I'm actually a sort of messy person. I like to call it organized chaos. For me the two most difficult things have always been the thoughts and food. Even at a young age I would sooner go hungry than skip particular rituals relating to my meal and snacks. To this day I will not eat Reese's Pieces without a flat surface to sort them by color and number. I am incapable of eating a sandwich cut straight up the middle. People think that's crazy, that it's a personal choice and I'm being picky. I'm not picky, I literally can. Not. Do. It. I'm the same way with every phone call and driving. Every time I walk down the stairs will be the time I fall and end up with a compound fracture, or impale myself on something I'm carrying, or actually just kill myself by breaking my neck. Every time I make dinner will be the time I cut a finger to the bone, finally end up with a burn serious enough to end up in the ER, burn the house down or some other horrific thing. I also need things to be just so. While I'm capable of being spontaneous if I don't have plans, if I do actually have plans I mentally go to hell in a handbasket if those plans suddenly don't work out. This is amplified about a million times if blame can be pointed at an actual person.
Frankly though, the worst possible part of all of it is knowing that all of that is completely freaking crazy. There's that old saying that as long as you are still sane enough to wonder whether or not you're crazy, you're not. Except for us we know damn well we're doing and thinking things that are positively nuts. We actually get to be completely aware of how crazy we are, which is terribly frightening (at least for me).
I'll admit, I've been known to crack the old joke "I'm CDO, it's like OCD but the letters are in alphabetical order like they should be." I still think it's funny, maybe especially because I think things should have orders, classes and such like a scientific system. But the way society makes like of OCD is enough to drive me (and probably most of us) batty.
Gluten free January 2012.
Tyramine free June 2012 - slowly getting a few foods back at a time.... scratch that
Low Histamine April 2013 - I swear this better be the last time I have to restrict my diet because giving up chocolate is the final straw
Iodine free briefly fall 2012
If ever you are feeling like you’re tired, And all your uphill struggles leave you headed downhill
If you realize your wildest dreams can hurt you, And your appetite for pain has drinken its fill
I ask of you a very simple question, Did you think for one minute that you are alone
And is your suffering a privilege you share only, Or did you think that everybody else feels completely at home
Just wait.... and it will come -- Just Wait by Blues Traveler