Is This Menopause? Help Me Find Out What's Going On

[DingoGirl]

Hey everybody. A forlorn and rather beaten down Dingo Girl writes to you today. I am sure I will once again regret baring my soul and could erase...who knows...read fast. sorry this is so long. I am self-conscious about posting this - I feel like a broken record. Apologies in advance for the same stinkin' story for - seems like a long time now.

I don't know what's going on but things are just getting worse and worse. I won't bore you with all the details, but I know my body is changing and I don't know if this is menopause, and the thought of that happening now is.....beyond my comprehension of all that is right and just and fair in the world....if this happens to me now, at age 44, with no marriage, kids, anything normal.....I think I will do myself in. and am only half kidding on that.

Two years ago, some of you know this.....had this severe nervous breakdown - or something - as we fondly know it - The Siege of Terror - it hit me on the third Thursday of 2004 and lasted almost four months. It came out of nowhere and I can only describe it as perhaps feeling like a panic attack that lasted four months - VERY hard on the body, that constant level of adrenalin coursing through - not to mention the FOOD running right through all the time for months. I had been madly and furiously refurbishing an 80-year-old home for my parents, my second one, had been recruited into a Master's program (and then denied at last minute) into Fresno State...had left Monterey and moved home, full of promise and hope, to be near family, old friends, and my beloved Sierra Nevada.....and everything that was supposed to happen here didn't happen or was vastly different than I thought it would be. A little background information: the house I lived in may have been...possessed or something.....the minute I stepped into it I had this overwhelming feeling that I should just GET OUT. So I stayed in Monterey six months longer, knowing that I couldn't possibly live in that house with bad juju - and then I DID move into the house.....dear God. An unimaginably bad experience and had to move into parents' for almost four months....and then sold the house (thank the Good Lord) at significant profit and moved here. Collapsed. then fell madly in love and massive heart break....then wasting away and sicker than hell.....Celiac dx in Jan. of this year.

After that "breakdown" and Celiac dx - - my body has not been the same. My hair - it grew in about half as thick - I mean each hair is about HALF the freaking diameter it used to be. It has grown in curly and grey and won't grow past chin-length in parts, and I know that as we age hair stops growing as it used to. My periods, which had been really anemic and short, came back fierce and strong after removing gluten - very heavy periods, in fact - but are now erratic and coming three, four, five days early or late. Until this past year, everyone thought I was around 30 years old or youngerand I got carded frequently when buying my wine. I looked vibrant and young....

Well......what that breakdown and the last decade did to my BODY - - that was physically evident. What it's done to my SPIRIT or the inner workings of brain chemistry....that is incalculable. I have never been the same.

The removal of gluten early this year was life-changing for me - I had never felt better. And then - - - mysteriously plummetted about six weeks ago and am still mostly in the deepest hole. Two weeks before my period is hell...so I am literally losing half my life and time at this point and the "good" two weeks are not really good. I went back on former antidepressant and have doubled it and....that's not working and it's not the answer.

Sometimes.....I swear I am flat OUT of dopamine/serotonin/norepinephrine - any neutrotransmitter or brain chemical that creates well-being....as if I"ve used up my alltoment and they're gone. My brain - - it has turned to mush - - can't remember conversations I've had the day before, emails sent that day.....the endings of favorite books. People are shocked and worried at my memory loss and at this point, I would get fired from any job so have stopped looking. It is devastating to not be working and know that I can't for now and feel like I won't....ever again.

When I hear about people with a fatal illness....I immediately think - - I wish that were me. That is how bad things get. it feels as if my pilot light is just OUT. It needs to be lit.....only God can do this.

Is this menopause????? What is going on? What is menopause like? I am meeting with a gyno next week to discuss these things....I don't know what to do so I am hiding from the world, mosty. I unplug the phones, avoid social situations.....

this can't be what life is about. I want the fun and spirited Susan back.....and I truly feel she's gone forever. if you are inclined to pray, I could dearly use it.

thanks everyone.....your thoughts/advice/suggestions are deeply appreciated.

[TriticusToxicum]

I can't help you with the menopause bit, but I'm wondering if you've given any thought to getting out and being "fierce" again? Whenever I'm low I like to get out and get primal. Time on the trail, the smells, the sounds, the wind pushing me around on a mtn peak. There's nothing quite like it. Maybe you should "take a hike". Sometimes getting out and pushing yourself is just what you need to get out of a rut.

