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Why Don't People 'get It'?


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#1 floridanative

 
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Posted 26 July 2006 - 01:39 PM

Do any of you have friends of family members that act like you can just walk into any restaurant and order something plain (first of all how boring is that?!) and not get sick from cross contamination? I know no one should have to learn the intracacies of this diet if they don't eat gluten free. But really, why can't people just get it when you tell them you can't eat somewhere - it means you can't and that's the end of it? I'm trying to be patient but it seems unless someone has Celiac or problems eating gluten they will never understand how risky it is to eat out and that we have to be super careful when we do so. I eat out weekly but not without careful investigation, talking to the manager, chef or whoever. I'm sorry to vent but sometimes you just need to get these things out so you don't start world world three in your life. B)
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Dx'd with anemia - March 2005
Positive blood tests - Sept. 2005
Positive biopsy - Jan. 2006
Gluten free since 1-23-06

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#2 Guest_southgoingzax_*

 
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Posted 26 July 2006 - 02:12 PM

Oh yes! I don't know how many times I have been told I can always "have a salad"! Now, I like salad, but who says I want to go out and eat that EVERY time? And, it kind of stinks to pay $8 for something you can make at home. You know what else I hate? The people who think they need to police my eating, once they find out I have celiac disease...the constant questions, "Can you eat that?", and if I have gluten-free sandwich bread, the constant, "I thought you couldn't eat bread!"....Blah blah blah. They have NO idea how hard it is to just stay healthy, never mind putting up with their crap. And they act as if I should know EVERYTHING that is safe or not safe for me to eat. Hello?!! There are about a billion different ingredients in foods and it's not like gluten is clearly labeled.

Phew. I needed to get that out.
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#3 floridanative

 
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Posted 26 July 2006 - 02:19 PM

I KNOW! We have a family reunion in Sept (DH family) and most of them have never heard of Celiac much less gluten! I can't imagine how that's going to go - lol ! We even have our own cabin with FIl who gets it to an extent since the big cabin will be full of nothing but gluten. I'm sure if we go out to eat over the weekend I will have to have a salad because they're not going to Outback and Pigeon Forge is not that great for Celiacs. But it's once every three years so I can deal. But it is funny when people say that I can have a salad. One of these days I'll say 'ok I'll have a salad but only if you do too! And you can't have anything else!' Can you imagine how that would go over? :D :D :D

Oh and the whole questioning me if I can eat something thing. Well I think I know if I can eat something or not. I'm not a teenager cheating on a diet behind my parents back. I'm 43 freakin' years old! Anyway, I'm glad I'm not alone in this aggravation.
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Dx'd with anemia - March 2005
Positive blood tests - Sept. 2005
Positive biopsy - Jan. 2006
Gluten free since 1-23-06

#4 connole1056

 
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Posted 26 July 2006 - 02:33 PM

I really feel for you guys! I have never had a problem getting the food gluten-free. Sometimes all that is available is something plain, but usually that is not the case. Steak is always great, since I think it is best undoctored anyway. I have always found chefs to be very careful about cross-sontamination. They are usually the ones who bring it up first-something that makes me feel very comfortable! If your relatives are not supportive of you then I think you need to speak to them about it. If they do not stop what they are doing, then maybe you should take drastic measures and stop going out with them. If you give them the reason, then they will most likely change their behavior and you can try again when they do. I can see suggesting a slald in a pinch, but not on a regular basis.I have found that being direct is the best way to get my point across, and maybe it will work for you.
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#5 floridanative

 
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Posted 26 July 2006 - 02:55 PM

Nope - I've tried explaining it to them without boring them to tears to no avail. I just think some people either don't want to understand or can't. Or since it's really not their problem then they don't pay attention and they don't realize how annoying their behavior is. And truthfully, it's most annoying when several people do the same thing in a short period. Each doesn't know the other has already said the same dumb thing so it's not really their fault in that respect. I know the answer is I just have to get over it and understand that mean no harm. I think I'm overly sensitive - esp. since going off gluten so I just have to ignore silly comments and let them roll off my back. I just have to vent here sometimes because I truly think that is the best thing for me personally. I've talked until I'm blue in the face, then made little comments reitterating the situation and several people in my life don't get it. One very close friend of mine snapped at me one day when I told her I couldn't have lemon curd that we both love. I now have a gluten-free kind but when I told her what we like has wheat in it she told me that of course it does not. I'm sure she felt funny when she went home and read the label like I asked her to do. She never brought it up again. I think the whole restricted diet thing just wierds some people out and that adds to the problem.
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Dx'd with anemia - March 2005
Positive blood tests - Sept. 2005
Positive biopsy - Jan. 2006
Gluten free since 1-23-06

#6 Turtle

 
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Posted 26 July 2006 - 02:59 PM

I feel your pain...I have this same scenario often...and then they give you the guilt trip for not being able to eat anywhere..that REALLY makes me angry! Sometimes I just wanna live my life w/ my dog left ALONE! HAHA!

