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In A Slump And Need Some Help

The Glutenator

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The Glutenator Contributor
The Glutenator
Posted

Oh, it is "one of those weeks" for me with the celiac. I went on a second date for drinks on the weekend, after a first date for coffee (which was fine for the celiac in me). My date wanted some appetizers to snack on, and he was kind of was aware of the celiac. He wanted a pizza, but got an antipasto platter instead so I could nibble as well. It was really thoughtful! But, I am currently being tested for refractory celiac so have been told not to eat out at all for the next 6 months (along with a non-processed foods diet). This is to see if the damage to my gut goes away and Ab levels drop. As a result, I couldn't accept the kind gesture. Luckily, there were crackers on the plate so I could blame it on that. I am REALLY worried that the current restrictiveness of my diet will be a huge turn off.

So I am feeling very un-datable, and I got an invite by a couple friends to go out for dinner. Soon after the plans were made the organizer (a good friend aware of the new changes) called to apologize saying she forgot I couldn't eat out anymore...even at the diligent gluten-free spot near by. I am still bitter about this refractory testing diet, and don't know how I feel about watching others eat at dinner time. I called a couple smaller cafes who said I could not bring my own meal, even if everyone else ordered off the menu. So I am thinking...if I go to a bigger chain restaurant like TGI Friday's or something, the other two girls order, and I pull out my own meat and potato when their meals arrive, will the server notice or care? I wouldn't do this on a date or anything, but with girl friends it seems like a solution. Has anyone tried this and got a positive/negative response?

I AM SO BUMMED right now! It is only my second week of cooking EVERYTHING from scratch and I am tired...I had to make applesauce from scratch to make muffins from scratch, ugh. I miss dark chocolate so much I that I don't even know if all this is worth it. I miss gluten-free cereal, anything toasted, condiments, salad dressing, and other dietary basics. I already want to cheat and have some simple processed foods (even naturally gluten-free ones like chocolate), but know the alternative is steroids and immuno suppressants so I can't. I am just down.

Any support would be appreciated, and advice on the restaurant situation too.

Thanks,

-one crappy feeling girl

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Skylark Collaborator
Skylark
Posted

((( hugs )))

If that guy is worth anything, he will quickly figure out things to do on dates that do not involve eating out. Concerts and movies are always good, or any favorite shared hobbies. Remember that you can always invite him over for dinner.

I've only tried bringing my own bread. I've never gotten any negative response from pulling out my Udi's to eat with a meal but that's a little different. Maybe keep calling restaurants, explaining that your friends would like to order full meals and you will be eating medically prescribed food. I'm sure there is somewhere understanding. I would always ask to speak to a manager, rather than whoever answers the phone as they will be more able to make exceptions to policies. Perhaps the strict gluten-free place knows about refractory celiac and would make accommodations to let you bring home-cooked food while you're in this phase.

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Jestgar Rising Star
Jestgar
Posted

I wouldn't ask at all, just do it, and have someone get two plates.

I think your date would be more put off by your unhappiness in yourself. Guys like confident women so just smile and say - this is what I'm doing, and why. Would you like to go for a walk/ concert/ movie/ whatever. Find something you both like to do and do that.

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SGWhiskers Collaborator
SGWhiskers
Posted

I've take a dish of my own to restaraunts several times. I would rather have the social company than be left out of the fun. I make sure it is a single dish rather than a spread of food. I just pull it out and set it covered on the table after drinks are ordered and before dinner is ordered. When the server comes to me, I say I have severe food allergies and brought my own. I also add a more than 20% of a tip to the ice tea. I've never had anyone say anything to me. I got some sideways glances from a fondue place that wasn't sure why I could eat my own fruit, but not theirs. (I wasn't going to try to explain gluten-free on a crowded Saturday evening with pasteries all over the place). I think most of the time, servers realize that it isn't worth the rest of the party leaving or making a scene if they ask you not to eat your own food. Order some wine or a cocktail if it will make you feel better about not ordering a meal.

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precious831 Contributor
precious831
Posted

We don't go out to eat much...at all. When we do, I bring DD's food. No one has said anything to me yet. I'm grain-free, after being gluten-free/DF/SF for about a year, I was still having symptoms so I was advised to go grain-free. Socializing is tough, I hear ya. I feel pressured all the time even at playgroups. I kindly explain over and over again why I don't do this or don't eat this. It gets tiring sometimes.

How about finding some other stuff to do/chill out that doesn't involve food? I know it's hard since in our society, everything revolves around food.

Hang in there.

