Last night I had a dream that I just kept eating "normal" pizza, and I was terrified that when I woke up it would be true and I would be sick for the next three days.
The thing is, I've had a really positive experience with my diagnosis (sorry to all the posters who have felt ostracized). All my friends and family have made every effort to try to understand what is happening and have been wonderful listeners since I got my blood test back in February. People have made sure I could eat something when they'd bring food places and even understood cross contamination (ie. "If you eat the pita chips, don't touch Emi's Pirates Booty"). The dining hall at my university makes me separate food and is willing to bring me all the containers for anything that goes into the normal food so I can personally check it. I went out to dinner last night for my 21st and got a special menu and then had a beautiful chocolate cake from a designated gluten-free facility at home. I really could not have had a more positive reaction and support.
So why am I so terrified all the time? I'm terrified that I'm somehow continuing to eat gluten and don't know it and am not eating enough to see drastic effects. I know my body can't have any but I seem to react a bit on a spectrum. I got glutened last week and can't identify where based on timing, which kind of started this whole fear thing. But I'm also scared in a really stressed out daze some day, I'm not going to ask or I'll just eat the full blown gluten and not heal. I am studying abroad this summer and my German isn't up to par of explaining Celiac but I will have my own apartment and requested having an extra set of cooking utensils from my apartment mates.
But how do you get over the fear and paranoia? I know I will always have to be diligent with what I eat, but I don't want to be terrified for the rest of my life.