I wish you well, and hope you get it figured out.

You'll be in my prayers.

[Fiddle-Faddle]

Poor Susan, what a tough time you're having!

With the periods, it could be "peri-menopause." That's the decade or so before menopause actually hits. (BTW, notice how all our problems begin with "men?" MENopause, MENstruation, MENtal?)

It could also have something to do with thyroid--which could also explain the depression. I know there's a website somwhee run by a veterinarian (Dr. Dog?) who swears that normal TSH's don't mean a thing, that some people have trouble converting their T4 (or is it T3?). At any rate, it's worth looking into. there's also a "thyroid" diet (that I think is no gluten, but also has some combinations of foods that is supposed to helpthe thyroid specifically).

Hope you feel better, dear. PLEASE hang in there, okay? I love reading your posts, you're such a wonderful writer!

[DingoGirl]

With the periods, it could be "peri-menopause." That's the decade or so before menopause actually hits. (BTW, notice how all our problems begin with "men?" MENopause, MENstruation, MENtal?)

AGHHHHHH!!! thanks for the laugh, Fiddle-Faddle......very funny! (that is one reason I come here all the time- - so many laughs) Yup, from the early teen years.....MENses....the onset.....nothing but trouble!!

Thanks you two for the encouragement/insight. This new dr. that I'm seeing is supposed to be so good and astute - - I'll talk to her about thyroid issues. She has really helped three friends of mine - found issues that no one else had so I am looking forward to talking with her. My own doctor - a woman I"ve been seeing for over 15 years, before moving - is quite worthless, I"m finding out, hearing more bad reports about her. BTW really doesn't know anything about Celiac and swears she hasn't one other patient with the condition. Yeah - right! I try to educate her about it but, since she "knows" everything...

Richard - maybe I"ll take the girls for a hike this weekend.....holy cow I used to be up at elevation EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND for so many years.....with the cost of gas and just feeling so flat - haven't been at all. It was always a balm for my soul and total rejuvenation......

[GFBetsy]

I was also going to suggest looking into Thyroid problems - and ask for a full Thyroid panel (T3 and T4 as well as TSH). Also, have your GYN check your hormone levels - it sounds like they've thrown themselves completely out of whack.

Good luck!

[evie]

AGHHHHHH!!! thanks for the laugh, Fiddle-Faddle......very funny! (that is one reason I come here all the time- - so many laughs) Yup, from the early teen years.....MENses....the onset.....nothing but trouble!!

Thanks you two for the encouragement/insight. This new dr. that I'm seeing is supposed to be so good and astute - - I'll talk to her about thyroid issues. She has really helped three friends of mine - found issues that no one else had so I am looking forward to talking with her. My own doctor - a woman I"ve been seeing for over 15 years, before moving - is quite worthless, I"m finding out, hearing more bad reports about her. BTW really doesn't know anything about Celiac and swears she hasn't one other patient with the condition. Yeah - right! I try to educate her about it but, since she "knows" everything...

Richard - maybe I"ll take the girls for a hike this weekend.....holy cow I used to be up at elevation EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND for so many years.....with the cost of gas and just feeling so flat - haven't been at all. It was always a balm for my soul and total rejuvenation......

Susan; I so hoped you were feelling better now! If you started your menses early you could be getting into perimeno now, this happened to my sister but she flew right thru menopause. thyroid issues can be very testy to women and some men, mine jumps around and now need to cut down on Synthroid where earlier I was moving up, up to higher doses, who knows why?

I feel a bit like you now but was told by local Dr. the apathy (word she used) is part of the heart med I need to be on 6 more months to strentghen it is causing it. Apethetic!! does that sound like you?? Need to get out and transplant a flower or ?? yet today & get myself going, just so dull (me). Maybe i will walk a few blocks at least this evening!! Anyway I can sympathize with you!! Hope next weeks Dr. appt. gives you some answers. I go to U of I to my GI on Wed., maybe we can swap stories! Take good care of you and the girls...evie

[DingoGirl]

Evie....you sweet lady....I have heard that heart meds can cause depression/apathy....many heart patients (including my mom) take antidepressants for that reason....

planting....ugh....I did some planting yesterday and this morning (rain next week) but feel no pleasure, as I used to find in the garden. Sucks, doesn't it??? I hope you get some good answers too, next week...yes, we'll swap stories....walk a few blocks tonight, that's what I'm going to do also. Take the dogs to that orchard they love, down the street. A true blessing, that place, where they can run wild and try and catch the lone squirrel that makes its home there. Wish their playful exuberance was contagious.

