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Please Help Me Figure This Out..my Roommate Is "poisoning" Me :/


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23 replies to this topic

#16 yolo

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Posted 03 September 2011 - 10:09 AM

Just wanted to add that the dust on the chef's clothes and person is enough to cause cross contamination in your kitchen etc.. I have gotten glutened just walking through a pizza place to use their bathroom in back. I also have gotten it from shaking someone's hand and then opening up a water bottle. I have had to learn to wash my hands constantly.

Clearly the situation with this tenant as is is untenable. Maybe you should give him the 30 days and insist he make a separate mini kitchen for himself in his bedroom? And wear a separate set of clothes in the house than what he wears when he works? And leave his shoes outside and/or put them in a bag when he comes in the house? And take a shower immediately when he comes home.

Either that, or you could temporarily go live with a gluten-free friend??

What amazes me is that your bf doesn't see this relationship between your suffering and the appearance of this guy. If he continues to be in denial of that fact, it would make me think twice about him too...

Good luck!

Bea
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Diagnosed celiac sprue as infant: failure to thrive & pneumonia-back on grains age 4. Began herbs 1971 combating chronic kidney disease/general ill health 1973. Avoid wheat family and "allergens" by 1980. Late 80's doc. diagnosed candida: cave-man diet. Diagnosed degraded myelin sheath 2006; need co-enzyme B vitamins. Discovered celiac fall 2007; finally told diagnosis as infant. Recently found I am salicylic acid intolerant. Ironically can't tolerate most herbs now. Can now eat brown rice & other gluten-free grains (except corn) & even maple syrup & now homeopathic medicine works! Am still exploring the shape of this elephant but I've made progress!

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#17 anabananakins

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Posted 07 September 2011 - 09:55 PM

Don't beat yourself up, there's so much to learn, but flour is a definite no no. And it's YOUR house, you can say so. Heck, my mother respects my request to please not do any bread baking in the days leading up to my visit (and she uses a bread machine so she's not flinging around flour much) and that's me asking her to do something in her house. She gets that it's poison to me.

I'm sure you'll find someone if you advertise, and I bet there is someone out there desperate to live in a gluten free home so do advertise it as such. It must be so tough to be young and broke and to already be spending more than average on food only to be stressed about finding suitable share accommodation.

Even if he was the nicest guy possible, if he likes baking with regular flour then he's not a suitable person to share your house. Since he sounds like a creep, you should definitely give him notice. And then change the locks!
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#18 domesticactivist

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Posted 08 September 2011 - 08:19 AM

First off - if he's a good guy and just not being careful, he is not the right housemate. Kick him out and advertise for someone gluten-free or celiac and you will probably find someone who has been desperate to find a gluten-free rental!

Now for the more important stuff:

If your fiancee does not respect your feelings about this guy, and your fear - justified or not, you need to seriously reconsider the relationship. No matter how great he is in other ways, if he doesn't take your feeling seriously you are in for big trouble down the line. At a minimum, you are in for a lifetime of being treated as though your feelings aren't valid and don't count. That's emotional abuse, and it wears on you. If you can't stand it, you may find yourself in for a divorce as well. I recently read an article that stated that the majority of women who divorce had a gut feeling on their wedding day that it wasn't right. I'm one of those women. As happy as I was to get married at the time, and as much as it made sense on the practical side, it is my one big regret in life. We separated about 5 years ago and believe me, it would have been far easier to either postpone the wedding until the issues we had were resolved (hint: not gonna happen, and we did try after the wedding!) or beak it off before getting married. Now we are still stuck dealing with each other because of the kids and it sucks!!!

My partner had a housemate who she felt creeped out by... he turned loud and obnoxious, didn't pay his bills, got uncovered in lies, then one day he stole checks from all the housemates and disappeared.

A friend of mine had a housemate (assigned by the school he was going to) who majorly creeped me out the first time I met him. Later it turned out he had a serious drinking problem. Once he beat up a guy who knocked on their door one time, so bad that he broke all the bones in his fist. Another time his friend set off a firework by me and I had a seizure. He thought I was faking and dragged me into the other room by my hair.

Your intuition is your friend, and I don't care how glutened you are, you MUST listen to it to protect yourself. Your fiancee must be able to support such a strong gut feeling.

***********************************TRIGGER ALERT*****************************
I'm going to share several personal stories to illustrate this point which may trigger some people, so please decide whether or not you really want to read them. I'll leave out the gory details, but the concepts are there. If you don't want to read it, take the message that YOUR INTUITION IS IMPORTANT - LISTEN TO IT!!!

