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Gluten Has Now Affected My Marriage


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22 replies to this topic

#16 highrentsmile

 
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Posted 07 February 2008 - 10:21 PM

The proof is in the pudding after all (as long as its gluten-free!)

That is so cute! Lol I love it, made me smile! :rolleyes:
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Emily- Diagnosed with Celiac in 2007, Gluten-free Casein-free/Organic Diet

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#17 Adelle

 
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Posted 07 February 2008 - 11:18 PM

I'm in the "make your house gluten-free" camp.

I was SO sick. When I discovered the gluten-free diet, things got better so fast. I simply said, "hun this is changing my life. From now on I'm only buying, cooking, touching gluten-free meals. If you want gluten, you can go get it elsewhere.". He said, "alright". We have since discovered that he can't have gluten either!

It just drives me insane when people don't go gluten-free for their spouses. I mean it's just FOOD. It's not like we're saying, "from now on we're only eating pureed spinach, forever". We can eat nearly everything, just made a little differently!! Let gluten go!!

Does she not know she could be KILLING you with continual gluten exposure?

I'm extreme, I know. Best of luck!
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#18 gfcookie

 
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Posted 08 February 2008 - 04:46 AM

My wife loves to bake for me. A lot of the foods she made for me were gluten containing and now I cannot eat them. She memorized tons of recipes, a lot of which are for gluteny items. She feels trapped and frustrated that my gluten-free diet has now changed all the rules. She has bent over backwards to accommodate my diet and she is doing a great job in my mind. gluten-free cooking isn't easy for her and often she cooks for our kids, so gluteny meals are ok for them. She works hard to cook, and I appreciate that. She feels bad that I often can't eat what they're having. I say don't worry about me, then I find something to eat and join them at the table. I don't mind missing out on meals, I'll do just about anything to avoid gluten. What can I tell her to relax her and make her still feel appreciated. Any advice is welcomed, as I don't want gluten meddling in my marriage. Maybe there is nothing else I can say or do. Thanks Mark

gluten shouldn't be meddling in your marriage, it's only food. pick a side, either tell her she's not responsible for your food, or ask her to learn more, your sort of in the middle. and, guess what, 99 percent of us spend most of life nto getting to eat what everyone else does, you should explain that to your wife.
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#19 psipsina

 
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Posted 08 February 2008 - 07:10 AM

I'm in the "make your house gluten-free" camp.

I was SO sick. When I discovered the gluten-free diet, things got better so fast. I simply said, "hun this is changing my life. From now on I'm only buying, cooking, touching gluten-free meals. If you want gluten, you can go get it elsewhere.". He said, "alright". We have since discovered that he can't have gluten either!

It just drives me insane when people don't go gluten-free for their spouses. I mean it's just FOOD. It's not like we're saying, "from now on we're only eating pureed spinach, forever". We can eat nearly everything, just made a little differently!! Let gluten go!!

Does she not know she could be KILLING you with continual gluten exposure?

I'm extreme, I know. Best of luck!


I agree totally. When I first found out that I needed to go gluten-free my husband and I were living with his parents temporarily (we lost our home in Katrina and were getting back on our feet). It was so hard to live in a house full of gluten . . . His mom made me separate things that were gluten-free and used my caesin free butter and stuff to cook but still gluten was everywhere. When we moved back to New Orleans we bought all new kitchen stuff that had never touched gluten and decided to keep the house gluten-free. His mom actually said that it was ridiculous for him to have to do that for me and she didn't believe that he would. Well two years later and he happily eats gluten-free meals with me . . . he has gluteny sandwiches and pizza when he's over his friends houses or at work but never even in front of me! He really never made a big deal about it. He was just so happy that I was feeling better!
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Pre-diagnosis misdiagnoses: endometriosis, migraines, psoriatic arthritis, psoriasis
Diagnosed April 2006 with multiple food sensitivities (gluten, yeast, eggs, cow dairy, legumes, some nuts and veggies) and a systemic candida infection -no pre-diagnosis symptoms since!

#20 kabowman

 
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Posted 08 February 2008 - 07:46 AM

I too am going to voice my opinion. As the only gluten free in the house, second marriage of 7+ years, 2 teen boys/mine, 1 teen girl/his, almost all dinners are safe for me to eat unless we do a special treat like nachos (can't have corn chips) or pizza because mine is too expensive.