[rinne]

Dear Susan, I'm so sorry you are having to struggle with all of this.

Your question about menopause and changes reminds me of when my symptoms first started, about three and a half years ago. I was in Colorado for the winter and was excited and happy to be there and then I started to get night sweats and I was very emotional, crying all the time. I felt like I had the "stuffing knocked out of me", it was bizarre as I am a person of fortitude and I had none, zip, zero. I assumed it was menopause but I don't think so now. I also had a spiral rash that winter which cleared up and was fairly minor, I thought.

The doctor I will be seeing said they will be checking my hormonal levels and that problems often start with peri-menopause, I was 48 at the time and logically it could be menopause, but I know that what is wrong with me now is not menopause. I think though there is a relationship between hormone levels and illness, I must study more.

[AndreaB]

Susan,

HUGS. I have missed talking to you and now I know why you've been so quiet. I don't have anything to add since the others have offered such good advice.

Sounds like we both need a vacation. You come up here for a few days and I'll go down there for a few days. After my kids get done with you, you'll wonder why I had kids.

PM coming you way....after I write it.

[Green12]

Susie Q, my favorite Dingo Girl, the one and only Dingo Girl

HUGS!!!!!

I can't comment on the menopause, I just don't know enough about it, but I think the others offered excellent advice. Talk to your doctor, especially about the thyroid and the wacky periods, and get a panel of tests run to see what all of your levels are. Sorry I can't be more helpful.

Hang in there with all of this

More HUGS!!!!

[tiredofdoctors]

Hey Susie -- I agree with the peri-menopause part -- it can start even in your thirties, although that's more rare. Erratic periods, mood swings, those types of things DO happen during peri-menopause. There are SEVERAL good books about it -- I have an entire collection I can look through and "send to lend" from my library!

I also agree with the thyroid testing. Veterinarians are EXTREMELY knowledgeable about human conditions, although they don't normally do the "carry-over" to give advice because of practice act issues. I'm VERY fortunate that my vet gives me advice about MY health as well as our babies'!! The TSH is an indicator that your body is working harder to pump out thyroid hormone. It can give them a good idea of hypothyroid issues and/or autoimmune issues. My endocrinologist doesn't just do a TSH -- she hasn't yet ordered a thyroid test without ordering a "full panel" --including T3, T4, Free T3 and Free T4, I think. . . . .

What I think is bust-a-gut funny is that a "hysterectomy" comes from the root "hyster" . . . as in hysterical. They thought that removing the uterus would make a woman less "hysterical", because that's what caused it. Little did they know that it was MENstruation that caused it!!!!

[DingoGirl]

hi girls....thanks for hugs/advice/input and thoughts. I appreciate it so much, am just so confused right now and hate feeling like....I weigh one million pounds.

OMG Rinne - - I totally forogot about night sweats....because I DO NOT have them any more! Once going gluten-free, they totally stopped. Was having them during periods and now, not at all. but, the more I think about things, I just feel something is so totally off - - and I have got to find out what it is. Hopefully this doctor can help.

Julie - - thanks darlin', you're just too young to know about MENopause issues.

Hi Andrea......yeah, what a vacation....for you maybe - - you can relax here wtih the dingos but ME, up there, taking care of kids???? oh my gosh......doesn't sound so restful!!

HI Lynnie!!! oops - posted without reading yours first....thanks so much....and what an excellent veterinarian you have! Good to see you - - - - I"ll make sure doctor looks into all of that....MENopause would be a nightmare - - dear God - - -not ready - - - no no no NOOOOOOOOOOOOO not ready

[tiredofdoctors]

aaahh -- had a "hyster"ectomy during peri-menopause . . . life is grand!!!

