My Husband Called Me A Hypochondriac

[Nantzie]

I can't believe it. Here I was, thinking he was being quietly supportive, and it turns out he was just gathering ammunition to throw back at me. What a jerk.

To be honest, I think he's just worried about me because I feel so awful, and there's nothing he can do about it. Nothing makes a man feel more helpless than a problem he can't fix. And men don't like feeling helpless.

But still...

It turns out I've been having symptoms of celiac since I was 17. I'm 34 now. When you go through that many years of no answers, despite daily problems, a person would be nuts not to be really interested and excited about a possible answer.

He said that "everyone" is really worried about me because they say I've become obsessed about this. Nearly everyone he is talking about all have gastro symptoms too (including him), but would rather sit around feeling sick than pursue some answers for themselves.

This has gotten me so upset, that now I'm really dreading the test results. What if I don't have it? They'll eat me alive about it. I've gotten to the point where I'm hoping I have it just because it will put an answer to all the years of problems. But I don't HAVE to have it. If I don't have it, I'll pursue some other possibilities, like food allergies. Other than that, I've lived with these symptoms for a long time, it's normal to me. If I don't get answers, I'll just try some different things (like going gluten-free just to see if it helps). But I'm not going to sit around like a martyr, just being in pain and accepting it as my lot in life.

I've decided not to discuss it with my husband or his family anymore. I'm just going to see what happens. If I get a diagnosis, I'll tell them. If I try going gluten-free and improve, I'll tell them. Other than that, they can just sit around gossiping, complaining and pointing fingers at me.

Nancy

[cornbread]

Hi Nancy

How annoying!! I know how you feel though - my symptoms started at 18 and I only just found out how to fix them this year, aged 30. Doctors were useless - tried to treat (aka mask) the individual symptoms, rather than find the actual cause - and in the end it was a bit of luck, a lot of research and months of process of elimination until a self-imposed dietary challenge proved beyond all doubt that gluten was the source of ALL my problems! This was backed up by getting tested via Open Original Shared Link. Once the results were in it all fell into place, but I'm still incredibly frustrated that most of my close relatives are still refusing to get tested, even though I have a celiac gene and a gluten intolerant gene, and both sides of the family have generations of celiac-esque history (bowel cancer, depression, excema, asthma, arthritis, short stature on one side and thin as rakes on the other! )

Regardless of being able to say "told you so!", I too hope that your tests are positive, namely because you can then start feeling better. Celiac is actually, to my mind, the best disease one can have. Why? Because with the gluten-free diet you are 'cured'. No pills, no therapy, just watching what you eat. Ok you will always still have it, but stay gluten-free and you can stay healthy. With other diseases it seems more like pot luck whether or not you recover.

I still get asked 'how did you get diagnosed'? by friends, and when I explain it to them (basically a dietry challenge and then an antibody/gene test), they seem confused. It's as if no one can quite believe that ALL these symptoms stemmed just from gluten, something they eat everyday. I'm looking forward to public awareness growing and not having to explain 'gluten-free' to people every single day.

Good luck with it all, and tell your husband to either be supportive or STFU!

[jrom987]

I can really sympathize with you! My husband is already tired of hearing me talk about gluten and I have only been eating this way for 2 weeks! He even asked me to go with him to find a donut shop last week! Needless to say, I will deal with this myself, with or without support from my family. I, too, have suffered for years and was extremely happy to know I have a name for my illness! I am not a hypochondriac afterall. I am so glad that I found this forum! I know I will benefit from reading all the advice and comments that are here. Thank you all!

[Claire]

I can't believe it.  Here I was, thinking he was being quietly supportive, and it turns out he was just gathering ammunition to throw back at me.  What a jerk. 

To be honest, I think he's just worried about me because I feel so awful, and there's nothing he can do about it.  Nothing makes a man feel more helpless than a problem he can't fix.  And men don't like feeling helpless. 

But still... 

