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You Know You're A Celiac If.......


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20 replies to this topic

#1 irish daveyboy

 
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Posted 08 July 2008 - 05:41 PM

You know you're a Celiac IF ……..


Your bread looks like a moon rock and tastes like dried out ............ PLAY DOH!

You have written .. "Contaminated" .. on jars of peanut butter and mayo.

You call a dream about eating pizza and chocolate cake ............. “A NIGHTMARE”

You eat ......Before.... you go out to eat.

You think the words ... "Are you sure it’s not all in your head”... are grounds for murder.
(Especially when they come from your Doctor!)

You can’t remember .....'what crackers are supposed to taste like'.

You compare all of your food to ...."normal-people-food."

You know that Xantham Gum is ... NOT for chewing.

You know that Spelt is a distant cousin of Wheat, but Buckwheat Is not related to Wheat at all.

The builders working on the house next door can EASILY substitute your bread for one of their bricks.

You actually KNOW what an anti-TTG and an IGA blood test are.

You can find "Hidden Gluten" in food labels in the blink of an eye,
and your family couldn't find it even if they had

A MAGNIFYING GLASS, DICTIONARY, and PH.D.

You've had to give a Doctor a crash course in Celiac Disease.

A 5 Course Meal is a 1 Course Meal for you ….. Lettuce.

You've installed floor-to-ceiling bookcases in your bathroom.

It takes you 4 hours to do your grocery shopping and .......... YOUR EYESIGHT IS RUINED.

You Hyper-Ventilate when passing by the bakery counter.

You've ever deliberately rammed your trolley into a Shredded Wheat display ..... in a fit of rage.

You've ever had to take out a 'Loan' to pay the grocery bill.

Your financial portfolio consists of stock in .............. Two Major Toilet Paper Companies.

You are up late at night trying to develop a recipe for pizza without
Flour, Cheese, Yeast, Tomatoes, Garlic and Oegano.

You can spell Transglutaminase and Dermatitis Herpetiformis.

You just discovered how to make flour out of……… TURNIPS.

Having a Solid Poop!.... is the highlight of your day.

You've mastered saying "I actually enjoy MY food" without your face…....... ‘Twitching'

You see someone buying rice flour and you just have to ask them ........... if they are gluten intolerant too!

All your ‘Favourite’ sites are .......... celiac related.

You've mastered the art of lying when people ask you ............ “aren’t you hungry”.

You long to look at the contents of other people's fridges and press’s ........ just to see if you can eat anything

You burst into tears of relief at the sight of the words ..... “Gluten Free” .... stamped on the corner of a product.

.
.
.
Best Regards,
David
  • 0
Chronically Ill and lost 56lbs in 3 Months Prior to Diagnosis.
Diagnosed in Nov 2005 after Biopsy and Blood Tests
Cannot tolerate Codex Wheat Starch.
Self Taught Baker.
Bake everything from scratch using naturally gluten-free ingredients.

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#2 GlutenGalAZ

 
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Posted 08 July 2008 - 07:02 PM

:lol: Those are good and oh so true. :lol:
Thanks for the laugh :D
  • 0
Rebecca

Partial Gluten Free March 2007
Completely Gluten Free February 2008
Tapioca Starch/Flour Free April 2008
No MSG July 2008
Cut out Nitrates//Nitrites January 2009
Problems with Tomatoes and Potatoes -- Cut out Nightshades Aug '09

#3 JNBunnie1

 
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Posted 09 July 2008 - 06:05 AM

:lol: Those are good and oh so true. :lol:
Thanks for the laugh :D



How's this:

There are toilet paper rolls in your....... purse, car, luggage, lunchbox, right next to all your different bottles of IMODIUM.

You've figured out a way to incorporate fiber into your HOMEMADE ICE CREAM.

You've actually spent time trying to figure out a recipe request for egg, dairy, soy, vinegar, mustard free MAYONNAISE.

You actually prefer going potty outdoors to using public restrooms, because they're all so GROSS.

One of your (main) considerations for a new job is the POTTY PROXIMITY.
  • 0
If you're going through hell, keep going. ~Winston Churchill

#4 frec

 
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Posted 12 July 2008 - 09:31 AM

Thank you--these are very funny! (I didn't know other people had wheat-eating nightmares too! I spit it all out and wake up yelling.) I'd add

You know you are a celiac if you make your own cheese (from cashews).

