60 replies to this topic

[steve_010]

I have recently started dating a girl with celiac disease. When she told me she had it I didn't think much of it, but after reading through many posts on this forum and reading a ton of other info on the web, I am much more aware of how serious the disease could be.

I know that she cheats with gluten food. I recently went grocery shopping with her and read every single label. I made her put back quite a few items and while she was angry with me, she was annoyed. I don't want to act like her mother but I care about her and want to see her live a LONG, healthy life.

<edit> I ended up throwing out food from her closet. I am 100% supportive of her and will help her be 100% gluten-free, but there is nothing I can do when she is by herself and I don't want to nag her and act like her mother.

We are both <edit> and the possibility of starting a family with her one day is real.

Any and all advice is much appreciated.

/edit As long as I've known her, she has had tiny bumps on her skin. She tells me that it's from the Celiac. Is this actually a rash caused by eating gluten? What could be the long term effects if she continues to "cheat" like this?

/edit #2 I edited some things to make it more anonymous.

[Chiana]

I think this article pretty well reflects my sentiments on this topic:

http://graindamaged....cheat-live.html

Lymphoma is a terrible, terrible cancer.

[mushroom]

Amen. I would NEVER cheat.

[Korwyn]

I'd suggest you purchase a copy of the 'Red Book' Diagnosing Celiac Disease and sit down with her to look through it. Also take a look at this incomplete list: http://glutenfreewor...e/symptom-guide

Since this list was produced there has a study done showing a possible link to Addisons, and one of the genes (DQ6) linked to Celiac has also been shown to have a strong link to Parkinsons. I read some months ago that there is some research being done into gluten/celiac disease linked Parkinsons as well.

Also Dr. Green's book mentions studies showing 10 to 20 year shortened lifespan due to untreated celiac disease. Personally I think it is probably higher since the statistics I looked up don't take all cause mortality into consideration, only post-mortem diagnosis or symptomatic diagnosis of celiac disease.

[Korwyn]

Oh and all of that was to say: for a Celiac, there is no such thing as cheating. There is no such thing as 'just a little bit'. It's like saying a little bit of cyanide, or a little bit of arsenic, or a little bit of killing yourself years earlier.

[Jungle]

I never cheat. When you cheat you are only hurting yourself.

I assume that she has received good medical advice and that she fully understands that she can not ever eat gluten or it will hurt her now and/or later. My Doctors have not said that and thankfully I have found good council elsewhere.

You should ask the question "Do you want to spend your life with someone who is intentionally hurting herself?" She is an adult and you can not save her from herself. She has to want to look after her own needs (not eating gluten ever)

Someone who will not make sacrifices for her own health may have problems making sacrifices for you or your future children.

I don't think you can make her look after herself and it is not your job to nag her. She will only resent you and see your nagging as trying to control her.

[srall]

How often do I cheat with gluten? NEVER.
I do occasionally cheat with dairy and soy...I wish I didn't, but the reactions are pretty minor next to gluten (and corn).
If you are seriously thinking this woman could be the mother of your children be aware that if she's not following a very strict diet she might have infertility issues.

[steve_010]

Thank you for all of the quick responses.

If you are seriously thinking this woman could be the mother of your children be aware that if she's not following a very strict diet she might have infertility issues.

We have briefly discussed this. She has told me that she had <edit> miscarriages after unplanned pregnancies in the past. I asked her if she thought that the miscarriages were Celiac related and she said yes. She said that she would need to consult a nutritionist. <edit>

I'm not feeling very well right now

/edit a little to be anonymous

[a1956chill]

How often do you cheat ???

Never! I work very very hard to make sure gluten and soy do NOT get into my body!!

[love2travel]

Although I do not experience GI issues with gluten, I WOULD NEVER CHEAT! To me it is all or nothing. I think long term. My husband and family need me.

[srall]

Thank you for all of the quick responses.


We have briefly discussed this. She has told me that she had 3 miscarriages after unplanned pregnancies in the past. I asked her if she thought that the miscarriages were Celiac related and she said yes. She said that she would like to have 1 child eventually but that she would need to consult a nutritionist during the pregnancy. When I told her that it would only be for 9 months she replied, "ugggh."

I'm not feeling very well right now

It's not just for 9 months. Other women here have posted that their bodies needed up to 2 years to heal before they were able to get pregnant. I'm not really trying to bum you out, but I had secondary infertility (we were able to have one) and it's devastating. I didn't figure out my gluten intolerance until I was 42 and it was just too late.

I think one reason it's easy for me to avoid gluten is that I felt soooooooooo bad when I ate it. And then the couple of times I accidentally got glutened after the fact I was bedridden for several days. Once it was for 3 weeks. I wonder how your girlfriend feels when she cheats? I think that's why I will cheat with dairy and soy sometimes because it's just a couple of hours of discomfort versus being knocked off my feet for days/weeks.

[Lori2]

Steve, you can't change people who do not want to change. Stop nagging. Either accept her as she is or leave her.

Just my two cents worth. Spoken as a person who is a 24/7 caretaker for a spouse with health problems.

[thleensd]

Never. That is a dangerous game to play. She needs to do some research. Please help her.

+100000000 to "a little bit of arsenic"

[Coleslawcat]

Although I do not experience GI issues with gluten, I WOULD NEVER CHEAT! To me it is all or nothing. I think long term. My husband and family need me.

I feel the same way. I have fairly minor outward reactions to gluten. I probably could cheat regularly without feeling all that bad. But I look at my 3 kids and imagine how selfish it would be to take years away from my time with them and it is very easy for me to pass on gluten.

You need to decide for yourself if you are willing to have children with someone who doesn't worry about her longterm health. If she has a change of heart and starts taking this seriously she can go a long way to reversing the damage she has done, but if she's not willing to then I would run the other way.

[Marilyn R]

My mother was an R.N. and diagnosed with celiac disease but refused to follow the diet. She lived to 87, but was completely helpless and wheelchair bound. It took two aides and a machine to get her out of a chair, her bed, on or off the toilet. When she was in her 50's and 60's, I could hear it in her voice when she was sick and about to have to go to the hospital. I'd fly home and take care of her with a gluten-free diet until she was stable again.

Then it would happen all over again. I divorced my first husband because he said that I shouldn't go to take care of her because we didn't have enough money for me to fly up to take care of her after it happened time over time. He was right, I was wrong, but I could never deny her care.

I never, ever cheat. I loved my mother to bits. She never changed. Even when she was in a nursing home she never allowed me to tell them that she had celiac disease. And when I visited her, she'd ask for pizza. At that point, I just broght her pizza, so I guess I helped kill her, and I still don't know if it was right or wrong.

So know that there will be ramifications for your children and you if you choose to stick with your girlfriend who can't give up Girl Scout Cookies.

I couldn't be my mother's mother. You can't be your potential wife's father. You'll end up wanting to bang your head against the wall because you get it and she refuses to because of a food addiction or simply a hard head.

If you do marry her, I'd make her sign a pre-nup with a gluten rider! But I'd run away. You sound like a really nice guy.