Get email alerts Get Celiac.com E-mail Alerts  




Celiac.com Sponsor:
Celiac.com Sponsor:




Ads by Google:






   Get email alerts  Subscribe to FREE Celiac.com email alerts

How To 'break The News'?
0

10 posts in this topic

Hmmm, well it seems like I am going to be posting about social situations a lot, since that seems to be my biggest hang-up at the moment. ;)

A lot of people don't know about DS's celiac disease yet and/or haven't shared a meal with us since he started the gluten-free diet.

What I am wondering is, how do you guys break the news about the food restrictions when someone invites you over, or wants to bring food to your house. And in which cases do you just not say anything?

I find it hard, because naturally I am someone who apologizes easily and maybe too easily. Probably if I were the one with celiac disease (if I am too, I don't know it yet) I would start apologizing for the inconvenience and then explain. BUT! Because this is about my 5-year old son, I feel very strongly that he should NEVER have to apologize for having celiac disease. He can't help it so no need to apologize IMO. However, this means that we are going to have to give the right example, because we are the ones that will have to teach him how to deal with celiac disease and the gluten-free-diet.

What do you do??

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites


Ads by Google:

I just let them know when we are talking about when and where I usually say something like..

"I am so looking forward to getting to together. Something you should know is, I can't have gluten which is in a huge number of things and they like to hide it in places. How about I make it simple and just bring food for myself. I know it has been hard for me to think of what to cook when I was new at all of this so I don't want you to have to worry about it

or if it is a really good friend who really wants to know what to make and wants to include me might help her plan the menu. Like

"Well, we could just have roast chicken, and potatoes and veggies. Just make sure you season the chicken with herbs and salt and pepper and don't make the gravy 'til I get there and we'll use cornstarch. I know it is a lot but it makes a huge difference to me. Thank you so much for including me!"

And then I would still bring my own food and leave it in the car just in case.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I deal with this a lot for my DS who is 3 years old. He doesn't have celiac, but he has many food allergies. I am the one who is gluten free. We've known about his allergies since he was 9 months old. I pretty much take food for him unless I know what is being made, but it is still easier and safer for me to bring his food for him. All my friends were/are very supportive of my son and me. They are used to us bringing food and you will get used to it as well. They also don't want to hurt him or be responsible for sending him to the hospital b/c of him eating something he shouldn't. I have no issues telling others and bringing food b/c he is my son and I will do anything to protect them. I also am very apologetic, but most people understand. My DH is very supportive of proactive as well and that helps having him on "mu side", if that makes sense. Even my 2 girls (7 and 5) are protective for their brother. You will get used to it and you will do great!

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's safest to pack your own gluten free food along, especially with kids.

You can also pack along food for other people. Most people will eat anything that is small, round, and has frosting on it if they are not allergic to the ingredients. ;)

We are having this funny discussion right now with a wedding reception plan - the people who invited us are really nice and want me to have a nice meal, knowing I am gluten intolerant. I told my husband to pass it along not to worry and I am perfectly happy with plain rice. (You know how some of us like plain food ? ) My husband passes it back that it is a cultural thing that they want to feed people feast food during a celebration and that rice is for everyday. This is going to be interesting.

I thank people for offering me regular food but apologize that I cannot eat it - if it's social I say it's because of food allergies, and if it's a restaurant or medical setting it's that I'm gluten intolerant - but sometimes in restaurants we just say "allergies" because that gets the point across quicker to the server.

Example: yesterday I ate french fries at a place that uses a dedicated fryer and hand cuts their fresh potatoes on site. I have researched the company site, talk to them each time, and they are cool with it, but I say "wheat allergy" when ordering, because I doubt that with their limited menu (it is an In and Out, they do burgers, fries, and shakes and sodas, a model of menu simplicity) there is going to be rye or barley lurking in a freshly sliced potato or the oil. This is how they communicate with the food preparers, and this is what the manager told me to say to the counter person so they can push the proper button on the codes on the cash register. Then they call it back verbally, also.