[jerseyangel]

Hi Susan,

Thought I'd weigh in here, too! I can't be of much help, but I can offer hugs and good thoughts

I think that finally being gluten-free may have played around a bit with some of your levels. Good advice to check into thyroid, etc. Things change when we start absorbing again. Sometimes things get worse before they get better--you know what I mean?

Perimenopause is doing a number on me, too. Part of your troubles are definately from that. The menstrual irregularities, and the mood swings--I am having those plus lots of breast pain and night sweats. Also hot flushes during the day at times. I had my hormone levels checked in August, and I was told that I'm right on the border--classic perimenopause. I'm 50, older than you, but it can start happening much earlier.

I worry about your depression. It's good that you will be seeing someone that you feel will be able to listen and help you with all of this. I know that you've been through so much--I know that you will come out of this and be fierce Susan once again!

[DingoGirl]

aaahh -- had a "hyster"ectomy during peri-menopause . . . life is grand!!!

wait - who did - YOU? I don't have enough energy to be

HYSTERICAL

Just went to the store. Looking for nuggets. (Hershey's, milk choc. with almonds, in case anyone doesn't know - that's my obsession and I usually eat half the bag and then get sick). Got Reese's minatures instead and yes I will eat half the bag and we will see what happens. I dont' even care if I get sick from it. Harumph.

[rinne]

OMG Rinne - - I totally forogot about night sweats....because I DO NOT have them any more! Once going gluten-free, they totally stopped. Was having them during periods and now, not at all. but, the more I think about things, I just feel something is so totally off - - and I have got to find out what it is. Hopefully this doctor can help.

Mine went away too.

As for the Harumph, I'm with you on that. I've been indulging too with Enjoy Life chocolate chips, well they are dairy, soy and gluten free. Harumph.

[Judyin Philly]

Hi There Susie Q

So glad your posting your thoughts with your friends here.

You got alot of good info tonight and glad your seeing a new gyno. I pray she can help you.

It's sad when we feel we have 'lost ourselves' I can relate.

Who was it who compared lifes journey and growth to the lobster who sheads his shell in order to grow..and when shell-less is very vunerable to preditors... I guess we could compare being static and not gowing and being safe...or ...shedding our shells and exposing ourselves to risks...

shoot wish i knew who said that..Wasn't maya Angelo was it..

oh well, growth is scarey to me yet exciting..but i'm not a risk taker and seems like your much more likely to do that..so you'll get the old Susan back only she'll be better than before.

Don't think things can keep you down for long, dingo girl..just don't give up trying ok?

We're here you know that.,

love and hugs

judy

[Fiddle-Faddle]

Hey, Susan, be careful with the nuggets--sending your blood sugar up and down probably has some effect on your moods, too (a chocolate high followed by a crash). Maybe you can still eat half the bag, but like one nugget every 30 minutes, so you maintain a consistent level.

Better yet, melt them and put them in an IV drip.

(I am totally addicted to chocolate, too, if you couldn't tell...)

[AndreaB]

Better yet, melt them and put them in an IV drip.

[DingoGirl]

Better yet, melt them and put them in an IV drip.

(I am totally addicted to chocolate, too, if you couldn't tell...)

here's a confession....I DO melt them.....but I haven't put them in the drip yet. I melt them so they are soft and mushy. AND....all of my life I have melted Hershey's choc. bars and licked them - yes I said licked them - - off the plate. I just read that Britney Spears does that also and it kinda scared me....

Hi Judy! Thank you (and everyone) for posting on my scary menopause thread!

[lindalee]

.

Who was it who compared lifes journey and growth to the lobster who sheads his shell in order to grow..and when shell-less is very vunerable to preditors... I guess we could compare being static and not gowing and being safe...or ...shedding our shells and exposing ourselves to risks...

shoot wish i knew who said that..Wasn't maya Angelo was it..

Judy, Was that from the book "Gifts from the Sea?"

Judy, Was that from the book "Gifts from the Sea?"

Susan, I took St Johns Wort for depression when I needed it. Stress can definitely mess up our systems.

Try to do some walking to relieve it. Take care of yourself.

Prayers to you

[Judyin Philly]

Judy, Was that from the book "Gifts from the Sea?"

Susan, I took St Johns Wort for depression when I needed it. Stress can definitely mess up our systems.

Try to do some walking to relieve it. Take care of yourself.

