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Need To Vent, Shoulder To Cry On And Everybody


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35 replies to this topic

#1 txplowgirl

 
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Posted 30 March 2011 - 02:37 PM

Well, for those of you have been kind of following my posts, you can all tell me I told you so.
I got myself into this mess and now i've got to figure out what to do. I know what I need to do, that's just it. It's hard.
My significant other and I have been teaming on a truck off and on for several years now. We'll bust up and get back together. He knows I need to be gluten free, he understands that but he just can't get past the cross contamination thing and that a little bit won't hurt you. Uuuuuuhhh, it's frustrating. We've been back in the truck together now for almost 3 months and i'm getting to the point where I feel bad constantly and now am having daily headaches. I have asked him to clean up after himself after he eats his sandwiches, but nope. He's cooking his gluten stuff in my electric skillet, so on and so on. I'm constantly getting glutened but he just will not believe that a little will hurt. It's starting to become cumulative. I've tried getting him to read information but he refuses to do it. Then this morning was really the kicker.
I decided to eat breakfast at a truckstop this morning. This is a restaurant that we regularly frequent and they know me. I can get a ham and egg omelete with no issues. Anyway, the SO ordered his breakfast and it included what they call country gravy. He picks a spoonful up and wanted me to eat it! We got into one heck of a fight because I refused to. But yet for some reason i'm the bad person because I started the fight by telling him no. This isn't working like I thought it would. I'm constantly miserable now and fighting daily headaches. As usual, he promised me the moon and I bought into it. I'm gonna take a nap and maybe i'll feel better later. I hope.
  • 0

Lupus, Connective Tissue Disease with Fibro type symptoms, Anemia, Anxiety, Depression, RA, Rynauds Syndrome, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Erosive Gastritis, Osteoporosis, Degenerative Disc Disease, Scoliosis, Bulging discs in lower back and neck, Pinched Nerves.

 

Soy free, MSG free, mostly Dairy free. Endoscopy shows blunted Villi which dr states as gluten sensitivity, so goin back to being gluten free


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#2 Jestgar

 
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Posted 30 March 2011 - 02:52 PM

I'm so sorry you feel bad.

You may need to spend some time thinking about whether or not this relationship is really right for you. Blatant disrespect (using your skillet) is not something I'd be willing to put up with.
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#3 kareng

 
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Posted 30 March 2011 - 02:53 PM

Sounds like you know what you need to do. He sees you not feeling well but tries to make you feel worse. Sounds abusive and controlling. If you don't feel good, you need him more. Or he's just a selfish jerk who doesn't notice anything but his own needs.

Either way,.....

I don't know what you have to do about the job/ business. If you own an interest in the truck, you may have to get a lawyer.

Sorry. You have given it more than a fair shot.
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#4 Lisa

 
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Posted 30 March 2011 - 02:54 PM

Well, that's not very kind and it's inconsiderate and patronizing. I am sorry that he can not/will not see your health concerns.

I hate to give people advise, when I have not walked in their shoes, but..... Not knowing much about your business, could he be in a bind if you sat out a trip? Could that get his attention? Maybe he'll step up...

But, nevertheless, I am sorry that he treated you so unkindly. :(
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Lisa

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"Not all who wander are lost" - JRR Tolkien

#5 etta694

 
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Posted 30 March 2011 - 03:07 PM

You deserve better.... love is a choice and he isn't making loving choices. Just my 2 cents worth.
  • 3
Anemia and IBS through my life
2005 Joint pain, exhaustion, general feeling of not being well 2006 Beginning of testing for everything but Celiac 2008 Bloating, more muscle stiffness, feeling sicker, more exhausted-testing 'normal' 2010 March insides begin to shut down, cough that won't go away 2010 June Colonoscopy, Endoscopy, biopsy - all show no problems
Self diagnosed gluten intolerant - went gluten free. Within 3 days feeling better.
After 5 days - insides began to move
Now - feel better than I have felt for 15 years (except when I gluten myself.. which I'm good at)

#6 yolo

 
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Posted 30 March 2011 - 04:09 PM

I agree. It really is unfortunate especially since you have a business together. But if you want to be healthy and happy it looks like you can't be with that guy. You are after all driving in close proximity of each other. And the fact he CC's your food by using your cookware is unforgivable given your condition.

I had a love in my life that was like that. He basically thought this whole gluten thing with my cross contamination reactions was nuts. But for me it was a survival issue.

It is so hard when you feel the emotional attachment with someone you otherwise are so close to. But you have to love yourself first.

If you keep getting CC'd it will not only give you headaches etc. it can cause more serious breakdowns for your health. Cancer, other auto immune diseases, thyroid, diabetes etc. etc.

