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How Do You Deal With The "haters"?


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38 replies to this topic

#16 BelleVie

 
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Posted 18 December 2013 - 08:11 PM

I agree with W8in4dave. People just don't know. It doesn't make it okay that they react like ***hats, but normally when people act like that, I choose to feel sorry for them. I'm sorry that they have so much anger inside that MY diet is somehow offensive to them. I'm sorry that they are so reactionary that they let something small like that get them in a tizzy. It has really been occurring to me a lot lately that negativity gets us nowhere (Which is not to say that the OP was being negative! Not at all.) Just that hanging onto it and making it a part of me, rather than just choosing to let it go, isn't GOOD for me. I've actually recently stopped following a few of the gluten-free blogs that I was really into for a while because I feel that they are just too negative, with too much focus on anger. They aren't uplifting.

 

So for the OP, as cheesy as it sounds, when people act like jerks to you, I think it's good to practice just letting it go. Send them love and light and good vibes. They're probably hurting inside in some way, ya know? =-) In the end, the only thing that we can control is how WE react to a situation. And like Gemini said, a big, kind smile always throws them for a loop.  


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#17 Marilyn R

 
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Posted 19 December 2013 - 01:53 AM

You can always tell them you'll pray for them.  "Dear God, please help that witch, thank you!" 


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Positive improvement from elimination diet. Mother dx'd by Mayo Clinic in late 1980s. Negative blood tests and Upper & Lower GI biopsy. Parathyroidectomy 12/09. Recurring high calcium level 4/10. Gluten-free 4/10. Soy & Dairy Free 6/10. Corn free 7/10. Grain free except rice 8/10. Legume free 6/11. Fighting the battle of the battle within myself, and I'm going to win!

As of 2/12, tolerating dairy, corn, legumes and some soy, but I limit soy to tamari sauce or modest soy additives. Won't ever try quinoa again!

Discoid Lupus from skin biopsy 2011, discovered 2/12 when picking up medical records. Systemic Lupus Dx 6/12. Shingles 10/12.

#18 IrishHeart

 
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Posted 19 December 2013 - 06:48 AM

You can always tell them you'll pray for them.  "Dear God, please help that witch, thank you!" 

:D  lmao....made me spit coffee this morning. thanks. for that. 

 

I just had this convo with others on another celiac site and my answer was similar to Gem's.

It comes down to ignorance, They just do not know enough about gluten intolerance and what happens

when you eat it. (heck, I had no clue what it was all about 6 years ago either)

 

Ignorance is usually why people make asshatty comments. They simply do not understand

why a single crumb will spark inflammation in someone with AI disease or they would never make such foolish comments.

 

I have never met a "hater" I could not convert. Talk, laugh, educate.

Or just ignore.

 

I'm with BelleVie....anger is not the answer. Too stressful and gets us nowhere.

(But a good snarky comeback can be very effective in some cases.) ;)


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"Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way we cope with it makes the difference." Virginia Satir

"The strongest of all warriors are these two - time and patience." Leo Tolstoy

"If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else" Booker T. Washington

“If idiots could fly, the sky would be like an airport.”― Laura Davenport 

"Do or do not. There is no try. "-  Yoda.

"LTES"  Gem 2014

 

Misdiagnosed for 25+ years; Finally Diagnosed with Celiac  11/01/10.  Double DQ2 genes. This thing tried to kill me. I view Celiac as a fire breathing dragon --and I have run my sword right through his throat.
I. Win. bliss-smiley-emoticon.gif


#19 africanqueen99

 
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Posted 19 December 2013 - 12:59 PM

It doesn't make it okay that they react like ***hats, but normally when people act like that, I choose to feel sorry for them. I'm sorry that they have so much anger inside that MY diet is somehow offensive to them. I'm sorry that they are so reactionary that they let something small like that get them in a tizzy. It has really been occurring to me a lot lately that negativity gets us nowhere (Which is not to say that the OP was being negative! Not at all.)

I just want to say that this line is true for so many things...

 

My son is not circumsized and every once in a while it comes up in conversation.  Some people get totally weird and nearly obsessed about it.  My standard answer is "Wow, you sure are putting a lot of thought into my son's penis."  Shuts 'em up every. single. time.  Once it's pointed out that they have all this weird energy on something that doesn't concern them they stop.  Maybe you celiacs could snark right back at them! :)


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Angela

Undiagnosed, but I'm positive that I'm the genetic link to celiac for my kids.  Gluten Free in solidarity of my girls!

Kid 1 (8 y/o girl) - DX celiac via blood in 9/2013 (age 7.5).  Negative biopsy in 10/2013.

