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Anyone Unemployed Or Divorced Because Of Celiac?


mrmachinist

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virginiabeach Rookie

I'm 53 years old and am divorcing now. I had a lot of trouble holding a job since I understood what I had, (not the "official diagnosis, but what that involves is very much like hitting myself over the head with a hammer to prove it would hurt).

Right now I'm looking for work

If the relationship is good, and the spouse really wants you to be healthy, happy, and productive, I'm sure they'll figure out how to get a wheat fix without poisoning you -- but for 14 years after learning what my real medical problem was, it was quite clear that he was not going to cooperate. I tried very hard to be wheat free, but his need to have his wife cook him regular pasta and such was far greater.

I had fibromyalgia, neuropathy(mostly gone now), host of "female" problems that was solved with a total hysterectomy, I had glaucoma, an irregular heartbeat, memory loss, loss of coordination, and was in general a mess. Most of the last 15 years I have not been a good physical candidate for employment.

Since he's moved out, the glaucoma and fibromyalgia is gone, my resting pulse is 60, and as for the rest, I've joined a dojo to help me "fix" the neurological symptoms -- working my backside off -- I test for my purple belt tomorrow night. It's working.

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  • Replies 91
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mastiffmommy Newbie

Hi, Separated due to Celiac and now trying to save my marriage. Not sure which way it will go. I often joke that I wish people had clued me in no what feeling like a human was supposed to be like.

My pregnancy threw the then undiagnosed Celiac into overdrive. Lost 100 pounds in 7 months (I weight 110 now after putting on some weight) and husband asked me to leave and I moved out while deathly ill and had to care for an infant.

Sometimes I feel like an idiot for still trying to save this marriage, but when every Dr. and every Shrink either tells you you are fine or diagnoses you with something new - how could my husband believe something like a WAFFLE was killing me. Not to mention I was not in a healthy mental state at all - that really hurt him.

AGGHGHGHHGHG I HATE GLUTEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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virginiabeach Rookie

Put your own gas mask on first. That's the rule.

You sound like me, about 15 years ago... Except we never legally separated before now, he (merchant seaman) would ship out, come home 6 months later, sabotage my diet, (it's hard to prepare wheat based food without contaminating yourself somehow), and my excercise programs, (needed me at home for something so I couldn't go to the gym). Then, when I had my hysterectomy, (celiac totally trashes your reproductive system), he displayed the bedside manners of a hyena. It did not get better after that.

Your husband _asked_ you to leave while you were sick and caring for a newborn. The spouse is the one that's supposed to have your back.

Oh, and I know you weren't in a healthy mental state -- this thing goes for our nervous system, read that brain too.

I hope you have a good lawyer. Most states would give you pretty much what you need. You have 2 major concerns at this time, since the husband isn't going to provide anything resembling emotional support. Someone has to take care of the baby, so you have to take care of yourself.

Where are you, by the way?

Hi, Separated due to Celiac and now trying to save my marriage. Not sure which way it will go. I often joke that I wish people had clued me in no what feeling like a human was supposed to be like.

My pregnancy threw the then undiagnosed Celiac into overdrive. Lost 100 pounds in 7 months (I weight 110 now after putting on some weight) and husband asked me to leave and I moved out while deathly ill and had to care for an infant.

Sometimes I feel like an idiot for still trying to save this marriage, but when every Dr. and every Shrink either tells you you are fine or diagnoses you with something new - how could my husband believe something like a WAFFLE was killing me. Not to mention I was not in a healthy mental state at all - that really hurt him.

AGGHGHGHHGHG I HATE GLUTEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  • 3 months later...
azure Newbie
Been there. My wife filed for divorce becuse I was too sick to take care of her. Men aren't supposed to get sick. I almost lost my job because of it. The only thing that saved me is the company I worked for at the time was so poorly managed that I was able to squeak by. When the management situation was changed I had found out what was killing me and was able to save my job. I left for a better one shortly after. Losing the wife turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me. It has been a long hard fight but I managed to survive and prosper.

Yes, I know all about it. I must have had this for decades, doctors said I had irritable bowel syndrom, and blamed me as being neurotic.

Actually towards the end I was having panic attacks, and found it very hard to have the energy to work.

If I did work I had no energy left to go out at night.

It has been havoc with my life.

I have been diagnosed for 2 months (self diagnosed at first, after meeting a coeliac at work, and discussing symptoms.

My doctor told me that I should just stay on the gluten free diet as I have been feeling gradually better and better. Eating wheat is the most irksome thing to me because I know how sick I have been.