This guy may actually love you in his way, but he is poison for you. Face it. There are no easy answers, but you will feel infinitely better not being with him.

Maybe you can still be phone buddies, but face it, close contact is out unless by some miracle he decides to change and be willing to do the work to get outside his comfort/habit zone.

There are other guys out there who are a lot more loving and considerate, believe me. You might think they don't exist right now but they do. They may in fact wish they were with someone as wonderful as you.

Bea

PS--getting constantly glutened like that does not bring out the best in anyone. Think of the Vikings eating moldy rye bread before battle and you will get the appropriate image. It doesn't exactly make for calmness. But it really isn't your fault. Bottom line.
  • 1
Diagnosed celiac sprue as infant: failure to thrive & pneumonia-back on grains age 4. Began herbs 1971 combating chronic kidney disease/general ill health 1973. Avoid wheat family and "allergens" by 1980. Late 80's doc. diagnosed candida: cave-man diet. Diagnosed degraded myelin sheath 2006; need co-enzyme B vitamins. Discovered celiac fall 2007; finally told diagnosis as infant. Recently found I am salicylic acid intolerant. Ironically can't tolerate most herbs now. Can now eat brown rice & other gluten-free grains (except corn) & even maple syrup & now homeopathic medicine works! Am still exploring the shape of this elephant but I've made progress!

#7 Jungle

 
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Posted 30 March 2011 - 05:23 PM

I am sorry that he isn't standing up and being a man to support his woman.
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#8 mushroom

 
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Posted 30 March 2011 - 05:47 PM

I kind of had a feeling from one of your other posts that you had given him another chance :blink: I am very sorry, but in my book he has blown it yet again, :ph34r: and is incapable of reform. If you really do want to lead a healthy life I am afraid he is leaving you no alternative but to make the final cut. It will be very hard for both of you, but your health has got to come before any other considerations, and he is not being in the least bit considerate or thoughtful. :(
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Neroli


"Everything that can be counted does not necessarily count; everything that counts cannot necessarily be counted." - Albert Einstein

"Life is not weathering the storm; it is learning to dance in the rain"

"Whatever the question, the answer is always chocolate." Nigella Lawson

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Caffeine free 1973
Lactose free 1990
(Mis)diagnosed IBS, fibromyalgia '80's and '90's
Diagnosed psoriatic arthritis 2004
Self-diagnosed gluten intolerant, gluten-free Nov. 2007
Soy free March 2008
Nightshade free Feb 2009
Citric acid free June 2009
Potato starch free July 2009
(Totally) corn free Nov. 2009
Legume free March 2010
Now tolerant of lactose

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#9 deezer

 
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Posted 30 March 2011 - 05:51 PM

Well, for those of you have been kind of following my posts, you can all tell me I told you so.
I got myself into this mess and now i've got to figure out what to do. I know what I need to do, that's just it. It's hard.
My significant other and I have been teaming on a truck off and on for several years now. We'll bust up and get back together. He knows I need to be gluten free, he understands that but he just can't get past the cross contamination thing and that a little bit won't hurt you. Uuuuuuhhh, it's frustrating. We've been back in the truck together now for almost 3 months and i'm getting to the point where I feel bad constantly and now am having daily headaches. I have asked him to clean up after himself after he eats his sandwiches, but nope. He's cooking his gluten stuff in my electric skillet, so on and so on. I'm constantly getting glutened but he just will not believe that a little will hurt. It's starting to become cumulative. I've tried getting him to read information but he refuses to do it. Then this morning was really the kicker.
I decided to eat breakfast at a truckstop this morning. This is a restaurant that we regularly frequent and they know me. I can get a ham and egg omelete with no issues. Anyway, the SO ordered his breakfast and it included what they call country gravy. He picks a spoonful up and wanted me to eat it! We got into one heck of a fight because I refused to. But yet for some reason i'm the bad person because I started the fight by telling him no. This isn't working like I thought it would. I'm constantly miserable now and fighting daily headaches. As usual, he promised me the moon and I bought into it. I'm gonna take a nap and maybe i'll feel better later. I hope.


Praying for you. Sounds like you need some marriage counseling, and I hope that you get it soon!
  • 0
For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. - John 3:16

#10 IrishHeart

 
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Posted 30 March 2011 - 06:06 PM

TEXAS,

You have been very encouraging and helpful to me and now, I wish I could offer the right words to you.

I do not know your whole story up 'til now, but I have read what you posted here and all I can say is....you already KNOW what you need to do, hon.

You have fought long and hard to be well. He is undermining your efforts and putting you at risk. On top of that, he sounds as if he is provoking these fights. Why would he do that?

It's abusive to make someone ill on purpose.