It turns out I've been having symptoms of celiac since I was 17.  I'm 34 now.  When you go through that many years of no answers, despite daily problems, a person would be nuts not to be really interested and excited about a possible answer. 

He said that "everyone" is really worried about me because they say I've become obsessed about this.  Nearly everyone he is talking about all have gastro symptoms too (including him), but would rather sit around feeling sick than pursue some answers for themselves. 

This has gotten me so upset, that now I'm really dreading the test results.  What if I don't have it?  They'll eat me alive about it.  I've gotten to the point where I'm hoping I have it just because it will put an answer to all the years of problems.  But I don't HAVE to have it.  If I don't have it, I'll pursue some other possibilities, like food allergies.  Other than that, I've lived with these symptoms for a long time, it's normal to me.  If I don't get answers, I'll just try some different things (like going gluten-free just to see if it helps).  But I'm not going to sit around like a martyr, just being in pain and accepting it as my lot in life. 

I've decided not to discuss it with my husband or his family anymore.  I'm just going to see what happens.  If I get a diagnosis, I'll tell them.  If I try going gluten-free and improve, I'll tell them.  Other than that, they can just sit around gossiping, complaining and pointing fingers at me. 

Nancy

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Hi Nantzie - some real good thinking here! So glad to see that you are not letting other people's attitudes deter you from the pursuit of an accurate diagnosis. I am a tenacious researcher and I hang on like a dog with a bone when I am hunting something. I have to remind myself that this is not something that others may care to do. The researching is just beyond where some want to go - too much work, lack of confidence - it doesn't matter. Some people will just turn that off and laugh at those who do otherwise, or accuse them of obsession. For others you represent the chance that they may have a disease they do not want to have - don't even want to investigate.

You are right. Quiet down and wait for test results. Don't discuss the subject. Just keep pursuing

information. When you have something definite to present do so. Until then 'mum's the word'.

You will find an abunance of information here and knowledgeable people ever so willing to help. Claire

[MySuicidalTurtle]

Even if you don't have Celiac Disease you could have some food intolerances.

[ravenwoodglass]

This has gotten me so upset, that now I'm really dreading the test results.  What if I don't have it?  Nancy

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Please don't rely on just blood tests or endo for a diagnosis. The possibility of a false negative is VERY real. My doctors relied on blood tests for years (over 5) telling me I was fine, it was all in my head The diet is the true test.

[Guest DanceswithWolves]

Nancy,

Yeah, it doesn't feel exactly right when everyone thinks your crazy. I went through that. I had an old roomate of mine get me a job, but when I started to drop weight and I couldn't think clearly I began looking for answers on the internet first. I was constantly cut down with remarks (didn't help that I lived with him and his family for 6 months) and he even went as far as saying I was going to end up in the mental ward. When I chose to go to a doctor instead of finding an apartment, that's when the Ka-Kaa really hit the fan. I couldn't take him anymore so, I pretty much ended the job and our so-called friendship. Let's just say Texas is a long drive to Pennsylvania....

If I were you, you do what you have to do. You are your own best doctor. I too, plan on visiting an allergist next. Although I do not stick to a gluten-free diet anymore...I'll admit. I was so tired of being thin I started eating almost everything again. I do, however sometimes go through short "allergy-moments" within an hour or so after I eat. I get pressure behind my eyes, nasal congestion and fatigue. But like you said, I think I've had this all my life and just chalked it up as allergies.

hang in there..we are all here for you..you're family is too, they probably just need a break from you and your symptoms. Let them come to you and ask if they are concerned.

[nettiebeads]

Sorry to hear you're having to go through this. Your health is important and it's good you're taking these issues seriously, even if no one else is. So what if he and his family are labeling you? You have a right to do what you need to do to get healthy. I've experienced a little of having your family turn on you recently and it is most upsetting. So I've decided to take the upper hand and tell them that my celiac is not open for discussion with them any more. They claim that a nutritional supplement (that they distribute) will cure me. HA! And my mother wants me to be "prayed" for for healing. No thanks.