Prayers to you

Susan forgot to tell you I take natural, 2 evening primrose jell caps daily and it has helped me alot.

Lindalee..OMG if it was I'm really losing it. that is my favorite book of all times. I think your right. I have read it every year since the first time in 1970..I was single then, after marriage and then after a child..the book always had a 'new read' for me b/c I'd bring new esperiences to it.

just LOVED THAT BOOK. She was so 'before her time' think it was first written in 1940 wasn't it?? I have 6 copies of the book one from each new publishing edit. I even have a first edition that has water colored pages to go with text.

Always admired her...and then a few years ago, alot written about all his affairs and how she kept the 'home fires burning while he flew around the world..' sorry i had to find out about that but then i always seem to look at life through' rose colored' glasses...guess as i age, i'm losing that and think things are looking more grey--not so rosy.

well getting 'whimpy' here going to sign off.

[Guest Robbin]

Susan, so good to see you reaching out, I know how hard that can be sometimes. I think the thyroid check is absolutely on target. My sil has a sister who suffered from a complete breakdown, was hospitalized and given not much hope of coming out of a horrible psychotic episode--then, after many tests and much medication, it was found that her thyroid was totally messed up. Once she was put on thyroid meds, she was back to normal in a very short time. I have heard other stories like this, and it is common for thyroid conditions to coincide with celiac, many on here have both. I hope you get some answers and get this straightened out. You are very special to a lot of people and we need you to keep fighting the good fight. Take care and keep us posted.

[Ursa Major]

Susan, it is also possible that you have adrenal burnout. You certainly have all the symptoms. Adrenal burnout is commonly caused by too much stress either over a prolonged time (physical stress, like from celiac disease can cause it, too), or from even one incredibly stressfull event. Sounds to me like you've had more than your share of stress over the last while.

I am seeing a naturopath who is investigating me for adrenal burnout, but is also having the thyroid etc. checked. And my doctor (who ordered the tests for me today) thought she might as well order hormone level checks as well, to see if I have started menopause (I get terrible hot flashes, but have had hot flashes much of my life, they're also a symptoms of adrenal fatigue/burnout). I can't tell by whether I still get my period or not, because I had a hysterectomy five years ago.

I've never really had much energy, but lately, even though in many ways I've been feeling much better, it seems like all my energy has drained out of me. I sure know how you feel, you sound just like me. And it's so bad, that I also feel like giving up. Life is incredibly hard when you don't have enough energy to actually live!

I hope the doctor you're going to see will be able to figure out what's wrong with you. I'll be praying. Hang in there, God hasn't forgotten you!

[DingoGirl]

Oh dear women....(not excluding you, Richard! the one brave, valiant male who ventured into a thread with the scariest of all words - MENopause! )....

Just logged on briefly before bed.....I can't tell you what your support and insight means to me. So good to hear other stories and get opinions/ideas - better than me stewing in my own feeble brain!

Robbin - HI THERE!! nice to see and hear from you and I"ve missed you!

Patti - way back there - - thanks also for your input - I think I forgot to say hi to you earlier!

Hi Ursula! I am looking into adrenal fatigue, I have suspected that for many years - my whole life, since earliest childhood - the fight or flight mechanism has always, always been in play and that can't be good. but...I know what you mean, just feeling like all the energy has drained out of you..... the simplest of things are just.....herculean.

Lee - thanks for your support and prayers also. will look into St. John's wort again - took it years ago. Since the meds aren't working, maybe I"ll just go holistic.....I walk the silly dingos but only a couple of miles a day. I think we must go further!

Dear God - all those climbing years.....so much adrenalin and actual physical danger - enormous physical stress on my body, too - that combined wtih all the extreme weight-lifting. climbing.....it was the most wondrously natural thing I'd ever done....and when you're doing something like that - - - well, you just flat out can't think of anything else or you or your partner could die. so, I was addicted - it took me away from everything for many years.

Judy - am going to go to half.com and get that book....Anne MOrrow Lindberg, right? read it decades ago....

Sometimes, I think I don't even have any adrenalin left, BTW.

I feel encouraged and am looking forward to seeing this doctor next week. Dang, Robbin, could thyroid actually cause that much trouble! amazing!

nighty-night......

see you - - -