I taught Interpersonal Communication classes for years and I always told the students: avoid toxic relationships. This one seems toxic to me. He is tormenting you with the gravy thing---that's not even funny. Cooking his food in your gluten-free skillet?
Dangerous.

You deserve a partner who will put your well-being FIRST.

Cut 'em loose, Texas....(hugs to you)
  • 1

"Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way we cope with it makes the difference." Virginia Satir

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Misdiagnosed for 25+ years; Finally Diagnosed with Celiac  11/01/10.  Double DQ2 genes. This thing tried to kill me. I view Celiac as a fire breathing dragon --and I have run my sword right through his throat.
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#11 etta694

 
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Posted 30 March 2011 - 06:20 PM

Hey, and everyone here is here for you when it gets hard(er).
  • 0
Anemia and IBS through my life
2005 Joint pain, exhaustion, general feeling of not being well 2006 Beginning of testing for everything but Celiac 2008 Bloating, more muscle stiffness, feeling sicker, more exhausted-testing 'normal' 2010 March insides begin to shut down, cough that won't go away 2010 June Colonoscopy, Endoscopy, biopsy - all show no problems
Self diagnosed gluten intolerant - went gluten free. Within 3 days feeling better.
After 5 days - insides began to move
Now - feel better than I have felt for 15 years (except when I gluten myself.. which I'm good at)

#12 ravenwoodglass

 
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Posted 31 March 2011 - 03:34 AM

You must care a lot for this guy to keep giving him chance after chance. It will be hard but you have to make a final break. It sounds like his abuse is getting worse and worse and you are worth so much more care than this man is showing you. Do contact a lawyer if you own property together and it might not be a bad idea to talk to a counselor for a bit to help you get through the loss and rebuild your selfconfidence.
  • 1
Courage does not always roar, sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying
"I will try again tommorrow" (Mary Anne Radmacher)


celiac 49 years - Misdiagnosed for 45
Blood tested and repeatedly negative
Diagnosed by Allergist with elimination diet and diagnosis confirmed by GI in 2002
Misdiagnoses for 15 years were IBS-D, ataxia, migraines, anxiety, depression, fibromyalgia, parathesias, arthritis, livedo reticularis, hairloss, premature menopause, osteoporosis, kidney damage, diverticulosis, prediabetes and ulcers, dermatitis herpeformis
All bold resoved or went into remission with proper diagnosis of Celiac November 2002
Some residual nerve damage remains as of 2006- this has continued to resolve after eliminating soy in 2007

Mother died of celiac related cancer at 56
Twin brother died as a result of autoimmune liver destruction at age 15

Children 2 with Ulcers, GERD, Depression, , 1 with DH, 1 with severe growth stunting (male adult 5 feet)both finally diagnosed Celiac through blood testing and 1 with endo 6 months after Mom


Positive to Soy and Casien also Aug 2007

Gluten Sensitivity Gene Test Aug 2007
HLA-DQB1 Molecular analysis, Allele 1 0303

HLA-DQB1 Molecular analysis, Allele 2 0303

Serologic equivalent: HLA-DQ 3,3 (Subtype 9,9)

#13 RiceGuy

 
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Posted 31 March 2011 - 05:46 AM

So sorry for you. I'm sure it is tougher than I gather.

Something I wonder about is why he'd do the things you've mentioned. Especially the gravy thing. My only guess is that it may be a manifestation of denial. Could that be it? Could he be trying to "prove" to himself (and you) that gluten is ok, because he cares and doesn't want it to be true? You know him better than anyone here, and I'm sure you'd have a fair idea if he might be stuck in denial. Is he the kind of person who'd respond positively if you asked him about that?

Other than seeking some counseling, I cannot think of any better suggestions than what others have said.
  • 0
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#14 lynnelise

 
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Posted 31 March 2011 - 08:47 AM

I hate this for you! To have to choose between losing someone you love or being constantly ill can't be easy. However your health is most important. He should respect you enough to abstain from gluten to keep you healthy!
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#15 tarnalberry

 
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Posted 31 March 2011 - 09:41 AM

My approach - which is not right for everyone - would be to look him in the face and say:
"Why are you being an ass? If you opened your eyes, you would see I'm sick. And even if you refused to acknowledge that, grow a pair and be an adult. That means respecting my choices, whether you like them or not, because they are my choices to make." (I also wouldn't share your pan any longer as he has proven that you can't trust him.)
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Tiffany aka "Have I Mentioned Chocolate Lately?"
Inconclusive Blood Tests, Positive Dietary Results, No Endoscopy
G.F. - September 2003; C.F. - July 2004
Hiker, Yoga Teacher, Engineer, Painter, Be-er of Me
Bellevue, WA




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