At least you're a part of a great forum with very supportive, helpful and believing people who know you are not a hypochondriac. You just want to be healthy and have a normal body which gives you an improved quality of life.

Hang in there!!!

[Carriefaith]

That's annoying I think that you are doing the right thing by trying to get healthy and solve the problem. Like you said, I would just not mention it or change the subject when they start talking about it. And gossiping behind your back, ... they should care about your health not make fun of it. Anyway... even if you don't have celiac disease I would try a gluten free diet for a few months after the testing is all done. You may be sensitive or intolerant to gluten. If the gluten free diet does not seem to be working, I would try giving up casein (the milk protein).

[jenvan]

It is really hard to not be supported by those we're close too--esp a spouse! Pre-diagnosis my fam and dh thought I was getting obsessed too with all my internet research...but I knew something was wrong, and that I wasn't just "type A" or "highstrung" like my dad said ! Until the diagnosis, and at times still, I have to keep some boundaries, as you mentioned...maybe not sharing all the "research" with others. Take it one step at a time--let us know what happens with the diagnosis... What are your symptoms?

[julie5914]

Yeah, it really sucks that when you have one really important thing on your mind that you are reading about and want to talk about, you can't. But some people like to take better care of their cars and things then their own bodies. I think they're crazy personally! You'll take your car in every 3,000 miles and work and research on how to fix up your house, but when it comes to your body, you'll never exercise, watch your diet or see the doctor!

I had the same problem with people. I had to just try to stop talking about it because when I thought about it, there really isn't anything they can say to carry on the conversation, so I am really just thinking out loud when I talk about it. And you're right, men need to fix problems when you tell them about them. They have trouble knowing how to just listen to stuff like this it seems. But I bet he will be very happy when you figure out everything and happy to see you feeling better.

I doubt everyone thinks you're crazy or is worried because you're obsessed. They probably just feel the same way - helpless because they can't respond or fix it. You WILL figure it out, and then they will see you feeling better and feel bad that they were ever unsupportive.

Best thing to do now is kill them with kindness. Thank those that are close to you for being so supportive and being good listeners and tell them how much that means to you, even if you suspect they are not actually being that supportive. That may kind of hint to them that support and listening is what you need and that you are not really looking for answers from them - just excited about finding an answer at all.

[tarnalberry]

It is such a tough balance to try to reach. I hope you get your results soon so you can move past this stage of uncertainty.

[Claire]

Although I do not stick to a gluten-free diet anymore...I'll admit. I was so tired of being thin I started eating almost everything again. I do, however sometimes go through short "allergy-moments" within an hour or so after I eat. I get pressure behind my eyes, nasal congestion and fatigue. But like you said, I think I've had this all my life and just chalked it up as allergies.

hang in there..we are all here for you..you're family is too, they probably just need a break from you and your symptoms. Let them come to you and ask if they are concerned.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

In the interest of your future health you need to establish whether or not you have Celiac. If you do and you continue to ingest gluten you are going to pay a high price eventually. Been there, done that (not intentionally - did not know that gluten was the problem - in had been identified only as grains). I now have acquired autoimmune fibromyalgia as well as cerebellar ataxis (damage to the area of the brain that controls gait, balance, swallowing etc.) I wouldn't take any chances if I were you. Claire

[JenM]

I can't believe it.  Here I was, thinking he was being quietly supportive, and it turns out he was just gathering ammunition to throw back at me.  What a jerk. 

To be honest, I think he's just worried about me because I feel so awful, and there's nothing he can do about it.  Nothing makes a man feel more helpless than a problem he can't fix.  And men don't like feeling helpless. 

But still... 

It turns out I've been having symptoms of celiac since I was 17.  I'm 34 now.  When you go through that many years of no answers, despite daily problems, a person would be nuts not to be really interested and excited about a possible answer. 

