3 Year Old Has Identity Crisis

[shan]

HELP!!! I am a bit stuck; any and all help will be appreciated!! My 3 and a half year old has just started in a new day care that is absolutely fantastic - she loves the teacher and the assistants etc, most of her friends came with her. So i really don't think it is because of her new daycare.

Now to the problem - she told me she doesn't like her tummy anymore and she wants to change it for one that can eat gluten, because all gluten things are yummy My house, or rather all suppers are gluten free, her younger brother eats her cakes and has rarely tasted gluten cakes , any sausages or the like are gluten free, any snacks, wafers potato chips pretzels etc are only gluten free for both even though her younger brother can and does eat bread/gluten every day. The only thing i can think of is that my husband has an extremely sweet tooth and she wants his jellies, but she wouldn't get them anyway, coz they aren't good for her teeth (can't educate hubby, can try to educate her ) I tell her this but...

Anyways i was thinking that maybe she doesn't remember what trouble gluten gives her since she was only just 2 when she went gluten free, so i told hubby maybe i should say to her, "ok if you want gluten, here you can have it" but he didn't like that idea, said its not healthy for her insides, you don't know the damage it can do etc. I sat down and had this talk and explained it all to her, but she just is not accepting it.

What should i do? Let her try it - just a bite, not a lot, coz she will get a reaction almost immediately? Any other ideas will be welcome!!! Thanks

[ShayFL]

I wouldnt do that if I were you. If she is dx Celiac ANY amount can do damage. And what happens if she doesnt have a reaction. She will say, "See Mommy I CAN eat gluten." And there will be no turning back......

Then she would eat gluten when she wanted and be causing herself internal damage (that may or may not have symptoms) risking type 1 diabetes and lymphoma and other auto-immune diseases down the road.

Just not a good idea IMO.

[dksart]

I'm sorry, it's so hard for a child to feel different or isolated but it's even harder for a parent to watch their child go through something like that.

Find out what it is that she wants and make it! Which gluten foods does she consider yummy, make a substitution for her. My daughter had so many food allergies and intolerances when she was younger and I always made sure to satisfy any of her cravings so she would not want to cheat. We were lucky to have teachers who always had snacks that she could have, but enough to share with everyone, not one different from the rest of the class. Whenever there was a birthday, I made her a cupcake. On macaroni and cheese day she had corn-dairy-egg-free mac and soy cheese that tasted just as good as the original.

Alas, she still cheated. The other kids would trade lunch with her and she would pay for it later.

Good luck and stay strong!

[shan]

i think i know what it is that she is craving for and that is Challah bread. It is only on when we are all eating it the she gets like that - all weepy and not wanting to eat gluten free etc. BUT she doesn't like any that i have made and any that are in the store - well - you all know that ready mde bread not even the ants will touch sure there are other times, like on friday they all get a snack from the teacher and she got, in my opinion any way, a much nicer one(a candy necklace), but she wanted what everyone else had (a toffee lolly).

I can't send in for that one since it is divided out and each week a different mom sends in whatever snack the mom wants. Since this isn't preschool and state funded, i can't insist on some kind of something which will ensure my daughter will get approx the same. Last year at her daycare, she was made to feel special, and all the kids wanted what she had. this year the teacher has decided to play her down alot, because there are too many allergies besides hers, so the other kids don't notice taht she is different except her - she sees and is crying

[ShayFL]

My daughter loved the challah when I worked for the Jewish Community Center in town. She went to pre-school there and they had it every week so I understand. Let's see if we can find some gluten-free challah recipes:

Open Original Shared Link

This one looks really good:

Open Original Shared Link

This company makes it:

Open Original Shared Link

This one will have online ordering and shipping nationwide in October:

Open Original Shared Link

Mr. Ritts in South Philadelphia sells and will ship gluten-free Challah. (215-627-3034)

Check out this thread:

Open Original Shared Link

More places that sell/ship Challah:

Open Original Shared Link

[shan]

Thanks for those challah recipes, they sound better than what we've tried in the past, so hopefully we will hit gold this time. The picture of it definately looks great, but from past experiences, pictures on the outside of gluten free stuff rarely look like the real thing

[RiceGuy]

I don't know if this will work, but suppose you make the challah, but don't tell her it's gluten-free. Everyone eats, and you offer it to her. No matter how it compares to the gluten-filled stuff, she'll already be convinced in her own mind that it's better than the gluten-free one. But, everyone is going to have to either put on a "poker face", or you leave them all in the dark. Once she's had her fill, you tell her.

