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How Do I Stop The Worrying?


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#1 coffngrl

 
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Posted 14 February 2014 - 08:42 AM

Since my celiac diagnosis, my DH has been really stressed out and worrying about me constantly. With every new obstacle, he dotes even more, asks me how I'm feeling like every 10 minutes to the point that I had to ban him from asking me that. I mean, it's not as if I'm dying - I just feel like crap sometimes. I still work out, I still live life (except for a few nights when I went to bed at 7pm just because I was sick of feeling bad). I try to reassure him that things will be fine, that I'm fine but I get the sense he's always waiting for something else to go wrong. The last thing I want is for him to get himself sick by worrying so much but I can't get him to stop.

 

Advice?


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#2 mamaw

 
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Posted 14 February 2014 - 09:39 AM

remember   how  hard  it is  to  understand  this  illness even,  celiac  folks  have  trouble  understanding  this  at  the  beginning...as  annoying  as  being  asked  constantly  how  you  are  someone  truly loves  you &  cares  for your  well being....&  if they are not  experiencing  the  symptoms  how  could  they  understand  when at  times  we  question  ....

It could  be  worse,  as  many  face  this  new  lifestyle  alone  because  family & friends  think  they  are  just plain crazy....not  normal....

My suggestion  would be  gather up some  good  reports  about  celiac  &  have  a  conversation  & learn  about  celiac  , extending  conditions  that often  follow celiac....have   answers  to  all the  questions  ..

Do you have  a good  support  group  you all can lean on  ?  Finding  a  seasoned  faithful  gluten-free  support  person  is  a  GREAT asset  to  you & family/friends.....

 

hth


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#3 Adalaide

 
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Posted 14 February 2014 - 10:17 AM

I sometimes think I should always be waiting for another shoe to drop, my life isn't what it was 6 years ago when I got married. I had a full time job and was physically active enough to hike the entire Provo canyon end to end. The canyon trail (in the canyon) is 7 miles end to end and I didn't think anything of heading up in the morning and hiking one end to the other and back again as a leisurely day stroll. Today I can't hold down a real part time job and can't make the walk from one park to the next and back again. I've spent the past 5 years trying to pin down a neurological issue. I'm finally at the point that maybe we're close and in the course of this I've recently got incredibly scary, possibly life-altering news.

 

And so what do we do to keep from worrying about every last thing? We just don't worry. If I get a cold, it's probably just a cold. Sometimes the big D and some stomach pains are just a bug and everyone gets sick, don't freak out until there's brain fog. Also, don't panic then either, just deal with it. Sure, I should probably just be waiting for it to rain dropping shoes at this point. And what'll I do? I'll have awesome shoes. If you're going to be sitting by your phone waiting for bad news, it should be because your doctor told you to expect a call. Without that, live life without being caught up in what's coming because it'll keep you from enjoying the moment.


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"You don't look sick or anything"

"Well you don't look stupid, looks can be deceiving."

 

Celiac DX Dec 2012

CRPS DX March 2014


#4 coffngrl

 
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Posted 14 February 2014 - 10:33 AM

remember   how  hard  it is  to  understand  this  illness even,  celiac  folks  have  trouble  understanding  this  at  the  beginning...as  annoying  as  being  asked  constantly  how  you  are  someone  truly loves  you &  cares  for your  well being....&  if they are not  experiencing  the  symptoms  how  could  they  understand  when at  times  we  question  ....

It could  be  worse,  as  many  face  this  new  lifestyle  alone  because  family & friends  think  they  are  just plain crazy....not  normal....

My suggestion  would be  gather up some  good  reports  about  celiac  &  have  a  conversation  & learn  about  celiac  , extending  conditions  that often  follow celiac....have   answers  to  all the  questions  ..

Do you have  a good  support  group  you all can lean on  ?  Finding  a  seasoned  faithful  gluten-free  support  person  is  a  GREAT asset  to  you & family/friends.....