I don't mind apologizing. I'm not trying to make other people feel bad, I'm just trying to avoid the stuff if they are trying to offer it to me. People are hard wired to try to offer you food if they are being social. Their family may have taught them that it is impolite to refuse. I assume they don't really know what could happen and they don't really want the entire textbook. Sometimes they are naturally curious and then I can answer the questions, which surprises them when I tell them I get neurological symptoms if I eat gluten proteins, sometimes I even get surprised, as when a waitress will say, "oh, I have a family member with that," and they really do "get it," and they have the menu details memorized about the ingredients.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I bought a "Zojirushi Classic Bento Vacuum Lunch Jar" on amazon and use it to pack a separate meal for my son and I (we each have one). It keeps things hot and cold and is very simple and compact.

When we go to someone's house I usually explain how difficult it is to keep things gluten free and it is just easier and safer if I bring our food. I tell them not to worry at all since we are there for the company anyway. I also usually bring a dish to share and always remember to bring a dessert that my son can eat as well.

I do ask what they are serving so I can bring something similar. When it is time to eat, we just put it all on a plate, put away the Bento Jar, and enjoy dinner with everyone else.

We did have one problem when the other kids at the dinner wanted what my son was having . . .

I have lots of desserts I can make but I also keep the delicious, frozen cupcakes from Whole Foods in my freezer so we can bring one for him any time there is cake being served.

Cara

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites




I just tell people that I have celiac, sometimes I will just say food allergies as people understand that better, and I will bring my own food or eat before the event.

Takala, I went through the same thing a few months ago when my DD was married. She had said she just wanted me to eat beforehand as she didn't think they could feed me safely at the reception. She knows how severely I react but I didn't want to make others uncomfortable at the table with me just sitting there with no food. I contacted the caterer directly and discovered she was very knowledgeable about celiac. It turned out almost everything they were serving was gluten free. I didn't eat a lot, just in case, but it went well and I didn't get glutened. It also turned out that 2 of the people at the table I was at were also celiac. They were members of my ex's family that I hadn't seen since I was married myself. So there is no knowing how many others in your situation will be there. Just ask for the name of the caterer and give them a call or an email.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Everyone knows the deal with me by now (or most anyone who would invite me anywhere!), so I usually get a preemptive "we'll have a few tiffany-safe foods, but you might want to bring some food for yourself" (because I have always done this, they are just following my lead and I really do appreciate this response), and occasionally a preemptive "this should be safe for you, but can you check on this ingredient".

At first, I would just say "thanks for the invitation! I've got some food restrictions, so please don't plan on food for me, I will bring my own." I've *never* had anyone get offended by this, and only once had someone a little off put and request (strongly) that I bring something that matched what she was serving (lasagna - which I did, but what a pain!). I suppose I'm a little more used to it because my husband is a "picky eater" (we both hate that term; basically, there are a number of common foods that he strongly dislikes). If someone hates the taste of tomatoes, would someone get all uppity and offended about them not eating lasagna? Not nearly as much.

I have had to press a couple of times, for friends who do understand and try very hard (and usually successfully) to accomodate me, since I was uber cautious during my pregnancy. In those cases, I simply respond to the "well, surely we can find a way to make something safe for you?" with "you probably could, but I really don't want to take ANY risks, tiny though they may be, and I will feel a LOT better bringing my own food."

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I suppose I'm a little more used to it because my husband is a "picky eater" (we both hate that term; basically, there are a number of common foods that he strongly dislikes). If someone hates the taste of tomatoes, would someone get all uppity and offended about them not eating lasagna? Not nearly as much.