Unfortunately I also have had thyroid disorder as well, and nearly died of that.

Relationships? dont make me laugh! :rolleyes:

sorry, it is hard not to feel a bit bitter, but you just have to keep going B) .

In a new job now. I hope I can perform ok. So far have been gradually getting better.

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K-Dawg Explorer

A lot of what people have been writing really hit home with me. I have managed to find success in my career but at such a huge sacrifice to my personal life. I am married and my husband is great, but I had to fight so hard every single freaking day just to make it through. I had undetectable iron levels for months, I've been sick for 10 years.....always blamed it on the thyroid and told myself to TOUGH IT UP.

I toughed it up through undergrad (4 year program in 3 years), law school, and my articles. I overcompensated in EVERY ASPECT of my professional life to make up for being weak (i thought of my exhaustion as a weakness) and I focused solely on my career goals because I could only direct my energy one way..i didn't have enough energy to focus on it all: career, friends, and family so I made a choice: career. And EVERY day was torture. Headaches, pain, liver problems, extreme tiredness, foggy head. God, I used to think: I can't live my entire life like this. Then I'd say, TOUGH IT UP. God. It was such a terrible cycle.

Finally after some more serious health issues and dropping almost 30 pounds in three months I started to realize that my problem was not just a thyroid issue. I was in serious trouble. I started getting tested...grabbed all my medical records so that I had copies, found a good liver specialist and now I have a diagnosis of celiac disease and I"m slowly starting to feel better.

But I"ve neglected the personal aspect of my life. I mean, come on, when you feel completely wretched every day...there is NO energy left for friends

But I think we should all be proud of ourselves. Seriously, I look back at what I"ve accomplished and I KNOW that I'm very strong -- other people could not have coped and done so well when every day was like a nightmare. I think it is the same for a lot of you.

I"m trying to re-organize my priorities right now. I"m blessed at the moment because I am enjoying some time off.

SO I JUST WANT TO TAKE MY HAT OFF TO EVERYONE ON THIS FORUM WHO HAS STRUGGLED FOR SO LONG YET SHOWN SO MUCH DETERMINATION! WE'RE GONNA MAKE IT -- THERE IS A BETTER LIFE.

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Jeanniebug Apprentice

I was married to a soldier for 6 1/2 years. I was the textbook "good" Army wife, supported my soldier, stood by him, everything was all about his career. I started having major reproductive problems about 2 years after we got married.

After my hysterectomy that's when things went downhill fast with my health. Anyway he was stationed in Korea for 8 months and cheated on me the whole time he was gone. (I found out later when he came back, and he said he did it because I was too sick to have sex, even though he was OVERSEAS). There is a common theme among many soldiers of "what happens overseas stays overseas" and some think infidelity is just another part of military life. (On their end anyway...if the wife cheats she'll probably be stoned in the town square with a big letter "A" on her chest) But anyway, we went to marriage counseling and he deployed to Iraq.

I found out he was still doing it. I took the year he was gone to make my plans for divorce. I went back to school. I got a great job back in the place I left when we got married. I DO struggle horribly with my health. But, I signed up for use-as-I-need-it FMLA at work just to cover my butt. I don't use it near as much as I need to. But I will say, life is so much better without his stupid drama. At least now when I go home at night I can have some peace and quiet. And it's clean like it was when I left for work. :)

For me getting out of a toxic relationship was a good thing! I just figured if he couldn't be a man, cowboy up and help me when I was sick, he could hit the road.

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pchick Rookie

wow ~ some people are terribly selfish!

I'm going to thank my wonderfully supportive husband right now! We've been together 12 years, all the while my health and mental wellness was going down the drain. The last few years I don't even go out with him due to my severe anxiety and possible panic attacks besides just feeling crappy. But he's always been there for me and never called me lazy or worthless or hypochondriac like my parents (and some friends) did.

Now I know what's going on and the food choices are making a difference ~ and we are BOTH excited for my health. I'm so glad he was there for me all along!

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  • 2 weeks later...
Northern Celiac Newbie
Thanks to everyone for your responses, it makes me feel better to know that others know what I've been going through, nothing is worse than being so sick and having those around you especial ones you love act like you are just lazy or crazy.

Has anyone had to go on dissability? I have been told that I may need to apply because of the rhuematoid condition Celiac causes me to have.