 

hth

It's true, I am really lucky to have a supportive spouse who went gluten free (when home) out of sympathy and who cares. I just wish I could stop having these issues so he doesn't have to keep on worrying. I swear - when I went to the GI doc I had some diarrhea that was annoying, but otherwise I felt fine. I juiced, ate healthy etc. Then when I gave up gluten I have had to slowly remove every other damn thing from my diet in order to not have some crazy problem or another. I've tried the probiotics, enzymes, food log, blah blah blah and am really at the point of just eating what the hell I want (aside from gluten, I'm not an idiot), side effects be damned. I could just pretend I wasn't having issues, right? Isn't that supposed to work - visualize success and it will come?


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#5 bartfull

 
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Posted 14 February 2014 - 10:38 AM

First, I would give him a big hug and let him know how much you appreciate his concern. Then, as Mamaw suggested, educate him as much as you can. Let him know that although you still have bad days, you ARE on your way back to good health. And then promise him that if you are having a bad day or feeling crappy, you will let him know so he can pamper you.

 

This reminds me of a song my friend Craig Caruthers wrote, called "Don't Pick Me Up Before I Fall". He wrote it for his wife who was feeling a bit smothered by Craig's tendency (a tendency that it seems most men have), of wanting to fix everything. It's great to be loved so much, but it can be overwhelming sometimes.


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gluten-free since June, 2011

Can't eat soy, corn, or foods high in salicylates.

Nightshades now seem to bother me too.

 

BUT I CAN STILL PLAY MY GUITAR AND THAT"S ALL THAT MATTERS!

 


#6 coffngrl

 
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Posted 14 February 2014 - 11:26 AM

This reminds me of a song my friend Craig Caruthers wrote, called "Don't Pick Me Up Before I Fall". He wrote it for his wife who was feeling a bit smothered by Craig's tendency (a tendency that it seems most men have), of wanting to fix everything. It's great to be loved so much, but it can be overwhelming sometimes.

"Wanting to fix everything"= exactly! He's good at fixing things - bikes, plumbing... but not me I guess! He just wants the doctors to do the fixing for him, but all they seem to want to say is "give it time", and that's just not acceptable. :-/ I suppose we both could learn to be a little bit more patient.


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#7 mamaw

 
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Posted 14 February 2014 - 01:25 PM

I think one  of the  hardest  lessons  in life  is: we  can't  fix  everything &  make it all better ie: loosing  a loved  one to  cancer  for instant.....

Do  consider  that  you are  having  issues  because  you  are  still knew  to the  gluten-free ....not  everyone  gets  better  at t he  same  rate...some  have  a  quick  turn-a-round  others  it  can take  a  year  or  even  three to  get  feeling  back to a  normal  being....and  sadly  enough  once  celiac  dx'd  some of  us  get  dx'd  with other  autoimmune  issues....

It  does  take  a  detective  at  times to try to figure  out  what  is happening  to us..Trial & Error... Not  fun  but  many  of  us  had  done  just  that....I would not  give  up the  digestive  enzymes  or probiotics .....I react  to  things  others  never  have  &  at  times  I  can eat  a food  by itself  but  add  another food  to it  & bingo I'm down & out .....

It  sucks  that  foods  can  be  the  staff  of  human life  but  it  also  makes  us  very  ill....Dead  if  we do  & Dead  if we don't ....

I  think your  body is just  fighting  back at  the  changes ... It  does  take  time &  is  a  royal pain  ...Keep  fighting  &  you will learn  to  read  your  body  & understand  what  it needs  & wants.....it  may not  be  even  anything  that  has to do with  gluten. ie: sugars, carbs, histamine  junk that is  also causing  you  grief....

 

hang in  there.... 


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#8 Berlin1

 
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Posted 14 February 2014 - 02:21 PM

It's really sweet that he's taking your diagnosis seriously. I think for most, a lack of understanding can be an issue with a new diagnosis for a couple. I know mine was.  :( It took nearly a year of talking and educating not only my SO but also his family to understand what it meant when I would get sick from eating any gluten containing foods. I think it's important to give it time, especially if your diagnosis is recently new? He's just concerned about your well-being. Which is great! Of course, you will still feel like crap occasionally and your body needs time to heal when you make the switch to a gluten-free diet. So, this is something you should really emphasis with him. 