On the other hand, if she resists eating it for fear of being sick, congratulate her for doing the right thing, and of course let her know it's gluten-free. I cannot imagine her not wanting what everyone else is already enjoying.

What do you think?

[purple]

My suggestion to add to all the other good ones above is to let her help in the kitchen as much as she wants to. She can learn at a young age how to make gluten-free foods. Give her several choices each time so she can be in charge of what is to be made. Kids love the kitchen and helping. I used to have a daycare and the kids loved helping. Also let her choose whats on the menu for the next week before you go shopping, even if its only a couple of things. She will feel "big". Have her focus on what she can have as much as possible, not on what she can't have. Like: we are going to make choc. chip cookies b/c it will be fun or b/c they smell so good.

[hawaiimama]

I made the Bette Hagman Challah and it was quite yummy. My 4 year old was quite happy with it as a grilled cheese sandwhich.

[gadaboutdiner]

HMMMM! I'm a real heartless lady when it comes to toddler-parent power struggles. Eating gluten foods should not be considered for the three-year old. And that should be conveyed to her in clearly understood ways. She is MANY years too young to have a say in this choice since her health is at risk.

The younger brother probably should not eat gluten foods, either, since this condition is very often genetic. Since there are excellent alternatives to gluten-containing foods, I see little problem with having a gluten-free household.

There is possibly one choice the three-year old does have: Stay in this pre-school and eat her healthy diet? Or leave her friends behind and move to another pre-school where everyone is gluten free?

Probably, there is no such animal. Therefore, let's hope she makes the first choice!

[dandelionmom]

Consider buying the book Eating Gluten-free With Emily. My 4 year old loves that book. It has been her favorite book for over a year now.

[Kibbie]

My 3 year old has been gluten free for nearly 2 years now and has just recently been saying that "when she grows up" she can eat gluten free like __________. (any person will do at this point with her). This is since being around my sisters girls and starting preschool... I think now they are finally realizing that what they are eating is somehow different than what the other kids eat.

DH and I have been working extremely hard to comment about how good gluten free things taste and let her know how lucky she is to get to eat special foods. Fortunately or unfortunately she has a glutening incident that she remembers so I am able to ask her all the time "What happens if you eat gluten and she will tell me right away... "I barf and it hurts" I'm not an advocate for glutening your child on purpose... but I'm thankful that she has that to remember

We also celebrate each yer her Celiac Anniversary with a mini party. This Saturday we hit year 2 officially of being gluten free... and I'm making a pirate ship gluten free cake (she' really into pirates) and we are doing homemade gluten free pizza party for dinner. She even gets to blow out 2 candles. The way I see it.... the more "cool" i make this gluten free thing the better she will accept it.... just a though though... I have no idea if it will work or not.

[Fiddle-Faddle]

This is the challah I make:

gluten-free

[ShayFL]

Kibbie what great ideas!!

[shan]

Thanks all!! you've given me my confidence boost that i needed Later on in the week, i'll probably bake some challah, and i will let you know if that was actually the source of all the problems - i did tell that i was looking for a recipe for challah, and she said, and are you also going to eat it... Well what should i say - definately not, i can't stand any gluten free stuff?! So i told her i would try it, but i am making it for her, so i would leave most of it for her... she seemed happy enough with that

She hasn't had any more crying fits (except for when i put her to bed ) So we will let you people know what happened!!!

[ShayFL]

Shan,

I just found a clue in your last post. Children are extremely perceptive. Perhaps she has heard or seen your subtle clues that you think gluten-free is yucky. Or maybe they werent subtle at all. What little one doesnt want to be just like Mommy? If it were me, I would eat that Challah with gusto!! Even if you dont care for it as much as gluteny, act like it is delicious. I am hoping that it just is so you dont have to act.

In my house (I am the only gluten-free person) everyone loves my gluten-free baked yummies. My daughter who is very picky gobbles up everything I make. It might be time for you to experiment with some baking....things like chocolate chip cookies and brownies. And enjoy them so she can say to herself...."Mommy likes gluten free chocolate chip cookies. So do I."

Most gluten-free pre-made breads taste disgusting. But homemade is heavenly.

Thee are some processed gluten-free foods that taste good, like Pamela's cookies and other. But the breads are the pits. I can understand why that would be hard for her to eat that bread and not real challah.

Wishing you success on your baking endeavor. Let us know!