He said that "everyone" is really worried about me because they say I've become obsessed about this.  Nearly everyone he is talking about all have gastro symptoms too (including him), but would rather sit around feeling sick than pursue some answers for themselves. 

Such familiar scenarios!  If I didn't know better, I'd think you were married to MY dh (dear hubby?)!  I am often accused of being obsessed with my weight-yeah-when your'e 5'6" and haven't been able to get past 110 lbs, I guess you do get obsessed.  You get really tired of people asking you if your'e anorexic and actually checking your plate to see if, and how much, your'e eating.

I do as much of my research as I can while he's at work, and I just do my own thing and I don't speak (about gluten) until spoken to.  I'm currently collecting gluten-free menus from our favorite restaurants to be bound in a portable notebook so that we can be together while still doing our own thing.

This has gotten me so upset, that now I'm really dreading the test results.  What if I don't have it?  They'll eat me alive about it.  I've gotten to the point where I'm hoping I have it just because it will put an answer to all the years of problems.  But I don't HAVE to have it.  If I don't have it, I'll pursue some other possibilities, like food allergies.  Other than that, I've lived with these symptoms for a long time, it's normal to me.  If I don't get answers, I'll just try some different things (like going gluten-free just to see if it helps).  But I'm not going to sit around like a martyr, just being in pain and accepting it as my lot in life. 

I've decided not to discuss it with my husband or his family anymore.  I'm just going to see what happens.  If I get a diagnosis, I'll tell them.  If I try going gluten-free and improve, I'll tell them.  Other than that, they can just sit around gossiping, complaining and pointing fingers at me. 

Nancy

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[Nantzie]

Thanks everybody. I'm sorry I haven't replied back. I actually thought I did until I was re-reading this.

Hmmm... Brain fog much?

I'm definitely going to do whatever I can as far as diagnosis goes, because his family for some reason seems to believe that nothing bad ever happens to anybody and if you ignore something long enough it will go away. As for me, I'm 34 and both my parents have already died of cancer; my mom a little over a year after diagnosis, and my dad six months after diagnosis. So I know how fast someone can go from sick to dead. My FIL won't even go to a regular doctor and is just miserable all the time because HE has digestive symptoms too. I'm actually really worried about his health, but none of us can get him to go see a doctor. Wouldn't it be ironic if when he finally went to the doctor, they tested him for celiac and it was positive? I'm always worried for him that it will be something worse though because my dad died of stomach cancer.

It's kind of morbid, but if the worst happens and I don't get to see my kids grow up, I want to know (if I do in fact have celiac) that if they start having celiac symptoms, the fact that they have an official family history of celiac buried somewhere in their records will prompt doctors to test for it so they don't have to suffer with the symptoms for years before they even hear about it. If I leave it up to my husband and in-laws, who knows if they'd ever mention the possibility of it to the doctors or my kids. If I don't get an official diagnosis, they'd probably tell my kids that, boy I was nice, but I was a hypochondriac and thought I had some weird rare disease and went on some diet where I couldn't eat anything.

If it wasn't for their attitude about not doing anything about their own health problems, I would have probably already just gone gluten-free and considered an improvement a possible indication of celiac. Then if my kids started having problems, I would have been able to trust them to request celiac testing. Actually, I'm planning on getting the genetic testing no matter what my tests show, and if that shows anything, I'm getting my kids tested too.

But anyway... I do need to start keeping it to myself. I agree with what somebody here said that if the other people don't have anything to contribute, that it's really just thinking out loud.

I am going to go gluten-free after testing no matter what. Actually I did a diet a couple years ago, and part of it was no wheat (also no sugar, no salt, no dairy and no oil). Within the first week I lost like 7 pounds, but I looked like I had lost 15. The bloat was gone, the dark circles under my eyes were gone, my skin looked completely different, and I had so much more energy. It was also the only diet I had ever lost weight on and was able to keep it off for a long period of time.

Someone also asked about my symptoms -

- Urgent diarrhea - I've actually had to push my kids out of the way to get to the bathroom 10 feet away...

