[Gluten-free-for-me]

first off, my brother, Tizoc, who currently has no medical problems (i.e. intolerance, allergies) eats gluten in front of my face, saying, "Here's the ones you'd be eating." *gulp*
This also annoys me because when I complain to my dad he says: "You know, life isn't fair."

I agree with my dad but it shouldn't be made worse by taunting.What do I do?

P.S. I have lactose intolerance AND Celiac disease. and I have known about Lactose intolerance for 2 years and celiac disease since Tuesday. This isnt normal for a twelve year old kid! is it? My brother is fifteen.
Am I just unlucky? email: nelsnils@gmail.com

[FMcGee]

Oh jeez. Your brother sounds like a pill. I'm going to think about this further, but I would say this: telling him to stop impolitely probably isn't the way to start. Counteracting rudeness with rudeness is rarely helpful in the long term. Have you told your dad, calmly, that when your brother taunts you like this, it makes you feel ____? If I were you, I'd feel undervalued by my family and as though my need to not be taunted by my brother was not as important as his desire to taunt me, based on my dad's response. But, I'm not you, so I don't know exactly how you feel about it, but if you can identify your feelings and articulate them to both your dad and brother, you might get somewhere. The world is not ideal, though, and it could be they continue brushing you off. In that case, I would tell myself that your brother will probably get bored with this game eventually AND that you are really taking care of yourself, and he is not, by eating extra cookies. Take comfort in the high ground and if his behavior never escalates beyond what you describe here, you can respond with "I'm taking good care of myself, so eat all the cookies you want." I totally understand that you WANT the cookies (me, too!) but if you frame it to yourself as something for you to be proud of - that you are grown up enough to care for yourself, that you do not need certain unhealthy foods to make you happy - it might help get you through.

Understand that some people, when finding out a sibling has celiac disease (or another disease) might react with, "If she is special, I must not be." Your brother might feel that he is not getting attention because you are dealing with a new lifestyle that needs an adjustment from the whole family, and so he has to act out to get some attention for himself. It's not a very mature reaction! So, if you think that's why he's acting like this, the best way to get him to stop is to not give him the attention he is looking for.

I hope all this helps! As I said, I'm going to think about it more. Good luck!

[Jestgar]

Shrug your shoulders and say "Wait until you get sick". He may find out that he has Celiac as well, if you have the same parents.

[flourgirl]

I'm sorry to say that I agree with your dad. Life is not fair....ever. Some days you're on top of the world, some days you're down in the caves. There will always be people eating what you can't have. Somehow you have to learn to accept this and deal with it. In the long run your brother may actually be doing you a favor! (if you choose to look at it this way, it may help)....he is helping you do develop strength to resist those poisons. I could take this further but I won't.

I live in a mixed household. I have Celiac....others in my house don't. I am the only one here who follows this diet and I don't expect other people to do without....that is our choice. I've learned to sit at the table knowing that others are eating things.....sometimes things that I dearly loved....but have learned to accept it and am not tempted to indulge in something that would make me sick.

BTW....if you ignore your brothers teasing....as soon as he realizes it is not bothering you (even if it is you can't let him know that)...he will stop. The game gets old and it's not entertaining to him if he can't get a reaction out of you! This IS normal brother behavior.....I'm sure you've been teased before.

I wish you luck and speedy healing. I know that soon you'll realize that this could be so much worse....if you have to have a condition...this one is not life threatening....it is something that you can LIVE with. Hope I haven't come across as too preachy....just sharing some thoughts with you.

[Tim-n-VA]

Gluten-free-for-me, on Jun 12 2009, 01:28 AM, said:

This also annoys me because when I complain to my dad he says: "You know, life isn't fair."

This is one that just bothers me in general. While it is true that life isn't fair, that usually is used to explain the randomness of things that can happen to people. To use it to justify bad behaviour is just wrong. Teasing someone is not "life not being fair", it is someone making a choice to be cruel.

[OptimisticMom42]

Brothers errrrrr! He's going to tease you about something, when biscuits become boring he'll choose something else. He's doing it to get everyone's attention. He'll grow out of it at about the same time he gets his first girlfriend or driver's license. Until then he's just gonna be a pain.

Maybe if you give him the biscuits .......... Thank him for getting those away from you so you're not tempted...... that would take all the fun out of it for him and he might feel important.

It's worth a try.

[FMcGee]

I think there's a big difference between living in a mixed household and being taunted. I'm the only person in my family and group of friends with celiac disease. I don't actually know anyone else who has it (love you guys, but I haven't met you!), so I'm never around people who are also eating gluten-free, and no one ever taunts me. I agree with Tim-N-VA - there's accepting that life is not fair, which is a good life lesson, and then there's being taunted for something unfairly. My parents would never have let my brother get away with that. My brother would never have done that, because he's the nicest person alive, but I don't think Dad needs to let Brother off the hook. Unfortunately, Dad didn't write in.