Hey Mr machinist,

I hope you are doing better these days. I was diagnosed this past april after being sick for over a year. It took 2 family doctors and my GI in Calgary who finally made the disgnosis. By the time I was diagnosed I looked like a skeleton 6'5" and maybe 134lbs. I am very lucky that I have a very understanding employer who has allowed me the option of going on long term or working. I have stuck it out and continued to work. I have good and bad days but continue to get stronger everyday. As for a relationship,well I've tried but generally most women don't find walking cadavers too appealing. But I keep trying

Cheers from Northern BC

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OptimisticMom42 Apprentice
As for a relationship,well I've tried but generally most women don't find walking cadavers too appealing. But I keep trying

Cheers from Northern BC

Well, a walking cadaver with a job and a sense of humor would be a step up from most of the men in the county I live in. Don't count yourself out, self confidence and steady paychecks are aphrodisiacs. ;)

Take care, OptimisticMom42

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SunnyJB Newbie

I think I'm going to have to make packets and hand them out to my work mates. NO ONE takes me seriously when I'm having a flare up.

My husband thinks I'm a drama queen and won't accept anything I do as medically nessecary unless I get an endoscopy done (I'm REALLY anxious over it, makes me have panic attacks) SO, if I want his support in being completely gluten free, I have to do something I DO NOT WANT to do.

Its very frustrating. I am close to quitting my job because of the discomfort of being around people who just DON'T GET IT. :angry:

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mysecretcurse Contributor

It took me maybe 22 years to find out I had celiac? With no help from doctors, I was self-diagnosed.

Spent thousands of dollars on doctors trying to find out what was wrong with me and never

recieved any answers.. was only told to put this cream on it (DH, also misdiagnosed) or take

pepto bismo for my tummy, etc. I swear, doctors don't know anything. I learned more in a few

hours reading stuff online than I ever was helped by a doctor. Thank God a friend helped me

out by suggesting I might be celiac.. turned out she was right.

And no I haven't divorced anyone or anything because of it. My health has definitely caused relationship

problems though.. at the peak of my illness I was a constipated, bloated, suicidal, anxious, depressed, lunatic with sores

and rashes all over my body. There was a time I really did come close to suicide, I just didn't know

how to live with the pain anymore and NO ONE could help me.. My friends and family would beg me please

be strong and keep trying, and I'd beg them please tell me how to end this pain, I don't want to kill myself

but I can't go on like this. I know it was hard on them, and I know it's dramatic but I really meant it,

gluten makes me completely irrational and really out of control, it's like I can't control what i say or think

and have these horrible dark thoughts. My last boyfriend was with me during the peak of my disease and

there was nothing he could do for me anymore, but sometimes we would have fights because Id constantly be

sick in bed and not want to go out and have fun with him.. I felt bad but the fact that on top of all my pain

my being sick was "such an inconvenience" for others only made me feel I'd be better off dead even more.

I ended up figuring out I had celiac, breaking up with him, and spending this past year single, healing, and finding

myself. Best thing I ever did.

As for jobs.. it's difficult. My last job was at a pizza place, long long ago (haven't worked in over a year now), and I was having major troubles while working there because everything was coated in flour. People even would get into FLOUR FIGHTS (ugh) at work, and there would be flour flying everywhere in the air, going into my mouth and lungs. One time a guy grabbed a handful of flour, threw it at another guy and it missed him and went all over my leg, I went into the bathroom and cried I was so angry and scared. It's just not worth it. It was reversing the progress I was making.. So now, I'm sort of screwed because all of my work experience is at restaurants, I am going to be looking for a restaurant that hopefully can work with my condition (at the very least, allow me to wear gloves while touching the food and not have idiots throwing flour around instead of working).. it's hard though. I'd say celiac has effected my work life more than anything.. there are many jobs I had to turn down because they had employee housing and meals without celiac options.. it's just so depressing.

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  • 2 weeks later...
SunnyJB Newbie

Well, yes, I am now unemployed. I was fired the day after I said I needed to take some time off for testing (all the -oscopies)

:(

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Momoftwo Newbie
Hi, newbe here, just wondering if anyone else has been through the same hell I have and how they are coping. I just discovered I have been suffering with celiac and have been missdiagnosed by EVERY doctor I've been to for the last 10+ years.

The last three years have been rough, starting with my wife devorcing me when I began having health problems, I was missdiagnosed by a rhuematolagist and put on chemotherapy to shut down my amune system in order to treat my "arthritis", then a year and a half later lost my job due to my increasing health issues related to the undiagnosed celiac dissease.

Has anyone else had a spouse, boss or doctor treat you like you're just a lazy hypochondriac that should just suck it up and shut up?

Thanks,

D.L.

