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Need To Vent, Shoulder To Cry On And Everybody


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35 replies to this topic

#16 txplowgirl

 
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Posted 31 March 2011 - 09:51 AM

Thanks everyone, Talk about having a pity party for myself. Yes, he's probably in denial a bit but after 2 years of this you would think he would have some inkling that I can't have even a little bit.
He owns the truck I don't have any part of it. But, I left a company 3 months ago where I was buying my own truck and he sweet talked me into giving it up and coming over here with him. What really ticks me off is that we have been through all this before.
This is the last chance i'm giving him. I'm already in the works either to get me a truck and go solo over here or go back to my last job. It's just gonna take a while to get the logistics figured out. I'm mad at myself because I knew better. I knew deep down he would go back to his old ways. He can be so sweet and gentle and then the next he can be very controlling. Every time we get into an argument it's my fault. If I would just follow along and go his way we'd be fine and the one saying he has that really irritates the heck out of me is i'm doing this to myself. If I would just go along and keep my mouth shut and do what he wants I would be just fine. AAaarrrrhhhhhh!
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Lupus, Connective Tissue Disease with Fibro type symptoms, Anemia, Anxiety, Depression, RA, Rynauds Syndrome, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Erosive Gastritis, Osteoporosis, Degenerative Disc Disease, Scoliosis, Bulging discs in lower back and neck, Pinched Nerves.

 

Soy free, MSG free, mostly Dairy free. Endoscopy shows blunted Villi which dr states as gluten sensitivity, so goin back to being gluten free


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#17 Jestgar

 
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Posted 31 March 2011 - 09:58 AM

If I would just go along and keep my mouth shut and do what he wants I would be just fine. AAaarrrrhhhhhh!

just fine, but you wouldn't be you. Not a great way to spend your life....
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"But then, in all honesty, if scientists don't play god, who will?"
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My sources are unreliable, but their information is fascinating.
- Ashleigh Brilliant

Leap, and the net will appear.

#18 zus888

 
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Posted 31 March 2011 - 11:10 AM

He can be so sweet and gentle and then the next he can be very controlling. Every time we get into an argument it's my fault. If I would just follow along and go his way we'd be fine and the one saying he has that really irritates the heck out of me is i'm doing this to myself. If I would just go along and keep my mouth shut and do what he wants I would be just fine. AAaarrrrhhhhhh!



Do you have ANY idea how alarming that sounds? This is the CLASSIC foundation of abuse. You may not recognize it now, but I'd be surprised if there was even one person on here that doesn't hear the alarm bells ringing.

This sounds like a toxic relationship and honestly, I don't know why you'd give him another chance to treat you that way. Because that's really what you are doing. NO ONE should be treated that way. It seems obvious to me that he has no respect for you. I know it's hard, but you need to have enough RESPECT FOR YOURSELF to walk away.
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Suzanna

#19 IrishHeart

 
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Posted 31 March 2011 - 12:36 PM

Do you have ANY idea how alarming that sounds? This is the CLASSIC foundation of abuse. You may not recognize it now, but I'd be surprised if there was even one person on here that doesn't hear the alarm bells ringing.

This sounds like a toxic relationship and honestly, I don't know why you'd give him another chance to treat you that way. Because that's really what you are doing. NO ONE should be treated that way. It seems obvious to me that he has no respect for you. I know it's hard, but you need to have enough RESPECT FOR YOURSELF to walk away.



I AGREE COMPLETELY. I thought about minding my own business after already giving you my 2 cents worth earlier in this post, because I do not know you or your man, but as zus888 stated above: ALL KINDS OF ALARM BELLS ARE GOING OFF HERE!! You need to run, not walk away from this guy.

I'm going to send you a private message.
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"Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way we cope with it makes the difference." Virginia Satir

"The strongest of all warriors are these two - time and patience." Leo Tolstoy

"If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else" Booker T. Washington

“If idiots could fly, the sky would be like an airport.”― Laura Davenport 

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"LTES"  Gem 2014

 

Misdiagnosed for 25+ years; Finally Diagnosed with Celiac  11/01/10.  Double DQ2 genes. This thing tried to kill me. I view Celiac as a fire breathing dragon --and I have run my sword right through his throat.
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#20 sydneysmommy

 
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Posted 31 March 2011 - 07:15 PM

I haven't read everyone's replies and I bet they all have a lot of different and good things to offer you.