Kid 2 (4 y/o boy) - DX as "latent celiac" via blood in 9/2013 (age 3.5).  Negative biopsy in 10/2013.  DX with gastritis.

Kid 3 (2 y/o girl) - DX celiac via blood in 8/2013 (age 1.5) and 9/2013. 


#20 IrishHeart

 
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Posted 19 December 2013 - 01:14 PM

I just want to say that this line is true for so many things...

 

My son is not circumsized and every once in a while it comes up in conversation.  Some people get totally weird and nearly obsessed about it.  My standard answer is "Wow, you sure are putting a lot of thought into my son's penis."  Shuts 'em up every. single. time.  Once it's pointed out that they have all this weird energy on something that doesn't concern them they stop.  

 

 

Good on you. Momma! . I have never understood why so many people concern themselves with other people's personal decisions anyway.

Not much else to do perhaps?  :D

 

When someone asks any personal info , a good response is "Why do you want to know?"

Makes the person pause to think about why they are being so intrusive and downright nosy.

Most people realize they really have no good reason for prying in the first place.

 

Unfortunately, we live in a judgmental society.  People judge other people's choices of clothes, houses, cars, jobs, religions, politics and food choices...They judge people's skin color, size, ethnicity...and for what?

I have no clue. It's none of their dang business.

 

One of the perks of getting older is....you stop giving a rat's patootie what others think about you.

:lol:


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"Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way we cope with it makes the difference." Virginia Satir

"The strongest of all warriors are these two - time and patience." Leo Tolstoy

"If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else" Booker T. Washington

“If idiots could fly, the sky would be like an airport.”― Laura Davenport 

"Do or do not. There is no try. "-  Yoda.

"LTES"  Gem 2014

 

Misdiagnosed for 25+ years; Finally Diagnosed with Celiac  11/01/10.  Double DQ2 genes. This thing tried to kill me. I view Celiac as a fire breathing dragon --and I have run my sword right through his throat.
I. Win. bliss-smiley-emoticon.gif


#21 coffngrl

 
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Posted 19 December 2013 - 01:40 PM

I would love to say to a hater, "you know, I was like you once. I loved bread, beer and cake. Then one day, 'bam!' I had celiac disease. It could happen to you. Think about that."


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#22 notme!

 
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Posted 19 December 2013 - 03:15 PM

I would love to say to a hater, "you know, I was like you once. I loved bread, beer and cake. Then one day, 'bam!' I had celiac disease. It could happen to you. Think about that."

i like that, too :)

 

here's the thing - it's hard not to talk about, in normal life.  if you're eating out, you *have* to discuss it at length, because you have to make sure you can eat safely.  if you're bringing your own, somebody is going to ask you why you're brown bagging it at a cocktail party.  kid's penis?  not so much (no offense - not something that is really any of my business and i probably would only know/ask if i was babysitting him and had to change his diaper)  but eating?  that's 3x per day every day.  a whole lot of discussion.  at thanxgiving family gathering, i swore my head was going to explode if one more person said "gluten" or "gluten free"  :o   i find myself constantly talking about it, whether i want to or not. 

 

on the up side, though, my pastor's wife asked me to teach a gluten free cooking class, because there are some people she knows whose grandkids have been diagnosed.  which i will be happy to do and hope it helps somebody.  i guess if i didn't talk about it so much, i wouldn't be able to help them.  so.  there's that.  -_-


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arlene

misdiagnosed for 25 years!
just as i was getting my affairs in order to die of malnutrition...
gluten free 7/2010
blood test negative
celiac confirmed by endoscopy 9/2010

 

only YOU can prevent forest fires - smokey t. bear

 

have a nice day :)

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#23 IrishHeart

 
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Posted 19 December 2013 - 03:51 PM

 

 

on the up side, though, my pastor's wife asked me to teach a gluten free cooking class, because there are some people she knows whose grandkids have been diagnosed.  which i will be happy to do and hope it helps somebody.  i guess if i didn't talk about it so much, i wouldn't be able to help them.  so.  there's that.  -_-

 

Amen, dear Arleneeee!  You ARE helping. ALL the time!!

This is also why I never, ever shut up.

My goal? Bust ignorance..yup..and ...some call me "the celiac whisperer"

^_^


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"Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way we cope with it makes the difference." Virginia Satir

"The strongest of all warriors are these two - time and patience." Leo Tolstoy

"If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else" Booker T. Washington

“If idiots could fly, the sky would be like an airport.”― Laura Davenport 

"Do or do not. There is no try. "-  Yoda.