- Constipation

- Bloating

- Gas so bad that I can't go out in public

- Brain Fog / Poor memory

- Lactose intolerance

- Bad teeth - I was told as a teenager that I had almost no enamel on my teeth. My mom was going to the same dentist and he said I must have gotten that from her because she had the same thing.

- Scoliosis - found out about a year and a half ago. Not sure if it's osteoporosis-related. Need to get testing done so I can find out. It's gotten so bad at points that I have thought about asking my doctor for a handicapped placard for my car for the days that I can barely walk, but still have things that need to get done. Doing better than that now, but it was really rough for several months there.

- Hair loss

- Itching

- Exhaustion

- Depression

- Anxiety

- Sudden extreme weight loss - There have been a couple of times in my life where I've lost 25 pounds in the matter of a couple of weeks. The last time that happened was right before I met my husband.

- Sudden extreme weight GAIN - Again, a couple times. Gaining 25 pounds in the matter of a few weeks.

- Lack of appetite - I only eat a meal once a day, but I feel uncomfortably full for many hours afterward.

- Family history - Dad died of stomach cancer. Grandmother and great grandmother both had osteoporosis so bad that they were hunch-backed. Other grandmother had schizophrenia and really bad bloating.

- Started having symptoms after I got mono at age 17. It was like my body just kind of gave out on me. I've read on this board that quite a few people had the same experience after mono. Just never the same since then.

Again, thanks to everybody for being so supportive on this thread. I'm sorry I fogged out and thought I replied earlier.

Nancy

[Claire]

- Started having symptoms after I got mono at age 17.  It was like my body just kind of gave out on me.  I've read on this board that quite a few people had the same experience after mono.  Just never the same since then. 

Again, thanks to everybody for being so supportive on this thread.  I'm sorry I fogged out and thought I replied earlier. 

Nancy

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

If you don't have celiac I'll eat my Mouse!!! Claire

[ianm]

Here is a story you can tell your husband.

My ex-wife refused to understand or deal with my celiac disease so we got divorced. My health improved, I lost weight (I was obese) and I have never been healthier. I am 38. Almost lost my job now my career is going well. Ex-wife mentioned to her smokin' hot friend one time that I had some stupid psychosomatic disease. Her hot friend calls me and is concernered about this disease and wants to know what is going on. Hot friend and I have been dating ever since.

I just found out a few days ago that my ex-wife's sister committed suicide two weeks ago. The only family she has left is a brother and they have been estranged for a long time. Ex wanted to know if we could reconcile. Ever since the divorce her life has been falling apart. Feeling absolutely awful about the whole situation I had no choice but to gently explain to her that I don't want her back. Ever since we got divorced my life has never been better.

Tell the hubby that what goes around comes around.

[floridanative]

I'm glad to find I'm not the only one out here that has a husband (who is usually very supportive) who thinks I'm obsessed with celiac disease. Once the GI told me I may have it, I came home and got on web.md (only been on it once before with shingles research) and that's how I found this site. After a week myhusband said I needed to stop coming to the site so much so I just stopped telling him about it. This seems to work for us. He is the cook so he's about to go gluten-free with me (at home at least) after the biopsy and I'm sure not all husbands would do this. But like the first post says men don't like to constantly hear about something they can't do anything to fix. My husband was kind enough to join me for the first gluten-free support meeting last weekend. The topic was traveling/eating out gluten-free. One lady brought several of us to tears and I heard my husband sigh - luckily I'm pretty sure no one else heard him. Anyway, in the car after the meeting he admitted that he didnt' really know what a support group was before attending. I said that was obvious and I would not ask him to join me in the future. He seems happy with that.

[jrom987]

I'm also happy to read that I am not alone! My husband is wonderful in so many ways but dealing with my obsessiveness over gluten is not one! That is why I am here every day. I need to know that there are people in this world who will listen and give advice when my family has heard enough.