I'm sure he's not picky, he's just "selective". :)

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I just tell them I have multiple food allergies at first (which is true because I do) and to not count me when planning for food. I will just bring my own food. I may ask what they are having so I can try to bring a similar meal for myself, but most of the time I take a salad with cooked chicken strips. I always make sure I get a drink even if I don't really like what they are having (I don't drink soda much except at parties). It just always seems to put people at ease to be able to offer you SOMETHING, even if it is just a glass of Coke. And if it's an appetizer type party where everyone is wandering around with food I keep the drink in my hand at all times. I find if I don't have anything in my hands, people try to get me to eat or ask why I'm not eating. So I keep a drink in my hands and move around talking to different people enoguh that no one notices I'm not eating. ;)

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

We did have one problem when the other kids at the dinner wanted what my son was having . . .

This happens to me. :-)

When you get good at making gluten-free food, make sure you bring enough for everyone. But don't do this without checking with the host or hostess first. Some people are offended if you bring a dish without asking.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
0

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      104,640
    • Total Posts
      921,547
  • Topics

  • Posts

    • You should never have cut out gluten until you had the biopsy done. It's much worse to have to go back on after you've been off gluten for a while. There's no way I could ever do the gluten challenge after being off gluten for even a month because my reactions got so dramatically worse.  Stress definately can trigger celiac- before I was diagnosed - it got the worst after surgery and after a stressful time planning my daughters wedding. 
    • Hi not diagnosed celiac, Welcome to the forum! Your doctor should be sent to remedial celiac disease training.  Since that probably won't happen, I suggest you find a new doctor.  He doesn't know what he's doing when it comes to diagnosing celiac disease. You should not have gone gluten-free before completing all celiac disease testing.  The testing for celiac disease depends on the immune reaction being active.  Removing gluten before testing removes the antigen that causes the immune system to react, and lowers the chances of getting a correct test result dramatically.  The University of Chicago celiac disease center recommends: ******************************************** http://www.cureceliacdisease.org/faq/what-is-a-gluten-challenge/ Prior to blood testing we recommend 12 weeks of eating gluten. Prior to an endoscopic biopsy we recommend 2 weeks of eating gluten. In the case of a severe reaction to gluten, a medical professional may opt to shorten the 12-week challenge and move immediately to an endoscopic biopsy. May, 2013 ******************************************** So you will need to go back to eating gluten before your endoscopy.  That may cause worse symptoms than before when you were eating gluten.  So it would have been better to do all testing before going gluten-free. Can you search for a celiac disease support group in your area?  They exist in many parts of the USA and world.  They can be a good place to get a knowledgeable doctor recommendation.  There is also a doctors subsection of this forum where you can search to see if any doctors in your area were recommended.
    • Hi All, I'm new to this and very confused! I have Lea & Perrins WC sauce, it lists it's first ingredient as Malt Vinegar.  I have the Coeliac Society of Ireland Food List 2015 here, and it says "All Vinegars are Gluten Free including Malt Vinegar." Doesn't that mean that L&P Worcestershire sauce is safe?   Their website states " Lea & Perrins® Worcestershire Sauce is cholesterol free, fat free, preservative free, gluten free and has 80% less sodium than soy sauce. " I'm cooking for my coeliac niece, can't afford to make a mistake!
    • I get these crazy cravings for some things I can not eat anymore. Not only am I diagnosed with celiac but I also have a allergy to corn, olives, sesame, peanuts, and intolerance to yeast, soy, dairy, and a very low tolerance for carbs/sugars, Top it off with I can not digest meats or egg yolks, they just give me the burps and come up later.
