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How Do You Deal With The "haters"?


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38 replies to this topic

#1 Glittersmith

 
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Posted 17 December 2013 - 10:38 AM

I have been 100% gluten-free for three years.  Most of the time I am met with kindness and understanding in restaurants, party's or other "food" gatherings.  I have noticed lately more and more angry responses from other people.  I am a not expecting anyone to go to any trouble, just tell me what is safe....even if that is just a plain salad.  Recently I have had three people (a server, a random lady at a fundraiser and a relative) all say quite abrasively "You just can't expect other people to work around your allergy's.  There is no way to guarantee it's 100% safe.  You should eat at home."  I paraphrased but essentially they were really angry at me for asking and said almost the same thing.  In all three cases I calmly said "I'm not asking for anyone to go to any trouble and make me something special.  I'm just asking if there is something safe for me to eat."   I then sheepishly backed away.  

 

Has anyone else noticed this?  I am wondering that with more enlightenment to the general public if there is more resentment?  How do you handle "the haters"?


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#2 bartfull

 
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Posted 17 December 2013 - 10:49 AM

I think it's a side effect of the "fad". There are so many people now who choose to eat "gluten-free" because they think it will make them lose weight or look cool or whatever it is that motivates them.

 

But back in the old days (1980's) when my Mom was diagnosed, she got the same reaction. I will NEVER forget that horrible woman at a potluck Mom and I attended who said to Mom, "What's the matter, our food isn't good enough for you?" When Mom tried to explain that she had celiac and that anything with wheat would make her really ill, the woman replied, "That's ridiculous!" I wanted to hit her. I mean I REALLY wanted to hit her.

 

I don't know what the answer is. I guess just keep in mind that there are people who are like that. No matter WHAT the issue is, some people will have a nasty attitude about it. Then come here and we will commiserate with you.


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gluten-free since June, 2011

Can't eat soy, corn, or foods high in salicylates.

Nightshades now seem to bother me too.

 

BUT I CAN STILL PLAY MY GUITAR AND THAT"S ALL THAT MATTERS!

 


#3 Gemini

 
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Posted 17 December 2013 - 11:28 AM

 

"What's the matter, our food isn't good enough for you?"

A really good answer for that is...." No, actually, it isn't. It contains wheat!"  And say it with a smile on your face....that always gets them.  ;)

 

I always just use the opportunity, when dealing with snarky people, to turn it around on them. And if I can make their head explode with my answer, I know I have done a good job.

I don't think they are "haters", their attitude comes from ignorance. Unresolved anger and ignorance are a bad combination.


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#4 pricklypear1971

 
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Posted 17 December 2013 - 11:36 AM

I think it IS frustrating when you don't understand how/when to provide "safe" (translate to "good enough") food to your guests.

And let's face it, for every polite or reasonable request for gluten-free options or info there is a rude or ridiculous one.

I ordered gluten-free sushi and asked additional questions (because I got hit the time before after many previous good experiences) and found out the staff was frustrated by people requesting gluten-free (and staff going through the menu, etcetera) and then ordering glutinous items. Yeah, frustration. We talked a bit and my waiter was happy to explain to the chefs that I was serious, and I got a safe meal.

All that aside, there's the thing about food being a personal expression of hospitality...and when you question or opt out, well, it's difficult to get past the perceived rudeness. People aren't used to so many questions about their cooking skills, I think.
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Probable Endometriosis, in remission from childbirth since 2002.
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#5 livinthelife

 
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Posted 17 December 2013 - 12:34 PM

Thanks to this forum, I've started saying, "This is a medical thing, not just a diet thing. I get very sick. It's poison to me." It seems to work. The word "poison" at least gets their attention.

 

I admit that I feel like a special case at parties and the like and just laugh it off and make a lot of "not a huge deal..I PROMISE!!" comments. I think some people are uncomfortable watching me not eat. Oh well! Too bad!


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#6 notme!

 
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Posted 17 December 2013 - 12:54 PM

A really good answer for that is...." No, actually, it isn't. It contains wheat!"  And say it with a smile on your face....that always gets them.  ;)

 

I always just use the opportunity, when dealing with snarky people, to turn it around on them. And if I can make their head explode with my answer, I know I have done a good job.

I don't think they are "haters", their attitude comes from ignorance. Unresolved anger and ignorance are a bad combination.

i'm with you, gem. 

it doesn't help that most people don't know what gluten is.........  <_<


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#7 Glittersmith

 
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Posted 17 December 2013 - 02:38 PM

Thanks everyone!  At least it's not just me.  The funny part was in two of the situations they didn't even have to feed me (I had come prepared).  One of them was so venomous! I had been having a sweet conversation with another woman and she just pounced!  It got me thinking....this never used to happen...hum.  I think the fad is a big part of it.  I have been adding "this is a serious allergy, not a food preference" when ordering at restaurants lately too.  