"LTES"  Gem 2014

 

Misdiagnosed for 25+ years; Finally Diagnosed with Celiac  11/01/10.  Double DQ2 genes. This thing tried to kill me. I view Celiac as a fire breathing dragon --and I have run my sword right through his throat.
I. Win. bliss-smiley-emoticon.gif


#24 pricklypear1971

 
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Posted 19 December 2013 - 06:53 PM

I admit, I've felt particularly angry before, and did a good job of convincing someone she had Celiac Disease. Because she'd just DIE without bread.

It was like talking about the monster in the closet to a kid.

Cruel, but I did it. I admit it. She'd move on to another problem soon...I don't worry about it. Gave her something to talk about. One of those who has every problem but does nothing about it.

And oh, if you ever have the opportunity, I advise making the analogy between magnanimous vampires who don't eat humans because they are endearing and fragile - and a Celiac seated at a table full of people eating Popeyes. Do it in a particular voice and a drink (preferably alcohol) in your hand and on an empty stomach. Adds to the effect.
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Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today. ~ Mark Twain

Probable Endometriosis, in remission from childbirth since 2002.
Hashimoto's DX 2005.
Gluten-Free since 6/2011.
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Responsive to iodine withdrawal for DH (see quote, above).

Genetic tests reveal half DQ2, half DQ8 - I'm a weird bird!

#25 Marilyn R

 
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Posted 20 December 2013 - 01:02 AM

I thought I'd get more warning notices about that post, hope you're loving Fla.

 

Sorry, off topic.


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Positive improvement from elimination diet. Mother dx'd by Mayo Clinic in late 1980s. Negative blood tests and Upper & Lower GI biopsy. Parathyroidectomy 12/09. Recurring high calcium level 4/10. Gluten-free 4/10. Soy & Dairy Free 6/10. Corn free 7/10. Grain free except rice 8/10. Legume free 6/11. Fighting the battle of the battle within myself, and I'm going to win!

As of 2/12, tolerating dairy, corn, legumes and some soy, but I limit soy to tamari sauce or modest soy additives. Won't ever try quinoa again!

Discoid Lupus from skin biopsy 2011, discovered 2/12 when picking up medical records. Systemic Lupus Dx 6/12. Shingles 10/12.

#26 Juliebove

 
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Posted 20 December 2013 - 01:40 AM

I haven't gotten exactly that but I have had people say that they don't want to know about our food issues.  But the thought has also crossed my mind that if I had a restaurant, I would be afraid to serve anyone with life threatening food issues lest they actually die, or get really sick and have to go to the hospital then blame me for it later.  And I may not have even been the cause of it.  Then again, I am not likely to open a restaurant.  Not in this lifetime anyway.

 

I was the room parent one year for my daughter's class and was put in charge of all of the kids with food allergies.  I was very careful with what I bought.  And one kid was allergic to yellow dye number 5 plus corn.  That was a toughie.  Seemed that all of the gluten-free stuff I found that was similar to what the other kids were getting had corn in it!  But somehow I managed.  I also listened as patiently as I could (I am not very patient) to the one girl with the peanut allergy tell me of her frightening trip to the ER where she almost died.  And drove a package of treats to another girl after school after she had a meltdown at the party.  Her mother had told her before school to just go ahead and eat the pizza!  And yes, gluten and dairy were both problems for this kid. 

 

Frankly I could not understand this mother.  She acted shocked when her daughter's eye swelled shut after eating chicken nuggets at McDonalds.  Told me that there must have been egg in them.  Well, yeah and maybe dairy but did it not cross your mind that there was also WHEAT in there?  And another time she was angry with our naturopath who wanted her to eliminate dairy her own self for a couple of weeks to see if her stomach got better.  She actually said to me while rolling her eyes, "She expects me to do this on a HOLIDAY WEEKEND?"  I wanted to tell her that for those of us with food issues, our food issues do not take a holiday!  And she also acted astounded when her husband became sick from eating some pastries at work.  Said there must have been whipped cream in them.  He has multiple food issues too.  But who with food issues would just blindly eat something without knowing what was in it?

 

Anyway...  Back this girl.  She was so confused when her mom told her just to go ahead and eat the pizza, knowing that it would make her sick for the entire weekend that she became frightened of my treats, thinking I would sicken her as well.  So I went home, got all of the food packages and recipes from my house and brought them along to her house along with my daughter, assuring her that my daughter had most of her same food issues and I wouldn't dare sicken either of them.  I think she felt better after that.  At least I hope she did.

 

I also think that people who have no food issues can not comprehend how rotten we can feel or how sick we can get if we eat the wrong thing.  Even if it is just a mere crumb of something that fell into our food.  I can't tell you how many times I have been told that a little bit won't hurt or that it won't kill me.  One thing that does seem to work for me is when I do get sick in their presence.  Now gluten isn't an issue for me.  I have multiple food intolerances.  And eating this stuff can give me projectile vomiting, head to toe hives or the big D which sends me flying to the bathroom and keeps me there for a while.  All it takes is one episode of this at their house and they are darned careful after that!

