Jump to content

Follow Us:  Twitter Facebook RSS Feed            




   arrowShare this page:
   

   Get email alerts  Subscribe to FREE Celiac.com email alerts

 
Ads by Google:
Celiac.com Sponsor:                                    


Photo
- - - - -

Why Didn't I Post This Before? Funny Article


  • Please log in to reply

7 replies to this topic

#1 celiac3270

 
celiac3270

    Advanced Community Member

  • Advanced Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 3,263 posts
 

Posted 06 April 2005 - 12:16 PM

I've had this for at least two weeks and I never thought to post it here. This is a particularly humorous article about bread. Especially appropriate for us :lol: :

http://www.mercola.c...ar/30/bread.htm

Bread: The Half-Baked Truth Revealed
 
More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.

Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.

In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.

Every piece of bread you eat brings you nearer to death.

Bread is associated with all the major diseases of the body. For example, nearly all sick people have eaten bread. The effects are obviously cumulative:

99.9 percent of all people who die from cancer have eaten bread

99.7 percent of the people involved in air and auto accidents ate bread within 6 months preceding the accident

93.1 percent of juvenile delinquents came from homes where bread is served frequently

Evidence points to the long-term effects of bread eating: Of all the people born since 1839 who later dined on bread, there has been a 100% mortality rate.

Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as a teaspoon of dough can be used to suffocate a lab rat. The average American eats more bread than that in one day!

Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.

Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.

Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.

Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 80 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.

Newborn babies can choke on bread.

Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.

Most bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

In light of these frightening statistics, we propose the following bread restrictions:

No sale of bread to minors.

A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.

A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.

No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.

The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.


  • 0

Celiac.com Sponsor:

#2 Guest_nini_*

 
Guest_nini_*
  • Guests
 

Posted 06 April 2005 - 04:02 PM

THAT is hysterical!!!! Thanks!!!!
  • 0

#3 KaitiUSA

 
KaitiUSA

    Be the change you wish to see in the world!

  • Advanced Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 3,583 posts
 

Posted 06 April 2005 - 04:06 PM

:lol: :lol: :lol: That cracks me up...I'll be sharing that with alot of people I know...thanks celiac3270
  • 0
Kaiti
Positive bloodwork
Gluten-free since January 2004
Arkansas

Jeremiah 29:11- "For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for you to prosper and not harm you,plans to give you a hope and future"

"One Nation, Under God"

Feel free to email me anytime....jkbrodbent@yahoo.com

#4 Guest_Viola_*

 
Guest_Viola_*
  • Guests
 

Posted 06 April 2005 - 04:37 PM

That is very funny :lol: Thanks celiac3270 :D
  • 0

#5 Rikki Tikki

 
Rikki Tikki

    Tavi

  • Advanced Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 871 posts
 

Posted 06 April 2005 - 05:06 PM

Thanks celiac3270, you made me laugh! :lol:
  • 0
Nostaglia is a file that removes the rough edges from the good old days!!!!

" 15 years of it's stress!"
"blood work show's a disease called celiac,
but it can't be that because it's rare!"
Diagnosed via blood and biopsy 2003


Not a medical professional just a silly celiac
offering support, my
experience and advice

#6 Guest_ajlauer_*

 
Guest_ajlauer_*
  • Guests
 

Posted 06 April 2005 - 10:51 PM

haha! My dad must've read that before. If you get into a "marijuana is bad because... " conversation with him, he'll rattle off all those statistics - but with milk as being the culprit. You know.... half of all felons have smoked marijuana, but 99.9% have dranken milk... everyone who has tried cocaine drank a glass of milk as a child.... etc..

This post will probably get deleted. lol.
  • 0

#7 Rikki Tikki

 
Rikki Tikki

    Tavi

  • Advanced Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 871 posts
 

Posted 07 April 2005 - 03:23 PM

Hi Ajlauer:
I don't know it made me snicker! :D
  • 0
Nostaglia is a file that removes the rough edges from the good old days!!!!

" 15 years of it's stress!"
"blood work show's a disease called celiac,
but it can't be that because it's rare!"
Diagnosed via blood and biopsy 2003


Not a medical professional just a silly celiac
offering support, my
experience and advice

#8 celiac3270

 
celiac3270

    Advanced Community Member

  • Advanced Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 3,263 posts
 

Posted 09 April 2005 - 12:08 PM

Nope--won't be deleted :) ....you can use these facts to twist arguments about almost anything :lol: .
  • 0




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

Celiac.com Sponsors: