26 IrishHeart

 
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Posted 27 April 2013 - 05:27 AM

. I live on Long Island and try to get food in NYC and it is so awful. You would think NYC would have truly gluten-free food, but it seems only one restaurant is truly safe for me--Risotteria. If you get a chance to go, go. It is delicious. Try their red velvet cupcakes. Oh, so good. I suppose it all depends how sensitive each person is. I'm sadly becoming so sensitive and it's so frustrating, but I know I'll find solutions.

 

Well, I'm a pretty sensitive celiac myself and I have had good luck dining out at places recommended by fellow celiacs.

 

It could also be that you have other food sensitivities? (just saying) I kept wondering what the heck was getting me for a long time (knowing full well I was as gluten-free as humanly possible, not eating out at the time and living in a home where no one eats gluten) and found out I have an intolerance to aged cheeses, tomatoes, eggs among others.

 

We automatically assume it's gluten, when it could very well be something else giving us symptoms that are very similar.

 

Here's a list I compiled from recommendations by other celiacs. 

(1)  Find Me Gluten Free 

http://www.findmeglutenfree.com/

(2)  My friend Emily ( a gluten-free blogger)  recommends Bistango's In NYC

(3)  The hubs and  I had a great meal at Craft Bar (very expensive) It was for our anniversary.

(4) these NYC restaurants were recommended  by a native New Yorker .  The descriptions are all his words. Hope this helps!.



Tulu’s Bakery on 11th St and 1st Ave. Best gluten-free cupcakes anywhere.
Pala Pizza off Houston downtown. By far the best gluten-free pizza in the world and I do mean world. People travel internationally to get it. Puts all other Pizza to shame. Roman style, not American style.
Chinese: Lilli and Loo 61st and Lex. Chic modern chinese in midtown with extensive gluten-free menu. You can get fried general tso just like you used to have. Had lunch here last week. It’s awesome.
Regular pizza: Mozzarelli’s on 23rd and Madison. They sell 6 different kinds of gluten-free by the slice which is highly unusual. Even one dairy free too. It’s much busier during the weekday, that’s when I would go, many more options than a weekend. They have lots of desserts too.
Fancy Italian: Bistango on 29th and 3rd. Very popular with the gluten-free crowd, great menu and great food. My wife and I go here often.
Lunch place: Friedman’s lunch in Chelsea Market. Very first restaurant I went to after going gluten-free. Nice owners.
Risoterria: Famous as being the first gluten-free place in NYC. Those breadsticks are amazing. Word of warning: it’s very small. Don’t go at a busy time or you’ll be waiting a long time.
S’Mac: A mac and cheese place that has gluten-free pasta and gluten-free corn flake topping. Create your own mac, trendy, counter service kind of place. Around the corner from Tulu’s on 12th st.http://www.smacnyc.com/home.html
A recent find: http://www.taimmobile.com/ a Israeli food truck that sells gluten-free felafel and other really yummy middle eastern food. You have to check their website / twitter to see where they are each day.

Glaze Teriyaki Grill, multiple locations. Cheap (for NYC) lunch take out.

Nizza on 9th Ave.
Vic’s bagel bar on 3rd ave. gluten-free bagels with make your own filling.

Places I’d skip:

Babycakes: I thought the cupcakes were horrible. 
Any chain restaurant!


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"Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way we cope with it makes the difference." Virginia Satir

"The strongest of all warriors are these two - time and patience." Leo Tolstoy

"If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else" Booker T. Washington

“If idiots could fly, the sky would be like an airport.”― Laura Davenport 

"Do or do not. There is no try. "-  Yoda.

"LTES"  Gem 2014

 

Misdiagnosed for 25+ years; Finally Diagnosed with Celiac  11/01/10.  Double DQ2 genes. This thing tried to kill me. I view Celiac as a fire breathing dragon --and I have run my sword right through his throat.
I. Win. bliss-smiley-emoticon.gif


#27 JNBunnie1

 
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Posted 27 April 2013 - 01:39 PM

I recently attended a wedding as someone's +1, not knowing anyone there. Instead of

trying to fuss with the caterers or anything, I just made turkey burger patties (because

they're delicious cold) and a salad in a bag, snuck out to my car at the right time, and

asked for a clean plate. Only the woman sitting next to me even noticed, noone else at

the table had a clue. Whipped the food out of the bags onto the plate in about 14 seconds

and acted like nothing was weird! I would personally recommend this tactic for 'stranger'

weddings.

 

I did go to the wedding of very close friends a few years ago, and long before the wedding

they told their caterer I'd be contacting them, and gave me the caterer's info, having let

them know ahead of time to just do whatever I told them. So in that case, the bride &

groom handled it before it could even become a problem. I told them who I was when I sat

down, and my food was brought out to me still covered, having been prepared separately!

 

So I guess it can go either way, depending on what kind of wedding you're attending and

what kind of people are involved. As with anything, you'll develop your own strategies for

dealing with things like this going forward.