It's really hard to ignore other peoples' taunts, I know. If you can't completely block him out, I really like OptimisticMom's idea of handing him the food and saying, "Thanks for removing temptation!"

[shirleyujest]

When I read your story, before I got to your brother's age, from his behavior he sounded about 10 years old. Your dad's right, now if I had a 15 year old acting like that I'd have a private chat with him, but for whatever reason that's not happening. So it's a chance for you to practice dealing with the not-so-nice people in the world which are in no small supply. (or even the mostly nice people who have mean moments which includes pretty much all of us) Next time he taunts you, here's some comeback ideas:

Wow, you're 15 and that's the best you've got?

Yeah luckily diet is a cure for celiac disease. Sadly there's no cure for bad manners.

Or if you're in the mood, laugh at his joke, not in a mean way but just like you get the joke.

Or tell him one more crack like that and next time you're going to go for a long car ride with him you're having a big glass of milk in his honor.

Just remember it's nothing personal. When someone is mean to you, it's about them not you.

PS - Wanted to add something after thinking about your post. When guys get together a big part of their friendship is to tease and torment one another. This might seem awful but it serves a purpose -- helps men toughen up as individuals so they can be stronger in the world and more successful. Make sense? I'm not there to see you guys interact so what MIGHT be mean MIGHT be, instead, his big brother way of toughening you up. It's not even a conscious thing, guys do it without realizing they're doing it, it's like instinct. If your sense is this is what's going on then you could even look at him as doing you a favor. And it may be why your dad is letting it slide.

Just trust your instincts! And hang tough, you'll be fine.

[TrillumHunter]

At 15, that is remarkably immature behavior. I disagree with your dad's take on it. Like someone else told you, I would talk to your dad again and tell him how it makes you feel. Try to do this at a time away from when the taunting has happened. You're twelve and we're asking you to be very mature about this. Also, please try to keep any hint of a whine out of your voice. As the mom of a twelve-year old, I can tell you it makes me stop listening as closely.

As to your brother? Well, perhaps you should develop a special look for him when he does this. Something that says, "I truly pity your foolishness." Any words you use he will be able to turn back on you.

[Gluten-free-for-me]

those are all legitimate answers. THANKS! Oh and the last one does have a point, it is genetics.

[Salax]

My advice would be to be the "bigger" person. Ignore it or get up and walk away. If you show that it bothers you, chances are he likes the reaction he is getting from you. Take away that power that you give him.

[RiceGuy]

I agree that your brother's behavior is immature. Hopefully he'll grow out of it soon. Until then, many of the suggestions thus far seem good, especially giving him the biscuits, and showing him it does not bother you.

[ang1e0251]

Brothers are the same the world over and they don't change much. Which is probably how I grew up to be such a smart alec, the only weapon I had over an older and younger brother was my brain so the sarcastic comeback became my weapon.

I thought up several of those reading your story but the truth is I didn't like growing up in that kind of atmosphere. I never let my kids get away with that kind of malicious teasing. They are close and my son was taught that affection for his sister was OK. Never teasing that made fun of a physical condition. That's like making fun of a soldier because she lost her leg.

You've been given good advice. I hope your dad can respond to your feelings. It's sometimes hard for dad's to understand girl's different ways of looking at things. Let us know how it all turns out. I think your brother's pretty lucky to have such a smart sister.

[mommida]

My kids are younger (big brother just turned 10 and little sister is 6), SUCH BEHAVIOUR IS UNACCEPTABLE.
It will not happen in this house, and if it did ~there would be consequences.
My daughter's diet is limited beyond gluten and casein. My son knows not to eat taboo foods in front of her or helps to find a food replacement she would enjoy. ( He is only limited to the gluten free diet.)

Your brother could be jealous of the attention you getting. Whatever his issues are they should be dealt with by your parents. If your parents don't deal with this ~ they are neglecting their parental responsiblities.

If you have to deal with this, tell him what it is like to feel the way you do and ask why he feels the need to be so cruel.

[Ahorsesoul]

As long as you show your db that his teasing is bothering you, he will continue. I suggest you just laugh and tell him to have another (whatever it is) for you. And then thank him for eating it and keeping you healthy. I'm with the others who said his turn to eat gluten free may happen before long. Suggest to your parents that they all be tested.

Brothers (or sisters, parents, friends) are going to tease you forever. I'm in my 50's and my older brother still teases me. I love it now.