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There was a guy I worked with when I was 19 who was "a great guy." (I thought) Everyone loved him. I thought he was a little creepy at first, but he wanted to be friends and never did anything obviously wrong. We both lived downtown and walked home, so he started walking me home "for safety." He was a very big man. During these walks we'd talk. He said many things that were red flags for me about his past jobs, about his ideas of his life for the future, etc, but nothing actually scary or obviously bad. I considered him my friend. Eventually I moved so I stopped walking with him.

So then one night he asked me to get coffee with him after work at a local place. I said sure. But it got late before we left because he had things to deal with. He led a route that took longer, and over which I got more and more nervous for no apparent reason. By the time we got there the place was closed. Surprise, surprise, it was across the street from his apartment, which I'd never been to. He invited me up for a game of cards. I was uncomfortable and a bit afraid, but stupidly I accepted, because I thought it would be rude not to, and plus, the plan was he was going to drive me home and his car was parked back by our work.

I went up, and the next thing I knew he was pressuring me for sex. He got all my clothes off and stuffed them behind the bed. While he didn't manage to pull off the ahem, complete act, I spent several hours in unwanted, protested, bruise-inducing sexual contact with him. Finally he let me have my clothes back and took me home. Then I had to work with the guy. I had major PTSD type symptoms from this rape and it's a long story but I later found out that he'd done even worse to many other former coworkers.

Another time, I started dating a guy who looked great on paper - he was a research scientist, had a nice truck, whatever. I realized very early on that he was also an alcoholic and broke it off after just a couple weeks since that wasn't right for me. We had a couple friendly exchanges after that. A few weeks later, he said he had concert tickets and no one to go with (he was kind of new in town). I was nervous but did want to see the show, and he promised not to visit the beer garden. Long story short, on the drive back to my place to get his truck I realized he was shit-faced drunk. I told him to stay, sleep on the couch, because I wouldn't let him drive home like that. He started crying and freaking out, and ended up raping me - getting me pregnant with my son and giving me genital herpes.

He blacked out and after I got him home I stopped seeing him completely. When I found out I was pregnant a couple weeks later I contacted him and told him. Stupidly, I decided that since he hadn't known what he was doing and didn't remember it he didn't really mean to hurt me. I didn't feel right about telling him but thought it was the right thing to do. He was all excited about how he was going to have his "first born son" and said we had to get married or he'd beat the baby out of me. I wasn't having that and ended up getting a restraining order.



I've got even worse stories of intuition gone wrong, from friends and family.


I had a very close friend who married a guy who totally creeped me out from day one, even though nothing was obviously wrong. He ended up cheating on her, was horribly emotionally and sexually abusive, took out tons of credit in her name, sabotaged every job she got, did drugs, and finally turned physically abusive after their child was born. She tried to leave him many, many times, he threatened to shoot all three of them so that they'd be together forever. Finally she did manage to divorce him, which did not go well at all.

Another friend got divorced and moved back across the country where she found a new husband who turned abusive when they got married - to both her and her 4 kids, and poisoned her slowly! A nurse spotted it with her intuition immediately, my friend wouldn't listen. The minute she got away from him, though, it all became clear.

My partner's aunt actually got her house repeatedly broken into by, and then was finally murdered by, a neighborhood teen who had seriously creeped out her daughter.

A friend dated a guy who I was totally creeped out by despite his being a doctor and seeming perfect on paper. He ended up giving her an STD and also sabotaging her tire, which blew up when she was entering the freeway.

Even if you don't know why you feel creeped out by someone, you are BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY! If you don't have proof but you are creeped out, just go your seperate ways. Take precautions even if they don't seem necessary. If they weren't necessary, they didn't hurt anyone. If they were necessary, you just saved yourself a lot of suffering.
  • 1
Our family is transitioning off the GAPS Intro Diet and into the Full GAPS Diet.
Gluten-Free since November 2010
GAPS Diet since January/February 2011
me - not tested for celiac - currently doing a gluten challenge since 11/26/2011
partner - not tested for celiac
ds - age 11, hospitalized 9/2010, celiac dx by gluten reaction & genetics. No biopsy or blood as we were already gluten-free by the time it was an option.
dd - age 12.5, not celiac, has Tourette's syndome
both kids have now-resolved attention issues.

#19 notme!