I can very much relate to you. After years of doctor visits, I started to even question myself even though I felt so miserable. I was recently diagnosed by a gastroenterologist and still having more testing done.

Obviously, your wife did not understand the wedding vows properly that state "in sickness and in health." You are better off without her. My husband doesn't quite get it, either. Oh well!

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JillianLindsay Enthusiast

I was on sick benefits for 4 months due to ongoing celiac-related health issues and eventually had to quit the job. I had lost my license due to a seizure and the job required driving & a valid license. I have decided to return to school full-time this fall and get my honours in psych so that I can go on to grad school :) And I've saved $200+/month on gas, parking, car insurance, etc. Trying to see the plus side -- I love school!

Good luck to everyone,

Jillian

Thanks to everyone for your responses, it makes me feel better to know that others know what I've been going through, nothing is worse than being so sick and having those around you especial ones you love act like you are just lazy or crazy.

Has anyone had to go on dissability? I have been told that I may need to apply because of the rhuematoid condition Celiac causes me to have.

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BethanyGraves Newbie

Everyone deals with sick people differently, just like they deal with their own illnesses differently. The key is that both people have to be able to understand the feelings of the other. It's not a well person's job to be the sole caretaker and to be understanding. Even healthy people need those things. I don't know what else may be affecting your marriage and job, but I hope you can figure out your future and start living in a positive environment!

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blueshift Apprentice

I grew up not knowing I had celiac disease. But my gut kept giving

me many mixed messages. I felt that:

1.) my family was trying to poison me

2.) my country was trying to poison me

3.) that the military was definitely trying to poison me when I served

4.) that doctors would confer on how to keep me in pain

5.) my brain had some extreme diffuculty when trying to read that cannot

be resolved and must be my fault. Somehow I was not paying attention and

was refusing to listen.

It took 56 years before a meal went down without pain. Going to a doctor for an

official test makes no sense for me when I have apparently dealt with the problem

after two bowel obstruction surgeries and a bowel that wouldn't stop trying to obstruct

24 hours per day for over a decade.

I was divorced over 35 years ago but do not regret it. I never married again and

never will. Girl friends are not easy to come by. I live with my son who has Asperger's

and a gluten-free diet has helped him along pretty well. He shows signs of improvement.

These last 4 years have been the best. I can read and comprehend things I never dreamed

I could have. I study astro-physics and hang around many in science, something I never

did before. My family is sympathetic and have made good company. I have been fortunate.

The rest of you hang in there and stick to the diet. It is worth the wait just to walk down

the street after a meal and feel good, something I never thought was possible.

As for romance? That is physically possible now but I need to be choosey. As for employment?

I was lucky to have made it. Without my labor union I would have been fired. Yet, without

celiac disease, I may have never learned the patience it forced my to acquire to deal with

situations that others have no patience for.

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RGh69 Newbie
Well, yes, I am now unemployed. I was fired the day after I said I needed to take some time off for testing (all the -oscopies)

:(

They cannot fire you when you ask for time off due to medical reasons. Look up FMLA. Get an attorney and get PAID!

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mortgagefish Newbie

I have lost numerous jobs over the past 10 years because of

1) being so tired at work that I either had to put my head down, or

2) calling out because I was so fatigued that I felt like I was coming down with the flu or a really bad cold

3) was so over medicated due to muscle/joint/etc. pain that I actually felt asleep with my head on the desk!

4) called out too many times due to sickness

My problem was that everything was, for so long, misdiagnosed, that no one gave even 1/2 a crap if you were "sick." They still don't. This country is so screwed up. My nephew had to move to Germany to actually get diagnosed with Celiac. He had, and still has, really bad asthma and psoriasis. What a crock of S--T! I thank God that he does not have to spend 15 years, or a lifetime with an inhaler and a nebulizer (sp?). He was only diagnosed several months ago, and while his asthma and psoriasis have not improved much, his color has. And, he likely feels a little better, at least. His villi were completely blunted. Apparently he'd had it since very small (he's only 6), perhaps all his life.

Me? I don't have health insurance, like many in this country. Also, like many I have only been able to find part time work. So, I have not been able to get a biopsy or the endoscopy [do they DO a biopsy during this procedure? Or am I barking up the wrong tree with the biopsy-thing?] I cannot find out how my small intestine is. What I do know is that as badly as I felt, there are many, like my nephew who had it worse. My sister (his mother) and I used to refer to him as "Tiny Tim" (unbeknownst to him, of course) because he always seemed so sickly. NOW, WE KNOW WHY.