Breakfast everyone is on their own. Lunches at home are the same, everyone does their own thing, usually sandwhiches or my kids are hooked on ramon noodles right now (ick!).

The learning curve is pretty high but after a while, it gets much easier. It just takes time and lots of planning, no quick meals here (with all my food issues). If you throw in the kids and hubby's issues, it just adds to the mix. One is lactose intolerant and gluten sensitive but not enough to quit yet--tested negative so not celiac disease, one has onion, tomato, and bean issues, and the other has cinnamon, beans, and occasional nitrate problems.

We eat much healthier and better food due to my diet and everyone is quite happy with all the food we fix and can't tell that it is gluten free (soy, corn, dairy, etc., etc., etc. free). In fact, I love to put on a Thanksgiving spread that would be the envy of anyone. Even the in-laws were impressed!
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-Kate
gluten-free since July 2004

Other Intolerances:
Strawberries and Banannas (2007)
Nitrates (April 2006)
Yeast (which includes all vinegar so no condiments) (Oct. 2004)
Peanuts (Nov. 2004)
Soy (Oct. 2004)
Almonds (Sept. 2004)
Corn (Sept. 2004)
Lactose/Casein (1999)

#21 ryebaby0

 
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Posted 08 February 2008 - 10:42 AM

I'm re-reading your post and I don't see your wife complaining, but anyway..

Married 24 years, one celiac son and one celiac husband, dx several years ago. I have always loved to cook, and I just kept cooking, only now it's gluten-free stuff. We are not completely gluten-free; there's packaged mainstream food and bread in "safe boxes" away from the other food, but I do admit that we gave up having flour or mixes with flour in the house. It did seem to settle and make my guys sick, no matter what we tried.

It was just never a big deal. Cooking is cooking, and as long as we eat together nobody cares what is on the plates (we have a non-celiac son too). If it's her decision to cook two meals, and she's not griping about it, let it go. Personally, I find the "victory" of creating perfect gluten-free donuts, or cookies, or pound cake, a huge culinary rush!! And such grateful clients! :)

joanna
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Mom/wife to celiacs dx 12/03 and 12/04


Success is never final and failure never fatal. It's courage that counts -George Tilton

#22 shayesmom

 
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Posted 08 February 2008 - 12:54 PM

Okay, I feel like chiming in as well. :D

We started the gluten-free diet for my dd (15 months old, negative celiac tests but HUGE positive response to diet). Cooking separate meals was soooo overwhelming. I just didn't have the energy to do it. So dh and I agreed that I would fix only gluten-free foods at home that we all ate and if he or I wanted gluten, we'd go out for it. Well, several months went by and I noticed an incredible difference in how I was feeling. So I went strictly gluten-free. Dh is still gluten-lite, but he's fine with this. The home is now completely gluten-free (except his beer). We've adapted.

I do most of the cooking, but at times, I get in ruts and generally am uninspired in the kitchen. What's the solution? Dh takes on certain meals and does the cooking for the family! If he sees I am overwhelmed or exhausted from a particularly hectic week, he takes over.

It may not be that your wife feels unappreciated or overwhelmed by your dietary constraints. She's human and is prone to getting tired, irritable and overwhelmed just like the rest of us. So why don't you take a look at some new things you'd like to try doing gluten-free and ask her if she could help you make it...or perhaps let you fly solo in the kitchen once in a while?

I LOVE when my dh takes an interest in meal planning and often, just a little bit of input and an extra set of hands is enough to completely change the focus on the situation. Find ways to include each other. And if you're proactive, you may find that your wife's general view on this will change dramatically.
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Vicky

#23 JNBunnie1

 
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Posted 08 February 2008 - 01:19 PM

Hey, where'd the original poster go? I hope you're able to see all these wonderful responses! The cookbooks are a great idea, I actually don't like much of Bette Hagmans stuff, the newer ones like Annalise Roberts and Roben Ryberg are my faves. There's also a wonderful recipes section here on the forum, they are awesome people over there!
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If you're going through hell, keep going. ~Winston Churchill




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