You know you are a celiac if you sometimes shout swear words while grocery shopping.

You know you are a celiac if you've actually called the 1-800 numbers on food packages.
  • 0
diagnosed with celiac disease in 2002--all test numbers off the charts
dairy free since 2000, soy free since 2007
other food intolerances: citrus, sesame, potatoes, corn, coffee

fibromyalgia, osteoporosis

#5 purple

 
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Posted 12 July 2008 - 09:56 AM

Thank you for the bittersweet laugh. How about ...you eat before or after going to a pot luck :( or... you take your own cake to a birthday party.
  • 0
Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

#6 Ridgewalker

 
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Posted 12 July 2008 - 10:08 AM

Or how about, You know you have Celiac KIDs when...

... You still carry a diaper bag with wipes and extra clothes, even though your kids are 7 and 5.

... Every so often, there's a bad week, and you have to do a "poop load" of laundry.

... Your small children understand the concept of contamination, and stop other people from contaminating their food.

... Your 5-year-old has a screaming, flailing tantrum, and your response is, "Did your teachers give you Play-Doh yesterday?!"
  • 0
-Sarah

--Son, Lucas, age 7. Gluten-free since May 2007
--Son, Ezra, age 5. Gluten-free 10/13/07. Bipolar tendencies, massively improved on gluten-free diet! He's also allergic to a jillion antibiotics.
--My mother has Celiac Disease, dx'ed by Positive Blood Tests and Biopsy. Diagnosed Sarcoidosis 6/08.
--Myself, Gluten-free since 8/07

Time heals all hurt of heart... but time must be won.

#7 Lisa16

 
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Posted 13 July 2008 - 05:28 AM

I love the part about ramming the display with the shopping cart!

More:

-You cannot watch a movie without thinking-- my god! That man just ate a huge bowl full of wheat (spaghetti!) And you marvel that he didn't get sick and can still beat the bad guy.

-You hold your breath when you walk by the bakery section or drive by a wheat field so you don't accidentally breathe any of it it.

-You burst into tears when you realize as you are putting away groceries that you missed the gluten ingredient on the ingredients list of something you were really looking forward to.

-You cannot make yourself walk down the cereal aisle of the grocery store because you hear the music from jaws playing in your head

-You make the waiter tear the label off the bacon/ soup/ dressing/ whatever and pronounce it okay, only to get sick from cc anyway

-You have the pharmacist getting out a magnifying glass to try to see if you can take the medicine the doctor ordered.

-You know where every restroom is in the mall, in town, on campus, on the road to your parents' house, on the road to the next towns.... you navegate by restrooms!
  • 0

#8 ravenwoodglass

 
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Posted 14 July 2008 - 07:21 AM

:D :D :D

Thanks guys for posting, I would like to add to it but I am laughing to hard to think.
  • 0
Courage does not always roar, sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying
"I will try again tommorrow" (Mary Anne Radmacher)


celiac 49 years - Misdiagnosed for 45
Blood tested and repeatedly negative
Diagnosed by Allergist with elimination diet and diagnosis confirmed by GI in 2002
Misdiagnoses for 15 years were IBS-D, ataxia, migraines, anxiety, depression, fibromyalgia, parathesias, arthritis, livedo reticularis, hairloss, premature menopause, osteoporosis, kidney damage, diverticulosis, prediabetes and ulcers, dermatitis herpeformis
All bold resoved or went into remission with proper diagnosis of Celiac November 2002
Some residual nerve damage remains as of 2006- this has continued to resolve after eliminating soy in 2007

Mother died of celiac related cancer at 56
Twin brother died as a result of autoimmune liver destruction at age 15

Children 2 with Ulcers, GERD, Depression, , 1 with DH, 1 with severe growth stunting (male adult 5 feet)both finally diagnosed Celiac through blood testing and 1 with endo 6 months after Mom


Positive to Soy and Casien also Aug 2007

Gluten Sensitivity Gene Test Aug 2007
HLA-DQB1 Molecular analysis, Allele 1 0303

HLA-DQB1 Molecular analysis, Allele 2 0303

Serologic equivalent: HLA-DQ 3,3 (Subtype 9,9)

#9 fedora

 
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Posted 14 July 2008 - 08:24 AM

so funny,

I had bookshelves in my bathroom for years!!!