 

Just gotta keep educating the masses. ..one conversation at a time :)


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#8 ItchyAbby

 
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Posted 17 December 2013 - 03:33 PM

A well-known gluten-free blogger just posted about this subject today! She calls it a form of bullying: http://glutenfreegir...eave-7th-grade/

 

I don't have any good answers for you about how to deal with it, besides what the others have already said. It's a real conundrum. My Dad went gluten free after my dx and he is feeling great (more energy, no more edema in his legs, no more apnea, no more reflux). He told a colleague - a doctor, mind you - that he wasn't eating gluten and this colleague scoffed, asked my dad if he actually believed that stuff and told him that gluten-free was a hoax. Oy.

 

So, it's a big problem all around - ignorance, is a big part of it, yes, but I think people are also scared and extremely resistant. They don't like the idea that something so beloved (and frankly, addictive) to them is being ridiculed/cast aside/what-have-you.


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MD and ND confirmed shortly thereafter

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Currently training to become a Nutritional Therapy Practitioner. I want to heal as many guts as I can!

 

Love Heals.


#9 mamaw

 
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Posted 17 December 2013 - 04:33 PM

It  is  a  sad  & hurtful  problem  that  I  don't think will go  away  anytime soon.... I have been  gluten-free for over ten years  & I still get  that  from a  few  family close  family  members.... I once  called  wheat  "  it's  for  me  like  eating  rat  poison" & boy  do  they get  on me about that... One  is  a  nurse  &  she  thinks  I'm just  selfish  &  crazy......


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#10 NoGlutenCooties

 
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Posted 18 December 2013 - 05:57 AM

Unfortunately the whole "gluten-free thing" is not the only thing that people do not understand and take issues with.  Many members of the general population take issue with anything that is not like they are - regardless of what it is.  So for me, I don't see this as anything special.  People get their panties in a bunch if you drive faster than they do, have a bigger house, wear a different style of clothes than them, hold a different opinion about just about anything... the list is endless.  Some people will take any opportunity to ridicule or try to bully you.  I see their issue with being gluten-free as just one more thing to add to the list.

Until it happens to them.

 

Also... remember... they eat gluten.  So they probably have brain fog and can't think clearly.  ;)


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#11 livinthelife

 
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Posted 18 December 2013 - 08:10 AM

 

 

Also... remember... they eat gluten.  So they probably have brain fog and can't think clearly.  ;)

 

Sitting at work and literally laughed out loud!!! 


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#12 killernj13

 
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Posted 18 December 2013 - 09:44 AM

The random person and the family member are one thing.  But a server?  You should have complained to the manager about that one.


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#13 Gemini

 
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Posted 18 December 2013 - 12:49 PM

Unfortunately the whole "gluten-free thing" is not the only thing that people do not understand and take issues with.  Many members of the general population take issue with anything that is not like they are - regardless of what it is.  So for me, I don't see this as anything special.  People get their panties in a bunch if you drive faster than they do, have a bigger house, wear a different style of clothes than them, hold a different opinion about just about anything... the list is endless.  Some people will take any opportunity to ridicule or try to bully you.  I see their issue with being gluten-free as just one more thing to add to the list.

Until it happens to them.

 

Also... remember... they eat gluten.  So they probably have brain fog and can't think clearly.  ;)

Good post, NGC!  Especially the last line..... :lol:


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#14 NoGlutenCooties

 
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Posted 18 December 2013 - 05:41 PM

Good post, NGC!  Especially the last line..... :lol:

 

:D


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Age: 42

Positive Bloodtest: Oct 1, 2013

Gluten-free since: Oct 2, 2013

Celiac confirmed by Biopsy: Oct 29, 2013


#15 w8in4dave

 
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Posted 18 December 2013 - 06:05 PM

Also... remember... they eat gluten.  So they probably have brain fog and can't think clearly   ;) <---- OMg Love it! LOL 

 

But really I think alot of people just have Noooo idea what Celiac is and if they did hear of it.. They have NOOOOOOO idea that soups stews, potato chips , and every thing eles has it! So I say : Don't blame them! It is a learning experience for us, how can we expect some unsuspecting server , or anyone eles to know? And really I do not expect any one to work around my problem. There is so much CC I have learned from here , nope! Don't do it. But they do not have to be rude!! That is just crazy! So I have no idea what answer is good here. Except they should try and answer your questions as well as possible. They do not have to be rude about your diet.


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