[gadaboutdiner]

Thanks all!! you've given me my confidence boost that i needed Later on in the week, i'll probably bake some challah, and i will let you know if that was actually the source of all the problems - i did tell that i was looking for a recipe for challah, and she said, and are you also going to eat it... Well what should i say - definately not, i can't stand any gluten free stuff?! So i told her i would try it, but i am making it for her, so i would leave most of it for her... she seemed happy enough with that

She hasn't had any more crying fits (except for when i put her to bed ) So we will let you people know what happened!!!

I LOVE IT! "Are you going to eat some, too?" What a darling she is.

It's hard enough to be a child with this darned problem, but the "hard" is magnified when everyone else can eat things you cannot. And they look like they're enjoying it so much!

I married a prince of a man. He has no digestive problems at all, but he eats gluten-free at home. Except for his well-loved linguine. But if we had a child who could not eat linguine, he'd eat it someplace else.

ShayFL is ABSOLUTELY right on target with the child psychology.

As far as health-store gluten-free breads, I've been eating them for several years and I still cannot stand them unless the bread is either toasted or fried in coconut oil.

[Mango04]

Shan,

I just found a clue in your last post. Children are extremely perceptive. Perhaps she has heard or seen your subtle clues that you think gluten-free is yucky. Or maybe they werent subtle at all. What little one doesnt want to be just like Mommy?

I thought the exact same thing. Would you consider going gluten-free for a while (at least when you're at home)? It might really help your daughter.

[shan]

I thought the exact same thing. Would you consider going gluten-free for a while (at least when you're at home)? It might really help your daughter.

i am basically gluten free, my lunch,which i eat together with her is almost always her food or a salad with rice cakes. Supper we don't eat as a family since my husband comes home too late, but whoever eats together with her,that is her younger brother, has g.f.

I can't go entirely gluten free because of Shabbat, unless i saw a marked improvement in my helf whilst being off it, which i didn't notice when i did a trial a few months back, so that idea is out.

Having said that, yesterday we baked chocolatechip cookies together, she doesn't like them - i ate them for breakfast I forced her to eat them saying "you have to try them, they are the best, yummy" She ate a bite!! I even gave them to my gluten eating neighbour and she came back for more and for the recipe!! But my fussy one won't touch it!!

[mcs1984]

HMMMM! I'm a real heartless lady when it comes to toddler-parent power struggles. Eating gluten foods should not be considered for the three-year old. And that should be conveyed to her in clearly understood ways. She is MANY years too young to have a say in this choice since her health is at risk.

The younger brother probably should not eat gluten foods, either, since this condition is very often genetic. Since there are excellent alternatives to gluten-containing foods, I see little problem with having a gluten-free household.

There is possibly one choice the three-year old does have: Stay in this pre-school and eat her healthy diet? Or leave her friends behind and move to another pre-school where everyone is gluten free?

Probably, there is no such animal. Therefore, let's hope she makes the first choice!

Wow thats really tough, to not let your child help decided what they are going to eat. I am not saying to let them tell you what they want or not want but my 4 year old helps me. We talk about it together about what is a safe and healthy choice and ones that are. He helps my mom and i both cook and he helps pick out the veggies we eat. This helps children grow in all ways.

My 3 year old has been gluten free for nearly 2 years now and has just recently been saying that "when she grows up" she can eat gluten free like __________. (any person will do at this point with her). This is since being around my sisters girls and starting preschool... I think now they are finally realizing that what they are eating is somehow different than what the other kids eat.

DH and I have been working extremely hard to comment about how good gluten free things taste and let her know how lucky she is to get to eat special foods. Fortunately or unfortunately she has a glutening incident that she remembers so I am able to ask her all the time "What happens if you eat gluten and she will tell me right away... "I barf and it hurts" I'm not an advocate for glutening your child on purpose... but I'm thankful that she has that to remember

We also celebrate each yer her Celiac Anniversary with a mini party. This Saturday we hit year 2 officially of being gluten free... and I'm making a pirate ship gluten free cake (she' really into pirates) and we are doing homemade gluten free pizza party for dinner. She even gets to blow out 2 candles. The way I see it.... the more "cool" i make this gluten free thing the better she will accept it.... just a though though... I have no idea if it will work or not.

Is funny i was reading this and my son said the same thing "when i grow up i can eat gluten just like ____________" it hard to remind him that it will never be like that.

[mymagicalchild]

Wow thats really tough, to not let your child help decided what they are going to eat. I am not saying to let them tell you what they want or not want but my 4 year old helps me. We talk about it together about what is a safe and healthy choice and ones that are. He helps my mom and i both cook and he helps pick out the veggies we eat. This helps children grow in all ways.

