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How Often Do You Cheat?


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60 replies to this topic

#46 Marilyn R

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Posted 27 May 2011 - 01:16 PM

I never eat poison on purpose! Only people with real bad mental issues would. Even most mentally ill people wouldn't.


Well stated.
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Positive improvement from elimination diet. Mother dx'd by Mayo Clinic in late 1980s. Negative blood tests and Upper & Lower GI biopsy. Parathyroidectomy 12/09. Recurring high calcium level 4/10. Gluten-free 4/10. Soy & Dairy Free 6/10. Corn free 7/10. Grain free except rice 8/10. Legume free 6/11. Fighting the battle of the battle within myself, and I'm going to win!

As of 2/12, tolerating dairy, corn, legumes and some soy, but I limit soy to tamari sauce or modest soy additives. Won't ever try quinoa again!

Discoid Lupus from skin biopsy 2011, discovered 2/12 when picking up medical records. Systemic Lupus Dx 6/12. Shingles 10/12.

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#47 Fire Fairy

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Posted 27 May 2011 - 02:04 PM

you know what I say?...Blame it on the gluten!


I say that too!

I think Celiac Disease runs rampant in my family. My brother who studied law at Memphis State (I say this to point out that he was/is smart) was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes in his late 20's. Knowing now that Mom and I have Celiac Disease one might think he would get tested since Type 1 Diabetes can be brought on by untreated Celiac Disease. But no, he refuses to be tested. He would rather be sick than give up his sweets (yes that's right sweets). He is 47 years old and I fear he's running low on time to mend his ways. Still it's his body his life, all I can do is share information and be there to visit him everytime he goes to the hospital.

If you love this woman you may someday be in the same place I am in with my brother. There isn't much you can do. From what I've read you are doing all you can.
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If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad. Please recite with me the real woman's motto: 'I made it, you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes!'-unknown

#48 Chiana

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Posted 27 May 2011 - 05:55 PM

You can get gluten-free angel food cake. I saw one just the other day at the co-op grocery in East Lansing. :D You've just gotta know where to look.
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#49 domesticactivist

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Posted 27 May 2011 - 09:41 PM

People tell you who they are. No amount of cleaning her cupboards or helping her shop is going to change this. The way she handles this conflict is the way she will handle other conflicts. The way she treats her own health is the way she will treat her children's health... should she ever recover enough to be able to have them. She may decide to change, but your help isn't going to do that for her.

I highly recommend the book "Passionate Marriage" by Dr. David Schnarch. This book completely changed my life. I used to think I was always in the right (well, I often was), and so much more "mature" than others I was close to (whether friends or lovers), always picking up the messes they made of things. Then I read this book and really took to heart the message in it about differentiation and the process of maturing in the context of a relationship. Even if the other person's behaviour was "wrong" and mine was "right" I was contributing to the problem - the other person's problems were feeding something in me.

It sounds like you can already feel this isn't a good fit for you. Here's the rub - you'll find someone else with issues just as major if you don't do some work on yourself, first. Listen to that nagging feeling. I do believe you will find someone who deserves your love, support, and partnership in life, which you are clearly willing to give. Unless this woman does a major 180, I doubt it's her. Read the book above and maybe even get some therapy to help you think it all through. You'll thank yourself for it... I did.
  • 0
Our family is transitioning off the GAPS Intro Diet and into the Full GAPS Diet.
Gluten-Free since November 2010
GAPS Diet since January/February 2011
me - not tested for celiac - currently doing a gluten challenge since 11/26/2011
partner - not tested for celiac
ds - age 11, hospitalized 9/2010, celiac dx by gluten reaction & genetics. No biopsy or blood as we were already gluten-free by the time it was an option.
dd - age 12.5, not celiac, has Tourette's syndome
both kids have now-resolved attention issues.

#50 sandsurfgirl

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Posted 28 May 2011 - 04:45 PM

People tell you who they are. No amount of cleaning her cupboards or helping her shop is going to change this. The way she handles this conflict is the way she will handle other conflicts. The way she treats her own health is the way she will treat her children's health... should she ever recover enough to be able to have them. She may decide to change, but your help isn't going to do that for her.

I highly recommend the book "Passionate Marriage" by Dr. David Schnarch. This book completely changed my life. I used to think I was always in the right (well, I often was), and so much more "mature" than others I was close to (whether friends or lovers), always picking up the messes they made of things. Then I read this book and really took to heart the message in it about differentiation and the process of maturing in the context of a relationship. Even if the other person's behaviour was "wrong" and mine was "right" I was contributing to the problem - the other person's problems were feeding something in me.

