[ERR]

I was diagnosed with Celiac a couple of weeks ago. I am now gluten free and feel like I am coming out of a fog that I have been in for years. For me Celiac led to depression, irritability and fatigue. Particularly for the last 5 years it has made me a lousy miserable tired person to be around. My wife, who I love more than anything has had a tough time with me the last few years. Basically she told me right around the time of my diagnosis that she had enough and wanted a divorce. She will not go to counseling. She will not give me a chance to show how going gluten free has changed me. I feel terrible for how I have been for the past years. But I am completely convinced since my diagnosis that I am better and that I can finally be happier and healthier and give her and our two young kids the life that they deserve.

Anyway that brings me to my challenge. How do I show my wife that Celiac disease was what was beating me down? How do I show her that since my diagnosis I can be a changed man? Please help. I am desperate.

[celiac-mommy]

Kind of a touchy subject. I'm sorry for what you are going through right now. The one thing I know is that you cannot control what she wants, how she feels, thinks, etc... All you can do is ask for another chance. What she does with that is on her. Put your focus into living your best life, taking care of yourself, healing, becoming the man you want to be. Hopefully she will see this and make her decision then.

[ERR]

More specifically I am looking for scientific studies that show the link between Celiac and depression, fatigue and irritability. I have done the Google searches, but I imagine people in this community are very familiar with the existing literature and could perhaps point me in the right direction.

[Jestgar]

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/1836590...Pubmed_RVDocSum

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/1834350...Pubmed_RVDocSum

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/1730575...Pubmed_RVDocSum

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/1612868...Pubmed_RVDocSum

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/1582513...Pubmed_RVDocSum

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/1577401...Pubmed_RVDocSum

[jerseyangel]

ERR,

Welcome!

After your wife has a look at the studies Jestgar put up, invite her to look around here, read, and post with her concerns and fears. There are many, many instances where the gluten-free diet has been lifechanging--not only for the individual with the intolerance, but their families too.

Best of luck to you both!

[Jestgar]

jerseyangel, on Mar 10 2009, 09:25 AM, said:

ERR,

Welcome!

After your wife has a look at the studies Jestgar put up, invite her to look around here, read, and post with her concerns and fears.

This, I think, is the best plan. When it comes to something as personal as loving someone, all the studies in the world won't have the same impact as one person saying "gluten changes me". Maybe your wife will be reminded that she fell in love with you, and it's only the gluten that she can't live with.

[Judyin Philly]

Jestgar, on Mar 10 2009, 12:47 PM, said:

Maybe your wife will be reminded that she fell in love with you, and it's only the gluten that she can't live with.

I agreed with what everyone said but love what Jess wrote.
I've been married for 44 years and 20 were un dx'd with celiac. The last 9 have been the worst but.........
I didn't have small children at this time of dx 3 1/2 years ago........but it took a toll on the marriage but if she can see your really trying now you know how to 'fix' it, maybe it will help her remember who you were and you 2 can grow together.
i sure hope so
Maybe she can come on here and read so she's knows how hard this dx is on marriages and extended family members.
good luck
Were here to help you if you need.
Judy

[ang1e0251]

I agree that reading people's true life stories and struggles on this website changed my attitude and increased my overall knowledge of celiac disease. If she's confidant enough to do so, she could come to the section that is for family of a celiac patient. If she poses any questions, she will receive many truthfull and heartfelt answers that may help her to empathize with you. I don't think a study would change my mind to be honest.

It could be good for her to come to this forum even if she is firm in her resolve because you have children. If you have celiac disease, they might struggle with it some day and your wife should be preparing herself to guard their health.

Good luck to you.

[mindiloo]

I would also print out some of the posts in here about parents saying how badly gluten changes they're childrens' behavior...

http://www.celiac.com/gluten-free/lofivers...php/t10602.html

http://www.celiac.com/gluten-free/index.ph...;show=&st=0

i know there are more than this as well, they should show her that it seriously affects behavior. I'm sure there are people on this forum who wouldn't mind emailing back and forth with your wife to help her understand what has been going on.

She may also just need time to figure out what she wants and to see that you really are different now. Try asking for a separation or a break instead of a divorce so you have time to show her you've changed.

good luck!

