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Why Didn't I Post This Before? Funny Article
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8 posts in this topic

I've had this for at least two weeks and I never thought to post it here. This is a particularly humorous article about bread. Especially appropriate for us :lol: :

http://www.mercola.com/2005/mar/30/bread.htm

Bread: The Half-Baked Truth Revealed

 

More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.

Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.

In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.

Every piece of bread you eat brings you nearer to death.

Bread is associated with all the major diseases of the body. For example, nearly all sick people have eaten bread. The effects are obviously cumulative:

99.9 percent of all people who die from cancer have eaten bread

99.7 percent of the people involved in air and auto accidents ate bread within 6 months preceding the accident

93.1 percent of juvenile delinquents came from homes where bread is served frequently

Evidence points to the long-term effects of bread eating: Of all the people born since 1839 who later dined on bread, there has been a 100% mortality rate.

Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as a teaspoon of dough can be used to suffocate a lab rat. The average American eats more bread than that in one day!

Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.

Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.

Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.

Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 80 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.

Newborn babies can choke on bread.

Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.

Most bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

In light of these frightening statistics, we propose the following bread restrictions:

No sale of bread to minors.

A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.

A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.

No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.

The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.

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THAT is hysterical!!!! Thanks!!!!

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:lol::lol::lol: That cracks me up...I'll be sharing that with alot of people I know...thanks celiac3270
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That is very funny :lol: Thanks celiac3270 :D

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Thanks celiac3270, you made me laugh! :lol:

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haha! My dad must've read that before. If you get into a "marijuana is bad because... " conversation with him, he'll rattle off all those statistics - but with milk as being the culprit. You know.... half of all felons have smoked marijuana, but 99.9% have dranken milk... everyone who has tried cocaine drank a glass of milk as a child.... etc..

This post will probably get deleted. lol.

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Hi Ajlauer:

I don't know it made me snicker! :D

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Nope--won't be deleted :) ....you can use these facts to twist arguments about almost anything :lol: .

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      "I got this vaccination in 2009 when I was 20 and it completely altered my life. Made my celiac disease so much worse, sleep 15-18 hours a day, SIBO, it has completely altered my life since getting this vaccination. My doctor has two twin girls about my age and they both have digestion problems after receiving gardasil Thank you I have a young daughter and have wondered this exact question posed by the poster and your response has given me great pause about this issue which may come up in years to come. I am sorry to hear this wreak havoc on your life, but simultaneously thank you for sharing this detail to help those of us that have likely been decades misdiagnosed celiacs now raising children. Thank you.
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    • Gardasil
      I got this vaccination in 2009 when I was 20 and it completely altered my life. Made my celiac disease so much worse, sleep 15-18 hours a day, SIBO, it has completely altered my life since getting this vaccination. My doctor has two twin girls about my age and they both have digestion problems after receiving gardasil
    • Gardasil And Celiac
      I have this same issue! I got gardasil in 2009 and have never been the same since. Celiac disease, thyroid problems. I used to be healthy and active and since I got that shot I have never been the same.
    • Gluten does WHAT to the brain?
      I saw this the other day too & like Karen, wondered at the last line of the article. The article had me once again thinking about my deceased brother who was dx'd paranoid schizophrenic in his late 20's. He also had alternating constipation/diarrhea  but "they" always blamed it on his meds for the schizophrenia. We, his family, knew he had those issues prior to him being prescribed the meds but there is no telling the medical community something when you're talking about a mental patient.  Okay, I know the guy is selling something but the research noted in the article is valid: http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2013/06/22/gluten-grains-cause-schizophrenia.aspx We knew about this back in the 50's & going forward. They even coined the term for it "bread madness". Why have we not recognized this in the psychology/mental health/institutions community for all these many years? Why does it seem to have been just shoved under the rug like some dirty little secret?  Wondering what kind of life my brother could have had - if  he had celiac - constantly haunts me.
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