So I hope I'm not being redundant.

I think, like you said, you know what to do. I wont say "told you so" bc I think you're kicking yourself a little too hard. You know what that kind of negative self talk and stress will do to you on TOP of the physical effects you feel from contamination; you cannot handle that like the average person, so if at all possible, just stop that first!

Be your own best friend and cheerleader. If he won't be on your team, then you should (which you are) but what I mean is... stop trying so hard to make HIM be on your team and instead put more energy into yourself. (how can I word this differently...)

Instead of putting all your energy into changing HIM, devote that energy into something you know will be successful: which is changing YOU.

That's the only way you know you'll be happy, get better, feel better and have a better life. Unless you think you're willing to deal with the headaches and side effects in order to deal with him; in that case you have to stop trying to change him. He's shown you that his philosophies and attitude about this isn't healthy for you, and won't change soon. So if you continue to try and force-quit that on him... soon it's becoming more your fault that these blow-ups happen. He's made it clear where he stands. Take it or leave it. You're the one with the good head on your shoulders. Doesn't sound like he is too reasonable (in regards to THIS topic). He could be a very wonderful man when it comes to everything else. But this is your health.

Finances, human touch, shelter, partnership, conversation etc.... don't mean much if you don't have your health.
xoxo



and by the way... I've felt so isolated, alone, misunderstood, (all those things) too because for a long time MY husband regarded Celiac as this "thing" you just deal with by eating a certain way. And we didn't have a gluten-free home for 8 years! I went that long making sure HE was happy and the kids were happy and just walked around miserable and sick and on egg shells and always sick and never getting better with no "apparent" explaination bc he refused to believe such small amounts (crumbs etc) could make me THAT sick or that Celiac or gluten could cause me to have a headache (made NO sense to him) or that it correlated with anxiety, insomnia, dark circles under my eyes, fatigue, infections, UTI's, unexplainable joint pain, being cold all the time, depression, hair loss, bruises, and so on. He would understand bloating and IBS troubles but that was MY fault.

It took a long time for him to come around.

Off course... you know this wasn't the ONLY problem. Something else was under the surface but it takes a lot for people to really GET this disease. Don't understand what is SO hard about loving your spouse enough to be educated about something that effects them this much. You have to hand them divorce papers before they begin pacing around throwing out the bread and cookies.
:angry:
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Sara, Austin TX
Diagnosed Celiac Disease
2001 via endoscope
gluten free for 10 years!

#21 BillJ

 
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Posted 31 March 2011 - 07:47 PM

You know I read this and I was thinking about it from a male perspective of how you should explain to him how serious it is when he cross contaminates your food ...Tell him it would be the equivalent if he had a prostate condition and you kicked him where it counts ....Sometimes us guys need things put to them in a way that "Hits Home" to get thru our thick skulls ...And the lady's are correct ....The blatant disrespect he is showing towards your well being is Toxic and no man is worth your health ...I hope it all works out for the best for you ....Take care of your self ....
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#22 Jestgar

 
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Posted 01 April 2011 - 04:16 AM

...Tell him it would be the equivalent if he had a prostate condition and you kicked him where it counts ....

*snort!*

"C'mon honey! whatcha whinin' for? A little whack can't hurt you! It's just my elbow after all....it's not like I kneed you or anything...."
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"But then, in all honesty, if scientists don't play god, who will?"
- James Watson

My sources are unreliable, but their information is fascinating.
- Ashleigh Brilliant

Leap, and the net will appear.

#23 ravenwoodglass

 
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Posted 01 April 2011 - 04:30 AM

I'm mad at myself because I knew better. I knew deep down he would go back to his old ways. He can be so sweet and gentle and then the next he can be very controlling. Every time we get into an argument it's my fault.