It sounds like you can already feel this isn't a good fit for you. Here's the rub - you'll find someone else with issues just as major if you don't do some work on yourself, first. Listen to that nagging feeling. I do believe you will find someone who deserves your love, support, and partnership in life, which you are clearly willing to give. Unless this woman does a major 180, I doubt it's her. Read the book above and maybe even get some therapy to help you think it all through. You'll thank yourself for it... I did.



It's nice to recommend a book to him, but it's a pretty big leap in logic to suggest HE is the one who needs therapy because he got involved with someone who has problems. He seems like a pretty together guy with a great head on his shoulders. He sees the problem, came here for answers and is taking all of our advice to heart. I think he sounds like a great catch who caught a rotten fish.

Throw her back to the pond and fish some more. Her silent symptoms won't be so silent forever. The human body can only withstand so much abuse. And when she gets really sick, YOU will be the one picking up the pieces. You will be the one finding empty wrappers of gluten containing treats while you have been her nurse maid for however long. Heck, my husband has a job with me sometimes because as well as I'm doing after 16 months gluten free, I still get issues especially if a restaurant glutens me. I can't imagine he would be too gracious about taking care of my ass if I was purposely making myself sick.
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Lots of doctors diagnosed me with lots of things including IBS, lactose intolerance, wheat intolerance, and quite a few of them threw up their hands in total confusion.

Had GI symptoms, allergy symptoms and unexplained illness my whole life.

Jan. 2010 Diagnosed celiac at the age of 40.
Ready to get well and get on with my life!

#51 sandiz

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Posted 28 May 2011 - 08:01 PM

Can never cheat, it is too painful. It is poison to me.
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#52 cap6

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Posted 29 May 2011 - 07:05 PM

I would never ever cheat. It would just negate all of the work I've done to be gluten free. If the two of you have children they are at risk for being celiac and I am if she would have trouble coping with a celiac child.
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#53 domesticactivist

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Posted 29 May 2011 - 09:26 PM

It's nice to recommend a book to him, but it's a pretty big leap in logic to suggest HE is the one who needs therapy because he got involved with someone who has problems. He seems like a pretty together guy with a great head on his shoulders. He sees the problem, came here for answers and is taking all of our advice to heart. I think he sounds like a great catch who caught a rotten fish.


I agree that the OP sounds like a great guy, and I really do hope that he just got unlucky with her and will be able to easily move on now that he's seen this side of her. However, most people I have observed have a more difficult time than that, no matter how good they are as people. If it is more difficult than just throwing this fish back for the OP, it might be beneficial to consider what trying to help her does for him.

I wasn't suggesting that "he is the one who needs therapy." Rather, I was trying to get the point across that relationships are often about more than who is the good guy and who is the bad guy, and it might be helpful to consider that we are often attracted to others who fit us like puzzle pieces. Building awareness of that through therapy, reading, talking on a forum, or other means can help a person grow in ways that lead them toward healthier relationships.

That has been my experience, and I hope it is read and understood as a shared idea/perspective rather than an attack.
  • 0
Our family is transitioning off the GAPS Intro Diet and into the Full GAPS Diet.
Gluten-Free since November 2010
GAPS Diet since January/February 2011
me - not tested for celiac - currently doing a gluten challenge since 11/26/2011
partner - not tested for celiac
ds - age 11, hospitalized 9/2010, celiac dx by gluten reaction & genetics. No biopsy or blood as we were already gluten-free by the time it was an option.
dd - age 12.5, not celiac, has Tourette's syndome
both kids have now-resolved attention issues.

#54 sandsurfgirl

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Posted 29 May 2011 - 11:04 PM

I agree that the OP sounds like a great guy, and I really do hope that he just got unlucky with her and will be able to easily move on now that he's seen this side of her. However, most people I have observed have a more difficult time than that, no matter how good they are as people. If it is more difficult than just throwing this fish back for the OP, it might be beneficial to consider what trying to help her does for him.

I wasn't suggesting that "he is the one who needs therapy." Rather, I was trying to get the point across that relationships are often about more than who is the good guy and who is the bad guy, and it might be helpful to consider that we are often attracted to others who fit us like puzzle pieces. Building awareness of that through therapy, reading, talking on a forum, or other means can help a person grow in ways that lead them toward healthier relationships.

That has been my experience, and I hope it is read and understood as a shared idea/perspective rather than an attack.


Thanks for clarifying. I get what you're saying. Maybe I will read that book.
  • 0
Lots of doctors diagnosed me with lots of things including IBS, lactose intolerance, wheat intolerance, and quite a few of them threw up their hands in total confusion.

Had GI symptoms, allergy symptoms and unexplained illness my whole life.