[ERR]

mindiloo, on Mar 11 2009, 01:16 PM, said:

She may also just need time to figure out what she wants and to see that you really are different now. Try asking for a separation or a break instead of a divorce so you have time to show her you've changed.

good luck!

Thank you Mindiloo. And thank you everyone.

[rumbles]

Hi ERR,

You might want to see if one of the celiac support groups in your area
is going to have a meeting in the near future, and if so, you might want
to gently suggest that the two of you go together. Meeting others that
are dealing with this and hear what they've been through could help.
Some links are pasted below, - look in support, and also for links to other
support groups/organizations.

~rumbles.

http://www.gluten.net/branches.php
http://www.csaceliacs.org/chapters.php
http://www.celiaccentral.org/
http://celiac.org/
http://celiacdisease.meetup.com/

[Judyin Philly]

rumbles, on Mar 11 2009, 11:39 PM, said:

Meeting others that are dealing with this and hear what they've been through could help.
Some links are pasted below,

such a good idea.
we don't have a support group near us but when my hubby went to a neighborhood block party we happened to sit with a couple with children and the husband was ceiliac as were the kids.
It was good for Jim to hear how other couples were struggleing with this esp. the social aspect and eat out etc. and attending functions that included food or company dinners.
good luck again...........
Judy

[mastiffmommy]

ERR, on Mar 10 2009, 10:35 AM, said:

I was diagnosed with Celiac a couple of weeks ago. I am now gluten free and feel like I am coming out of a fog that I have been in for years. For me Celiac led to depression, irritability and fatigue. Particularly for the last 5 years it has made me a lousy miserable tired person to be around. My wife, who I love more than anything has had a tough time with me the last few years. Basically she told me right around the time of my diagnosis that she had enough and wanted a divorce. She will not go to counseling. She will not give me a chance to show how going gluten free has changed me. I feel terrible for how I have been for the past years. But I am completely convinced since my diagnosis that I am better and that I can finally be happier and healthier and give her and our two young kids the life that they deserve.

Anyway that brings me to my challenge. How do I show my wife that Celiac disease was what was beating me down? How do I show her that since my diagnosis I can be a changed man? Please help. I am desperate.

Read everything you can at www.divorcebusting.com and get the book.

My marriage is holding on my a thread, we are seeing mediators but still with a couselor. We have been separated for a year, I have an 18 month old son. It is awful. All because of my misdiagnosed Celiac. www.divorcebusting.com and the book got me to the point were he said he wanted to reconcile, I had it in my hand, then it was gone because of something that happened. My post is choppy and weird because I have been crying most of tonight. Good luck. I am sure there are a lot of us out there.

IT IS THE GLUTEN. If any "normal" person was put into our bodies while sick for even 5 minutes they would ask to be brought to the hospital.

During my darkest moments I thank God that I was diagnosed before it killed me. Lost 100 pounds in 7 months etc. the whole works, losing hair, heart trouble, shaking, lost vision etc. psychiatric issues... All gone now.

Again, no matter what I try to tell myself I am not dead and can get through this. Even if I am divorced, I still have my beautiful son who is worth all of this hell.

Yeah, go read that book. Keep me posted.

It took a REALLY long time for my husband to believe it was the Gluten. Don't push your wife and get the Divorce Busting Book right away before you do things that will push her further away.

[mastiffmommy]

One more thing regarding that website: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ul...=3;t=000476;p=0

[linsmad]

My husband was dx with celiac about 6 yrs ago. He was completely fine and then all of a sudden had terrible stomach issues and lost almost 40 pounds over a few months. He never had the irritability that many people have described. Oddly enough-he does now! Whenever he ingests the slightest (and I mean slightest) amount of gluten he becomes a totally different human being (and not a very nice one!). I know first hand how hard it is to seperate the disease from the person in these situations. This "gluten volatility" that my husband suffers can last for days on end! We have two children and they are starting to be able to tell the difference when he has been accidentally glutened. My best advice to you is to follow your path on the gluten-free diet. The best thing you can do is take care of yourself first so you wife can see first hand the changes you have made in yourself. As for me-I can understand to a certain degree these mood swings and things-but it is so hard for my kids and other family member to understand.