        To deal with these I find myself turning to Republic of Teas (They have a great desert tea line up all certified gluten-free) and sweetening them with monk fruit extract, or stevia. And I find myself making Puddings bases that I use for shakes, dips, and ice-cream for meals. The puddings are normally a blend of cashew, or almond milk with a thickening agent like agar agar, pectin, or knoxx gelatin, blended with a sweetener like xylitol, swerve, stevia, monk fruit or a combination. And flavored with Lor Ann Oils (all gluten-free certified and you can find the kosher ones listed as such) super strength flavors or fountain syrups to match something I can not eat normally a combination of two flavors (Strawberry Cheesecake, Banana and Carmel, Cookies & Cream, etc) Then I add a fat that matches best, like almond butter, cashew butter, hemp butter, ground flax seed, coconut flour, chocolate, Pumpkin seed butter or a combination) These bases are normally blended up and consumed with 1-2 scoops of protein powder and eaten with steamed vegges as a side dip or loaded into a ice cream maker for a desert after my meals.      Also found myself making desert soups....like a pumpkin soup that taste like pumpkin pie. I am sure we all have our little quirks but this is one of mine for getting that sweet craving taken care of. Most premade items are off my list due to the allergies and it seems most companies use the oils, starches I am allergic to as non stick or thickening agents, Even the semi safe ones tend to put way to much sugars in them and I find myself only being able to nibble . There is also my little binge issues with almonds, pumpkin seeds, and, cocoa but that was explained to me as normal And on my most craving for peanuts I have found sancha inchi powder to work great, The Powder itself taste like the girl scout peanut butter cookie sandwich from my childhood, And is great mixed with a bit of almond milk into a butter or used in baking and smoothies. Before this I have been making Artisan blends of almond butter for years and even made a market selling them to pay  for my own consumption. Baked goods wise I have a bunch of recipes I make for others and sell at markets and this allows me to nibble on a sample to check it, as most contain a bean or gluten-free Harvest Oats/Flour in them and the carbs from that and the coconut sugars bother me. Still helps with cravings there, I only have 2 recipes that sell good and are safe for me to eat full servings of but are so expensive as they use almond and coconut flours, low sugars/xylitol and are paleo that I only can afford to make them once a month. Posting to hear about some odd and out there ways others deal with substitutions and cravings. Please do not bash mine as odd as they might be as they keep me from going crazy. (Yes I know DROP THE OATS, fact is I only get them when tasting stuff and they are gluten-free Harvest, the only ones I have never gotten glutend with)  
    • After suffering pretty much all year with one illness after another I've finally managed to get a diagnosis and it turns out to be celiac. After my doctors consistently failing to even consider the possibility it might be that (as opposed to "IBS" or "stress") I kept pushing for the Iga TTg test and it was off the charts with a score of >128... may as well fail it in style I guess. So here I am at the start of what feels like the end of my life as I know it. Been doing nothing but reading for the past week and frankly it's terrifying. Here's a few things that are going round in my head and I'd really appreciate your thoughts with. Apologies if it's a bit of an essay  Diagnosis I'm still furious at my doctors for not even entertaining the thought that celiac could be the root cause of all my ills. Given the blood test is so simple it feels almost negligent that they don't run this right at the start to rule it out. Instead I got subjected to poisons like Omeprazole which made me even more ill, whilst being told the physical symptoms were all in my head. Just as well I knew better and kept hitting up Google until my self-diagnosis was proved correct... to think these people get paid highly to be so incompetent makes my blood boil. Does feel good having outwitted the so-called professionals though. Seems 9 months is comparatively quick from symptoms to diagnosis compared to some others that have gone years with the problems so could be worse I guess. Food and diet I'm male vegetarian (non-negotiable) which makes this even harder as so many of my protein sources are now ruled out. Seems many with celiac were having trouble losing weight whereas I'm in the opposite situation. Already lost best part of a stone in the past few weeks and it's becoming noticeable now. The MyFitnessPal app reckons I need 2600 calories a day to maintain \ gain weight - no idea where that's going to come from. On top of that I read sites like Gluten Dude where even the Gluten Free foods are seen as poisons and going on extreme diets like Paleo \ SCD are the only real way forward. Again being veggie makes that practically impossible and if I'm unlucky enough to end up with the dairy issues as well I'm well and truly stuffed. Right now I'm trying the gluten-free Quorn products to see how I go, as well as more eggs etc. Porridge