 

And maybe I'm just overly careful but...  In general, I would never eat at a fund raiser or anything like that.  If it required payment to get in the door, like the ice cream social at my daughter's school, I would just pay and still not eat.  I learned not to take any chances and just eat at home.  Or in my vehicle with food from home.  At restaurants I try not to go without checking out their website, calling them or visiting them first.  I try to go to places that cook from scratch and for me, Mexican restaurants usually work quite well.  We also ate at Italian places with gluten-free pasta because even though gluten isn't my issue (was for daughter), the gluten-free stuff was free of egg which I can't have.  But now that she can't have basil, those places are no longer a good choice for us.

 

Bottom line, people can just be very cruel and clueless.  And it's not just with food. I have heard people poking fun of other people's jobs.  This happened a few weeks ago and this woman was going on and on about how retail jobs are nothing and no employer would even count that as a real job so no need to put this on a resume.  And there I was, sitting there and having to listen to it, having only ever worked in retail for all of my 54 years.  She has also made nasty comments about food to me.  Some people are just that way.


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#27 gatita

 
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Posted 20 December 2013 - 09:39 AM

I try not to let these people stop me from asking the questions I need to, but I admit I sometimes get tired of being the super-annoying one. For this reason I mostly avoided eating out for a year.

 

Then recently I've had good luck at restaurants, even without raking the poor waitress over the coals. Which led me to be TOO casual about it... then guess what -- glutened. Doh.

 

So I guess the bottom line is 1) eating out is always going to mean we have to ask, ask, ask; and 2) some people are going to be annoyed or even rude about it. C'est la vie!


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Diagnosed with wheat hates me 4/13


#28 Gemini

 
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Posted 20 December 2013 - 07:54 PM

I just want to say that this line is true for so many things...

 

My son is not circumsized and every once in a while it comes up in conversation.  Some people get totally weird and nearly obsessed about it.  My standard answer is "Wow, you sure are putting a lot of thought into my son's penis."  Shuts 'em up every. single. time.  Once it's pointed out that they have all this weird energy on something that doesn't concern them they stop.  Maybe you celiacs could snark right back at them! :)

Now THIS is a beautiful answer!  Ha, Ha!   :D


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#29 w8in4dave

 
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Posted 24 December 2013 - 10:21 PM

I have to talk about my disease because I am usually at a gathering where we are eating. So it comes up. I have never had anyone say anything negative. I have heard the "ohhh I feel so sorry for you" and like someone stated "I would just die if I couldn't eat bread" LOL I just say well It is a diet that is not my choice to make, I have got to follow it or be sick for the rest of my life. But really I have not had any negativity . I find people are more curious than ever about it. I also have had someone say "I should follow that diet." lol  I am waiting to find a person that is negative because I will probably let them have it with both barrels.


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DX'd June 17th 2013


#30 Celtic Queen

 
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Posted 27 December 2013 - 07:19 AM

 

I ordered gluten-free sushi and asked additional questions (because I got hit the time before after many previous good experiences) and found out the staff was frustrated by people requesting gluten-free (and staff going through the menu, etcetera) and then ordering glutinous items. Yeah, frustration. We talked a bit and my waiter was happy to explain to the chefs that I was serious, and I got a safe meal.
 

Actually, a good friend of mine is a server at a high end French restaurant and this was a huge issue for him.  He had several customers send him running back and forth to the kitchen several times to check ingredients, only to go ahead and order something with gluten in the end.  I explained to him that those people were probably not true Celiacs and that I would never, ever order something with gluten in it on purpose.  People like that make the real Celiacs look bad.

 

A couple of weeks ago he had a true Celiac come into the restaurant and he was able to help her order something safe. He told me about it the next day.  Made me feel better that my "education" helped.  I have started telling servers that gluten will make me very sick just to clarify to them that that it's not a fad for me.

 

As for the hostility of others, I sometimes wonder if it is because they know they need to change their diet but don't want to, so they become resentful of those of us who do.


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Blood tested 8-11 positive, Biopsy 9-11 negative (long story, most gastro drs. are morons)

gluten-free 7-11, Dairy Free (mostly) 8-13 - Everything but butter.  Can't live life without butter....
 

DS - negative blood test, just diagnosed with ADD and other learning disorders, DNA test positive - high risk

Issues related to gluten: depression, low iron, hair loss, positive ana test for lupus, low vitamin D, headache, sinusitis, environmental allergies, brain fog, GI problems, weight gain....the list goes on....





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