[mr. moore]

Well im am snowed in, so i have nothig else to do. maybe someone can point out something. im gonna include things i've loved to eat and what has happened. im not including deaths in the families or things of that sort!

Ok first off i was born with the umbilical cord wrapped around my neck. i was basically almost born retarded, but came out just fine. but i didn't act normal. i was pretty noisy and got like no sleep my first year of life. (coming from my parents) i guess i cried so much the noise meant i could't sleep of course. I think i was breastfed for only like a month or something because i got sick and they switched to the bottle. i was pretty young for that.

ok flashing forward a bit lol: i was totally the most adhd kid on the planet. sometimes i couldn't even keep a train of thought, and i was totally flamboyant and crap. i remember i was really mean towards my dad and locked him outta the house all the time lol...prolly nothing though. anyways one big thing i was told is that one: i was addicted to brocolli. yes brocolli. another thing is when my parents gave my processed cheese to eat, they said i went half crazy and was jumping around the hose breaking stuff and wow other thins i shouldn't say. they said i wouldn't hardly eat meat and mostly ate carbs or processed poop cause we were poor.

middle school i started having anxiety attacks, and got BAD social anxiety. then i was just eating bread and cereal practically. for some reason i would only eat meat if it was fast food, regular meet tasted nasty. i actually never ate too much junk food but i chewed a lot of gum. my favorite past time i realized is that i didn't have fun, i always thought people were out to hurt me and that i was a seperate identity. mostly because my thinking was so out of whack. Im almost in tears at how antisocial and lonely i was. i hid behind more outgoing friends and spent my time with headphones on playing video games all night long. one big thing is that i had to get my tonsils taken out because i kept getting strep throat and i was missing school ( back then i was a hypochondriac i would call in complaining of stomach aches all the time, i just had so much anxiety!) and yeah i was on a poop ton of antibiotics.

high school my diet was 95% wheat products, literally if i didn't get my bowl of cereal i'd get very tired. the bad food they served didn't help things. basically i was always dazed and confused, and whenever i had to answer questions or talk to the opposite sex i would "phase out" and lose focus on what was going on, all the time. basically i couldn't have real conversations and never got close to anyone. i was like holden caulfield from catcher in the rye. that was when, my freshman year, i was put on zoloft. i saw acommercial where in my mind, it would "cure" social anxiety. it never did istill felt very opporessed by people and intiidated and confused. so many thoughts going on in my head too! thats one of the reasons i live with headphones on! then i was put on more and more, until my therapist said im bipolar. you can imagine how relieved i was! the medication didn't do anything but make me drink a TON of water and PEE all the time! i graduated, but felt no emotion since i was so medicated. i think when i was supposed to have that freedom, but didn't, i went half crazy. i was on cymbalta, a very dangerous drug for kids only 18, and started writing about how i would "first kill some animals to get used to death, then kill myself". mind you i was still working! i was this suicidal kid bagging your groceries!

then i was hospitilzed, where i was given terrible food and listened to ghastly tales of rape and child abuse in a "support group". i'd come home, binge on cereal, then play video games. friends were of no use at that point, cept my best friend who's known me since i was 4. bless him.

then i was hospitilzed AGAIN. 19 this time. said id burn down the house. on effexor this time. i had so many thoughts that were contradictory, basically each road leading to nowhere and there was a bunch of guys chasing me that no one else could see.. i wasn't hallucinating just trying to describe how i felt. i was also extremely ashamed i manically befriended this girl on facebook with aspergers, got involved, told her i was suicidal, all within a week. my speech was what a doctor would say "typical mania". i wanted to tell them how i felt but i didn't even know! everything reminded me of something funny or something i saw on tv! i can't help it! i was like the joker who knew everything was hilarious.