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If you're going through hell, keep going. ~Winston Churchill

#28 Brandiwine

 
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Posted 28 April 2013 - 05:44 AM

I totally agree Gemini! I'm not the kind of Celiac to try to blend in. I find it offensive as well, but the culprits to me are the caterers and restaurants. They should be able to cater to Celiacs in our age. Really, we can send a man to the moon and have iphones and ipads, but not cater to Celiacs? In fact, I plan to tell everyone at both weddings that I'm not eating and if they don't notice I will tell them and I will highlight that no one caters to Celiacs. I want to be visible and I'm very angry that I can't eat a safe meal when yes, we are giving a gift like everyone else and covering costs of travel.
Being a bride in August though, I know how hard and stressful it is to pull together a wedding and I won't bother the bride or groom about this. I know many people don't know about Celiac disease, but the restaurants need to be held accountable. I have been to so many restaurants that say they are gluten-free only to suffer dearly days later. I really wish I could sue or there could be a law passed to cater to Celiacs. I mean if you're traveling, sometimes it is a choice of starving or being extremely sick, that is immoral in a society that has plenty. I feel so so bad for diabetic Celiacs. That must be harder still because their blood sugar has to be maintained.
So yes, I think it's immoral and disgusting to feel like I'm abnormal because I'm not eating and feel like an outcast because I have an illness. That is so wrong. But on the bright side I call so many companies all the time about this and if I have to attend a restaurant with friends I go to the manager and tell them I'm not eating there because they can't properly accommodate Celiacs--all this to get them going and thinking that something has to change and eventually it will. I think we all need to speak up more until something is done. :-D


You might try speaking to the bride/groom before hand not with demands to stress them but just to inquire and so that they are aware and have an opportunity to accommodate. I didn't find out I had celiac disease until after I was married (and divorced but that's another story) and I would have felt horrible to know that someone I cared enough about to have attend what's supposed to be the biggest day of my life isn't able to eat. I would have made sure to have something available. It's not a lot of work for them just a phone call or two, I understand you don't wanna cause more stress that is very considerate of you, but they maybe very understanding.
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Vegan, Gluten Free diet, sensitivity to onions, soy, allergic to Cinnamon

#29 julissa

 
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Posted 28 April 2013 - 01:58 PM

speaking to them is a crapshoot, it may or may not get done, and you may or may not be able to eat. better to go prepared and not hungry. I went to an out of town wedding and was assured they would provide meals for me for both the rehearsal dinner and wedding. I saw my cousin an hour or so before the rehearsal dinner, and when I thanked her for arranging for meals for me, she had a blank stare. so I pulled up Find Me Gluten free for the area and scrambled to get some food. did the same thing before the wedding.

 

I think you have to be prepared to take care of yourself even if you are promised a compliant meal.


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#30 alesusy

 
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Posted 29 April 2013 - 11:55 PM

It's really a matter of being flexible, isn't it? I have some basic answers but they change with the situations. Sometimes it's OK to bring along your own food, sometimes it's OK to eat beforehand, sometimes it's better to deal with the caterers. If I do that, I will always speak personally at the very least to the waiters and more often to the owner or to the person preparing the food. This is true of any function (parties, weddings, christenings etc) and also simply when I am dining out. I have managed to persuade several people to prepare safe food and generally people are very cooperative even if they do not know what Coeliac is. Alas, I confine myself to simple options. Jap food with no soy sauce or no marinated  rice, just fish and plain rice (ugh) unless I have brought along my own Tamari sauce. Boiled fish, grilled meat or chicken with roast potatoes (after having discussed the potatoes). One Chinese restaurant in London had never heard of Coeliac before but the owner ended up fixing a soup with eggs and tofu and then giving me rice with sautée vegetables because he declared (rightly) that I couldn't trust meat or fish because they had been marinated. At a catered party in a restaurant the chefs prepared a chicken salad for me on the spot and it was much more appetizing than the buffet food (people kept asking "oh, where did you get that?")

 

I travel a lot. I did get glutened - once in a supposedly gluten-free, lactose-free, soy-free restaurant (go figure!). I am lactose intolerant and I suspect I have other intolerances and try to limit my nut, coffee, soy, chocolate intake. I have resorted to eating apples and roast chicken in the street before going to a restaurant. But frankly my biggest problem until now have not been the restaurants themselves but my own friends. They're very cooperative the first two or three days, then they start forgetting, as in "that place looks really nice" ("yes, but I can't have panini, you know") - "we might try that Italian restaurant" - "why don't we just have dinner here - ah right, you can't, I forgot" - "I'm sure they can find something for you too", etc, you know it.

 

That is very frustrating because I won't see the restaurant owners again but I don't want to discuss with my friends about their dinner priorities; because I hate being made to feel "sick"; and because it exposes a depth of unsensitivity which can really hurt. In my 5 months gluten-free I have had many friends inviting me for dinner or lunch and cooking special stuff; but they have also started saying "well, and this is really a nuisance for you, isn't it? It must ruin your life". I answer, truthfully, that it doesn't, that I eat plenty and well, and that not feeling sick would be worth it anyway. But the comment do hurt....


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