I called out a LOT from jobs. I almost couldn't get out off the couch, and was soooo fatigue and felt crappy all the time! We have GOT to get this country UP to a respectable diagnosis rate for this disease. I just wish I could do something. Maybe we should try to organize a WALK for CELIAC DISEASE DIAGNOSIS AWARENESS kind of thing.

Please give me your feedback on that idea. Honestly, it JUST came to me. Others may have had this idea already - then again, I am really slooow sometimes :blink:

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mortgagefish Newbie

To blueshift, especially:

Wow. You really had it bad. No question about that. I hope that you are on your way to healing. I read your post today, and it really put my symptoms into perspective. I felt crappy, but once I started learning about having this disease, I realized just how bad it could get, but yours is the worst I have read about.

Thankfully, you know now. I know your quality of life has likely skyrocketed, even if you are still recovering.

I just posted a really long post and I think we Celiacs need to start a WALK FOR AWARENESS or something. I don't know if we get emails regarding someone replying to our postings...I am new to posting on this site. I only found out, via a 2-week test diet at the suggestion of my also Celiac sister. It didn't even take me the 2 weeks to know the answer. After a week, I felt soooo much better.

Take care, blueshift.

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mortgagefish Newbie

To the Military/Army ex-wife to be:

Good for you. I know it hurts, but go ahead and divorce the son-of-a _____. Being deployed is no reason to cheat. He woulda done it if he was with you also - eventually - if he didn't already.

Jerk.

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  • 1 month later...
bittykitty Rookie

I have a feeling that my current relationship is going to end because of this illness.I'm self diagnosed after a lifetime of mood swings,brain fog,panic attacks,joint pain,fatigue, and assorted other symptoms.When it became intolerable last year,and the doctors couldn't find anything wrong, I started researching on my own and found out about Celiac.My boyfriend of 5 years does NOT understand this illness, at all.He's accused me of "diagnosing myself online", and has made comments like"well you COULD eat it,you just choose not to".He doesn't understand that I'm still healing,my diet has to be carefully balanced and monitored.There is no help around the house..I'm expected to work 42 hour weeks and still have the energy to clean, and run around all night hanging out.

Going to Asheville last week was a revelation.I ate well,I felt happier, and I had tons of energy.As soon as I came home, the depression and the lack of appetite crept right back.Seriously thinking about moving back to the mountains in the spring, and getting out of this relationship.

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Andie Newbie

My marriage is barely hanging on because of this disease. For 18 months I was very sick. I was tired, cranky and not exactly thrilled about hopping into bed with my hubby. I was ashamed to admit that I was afraid I would need to run to the bathroom in the middle of sex so I just gave him the ole not tonight routine. I was diagnosed one year ago and I feel great, but the damage between my husband and I is done. He had an affair with a co-worker and blamed me for not meeting his needs, not paying enough attention to him yadda, yadda. We are working it out but the hurt and mistrust will always be with me.

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Raven's Mum Newbie

Sigh.... I so feel for everyone and their struggles. It hits too close to home, no doubt. :( I don't have celiac myself. My six year old daughter Raven does, as well as Cystic Fibrosis. She's had a hell of a struggle, spent her first eight months in hospital, multiple surgeries, came home on a feeding tube, in and out of hospital multiple times a year and even when she is ''well'', her daily care is VERY time consuming. I've been by her side, along with her brother, fighting her fight with her every step of the way, but unfortuantley her dad was more concerned with how our new ''lifestyle'' was cramping his. :angry: We made the ''official'' split when she was two, and now he is nothing more than a ''visitor'' in her life. Although he does help out financially, we are on our own otherwise. I have let go of my anger towards him, but I still just can't wrap my head around how someone can put their own selfish needs over their childs, especially a child that you know may not live to adulthood. :(

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Raven's Mum Newbie
most women don't find walking cadavers too appealing. But I keep trying

You just gotta find yourself a gothic chick! :P

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  • 3 weeks later...
Becci Enthusiast

I feel for you all! I have Celiac disease as well and have gone through alot of the same things as ya'll.

My husband and I have almost split SEVERAL times in the last two years (when my symptoms started bad -- depression, mood swings, etc)

I started my own website design business, and know that I couldn't keep a regular job if I tried. I have a hard time keeping up with my own clients. I just get to where my memory loss and lack of concentration makes me lose it. I don't remember what I am doing. I forget when I am doing it, and walk away, not sure what I had previously been doing. I have almost been to the point of yelling at clients because they just don't understand that they have to do things differently to get what they want!

GRRRRR I HATE CELLLIIIIACCCCC!

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