Since college didn't work out ( i was dissapointed i couldn't STILL talk o people) i decided id work (even though i was teribbly fatigued from being anxious all the time) and id find a cure. ill give you some hints:
brain waves
massage therapy
autistic spectrum disorders
chiropractors and various theories regarding "derealization" something ive had since middle school
personality disorders

all withi 2 months! and you know why i was motivated? why i seemed so selfish? i just wanted to be calm so i could have a real relationship, and yes have sex. sex had been on my mind since suicide, since "hell, might as well if im gonna die!" (flashbacks of intimate encounters with girls but wimped out)

so i stumbled upon a book about treating mental illness without drugs. i just wanted to feel things in real time again, lest i go to sleep afraid i'd never wake up. and now...im here. i came i saw i broke my pinky!

thank you for readin this, and i hope if anyone recognizes something that may help, feel free to message me as i currently have no life. thanks.

dylan

[mr. moore]

i forgot my family history! ok
my mom is bipolar. she has fibromylgia, rhuematoid arthritus and almost went blind from some eye problem. she also has a bleeding disorder where she gets bruises very easily and her blood can't clot right.
my dad i think is fine, but like most dads he doesn't complain about anything personal. his mom got breast cancer thats it.

my dads brother has aspergers syndrome, like my brother.

basically its my mom's side with all the health problems. her sisters are prolly bipolar, one has hypothyroidism and a weight problem. her brother i think might have aspergers and has some weird digestive problem (not celiac somethin else). her mom had a crappy childhood and has bad anxiety problems, diebetes type 2, and a weak heart from heart attacks. her brothers are really hyper, and one is schizophrenic. my grandpa (moms side) has prostate cancer but all in all was pretty healthy, just quiet. my mom has two schizo cousins are my grandmas side. oh and the whole killer umbilical chord thing happned to me and almost all of my cousins.

sorry if i ranted in my mini bio but i had to tell someone. thanks!

[ShayFL]

Please refresh my memory. Are you Dx Celiac? How long gluten-free? Is it helping? Gluten can definitely mess with your mind and nervous system.

[Lisa]

Hi Dylan. Nice to meet you, "officially" I mean.

You know there are many people here who have had life struggles and still struggle today. Celiac may not be the answer to everything, but you may be on to something. It might be worth the try.

When I get glutened, I give my family a warning, as I feel myself getting very up-tight like an over wound clock. They scatter like ants.

I know a few people here who have struggled with mental illness for many years and now feel symptom free due to a complete gluten free diet. It took several years, but they now can live a "normal" lifestyle.

Your history has been a rough road. I hope you find comfort here. We have lots of good people here, willing to offer their experience. Glad to have you.

[mr. moore]

ShayFL, on Dec 19 2008, 06:02 PM, said:

Please refresh my memory. Are you Dx Celiac? How long gluten-free? Is it helping? Gluten can definitely mess with your mind and nervous system.

im ike 95% sure especialy after howgood i felt after havng those B12 tablets that dissolve. and something has been messing with my nervous system badly otherwhise i wouldn't be here.

[rinne]

Hi.

Thank you for sharing your story and congratulations on being so articulate. I am astonished that given the burden that has been placed on your system, that you have what it takes to want something else, to believe something else tells me that you are an extraordinary person and capable of finding their way through this mess.

And it is a mess, a shared mess, we are all in it together.

My story is very different from yours but was filled with years of anxiety and misery too.

I am not a doctor, this is not medical advice, but it really sounds to me like your system was overwhelmed at a very early age and that diet and drugs have continued to overwhelm you.

I came across a study the other day, apparently it was done sort of as a joke, 18 rats were divided into 3 groups, the first 6 ate rat chow, the second 6 ate corn flakes and the third 6 ate the box the corn flakes came in. The rats eating the rat chow lived the longest, the rats eating the cardboard box lived longer than the rats eating the corn flakes, the starving cardboard box rats just faded away and died but not the rats on corn flakes, before they died they attacked each other and then they went into convulsions.

The conventional highly processed food supply is toxic, we would be better off eating the boxes!

A simple diet, meat, fish, eggs, vegetables and fruit is what I would recommend you try for just one week (well I'd really like to see what would happen if you could do it for three months) and see if it makes a difference. Perhaps you have tried this already? That means giving up the gluten free bread. Do you cook? Even if you don't cook cook there are simple things to make like mashed potatoes with butter are easy. (I wouldn't eat dairy but butter is a little different, minimal milk solids.)

I would also say you need to detox, have you heard of epsom salt baths?

Thank you for being so honest, my heart goes out to you, what has happened to you, to so many of us, is just not right but believe me we can regain ourselves and our health by taking responsibility for it and supporting each other.