But like I said before, it's really great that he's supporting you. That just means he'll be making sure everything is extra gluten-free whenever you guys go out to eat. :D


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#9 IrishHeart

 
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Posted 15 February 2014 - 05:39 AM

The most difficult thing about healing from celiac damage is being patient. It's the mother of all exercises in patience.

Believe me. It took me a long time to see some stability in my bowels, the neurological issues, the insomnia, the....everything.

I am still trying to get my hair to thicken up.

 

I hate to say this but, you will be healing  for a long time. Reversing damage takes time....so there is absolutely no point in anyone fussing about every tummy rumble, D episode or anything else. This is a process, not a quick fix.

 

It's better to have someone who cares about you than someone who doesn't.

That said, tell him what my Gramma used to say

"don't borrow trouble".... meaning, save the worrying for the important stuff.

 

My wise hubs says 99.9 % of the stuff we worry about never comes to fruition. He's right. He had a difficult time when I was very ill for 3 years before diagnosis, telling doctors to do something for his wife, dammit!  (and me worrying he would strangle some of them..lol)

but once we had the DX, he relaxed. He still worries about me, on some level, but he accepts the time/heal thing and has relaxed about it all.

 

Give him a giant hug and be grateful he loves you so much. I know some people whose spouses walked when the bad shyte hit the fan and their lives were altered horribly. 

 

You're going to be okay! hang in there.


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"Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way we cope with it makes the difference." Virginia Satir

"The strongest of all warriors are these two - time and patience." Leo Tolstoy

"If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else" Booker T. Washington

“If idiots could fly, the sky would be like an airport.”― Laura Davenport 

"Do or do not. There is no try. "-  Yoda.

"LTES"  Gem 2014

 

Misdiagnosed for 25+ years; Finally Diagnosed with Celiac  11/01/10.  Double DQ2 genes. This thing tried to kill me. I view Celiac as a fire breathing dragon --and I have run my sword right through his throat.
I. Win. bliss-smiley-emoticon.gif


#10 GFinDC

 
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Posted 15 February 2014 - 06:00 AM

It might help for him to read a book on celiac disease so he understands the disease better.  It is a lifelong condition so it is worth spending some time reading about it.  Celiac is not like a cold that you get over fairly quick.  The fact that you are aware of the condition now and are taking steps to learn how to eat gluten-free and avoid cross contamination is the most important thing.  In time you will get better at being gluten-free and your body will heal.  Your DH needs to learn also and adjust.

 

You may find that your body doesn't tolerate a lot of different foods at the beginning first 6 months or more.  But that you can slowly get more foods back as the healing continues.  Patience with your body is worth developing.  It's a long, slow slog for some of us, not a sprint.  But it is very possible to feel much better in time.  We all learn as we go.


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Proverbs 25:16 "Hast thou found honey? eat so much as is sufficient for thee, lest thou be filled therewith, and vomit it."
Job 30:27 My bowels boiled, and rested not: the days of affliction prevented me.
Thyroid cyst and nodules, Lactose / casein intolerant. Diet positive, gene test pos, symptoms confirmed by Dr-head. My current bad list is: gluten, dairy, sulfites, coffee (the devil's brew), tea, Bug's Bunnies carrots, garbanzo beans of pain, soy- no joy, terrible turnips, tomatoes, peppers, potatoes, and hard work. have a good day! :-) Paul

#11 IrishHeart

 
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Posted 15 February 2014 - 07:34 AM

I probably sound like a broken record with this, :D but I HIGHLY recommend Real Life with Celiac Disease by Melinda Dennis, RD

and Daniel Leffler, MD. Covers every topic you can imagine, written by over 50 celiac disease specialists and the articles are easily digested.