Is funny i was reading this and my son said the same thing "when i grow up i can eat gluten just like ____________" it hard to remind him that it will never be like that.

Before our last family visit, our daughter and granddaughter took a micro-mini-vacation trip to a lovely beachy community in California, staying overnight with our daughter's long-time friend, her husband and 2 children. The girlfriends and the 3 kids spent their day beach-roaming (without the husband, who was working at a demanding job 30 miles away) and then bought their family dinner at 2 different fast-food places. (The clam chowder sounded great to me.)

They arrived home and the youngest child began throwing a tantrum because he didn't have any food for dinner that he had chosen. The mother told him, "You can eat what we have or you can call Daddy and have him stop to get you your food."

The boy called his Dad (who was driving home) on his cellphone and ordered McDonald's takeout. The Dad stopped and got it.

Fast forward to our family visit. Our daughter is telling the story and our granddaughter is paying attention. I started laughing and laughing. I mean, this was Serious Chuckles Time. I could not believe what I was hearing!

Granddaughter said, "Why are you laughing?"

I said, "Father drives 60 miles round-trip. Works long, exhausting day to support family. Gets cellphone call from son, 'Dad, stop and get me McDonald's for dinner.' Dad does it! "

"mcs1984" lovingly says: let the little guys help.

I say: Let them "help." Don't give them control. They're not prepared to make the decisions.

If YOU give them control, YOU'RE not prepared to be a parent!

[Kibbie]

I can't go entirely gluten free because of Shabbat, unless i saw a marked improvement in my helf whilst being off it, which i didn't notice when i did a trial a few months back, so that idea is out.

I'm not Jewish my neighbor is a Rabi with a child who has multiple food allergies (wheat, dairy, eggs, soy, and nuts) they are Kosher. I was discussing this topic with him and he says they typically eat rice crackers instead of bread as a family (his entire family eats the same meal always). He suggested talking to your Rabi about what can do to help your daughter out.

In my family any meal that I make at home is gluten free, end of story This holds true if my husband is home from work or not. It's really important for our kids to see that what they are eating is good for other people too. I think it can send the wrong message when other people in the family "refuse" to be gluten free.

[shan]

Ha ha, so much for all my worrying!! Last week i was the worlds best mom - i made cookies with her (i loved them she said ick), i made muffins (teid and tested, she loves them) and i made challah. the reason for the whole baking spree was to bring back her confidence in gluten free stuff - well, i tasted her challa, and it tasted like the regular one that my SIL was giving out, exactly!! BUT she told me i dont like it please don't make it again!!! Gee thanks, she wants to be like everything else but really dislikes all the gluten free food that is baked. I actually got insulted by her refusal to eat teh challah But i got over it and just decided it will be approx another YEAR before i try it agin!!!!

To all those who are telling me to go entirely gluten free - well, i would go gluten free, i eat the food and almost always like it (i hate the store bought breads) but my hubby has a major aversion to it! if i tell him it is gluten free, he would run a mile (but he NEVER says or hints anything in front of daughter) But it is not that he is cruel hearted, just gluten free = healthy and that he can't stand If i get him to eat fruit i am happy, so it has nothing to do with the g.f

[mymagicalchild]

well, i tasted her challa, and it tasted like the regular one that my SIL was giving out, exactly!! BUT she told me i dont like it please don't make it again!!! .......... but my hubby has a major aversion to it! if i tell him it is gluten free, he would run a mile (but he NEVER says or hints anything in front of daughter)

"Shan" obviously loves her daughter VERY MUCH.

Read the above 2 quotes. I have never known a small child who needed to hear directly from a parent about a "major aversion." The little darlings have a wonderful 6th sense. Sometimes they figure things out wrong. SOMETIMES they get it just right!.

[Kibbie]

MY husband sounds like yours but since its eat the gluten free meal or starve hes decided to eat the gluten-free meal LOL

Anyhow we make sure to eat foods that have gluten in them in front of our daughter as well... I think that not introducing our child to the fact that other peoples foods are off limits is a BAD idea so when ever I don't have to cook we always have gluten free/ gluten full meals and I let her know that what we are eating has gluten.

Super important when it comes to things like bread and pretzles and cakes and cookies... since they all look like each other. She has to learn to ask questions about food somehow

So please don't get me wrong.... I don't think being entirely gluten free for the rest of the family is always the way to go either, it can teach some pretty important lessons. As long as there is a dialogue

Your daughter sounds really bright Have you had her help make some of her gluten free stuff? I find that mine is more likely to try it if she helps me make it Stirring is always a great option!

Keep up the good work mom!