Also, you know you have celiac if you spend hours contemplating the paint color for your bathroom so it will help ease your naseau and intestional cramps AND because you know you'll be in there alot!
  • 0
gluten . . . Kiss my grits!

pork and beef free- 1994
wheat free or wheat light- 2003
gluten free- January 2008

#10 frec

 
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Posted 14 July 2008 - 08:37 AM

Oh no! I have paint samples spread in my bathroom right this minute!
  • 0
diagnosed with celiac disease in 2002--all test numbers off the charts
dairy free since 2000, soy free since 2007
other food intolerances: citrus, sesame, potatoes, corn, coffee

fibromyalgia, osteoporosis

#11 kenlove

 
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Posted 14 July 2008 - 01:46 PM

Have go to Frame these and hang them on the kitchen and bathroom wall~!
Thanks Davey!
  • 0
"Ryo tatereba mi ga tatanu"

If we try to serve both sides, we cannot stand our own ground.

Japanese proverb

Celiac.com - Celiac Disease Board Moderator

#12 imsohungry

 
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Posted 14 July 2008 - 04:58 PM

You know you have celiac if...

1. You have ever had to make the decision whether to buy a loaf of gluten-free bread for yourself or a roast to feed
your whole family. (After all, they cost about the same)!

2. While leaving a public restroom, you have ever blamed your BM on another woman. (I think it's that lady in the end stall) :ph34r:

3. You walk to the seafood section of the grocery store to let loose a poot. (Who can smell it over the fish?)

I needed this laugh...you guys are great!

hugs. -Julie
  • 0
Loves of my life: God, my hubby, and my baby boy!

"I will never give up on my dreams; I will simply modify my path for reaching them." (JH-me).

"Life's a dance you learn as you go, sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow"
(John Michael Montgomery).

"I'm gonna be somebody, one of these days I'm gonna break these chains" (Travis Tritt).

"Life is better left to chance. I could have missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance."
(Garth Brooks).

#13 Silly Yak Pete

 
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Posted 14 July 2008 - 06:15 PM

1.You know you are a celiac when you are grocery shopping and come across a new gluten free product and you scream "yes"
2. You know you are a celiac when you have to take out a second mortage to pay for a week's worth of gluten free foods.
  • 0

#14 ravenwoodglass

 
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Posted 15 July 2008 - 09:54 AM

so funny,

I had bookshelves in my bathroom for years!!!

Also, you know you have celiac if you spend hours contemplating the paint color for your bathroom so it will help ease your naseau and intestional cramps AND because you know you'll be in there alot!


I have to add:

and if you have called the paint company to see if there is gluten in it. :D

Been there :ph34r:
  • 0
Courage does not always roar, sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying
"I will try again tommorrow" (Mary Anne Radmacher)


celiac 49 years - Misdiagnosed for 45
Blood tested and repeatedly negative
Diagnosed by Allergist with elimination diet and diagnosis confirmed by GI in 2002
Misdiagnoses for 15 years were IBS-D, ataxia, migraines, anxiety, depression, fibromyalgia, parathesias, arthritis, livedo reticularis, hairloss, premature menopause, osteoporosis, kidney damage, diverticulosis, prediabetes and ulcers, dermatitis herpeformis
All bold resoved or went into remission with proper diagnosis of Celiac November 2002
Some residual nerve damage remains as of 2006- this has continued to resolve after eliminating soy in 2007

Mother died of celiac related cancer at 56
Twin brother died as a result of autoimmune liver destruction at age 15

Children 2 with Ulcers, GERD, Depression, , 1 with DH, 1 with severe growth stunting (male adult 5 feet)both finally diagnosed Celiac through blood testing and 1 with endo 6 months after Mom


Positive to Soy and Casien also Aug 2007

Gluten Sensitivity Gene Test Aug 2007
HLA-DQB1 Molecular analysis, Allele 1 0303

HLA-DQB1 Molecular analysis, Allele 2 0303

Serologic equivalent: HLA-DQ 3,3 (Subtype 9,9)

#15 Ashley

 
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Posted 20 July 2008 - 12:16 PM

Ha! These were great, they made me laugh :lol:

My personal Celiac moment:
You know if you're a Celiac if you scream infrustration of seeing 'GUILT-FREE' on food boxes and mistaking it as 'gluten-free'.

I don't like whoever coined that phrase.
  • 0

-Diganosed with Celiac's Disease on April 15, 2005.

"Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life"-Picasso





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