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I Don't Want To Go!


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23 replies to this topic

#16 domesticactivist

 
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Posted 23 August 2011 - 06:36 PM

I agree with all the others who say to talk to the boss and go with your own food. First, thank him for being so eager to accommodate you. Then let him know that while you appreciate the effort, you are concerned about cross-contamination and would prefer if he made his usual favorite for the other guests. Let him know you value the occasion and want to be there, but will bring your own food from home.

Then, when you are there, people may comment. Answer briefly, politely, and then change the subject.
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Our family is transitioning off the GAPS Intro Diet and into the Full GAPS Diet.
Gluten-Free since November 2010
GAPS Diet since January/February 2011
me - not tested for celiac - currently doing a gluten challenge since 11/26/2011
partner - not tested for celiac
ds - age 11, hospitalized 9/2010, celiac dx by gluten reaction & genetics. No biopsy or blood as we were already gluten-free by the time it was an option.
dd - age 12.5, not celiac, has Tourette's syndome
both kids have now-resolved attention issues.

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#17 Oscar

 
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Posted 23 August 2011 - 07:33 PM

Quinoa is a food that most of us were not familiar with before our celiac disease diagnosis. Many of us with celiac disease have other food intolerances, so an intolerance to quinoa is certainly possible. I like it as an alternative to rice in various recipes.
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#18 Darn210

 
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Posted 24 August 2011 - 03:05 AM

I agree with all the others who say to talk to the boss and go with your own food. First, thank him for being so eager to accommodate you. Then let him know that while you appreciate the effort, you are concerned about cross-contamination and would prefer if he made his usual favorite for the other guests. Let him know you value the occasion and want to be there, but will bring your own food from home.Then, when you are there, people may comment. Answer briefly, politely, and then change the subject.


Absolutely do not eat food that you are not comfortable eating, but don't let him prepare a gluten free meal that you know you are not going to eat.
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Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.


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#19 lovegrov

 
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Posted 24 August 2011 - 05:11 AM

I'm not saying whether or not the original poster should go because I don't know enough about the individuals involved, but in response to some other comments -- there are some jobs out there where the reality is that a spouse can help make or break a career or tip the scales for a promotion. For instance, if a boss thinks that an employee being considered for a more responsible position will be distracted by the spouse's health issues or that the spouse isn't going to attend functions where clients might be expecting to see them, that's something that can make a difference. This is the way business is and wishing it were different isn't going to change it.

richard
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#20 Hungrylady

 
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Posted 24 August 2011 - 08:29 AM

Have you decided? This is such a pickle! I love the idea of bringing a similar dish that looks like everyone else's. Although you might not be able to do this yourself this time it sure is a super idea to keep with all of us.
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#21 Marie1976

 
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Posted 24 August 2011 - 09:18 AM

I like the idea of telling hubby to say "She can't eat other people's food." This is such a loaded issue. As a vegetarian/vegan for most of my life, I have dealt with people being offended by my not eating their food for years. I skip a lot of events where there will be food because I inevitably get into discussions about are your kids veg too? Where do they get their protein? Etc. They think that since they see you eating nothing but crackers and fruit at their house that that's all you eat at your own house.

Anyway. My family has always been cool about our being vegetarian and go out of their way to provide veg alternatives. I HATED having to tell them my diet is even more limited now. I now tell everyone in advance I WILL BRING MY OWN FOOD. But almost everyone makes gluten-free food for me anyway. I KNOW they are trying to be nice, and it IS nice! But people just don't get it. The anxiety we have over the cc issue. It's a real drag.

It's bad enough we have to worry about being the center of attention because we're not eating, or because we're eating something different. And we worry about hurting someone's feelings. But then on top of it we have to pretend we don't mind at all that we're not getting to eat what we want to be eating. "No, it's FINE. I actually enjoy these rice cakes that I brought along." Ha ha! (I love being vegan, there was always something yummy to eat. But I HATE gluten-free, I feel so deprived now.)

In these situations, we all have to decide whether we are more willing to risk offending someone, or risk getting sick.

By the way, I was surprised to read a couple of you mentioned that spouses' attendance at some functions is required. So if you have small children and can't get a sitter you're just supposed to leave your kids at home to fend for themselves? What if you are sick? What kind of employer expects the entire family to drop everything for a cocktail party?

Even so, it isn't "required" to eat food that you don't want to eat.
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#22 Marie1976

 
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Posted 24 August 2011 - 09:21 AM

BTW, I noticed someone said quinoa makes them sick. Most kinds that you buy are not pre-rinsed and if you don't rinse it before cooking it, there is a film on there that I think can make you sick. I always buy the more expensive pre-rinsed kind. Yep I'm lazy. ;)
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#23 zus888

 
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Posted 25 August 2011 - 04:34 AM

I KNOW they are trying to be nice, and it IS nice! But people just don't get it. The anxiety we have over the cc issue. It's a real drag.

It's bad enough we have to worry about being the center of attention because we're not eating, or because we're eating something different. And we worry about hurting someone's feelings. But then on top of it we have to pretend we don't mind at all that we're not getting to eat what we want to be eating. "No, it's FINE. I actually enjoy these rice cakes that I brought along."

In these situations, we all have to decide whether we are more willing to risk offending someone, or risk getting sick.



Wow. This is exactly what I'm talking about!!!

Well, the "boss" is actually DH's supervisor. DH has several supervisors depending on the project he's working on. The supervisor is in no position to offer bonuses or raises or promotions. This is merely his supervisor's way of showing his appreciation for the hard work his "team" put forth on a particular project. At least, that's my take.

Also of note, DH has been told that supervior's BIL is also celiac, but DH isn't sure if they've ever fed him. So, at the very least, he's probably more well-versed in the issues than I originally thought.

I haven't decided what to do yet. It's sort of on the backburner because I'm so preoccupied preparing for my DS's 7th birthday party this weekend and for a trip I'm making in just 5 days. It might just depend on my mental state at the time. Some days, I have no problem bringing my own food and watching people eating stuff I really REALLY want, and other days, it's like physical and emotional torture. I'll have to talk more with DH about it.
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#24 kareng

 
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Posted 25 August 2011 - 04:49 AM

Wow. This is exactly what I'm talking about!!!

Well, the "boss" is actually DH's supervisor. DH has several supervisors depending on the project he's working on. The supervisor is in no position to offer bonuses or raises or promotions. This is merely his supervisor's way of showing his appreciation for the hard work his "team" put forth on a particular project. At least, that's my take.

Also of note, DH has been told that supervior's BIL is also celiac, but DH isn't sure if they've ever fed him. So, at the very least, he's probably more well-versed in the issues than I originally thought.

I haven't decided what to do yet. It's sort of on the backburner because I'm so preoccupied preparing for my DS's 7th birthday party this weekend and for a trip I'm making in just 5 days. It might just depend on my mental state at the time. Some days, I have no problem bringing my own food and watching people eating stuff I really REALLY want, and other days, it's like physical and emotional torture. I'll have to talk more with DH about it.



There's your out right there! Hub can tell him he can come but you are not sure you can make it. You have something with the kids. So please don't plan any special food. If you are able to come, you will eat first or bring something. Then you can see how you feel the day of the dinner.

Honestly, its not a reward to watch people eat and have to explain over and over why you aren't eating. Then why you don't have the fruit (CC and crumbs from the cookies next to it).
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