One more thing....I agree w/ you southgoingzax if I hear "you can just get a salad" or "can't you just get a salad" one more time as if they just saved the world, i'm gonna toss a salad right at them!
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#7 plantime

 
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Posted 26 July 2006 - 03:07 PM

I quit going to ladies' meetings at church when they started having the meetings at restaurants I can't eat at. I quit going to church when everything started to revolve around food. They chose not to "get it," and I chose not to hang around.
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Dessa

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#8 Guest_southgoingzax_*

 
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Posted 26 July 2006 - 03:14 PM

I don't think people realize what a big deal "dining" is - I mean, the "breaking of bread", sharing food, is one of the ways human beings bond. And when you can't be like everyone else and participate in that ritual, people, ourselves included, find it disturbing. I know it sounds corny, but it's true...eating together and sharing food is a symbolic ritual of cooperation and communion. And people without celiac disease have no idea how horrible it feels to be the outsider and be forced to be singled out. I personally find people's inquisitiveness pretty insensitive, too. They will make my disease a topic of dinner conversation, of all things! I feel like it's my own private health issue that if people are curious about, why don't they just google the damn thing - I shouldn't have to share the gross details, especially not over dinner.

Anyway, it's been three years and I am finally getting better about going out to eat. I can now tell the waiter myself that I need gluten free foods. Before, my boyfriend would say that he was the one who needed a special menu because I would start to cry if I had to mention it. But I still find it irritating that people find it interesting to talk about without even thinking that it might be painful or personal to me.
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#9 frenchiemama

 
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Posted 26 July 2006 - 03:30 PM

You know what else I hate? The people who think they need to police my eating, once they find out I have celiac disease...the constant questions, "Can you eat that?", and if I have gluten-free sandwich bread, the constant, "I thought you couldn't eat bread!"....Blah blah blah.


Oh I know!
"I thought you couldn't eat that!" I don't know if they honestly think that I forgot what I can and cannot eat, or if they are trying to "bust" me cheating on my diet (and thereby prove that it's not a big deal, just like they suspected all along). Either way, it's freaking annoying.
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#10 KaitiUSA

 
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Posted 26 July 2006 - 03:33 PM

I understand this exactly. So many people do not realize everything that going gluten free involves. Like to pick up and travel for me is hard without planning what I will have to eat and so forth. I hate it when people try to play it off like its nothing and then are very careless with what they offer you even after you tell them
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#11 floridanative

 
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Posted 26 July 2006 - 03:43 PM

I quit going to ladies' meetings at church when they started having the meetings at restaurants I can't eat at. I quit going to church when everything started to revolve around food. They chose not to "get it," and I chose not to hang around.


I'm so sorry to hear that. That is certainly not very umm I'll be nice and just say 'nice' of them.

I don't think people realize what a big deal "dining" is - I mean, the "breaking of bread", sharing food, is one of the ways human beings bond. And when you can't be like everyone else and participate in that ritual, people, ourselves included, find it disturbing. I know it sounds corny, but it's true...eating together and sharing food is a symbolic ritual of cooperation and communion. And people without celiac disease have no idea how horrible it feels to be the outsider and be forced to be singled out.



I totally agree with the above comment. I have resigned myself to make sure and plan things that do not involve food with a close friend because she seems to prefer to never hear the words Celiac or gluten. I'm not ready to give up on the friendship yet. Anyway, in an innocent 'how are you' e-mail from a mutual friend 'Y', she mentioned that friend 'X' probably feels wierd around me now because she wants everyone to enjoy eating as much as she does. She says me not joining in makes her uncomfortable. I was shocked by her comments but realized she was right.

One more thing....I agree w/ you southgoingzax if I hear "you can just get a salad" or "can't you just get a salad" one more time as if they just saved the world, i'm gonna toss a salad right at them!


Thanks for making me laugh out loud for real - I needed that! :P
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Dx'd with anemia - March 2005
Positive blood tests - Sept. 2005
Positive biopsy - Jan. 2006
Gluten free since 1-23-06

#12 emcmaster

 
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Posted 26 July 2006 - 04:07 PM

I think people assume I have an eating disorder when I tell them the things I can't eat. I've gotten the "just have a salad" excuse, too, but it's harder for me since I'm so sensitive to fats - I can't have any dressing, so what am I supposed to do, pay $8 for lettuce and tomatoes that probably has crouton crumbs on it? No thanks. :blink:
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ELIZABETH

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#13 par18

 
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Posted 26 July 2006 - 04:27 PM

I quit going to ladies' meetings at church when they started having the meetings at restaurants I can't eat at. I quit going to church when everything started to revolve around food. They chose not to "get it," and I chose not to hang around.


Hi,

That is pretty interesting. When I went to the cemetery cleanup in April of this year to the chuch where my father was buried the end of the meeting is a covered dish meal. When I told them I couldn't eat anything they had this sad puzzled look on their face. I think I could have talked the rest of the day to most of them and I don't think they still would have understood. I paid the annual dues and just left. I don't feel angry or bitter just think that like you said a lot of people's lives revolve around the next meal. Anyway I must admit when I see you are from Kansas all I can think of is the term "Kansas wheat farmer". Take care and good luck.

Tom
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#14 misskerry

 
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Posted 26 July 2006 - 05:17 PM

Thanks so much for starting this topic! I have to admit that I've been lurking here since I first heard the term 'Celiac disease' a couple of weeks ago. The one thing that I've said over and over is that my one friend just doesn't get it. She makes comments to me that make it sound like it's a diet that I choose to be on and that if I cheat then there's not really any consequences to it. I can't seem to get through to her that it's not just a simple 'diet', that I have very little choice in the matter. It's just frustrating. Thanks for letting me put my two cents in here.
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#15 jennyj

 
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Posted 26 July 2006 - 05:38 PM

I've had people come up to me at church dinners and start digging in my plate with a fork to "see just what you can eat". I feel like going to their plate and saying something hateful but I don't.
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