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The Glutenator Contributor
The Glutenator
  • Author
Posted

Thank you so much for your support, I really need it and it feels good. You are right, I need to just be confident with the boy...the right guy will accept me for who I am. Having him over for dinner is a good idea (hopefully not too forward too soon), and so are movies and walks. As for the restaurant, I think I'll try taking my own food, like you have suggested. Worst they can do is ask me to put it away. Thanks again. I am in a huge funk (not the best for starting a new relationship!) and the words of those who truly understand is a huge help.

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YoloGx Rookie
YoloGx
Posted

You can eat out occasionally if you go to a place with a dedicated gluten free menu.

I have found PF Chang's to be safe as long as I remind them to wash their hands etc. between delivering orders. Haven't done as well at that Australian place--Outback. But maybe it could work for you as long as you remind them of your needs.

I also suggest for dating have a picnic at a park or beach instead--and you bring the fixings. I did this and it worked out well. You could also go to a play or dance or some other event--and also bring some emergency food along (as well as eat beforehand--i.e., go out after dinner). By the time the guy knows you he'll be ready to be very tolerant. Many people have far worse conditions. In time you can invite him over to your place for a meal... or even snacks.

Bottom line: If a date can't be tolerant maybe you don't want to know him. It short circuits insensitive selfish types right off the bat. There are better more caring fish to fry...

Bea

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anabananakins Explorer
anabananakins
Posted

You can eat out occasionally if you go to a place with a dedicated gluten free menu.

I have found PF Chang's to be safe as long as I remind them to wash their hands etc. between delivering orders. Haven't done as well at that Australian place--Outback. But maybe it could work for you as long as you remind them of your needs.

I also suggest for dating have a picnic at a park or beach instead--and you bring the fixings. I did this and it worked out well. You could also go to a play or dance or some other event--and also bring some emergency food along (as well as eat beforehand--i.e., go out after dinner). By the time the guy knows you he'll be ready to be very tolerant. Many people have far worse conditions. In time you can invite him over to your place for a meal... or even snacks.

Bottom line: If a date can't be tolerant maybe you don't want to know him. It short circuits insensitive selfish types right off the bat. There are better more caring fish to fry...

Bea

These (and the other posts) are all really good suggestions.

I had to comment on the this though

Haven't done as well at that Australian place--Outback.
. That chain is hilariously non-australian.. I haven't tried their gluten free menu yet (and I'm sorry you've not had good experiences with it) but I've eaten there a few times in the past (here in Australia) because my step mother was homesick for american-style food. It was quite the experience. Nothing like any other restaurant I've seen in Australia, but good fun if I want to pretend I'm back on holiday in the states :)
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Gfresh404 Enthusiast
Gfresh404
Posted

Just wanted to say, don't be too hard on yourself. You don't have to act confident if you're not. It's something new that you're not used to.

Also, you could almost view having Celiac as a positive when it comes to dating - it'll weed out the jerks for you :)

Hang in there

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cap6 Enthusiast
cap6
Posted

I am 7 months into this and still feel embarrassed at bringing out my own food but force myself to do it. It is getting easier as time goes by so I am encouraged. I usually wait till last to order and just say that I am a problem child with severe food alergies and then order my salad or just a drink. So far...with the exception of one very bored server...I have had understanding servers who had no problem with me bringing out my sandwich or snack. Haven't had the courage to bring a full meal yet! But am working on it.... :o

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GlutenFreeManna Rising Star
GlutenFreeManna
Posted

Sorry you're having a tough time.

Here are some suggestions for non-food-centric dates:

Make your own gluten free picnic lunch and go eat in a park.

Go dancing/take dance classes together.

Go to a museum/musical/movie/aquarium/zoo/botanical garden/plantarium

Go hiking/biking/swimming/rock climbing

Go canoing/kayaking/white water rafting (bring your own gluten-free picnic lunch)

Tour a winery (wine is gluten-free!)

Go to a sporting event (football/basketball/baseball, etc food is optional)

Go to a comedy club (another optional food place)

Go ice skating/roller blading

Go skiing/sledding/snow boarding/just sit and drink hot cocoa and watch the snow fall

Go bowling

Go horseback riding

Go see holiday lights displays (getting close to that time of year, take your own thermos of hot cider or cocoa)

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The Glutenator Contributor
The Glutenator
  • Author
Posted

You can eat out occasionally if you go to a place with a dedicated gluten free menu.

Thanks for all the support. Maybe this guy isn't the one, but the right guy will accept me for who I am. I may not believe this right now, but if I keep it as a mantra I will soon :) Unfortunately until I do this hardcore whole foods thing for 6 months for the refractory testing and go for more blood work I can't eat out at all. But, in the future the gluten-free restaurants are a good idea. For now all the other suggestions were great :)

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