Yea alarm bells is an understatement. Unfortunately this brings back many memories for me. Don't give this guy another chance. You will always love him but he isn't going to change and his behavior will simply get worse. You are worth more and being alone is preferable to always having to worry about the next 'episode'. I hope you can get your old job back and don't let him sweet talk you into leaving it again.
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Courage does not always roar, sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying
"I will try again tommorrow" (Mary Anne Radmacher)


celiac 49 years - Misdiagnosed for 45
Blood tested and repeatedly negative
Diagnosed by Allergist with elimination diet and diagnosis confirmed by GI in 2002
Misdiagnoses for 15 years were IBS-D, ataxia, migraines, anxiety, depression, fibromyalgia, parathesias, arthritis, livedo reticularis, hairloss, premature menopause, osteoporosis, kidney damage, diverticulosis, prediabetes and ulcers, dermatitis herpeformis
All bold resoved or went into remission with proper diagnosis of Celiac November 2002
Some residual nerve damage remains as of 2006- this has continued to resolve after eliminating soy in 2007

Mother died of celiac related cancer at 56
Twin brother died as a result of autoimmune liver destruction at age 15

Children 2 with Ulcers, GERD, Depression, , 1 with DH, 1 with severe growth stunting (male adult 5 feet)both finally diagnosed Celiac through blood testing and 1 with endo 6 months after Mom


Positive to Soy and Casien also Aug 2007

Gluten Sensitivity Gene Test Aug 2007
HLA-DQB1 Molecular analysis, Allele 1 0303

HLA-DQB1 Molecular analysis, Allele 2 0303

Serologic equivalent: HLA-DQ 3,3 (Subtype 9,9)

#24 etta694

 
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Posted 02 April 2011 - 10:48 AM

You have to, of course, keep us posted and let us encourage you along the way.... I hope he turns into a BIG SURPRISE.. you know, all of a sudden the lights go on.... and he realizes how precious you are and that this matters!
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Anemia and IBS through my life
2005 Joint pain, exhaustion, general feeling of not being well 2006 Beginning of testing for everything but Celiac 2008 Bloating, more muscle stiffness, feeling sicker, more exhausted-testing 'normal' 2010 March insides begin to shut down, cough that won't go away 2010 June Colonoscopy, Endoscopy, biopsy - all show no problems
Self diagnosed gluten intolerant - went gluten free. Within 3 days feeling better.
After 5 days - insides began to move
Now - feel better than I have felt for 15 years (except when I gluten myself.. which I'm good at)

#25 txplowgirl

 
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Posted 02 April 2011 - 02:36 PM

Thanks everyone I really appreciate all of your replies. That's why I love this forum sooooo much.
Well, I finally had enough of his bull and let loose on him and gave him what for. I told him he either got the gluten out of the truck and washed his hands when he did eat out or I was leaving for good. And I told him if that meant I was being selfish then so be it, but i didn't give a rat's terd anymore and I wasn't catering to him anymore. If he didn't like my attitude, no problem. I was done with kissin his you know what. I also told him I was tired of his condescending attitude and being treated like a child.
I surprised myself, normally I just sit back and keep my mouth shut but i've come to realize, thanks to everyone here, that I needed to speak up and really let him know how i felt. So far so good but we'll see how long it lasts.
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Lupus, Connective Tissue Disease with Fibro type symptoms, Anemia, Anxiety, Depression, RA, Rynauds Syndrome, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Erosive Gastritis, Osteoporosis, Degenerative Disc Disease, Scoliosis, Bulging discs in lower back and neck, Pinched Nerves.

 

Soy free, MSG free, mostly Dairy free. Endoscopy shows blunted Villi which dr states as gluten sensitivity, so goin back to being gluten free


#26 kareng

 
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Posted 02 April 2011 - 02:41 PM

Thanks everyone I really appreciate all of your replies. That's why I love this forum sooooo much.
Well, I finally had enough of his bull and let loose on him and gave him what for. I told him he either got the gluten out of the truck and washed his hands when he did eat out or I was leaving for good. And I told him if that meant I was being selfish then so be it, but i didn't give a rat's terd anymore and I wasn't catering to him anymore. If he didn't like my attitude, no problem. I was done with kissin his you know what. I also told him I was tired of his condescending attitude and being treated like a child.
I surprised myself, normally I just sit back and keep my mouth shut but i've come to realize, thanks to everyone here, that I needed to speak up and really let him know how i felt. So far so good but we'll see how long it lasts.


Good girl!

Now, stick to it! If he loves you, he should want you healthy. But I remember you said he had some health issues he didn't take care of well. This may just be a bad match.

Hang tough!
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#27 txplowgirl

 
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Posted 02 April 2011 - 02:54 PM

Good girl!

Now, stick to it! If he loves you, he should want you healthy. But I remember you said he had some health issues he didn't take care of well. This may just be a bad match.