Jan. 2010 Diagnosed celiac at the age of 40.
Ready to get well and get on with my life!

#55 msmini14

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Posted 30 May 2011 - 03:15 PM

I went gluten-free in february 2008, I ate gluten on purpose march of 08 because I couldn't resist and I didn't understand how important it was for me to eat gluten-free. Well after march of 08 I have never eaten gluten on purpose, it is not worth getting sick or any other affects that it takes on me.
It sucks because there are people out there who tell everyone they have celiac and then eat wheat. This causes some people not to take us seriously when we explain our situation.
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Gluten Free going on 5 years and counting!

gluten-free is a life change and not a diet.


#56 eatmeat4good

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Posted 30 May 2011 - 09:12 PM

You can lead a celiac to gluten free food but you cannot make her eat that way.

I'm sick as a dog and mentally ill with cross contamination. I would never cheat.
Gluten seriously disturbed my cognitive and mental ability. I had impaired perceptions and couldn't do basic problem solving like drawing connections between cause and effect. Maybe gluten is interfering with her cognitive processes. Anger and irritability are classic glutening symptoms, and you would have to live with that if she didn't stop eating gluten. Wow.
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Healing is a matter of time, but it is sometimes also a matter of opportunity.
--Hippocrates

#57 steve_010

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Posted 01 June 2011 - 06:40 AM

Well, this weekend was full of BBQ's and whatnot for Memorial Day. It was a beautiful weekend up here and we sat pool side, etc.

We went to a party one of the nights and everything was going fine. Although, she did eat a hot dog. She didn't ask if they were gluten free (and honestly, I have no idea if they are). All she said is that they were good hot dogs, not the cheap ones, so they were fine. Whatever.

Anyway, I'm not her babysitter so I let her do her thing. She went inside the house and about 10 minutes later I went in to refill my drink (I wasn't drinking beer so that I wouldn't feel bad kissing her). I saw her throw something into the trash and then put her arms up like she was stretching. I didn't think much of it. It's 3 days later now and she confessed to eating a slice of pizza. The only reason she told me is because I would have seen the giant rash on her stomach. I went without eating any gluten around her and she has to sneak away from me to eat pizza!

The day before she ate some Carvel Ice Cream cake (Wheat something is 3rd ingredient). I asked her about this and she said she won't let me take that away from her. The next day she ate more Angel Food cake like she did the weekend before. Then on Monday she called me out for eating a cheese burger with a bun and said that she thought I was going gluten free.

Sorry for the rant. I just can't trust her anymore. I'm 95% gluten free while I'm around her but she's only 75% gluten-free around me (and probably only 50% gluten-free when I'm not around).

Big talk coming tonight. I'll let you know how it goes.
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#58 kareng

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Posted 01 June 2011 - 06:54 AM

Good luck, Steve! I think there are alot of women on here that would love to date you! ;)

Someone should start a gluten-free/food allergy dating service.
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#59 domesticactivist

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Posted 01 June 2011 - 07:47 AM

Good luck!
  • 1
Our family is transitioning off the GAPS Intro Diet and into the Full GAPS Diet.
Gluten-Free since November 2010
GAPS Diet since January/February 2011
me - not tested for celiac - currently doing a gluten challenge since 11/26/2011
partner - not tested for celiac
ds - age 11, hospitalized 9/2010, celiac dx by gluten reaction & genetics. No biopsy or blood as we were already gluten-free by the time it was an option.
dd - age 12.5, not celiac, has Tourette's syndome
both kids have now-resolved attention issues.

#60 tarnalberry

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Posted 01 June 2011 - 09:20 AM

Good luck!

It strikes me, reading what you wrote about her sneaking off to have a piece of pizza and "confessing her crimes" later is just such a huge red flag. What else might she sneak? I mean, if you guys want to have kids, she'd already be doing harm by eating gluten during a pregnancy (the celiac antibodies attack the placenta, increasing risk of miscarriage and prematurity), but what if she really wanted a drink, often? Would she say "oh, I just can't say no" and end up giving the kid fetal alcohol syndrome? What if she took to smoking? Or gambling? Or any other addictive behavior. Yes, yes - I realize that some people find gluten to be physiologically addictive, but if she won't even acknowledge her behavior and that she needs to work on it and/or get help...

Good luck! I hope the talk goes well.
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Tiffany aka "Have I Mentioned Chocolate Lately?"
Inconclusive Blood Tests, Positive Dietary Results, No Endoscopy
G.F. - September 2003; C.F. - July 2004
Hiker, Yoga Teacher, Engineer, Painter, Be-er of Me
Bellevue, WA


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