I am extremely obsessed too! I have made a notebook with sections so I can print recipes, gluten-free products, letters from companies, hints from the people here, restaurant menus and lists of places that are gluten-free friendly, etc. My son laughed at me because I put a label on the notebook saying "If I am lost, please return me to my owner" and I wrote my name and address and phone number. This book has so much information in it!

Thank you all for being part of my support system!

Jo Ann

[stef-the-kicking-cuty]

I like this post . My husband is very supportive in so much things, too. And so are his and my parents. I'm so glad, that it turned out to be this way and I'm sure with the raising awareness we will have it easier and easier every passing year. Hang in there guys!!!

That with the notebook sounds familiar. And speaking about obsession: At the beginning I had two folders with comments from people in here and all around the internet printed out to show everybody what I have. The other folder was a little thinner with some restaurants I could go to or infos I could use, if I needed to buy glutenfree stuff. Now I exchanged the folder with the comments into one that always has the updated glutenfree shopping list and the other one is getting thicker every week with restaurants and places I have been, that I can recommend to fellow celiacs or that I will visit again. My obsession isn't that big anymore. I just live with it. But sometimes when I feel bored I also spent an entire day in here with all of you great people (especially when I'm depressed). It's great to hear about all those other stories (like this one...lol) and maybe help others out. That makes you feel better instantly most of the time.

Hugs, Stef

[bluelotus]

I've already posted before how my husband is unsupportive. He thinks I am obsessed and over reacting. Sometimes I really hate him and want a divorce. But I am young and have no support system without him, so if I left, I'd be screwed. It really pisses me off how trapped I've become.

His dad got pancreatic cancer (linked to celiac disease) and is gassy. Certain foods like beer bother my husband. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that my husband actually has it and I told him he should get tested. He said even if he did that he wouldn't go gluten-free and he doesn't care about cancer.

Wish I could get out of this house.

[jrom987]

bobcatgirl,

Why are you stuck in the house? Just curious!

I think that is why we are all here. To support each other. I also do not have anyone to really support me with this new life. I am not a really religious person but I do believe that God leads us to where we need to be and that is why I found this site.

I think we can make great friends with people who know how we are feeling.

I am here for anyone who wants to talk even if I don't have any answers. I feel that we can overcome so much as long as we can talk about it with those who really understand.

Jo Ann

[floridanative]

I totally agree with Jo Ann's comment. This is the best place for support because if I went on and on about celiac disease with my 'regular' friends, they probably wouldn't want to be around me much. And I wouldn't blame them for feeling that way. It's like if you only talked about your job all the time, your freinds would get bored with the conversations. Unless you have celiac disease or problems with gluten, you probably don't care to hear about it.

[stef-the-kicking-cuty]

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that my husband actually has it and I told him he should get tested.  He said even if he did that he wouldn't go gluten-free and he doesn't care about cancer. 

Same thing here. My hubbies family has digestive problems as well. I already mentioned the possibility to him of having celiac disease (especially with their history of being Irish and having diabetic and Alzheimer's in the family), but he said the same thing your husband said... How stupid of a reaction... I'm glad that you guys are supportive. At least one place we can go to.

My step dad actually asked my mom, if he could have it, too. He probably consideres testing, if my mom goes on with her glutenfree trip. Then they both go glutenfree. I think, it's great, that they finally begin to understand. I came a long way with them. It took them long enough

[tarnalberry]

I'm NOT defending the unsupportive (in this sense) spouses out there, but I think it's important to realize that obsessing about *any* medical condition can be bad for us as well and can drive anyone away. These people, in particular, are going to hear about it the most, if we obsess about it, because they are around us the most. If it would help any of them to hear it, you might be able to tell the unsupportive person that it's likely they only have to deal with it for a year, and simply not making them hear the same thing over and over can help. I know we want the support, I know we need, and deserve it. But they need and deserve a break from it at times as well. For many of us, there is a middle ground, even if it takes a while to find it (like it did for me and my husband). :-)