Hang tough!


Thanks Kareng,
Yes, he's a diabetic, he takes his meds but still eats whatever he wants too even if it makes him sick, he's also had one heart attack and he still smokes up to a couple of packs aday. And on top of that he has a problem with gluten. He just won't do anything about it. We both know gluten affects him because within just a couple of minutes of eating something gluteney he's get the worst runny nose I have ever seen. I call him my gluten radar, because if i'm not sure of something he'll take a bite and that nose of his will tell me if it's ok or not. :P
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Lupus, Connective Tissue Disease with Fibro type symptoms, Anemia, Anxiety, Depression, RA, Rynauds Syndrome, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Erosive Gastritis, Osteoporosis, Degenerative Disc Disease, Scoliosis, Bulging discs in lower back and neck, Pinched Nerves.

 

Soy free, MSG free, mostly Dairy free. Endoscopy shows blunted Villi which dr states as gluten sensitivity, so goin back to being gluten free


#28 Marilyn R

 
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Posted 02 April 2011 - 04:41 PM

Dear Txplowgirl,

I've always believed in the Benjamin Franklin approach.

Take a clean sheet of paper and write the titles of "Good" on one side and "Bad" on the other side. Then list what you like and love on one side, list all the bad things on the other side of the paper.

Weigh them. Once you get a real perspective on what is good and bad, you can make a legitimate decision, and stick with it. You'll have made a scientific decision? ;) Good luck, wish you all the best!
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Positive improvement from elimination diet. Mother dx'd by Mayo Clinic in late 1980s. Negative blood tests and Upper & Lower GI biopsy. Parathyroidectomy 12/09. Recurring high calcium level 4/10. Gluten-free 4/10. Soy & Dairy Free 6/10. Corn free 7/10. Grain free except rice 8/10. Legume free 6/11. Fighting the battle of the battle within myself, and I'm going to win!

As of 2/12, tolerating dairy, corn, legumes and some soy, but I limit soy to tamari sauce or modest soy additives. Won't ever try quinoa again!

Discoid Lupus from skin biopsy 2011, discovered 2/12 when picking up medical records. Systemic Lupus Dx 6/12. Shingles 10/12.

#29 Lisa

 
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Posted 02 April 2011 - 04:52 PM

Dear Txplowgirl,

I've always believed in the Benjamin Franklin approach.

Take a clean sheet of paper and write the titles of "Good" on one side and "Bad" on the other side. Then list what you like and love on one side, list all the bad things on the other side of the paper.

Weigh them. Once you get a real perspective on what is good and bad, you can make a legitimate decision, and stick with it. You'll have made a scientific decision? ;) Good luck, wish you all the best!



:) I like this approach! If that doesn't work, the elbow planting approach would be secondary with gusto! :P
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Lisa

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"Not all who wander are lost" - JRR Tolkien

#30 txplowgirl

 
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Posted 02 April 2011 - 05:45 PM

Dear Txplowgirl,

I've always believed in the Benjamin Franklin approach.

Take a clean sheet of paper and write the titles of "Good" on one side and "Bad" on the other side. Then list what you like and love on one side, list all the bad things on the other side of the paper.

Weigh them. Once you get a real perspective on what is good and bad, you can make a legitimate decision, and stick with it. You'll have made a scientific decision? ;) Good luck, wish you all the best!


Marilyn, :P I have actually done that! It comes up almost even and that leaves me even more frustrated than before.
He was so sweet today it was almost sickening. Anything I wanted or needed he was right there pronto, telling me how so sorry he was that he was not as understanding as he should be, so on and so on. I've heard all this before and part of me wants to believe him this time and then there's the other part of me that's just dead inside. No feeling of any kind. I don't know if that's the gluten working in me or my love is dying for him. I guess i'll go with the flow for a few weeks and see what happens.
Again, thanks everyone for "being" there for me. I really appreciate everything you guys have done for me. :)
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Lupus, Connective Tissue Disease with Fibro type symptoms, Anemia, Anxiety, Depression, RA, Rynauds Syndrome, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Erosive Gastritis, Osteoporosis, Degenerative Disc Disease, Scoliosis, Bulging discs in lower back and neck, Pinched Nerves.

 

Soy free, MSG free, mostly Dairy free. Endoscopy shows blunted Villi which dr states as gluten sensitivity, so goin back to being gluten free





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