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"Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way we cope with it makes the difference." Virginia Satir

"The strongest of all warriors are these two - time and patience." Leo Tolstoy

"If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else" Booker T. Washington

“If idiots could fly, the sky would be like an airport.”― Laura Davenport 

"Do or do not. There is no try. "-  Yoda.

"LTES"  Gem 2014

 

Misdiagnosed for 25+ years; Finally Diagnosed with Celiac  11/01/10.  Double DQ2 genes. This thing tried to kill me. I view Celiac as a fire breathing dragon --and I have run my sword right through his throat.
I. Win. bliss-smiley-emoticon.gif


#12 CarolinaKip

 
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Posted 15 February 2014 - 11:59 AM

Great advice from some wise women :D With all this snow on my hands here, I thought I'd stop by for a few.

 

Give that DH a huge hug! It took me a while to realize my body was damaged badly and it would take me some time to feel better. Almost at my 4yr DX date. I'm a single Mom, so these ladies and others here really helped me in my newbie year. Much appreciation to this forum.


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How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in your life you will have been all of these.
George Washington Carver


Blood work positive 4/10
Endo biopsy positive 5/10
Gluten free 5/10

#13 IrishHeart

 
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Posted 15 February 2014 - 03:13 PM

Great advice from some wise women :D With all this snow on my hands here, I thought I'd stop by for a few.

 

Give that DH a huge hug! It took me a while to realize my body was damaged badly and it would take me some time to feel better. Almost at my 4yr DX date. I'm a single Mom, so these ladies and others here really helped me in my newbie year. Much appreciation to this forum.

 

 

C-KIP!! holy smokes...why....hello, babes! how the heck are you? Must be good? I have not "seen you" on here or GD.

 

So happy you are doing well, dear girl!! whoohoo!!!!! Snow? what is that ??(yeah, I did it, I moved to FLA...but I digress!) LOL


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"Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way we cope with it makes the difference." Virginia Satir

"The strongest of all warriors are these two - time and patience." Leo Tolstoy

"If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else" Booker T. Washington

“If idiots could fly, the sky would be like an airport.”― Laura Davenport 

"Do or do not. There is no try. "-  Yoda.

"LTES"  Gem 2014

 

Misdiagnosed for 25+ years; Finally Diagnosed with Celiac  11/01/10.  Double DQ2 genes. This thing tried to kill me. I view Celiac as a fire breathing dragon --and I have run my sword right through his throat.
I. Win. bliss-smiley-emoticon.gif


#14 anti-soprano

 
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Posted 17 February 2014 - 09:57 PM

I felt as though I was road kill for the better part of a year. It does take time. I am also trying to unravel some other issues that are affecting my health at 18 months after dx. You will have more energy for figuring out your other food intolerances later. For now, just let your internal injuries heal. I've recently adopted a viewpoint about food that has been helpful to me,  that is to look at food as a way to heal the body instead of seeing certain foods as evil. I think the positive outlook is helping me in general. Every time I eat something that I know is anti-inflammatory, I think of how good it is for my body. 

 

You are loved, and there's nothing better than that!!  My husband is a brain cancer survivor, so I have the unique experience of being on both sides of this issue. Trust me when I tell you your husband NEEDS to tell you he loves you and that he wishes he could fix things. Allow him to do this. It's how you receive it that will make the difference for you both. 

 

All this positivity is unlike me. I must be really Zen tonight! Either that or shoes are about to drop. Oy.


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#15 CarolinaKip

 
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Posted 18 February 2014 - 03:29 AM

Hi there IrishHeart!! I'm doing ok, still bad days and good one. Appreciate the good ones! FL...welcome to the South! ;) Soon things will slow down for me and I'll be back more. I keep up with GD and enjoyed when he asked for your help :)  You lovely ladies take care and I'll be around.


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How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in your life you will have been all of these.
George Washington Carver


Blood work positive 4/10
Endo biopsy positive 5/10
Gluten free 5/10




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