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Boyfriend In Denial About Celiac Disease


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6 replies to this topic

#1 ginny1138

 
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Posted 10 March 2011 - 04:24 PM

Hello.

My boyfriend of about two years has Celiac disease and always cheats on his diet. About a year ago his denial caused him to have an irregular heart beat and malnutrition. He had no energy and could barely walk up a flight of stairs without becoming exhausted and nauseous. Since then he has been better about his diet but is still not 100% gluten free. He doesnít have extreme symptoms anymore but I've read this doesnít mean harm is not being done to your body.

I try to be supportive by making gluten free meals and going to restaurants with gluten free options. I've even gone gluten free myself but he still eats gluten when we arenít together (about 2-3 times a week). I've come to the point where I get frustrated with him because he doesnít seem to care that he's making himself sick. His excuse is "it's too hard" to be gluten free and I "don't understand" what he's going through. I'm only concerned about his health. I remember what happened before and if it was me with the problem, would do anything I could to insure I wouldn't get sick again.

Has anyone else been in this type of situation? It is seriously hurting our relationship.

Thanks for your comments!
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#2 hockeymomofceliacchild

 
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Posted 10 March 2011 - 06:37 PM

Hello.

My boyfriend of about two years has Celiac disease and always cheats on his diet. About a year ago his denial caused him to have an irregular heart beat and malnutrition. He had no energy and could barely walk up a flight of stairs without becoming exhausted and nauseous. Since then he has been better about his diet but is still not 100% gluten free. He doesnít have extreme symptoms anymore but I've read this doesnít mean harm is not being done to your body.

I try to be supportive by making gluten free meals and going to restaurants with gluten free options. I've even gone gluten free myself but he still eats gluten when we arenít together (about 2-3 times a week). I've come to the point where I get frustrated with him because he doesnít seem to care that he's making himself sick. His excuse is "it's too hard" to be gluten free and I "don't understand" what he's going through. I'm only concerned about his health. I remember what happened before and if it was me with the problem, would do anything I could to insure I wouldn't get sick again.

Has anyone else been in this type of situation? It is seriously hurting our relationship.

Thanks for your comments!

I think alot of people have similar problems with watching their loved ones make poor choices. Weather they be diabetic, have high bloodpressure, high colesterol or even an alcholic.

We hate to see them consume things that we know are harming them. It is even more frustrating when they are aware that they are doing it.

I've tried very hard to keep my opinion to myself and I worry about my husbands health all the time. I am trying now not to nag him too much about getting his celiac testing done because I will be shocked if he doesn't have it like our son.

You have to remember that they are in control of their own bodies and you can't make anyone do what you want them to do. You can only continue to support him as you are by preparing foods he can eat and since he is having a hard time it is great you are extremely supportive by eating similar diet with him.

You have to avoid the "see you ate gluten and now you are sick" and say things like "so how come you arent feeing well? Why do you think you feel this way? and if he gives you a "I dont know" then you can say "well it is probably from that huge pizza you ate..." lol

Good luck with this as I said it is hard I always have a sore tongue from biting it all the time ;)
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#3 Jungle

 
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Posted 10 March 2011 - 06:56 PM

I guess you have to decide if this is what you want to sign-up for a lifetime of.

If he doesn't want to take care of himself, can you depend on him to take care of you? It is not your job to rescue him. There are many things in life that are hard to deal with. As annoying as celiacs is, it is a very simple medical diagnosis. Don't eat gluten and you will be better. How many other things do you cure as simply as that. No side effects, no surgery.
Life will throw you twists and turns. If he can't step up and look after himself because it is hard, how is he going to sacrifice his wants to support you and the family you may have?

You have gone above and beyond by being supportive of him and trying to make this a way of life for you as well as him. I don't think there is anything more you can do. Only he can change his behavior. You might have to consider he might not.
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#4 ElseB

 
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Posted 10 March 2011 - 07:34 PM

Hello.

My boyfriend of about two years has Celiac disease and always cheats on his diet. About a year ago his denial caused him to have an irregular heart beat and malnutrition. He had no energy and could barely walk up a flight of stairs without becoming exhausted and nauseous. Since then he has been better about his diet but is still not 100% gluten free. He doesnít have extreme symptoms anymore but I've read this doesnít mean harm is not being done to your body.

I try to be supportive by making gluten free meals and going to restaurants with gluten free options. I've even gone gluten free myself but he still eats gluten when we arenít together (about 2-3 times a week). I've come to the point where I get frustrated with him because he doesnít seem to care that he's making himself sick. His excuse is "it's too hard" to be gluten free and I "don't understand" what he's going through. I'm only concerned about his health. I remember what happened before and if it was me with the problem, would do anything I could to insure I wouldn't get sick again.

Has anyone else been in this type of situation? It is seriously hurting our relationship.

Thanks for your comments!


I don't have much advice but I just wanted to say that its so nice to hear from a non-Celiac is is being supportive. I've read so many posts on this forum from Celiacs whose friends and loved ones aren't supportive and just don't get it. I'm one of the lucky ones with a supportive partner and family who go out of their way to accommodate me and make me feel included in every meal. Its too bad that your boyfriend doesn't appreciate the effort you're making.
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#5 mushroom

 
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Posted 10 March 2011 - 08:10 PM

To get some possible insight to the male thinking, you might be interested in reading this recent thread:

http://www.celiac.co...ant-eat-gluten/

Guys are not like gals :P
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"Everything that can be counted does not necessarily count; everything that counts cannot necessarily be counted." - Albert Einstein

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#6 eatmeat4good

 
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Posted 10 March 2011 - 11:43 PM

When people show you who they really are...believe them.
--Maya Angelou

I think it speaks to his problem solving, judgment, and willingness to ignore something really significant regardless of the consequences.

You have to ask yourself how this will work in the long term. Not just with his Celiac but with other things.
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Healing is a matter of time, but it is sometimes also a matter of opportunity.
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#7 AzizaRivers

 
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Posted 11 March 2011 - 07:03 AM

I do want to say I think you're being an awesome girlfriend for being supportive of him, and especially going gluten-free for solidarity. I think sometimes people don't realize how good that makes us feel, someone saying "I'm in this with you, we'll do it together."

Have you had a long sit-down talk with him about this, or just bits and pieces here and there trying to get him to understand? I don't know what the rest of your relationship looks like, but I could never imagine saying "Sorry, looks like if you can't take care of yourself you can't take care of anything. Bye bye!" This is something he needs help with, and unless your relationship is strained in other ways, I could not imagine it would be the best thing to break up with him over this. No disrespect of course to those who advise you to think about your relationship (we all need to be evaluating our relationships) but I simply see a different point of view.

First of all, he needs to understand that celiac is not impossible to live with. It does not rule my life, and it doesn't really stop me from doing anything except eating gluten. There are so many worse things that can happen to a person besides celiac! I can go somewhere with friends and either bring my own food, or just enjoy their company and not let the food issue get in my way. There are so many things he can still eat, and he needs to learn how to appreciate them. Humans tend to compose too much of our diets from carbs and starches anyway, so there's no need to bother too much with replacements unless it's the occasional treat.

What are his favorite foods? Sometimes you can make really good alternatives if you do it right, if that would help him cope. I think one of the biggest things he needs is to realize this is not the end of the world. It's just gluten...who needs that, anyway?
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Celiac diagnosed October-November 2010 (blood test negative, biopsy inconclusive after gluten-free for 6 weeks, miraculous diet results).

October 2010: Gluten free.
November 2010: No HFCS or artificial sweeteners.
March 2011: Gradually fading out soy.




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