[mr. moore]

thanks, you know it's weird im not emotiona about it at all. i just totaly 100% blame myself for my actions.
why shoud i give up gluten free bread? i know it's crap but i need something bread like. and im ok with dairy plus i have these lactaid tablets, which for some reason hasn't been mentioned at all on this site despite all these intolerances i see.
im gonna try and give up things with aspartame and see how i go im addicted to chewing gum! what else has aspartame?

thanks for reading my life has been basically one form of paranoid thinking to the next. i hope some day it goes away because once you've tried to kill yourself it kinda sticks with you. (not to be morbid)

[rinne]

Check out this site for dangers of aspartame:

Aspartame Information

As for why give up the rice bread, processed food is harder for the body to process and by eating a simple diet of unprocessed foods you give your body a break. Just one week.

Gotta sleep now, it is late here on the prairies.

[mr. moore]

rinne, on Dec 19 2008, 09:55 PM, said:

Check out this site for dangers of aspartame:

Aspartame Information

As for why give up the rice bread, processed food is harder for the body to process and by eating a simple diet of unprocessed foods you give your body a break. Just one week.

Gotta sleep now, it is late here on the prairies.

thanks. rice bread is processed? where do you live i like praries...

[Bell]

I can vouch for the fact that going gluten free can really improve your state of mind. It's stunning to me, that I can now concentrate and feel calm, and not "scattered" like I did before. I know when I've been glutened because my thoughts race about, I keep losing one train of thought and racing off down another, and coming back again, without a clear sense of which half-baked conclusions corresponded to each half-thought out premise.

I was born with my umbilical cord around my neck too! I used to work with a lovely Scottish lady, who was also very irrational and ADHD, and was affectionately known as "Mad Maggie". When she found out, she said "Ahhh, so you were a Blue Baby too!" and gave me a conspiratorial look, which unnerved me. I'd never before thought it could have done any long-term damage...

When you first give up gluten, often other sensitivities pop up. I have noticed minor emotional/scattered brain symptoms after rice and corn, and I get chesty coughs on milk. Try to be rigidly gluten free at first, and then keep track of your feelings after eating particular foods. It's really quite possible that other non-gluten grains could have a similar but lesser effect. I know it seems complicated, but it really does get easier, and will become second nature after a while.

Good luck.

[Mother of Jibril]

mr. moore, on Dec 20 2008, 12:27 AM, said:

and im ok with dairy plus i have these lactaid tablets, which for some reason hasn't been mentioned at all on this site despite all these intolerances i see.

People do sometimes mention Lactaid. The problem is, if you're intolerant to casein (the protein in cow's milk dairy products), then Lactaid won't help. It only helps with lactose intolerance.

Casein does terrible things to my son... before we figured out what the problem was, he was having green diarrhea with streaks of blood, projectile vomiting, and crying for hours at a time. Sounds a bit like the story of you as a baby, eh? Sadly, a lot of people just don't understand the benefits of breastfeeding... it's getting better, but even doctors can be pretty clueless. Your parents probably meant well putting you on formula... unfortunately, that's the worst thing you can do for something with food intolerances. My mom started feeding me cereal (oatmeal, no doubt) at two months old so I would "sleep better." At three years old I had to have my tonsils removed (severe inflammation), and like a lot of kids in the 1970s I was pumped FULL of antibiotics at the slightest hint of a cold. I even took megadoses of erythromycin for two years trying to resolve my acne. Ugh

I'm so sorry for all of the mental health problems you've suffered through. Figuring out the gluten connection is a HUGE step forward.

[rinne]

mr. moore, on Dec 20 2008, 01:50 AM, said:

thanks. rice bread is processed? where do you live i like praries...

Yup, rice bread is processed.

Did you check out the aspartame dangers?

I live in Canada.

[mr. moore]

rinne, on Dec 20 2008, 06:54 AM, said:

Yup, rice bread is processed.

Did you check out the aspartame dangers?

I live in Canada.

yeah i did!
talk about crazy i didn't know it'd cause those probems! but see i experience almost all of those problems! like the vision and foggy headedness. thats crazy! because now that i think of it, i chewed a LOT of gum in high school and college. when those seperate problems showed up. im gonna keep pushing forward. im afraid to tell myfriends because i just feel ike SUCH a flake! anyways thanks for reading.

[mr. moore]

i found out that back when i was a kid they put msg in processed cheese so that's prolly why, also probably why i would only eat mcdonads burgers from mcdonalds because they put a s.h.i.t. ton of msg in their's.

[mr. moore]

is aspartame always labled? what is it found in nowadays?