12 replies to this topic

[whitelacegal]

Does anyone else have problems with there spouse because of this disease? Before they found out i had this disease, i had to go to the ER several times because of pain and so forth, when i would leave to go there my husband would laugh and think it was all in my head. Now that they have found i have celiac disease he understands it some better, but still makes comments to me about different issuses like all the money i have to spend on scripts( i have had real problems with my mouth) and the docs and dentist have tried to help me with different scripts. I had to quit my job 7 months ago because it was really stressful and i was having diarrhea all the time and terrible stomach pain, now i dont have any money on my own without asking him to help me out, im depressed but trying to get better, I was just diganosed 3 weeks ago.

[plantime]

I was very supportive of my husband when he had ulcers and a hernia, so he is returning the love now. I am very fortunate to have such a wonderful husband! I am sorry yours is being such a jerk about it.

[beelzebubble]

i am too. my hubby is unbelievably supportive. in fact, i don't think i could have gotten through this without him.

has he done any reading on it? you really need to have him understand what this means and how serious it is. have you tried getting him to look at this site?

[tarnalberry]

I'm sorry to hear that. I do hope you're talking to him about how you feel, and so forth.

My husband's been very supportive, though he wasn't so sure at first. (I've got lots of things wrong with me - but they're all little. Honestly, I'd think I was a hypochondriac for asking the doc about all sorts of little things wrong with me so often if it wasnt' for the fact that I'm right 80% of the time!) But when my bloodtests were unable to rule it out, and my dietary challenges made it easier to see (even he can hear my intestines the day after I have gluten), he's been good about it. He won't go gluten-free himself, of course, but he's careful about cross-contamination and the like.

[sarahann]

I was diagnosed about a month ago...my husband was in shock and went through the 5 stages of grief but he is great about reading lables if there is something he wants to buy but not sure if I can have. If there is stuff in it that I cant have, he wont buy it. I would suggest that he do some reading on it. My husband did and it has helped him better understand the disease.

Best of luck with your husband.

[travelthomas]

Hi Whitelacegal,

I wasn’t so fortunate with my girlfriend and celiac disease. She helped me discover the disease through research, but was not very understanding about the diet.. I do understand that it really is a pain to deal with. We parted in India. She fully expected me to wait for her while I healed, but I made the decision to move on to something else.

[lovegrov]

One positive note is that after you heal you should be able to go back to work. I was barely able to hold my job before I was diagnosed but now have no problems.

richard

[faithladene]

I do think, after, you stick 100 per cent to eating and drinking gluten free, your diarhea and stomach pains will go away. I'm sure, everyone is different, as to how long it takes, but, my fiance, improved within days and continued. Hang in there and your health will improve.

Now, to address the issue of your husband. If, I may suggest, that you make an appointment with the doctor that diagnosed your Celiac Sprue disease and bring your husband with you. It would be worth the cost of an office visit to have your husband learn from the horses mouth that you have a DISEASE, not, just some allergy. If, it had gone undiagnosed for a long time, it can kill you. My fiance is terminal. All the villi in his intestines are atrophed. He gets very little nourishment from the food he eats. He is dying from malnutrition.Your DISEASE is most serious.

My husband, divorced me one and a half years ago, after 38 years of marriage, because, he wanted to teach me a lesson about money. He earned the money, so, I could only have money from him, if, he liked whatever I was going to use it for. He wouldn't allow me to WORK, but, working at home raising 2 children and all that it entails isn't a REAL job. That isn't a marriage, it's an employee relationship. In a marriage, all funds belong to each partner. If, your husband objects to paying your medical bills, perhaps, he and you would consider counseling.

If, the shoe were on the other foot and he wasn't able to work, but, you could, and was able to support him in sickness, I doubt it very much, if, he would think the funds were being spent frivously.

I see danger signs in what you say and I don't mean any harm. Please, forgive me, if, my comments smart. But, I think your husband has the problem.

My heart goes out to you.

Faith

[nurse diesel]

Whitelacegal,
My advise is for BOTH of you to cut you some slack. You've been given the gift of an answer to all of your past ailments, and you need to move forward from here. The diarrhea and abd pain that kept you from participating in your job and home life should taper off tremendously the longer you maintain your gluten-free status. Your energy will only increase as your body heals, and your emotional well being will surprise you as your physical well being improves.
Your healing process is a separate issue from your marital issues. You're going to "get better" whether your husband is supportive or not (as long as you don't sabatage yourself). If he can't stick it out until that time, then you two will have some decisions to make down the road. For now, take care of yourself and learn as much as you can about this disease. Make all of the info available to your husband. Hopefully he'll take the initiative to pick it up and educate himself. Only time will tell.
Good luck to you,
nurse diesel

[whitelacegal]

thanks to everyone that responded, my husband and i got into a fight last night because he got upset about the way i acted when his friends came past, ( i went into the house when they came cause i did not have a bra on) and he thought i was not social to them, then he told me he wished i would leave which he always says when he gets mad, i need to talk to someone about this cause i just cant stand the way he acts about my medical bills, scripts and so forth. My problems with him did not start when i was diganosed with Celiac they started along time ago. thanks everyone for listening.

[plantime]

Find a marriage counselor. If your husband won't go with you, go without him.

[jen-schall]

I think even for the most supportive and understanding of people, living with a sick partner can be really tough: scary, sad, confusing - they might not understand, or think they do. They might think you're overacting or that you're too dependent. They might be totally inconsistent in behavior. I think it must be very strange to have a relationship where one person can necessarily give less, because of health. I've been married almost two years and spent all last summer very very sick because of celiac disease. I was diagnosed this December. My healing has definitely been slow going, and there are times where my husband is unbelievably great about everything, and there are times where I want to whack him with a gluten-free block of bread. I think this must be normal.
What helps me the most are these 2 things: 1) as cliche as it sounds, communication, communication, communication!! much much easier said than done. what often is needed in a situation like this is a mediator, or a helper. which is 2) I see a therapist to talk it over and sometimes we involve my husband. this helps me remember that it's valid and ought to be dealt with, but it doesn't make me feel like, oh geez, I'm still a newlywed and already into marriage counseling! I think different types of counseling can really have bad raps. don't let a stigma prevent you from progressing in your relationship!
I hope this doesn't all just sound preachy, and actually is helpful. the important thing is YOU, ma'am. recovery is so difficult to begin with, and you need to have good support, not patchy support and antagonism. I wish you the absolute best. -J

[debmidge]

Faith: I found the info on your fiance to be interesting....I have a feeling my celiac husband is at this point. Would you be able to tell me what other symptoms your fiance has or what tests was he given that charts his condition? You may email me. I am very worried about husband at this point.

Thank you.



Debbie