has been my go-to breakfast in the mornings for a while after I cut out bread whilst self-diagnosing but depending on where you read even that's a potential problem (currently using gluten-free porridge oats and seeing how it goes) Seems many gluten-free people have to go right back to basics and cook everything from scratch. That's a problem for me as I'm utterly hopeless on that front and time doesn't permit waiting hours just to prepare one meal. Seems nigh-on impossible to do day-in, day-out. Health Rightly or wrongly right now I see this diagnosis as a death sentence long-term. Looks like it brings other associated illnesses with it and this particular article really scares me: http://scdlifestyle.com/2012/03/the-gluten-free-lie-why-most-celiacs-are-slowly-dying/ I've only really had noticeable symptoms for the past year or so but wonder how long this has been going on for and what damage has already been done. All seems to have started from when I turned 30 (knew I was dreading that age for a reason) and right now I wonder how long I'm going to last before the really bad stuff starts. One of the other illnesses I'd considered as a possibility before getting diagnosed was Hashimoto's Thyroiditis; now it seems that's closely linked with Celiac so may not be out of the woods with that yet either. Just seems to be one big list of illness all triggered from the same point One positive change I've noticed thus far since cutting out gluten is that bloating seems to have gone down and bowel movements are better. Still getting headaches and muscle twitching, which could be as much a withdrawal symptom from gluten as anything else.  Some sites were suggesting stopping exercise whilst withdrawing but I can't face that as it's the only thing keeping me going at present. Again will keep going as-was and see what happens. Then to top it off it sounds like the next step is the biopsy - I'm scared of being put out for the procedure as a member of family went into hospital a few years back for something supposedly routine and never came back out. From what I've been told it's important to have done though as it shows just how broken the villi are so another thing to worry about in the meantime. I've just read on another thread that you have to be on gluten to have the test, that's another kicker after having started to cut it out the diet. With such a high blood test Iga-TTg score isn't it almost certain that celiac is the cause and the endoscopy in this case is just confirming levels of damage? OK means I can have a final blow-out eating all the "bad" foods but no doubt with all the side effects that come with it... Social life Seems like despite there being some gluten free options in certain restaurants (granted better now than years ago) I'm going to be hugely limited in food options. Either sitting on the side looking on or just plain not able to go out much anymore. Already had the first hitting-home moment watching colleagues eating pastries that were brought in while I just have to look on... then it dawns that this is never going to get better... urghhh Family life I'm really struggling to accept this lifelong illness and loss of health and it's taking a toll on the people around me at the moment. They won't be going gluten-free so will have to take my chances with the mixed kitchen environment; already gone with split toasters etc. so can't do much more than that. Dating Basically seems game over on that front, unlike many who are diagnosed with understanding partners \ spouses I'm still in the dating game, which is judgemental enough as it is without all the complications that the gluten issues bring. I'm reading even kissing someone with lipstick \ make-up is apparently a big no-no... once any date hears that they won't be coming back... forever alone status confirmed is how it looks right now. Overall feelings I still can't quite figure out if this illness was in me all along and just hasn't flared up enough to notice until now or whether the extreme stress I've been under for the past year or so has triggered it. If the second scenario is correct I can't stop thinking about the events that all led up to this almost year-long bout of ill health and life-changing diagnosis. Can celiac be brought on by stress alone or realistically was I always a ticking timebomb just waiting to be set off? For every person I see that's had a positive change after cutting out gluten (and getting by with reasonably achievable adjustments) there seems to be 10 others with horrible side-effects and long-term complications. Right now the future feels rather bleak - like all hope just been taken away. Help???
  • Upcoming Events

  • Blog Entries

  • Recent Status Updates

  • Who's Online (See full list)

  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      61,643
    • Most Online
      3,093

    Newest Member
    moojoo
    Joined