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Posted 09 September 2011 - 10:56 AM

flour or no flour - if he's creeping you out, get rid of him! i had a stalker it is NOT FUN! he was a convincing LIAR and he had things alll planned to take advantage of my sympathy. it took a long time to get rid of him and even longer to be able to sleep at night.

trust your instincts - if fiance needs convincing, tell him to watch the movie 'pacific heights'

good luck :)

edited to say: i didn't see that this was 2 pages lol - thank you so much, d.a., for sharing! it's so important not to be 'polite' when all the bells and whistles are going off in your head -

this little feller was passing himself off in our church youth group as a 15 yr old, rode his bike to the meetings and to church, etc. always staying behind to help me clean up, helping my daughters carry things to the car, he would come over to see my (baby, at the time) grandson - he remembered i had him visit every wednesday evening <- that was creepout #1, when i started paying attention and my ears perked up. one night, late, he shows up on my doorstep covered in blood. he had told me before that he and his dad didn't get along - now he said his father had beaten him up. i was DISTRESSED (and he counted on that) and SYMPATHETIC (also what he wanted) and i invited him in to get cleaned up and told him he could spend the night (in with my son in his room, thinking harry could keep an eye on him - ha) i talked with him the next day and he said his dad had kicked him out of the house completely and he had no place else to stay - i spent hours going over his options: could you stay with a relative, friend, etc? he played the pity card. then he popped up everywhere i went. he knew my schedule because (i have 4 kids) i co-ordinated the house and discussed everything with the kids, so all he had to do was listen. long story short: the day i kicked him out was the day i found out he was actually NINETEEN and the night he showed up at the house he had pulled a knife on his father. that was not his blood on him. when i came home from work that day, he was hiding on the back porch waiting for me and trying to watch my daughter take a shower - *shudder* and my story had a relatively 'happy' ending. most people don't live through these things. trust your instincts, i can not stress this enough.
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arlene

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just as i was getting my affairs in order to die of malnutrition...
gluten free 7/2010
blood test negative
celiac confirmed by endoscopy 9/2010

 

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#20 anne88

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Posted 14 October 2011 - 01:41 AM



So, do I just kick him out? Do I talk to him and see if it gets better? Put a hidden camera in the kitchen? HELP PLEASE!!



Honestly, I am going through the same thing right now only not being poisoned with gluten, whatever you do, DO NOT TELL HIM YOU THINK THIS!!! Have your husband kick him out in the least suspicous and nicest way possible, and when he does, you both should leave town until all his stuff is gone then change locks and have neighbors keep an eye on the house. I am serious, your post is creeping me out because it sounds like the same guy, I don't think you are being paranoid. I am scared for my life right now and you need to take this very very seriously! I wish there was a way we could talk in private like through email so we can figure out if its the same person, do not be alone in that house, do not eat or drink anything and maybe you should tell your husband to take your concern seriously and look up the number one sign of a serial killer, #1. Socially Awkward, (pervous). I will pray for you, I don't mean to scare you I'm sorry its just I really don't want you to second guess yourself, trust your instincts especially being a woman. Please keep us updated.
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#21 sariesue

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Posted 14 October 2011 - 05:42 AM

Check out the laws for subletting or whatever arrangement you had in your area. It might not be as easy as telling him that he has to leave. You may need to inform him in writing and give him so many days notice. I know that there are definate legal procedures when working with renters. Like in order to keep a security deposit from a renter, they need to be informed in writing within a month of them leaving. You don't want to try to get him to leave improperly and have him sue you or have courts order that he be able to stay longer.
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#22 srall

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Posted 14 October 2011 - 06:56 AM

To keep this about gluten somewhat: You should have a gluten free house. This is the one place you can feel safe from gluten and you should know that all the food coming out of your kitchen should be safe. I hope your fiance respects this when you get married.

I support everything previous posters have written. I recommend a book called The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker. Every young woman should read this book. There is a reason your gut is talking to you. I promise. Even if there is nothing glaringly wrong with his behavior, your subconscious is picking up on red flags and that is your intuition.

He needs to be gone.
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#23 GlutenFreeManna

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Posted 14 October 2011 - 07:33 AM

Honestly, I am going through the same thing right now only not being poisoned with gluten, whatever you do, DO NOT TELL HIM YOU THINK THIS!!! Have your husband kick him out in the least suspicous and nicest way possible, and when he does, you both should leave town until all his stuff is gone then change locks and have neighbors keep an eye on the house. I am serious, your post is creeping me out because it sounds like the same guy, I don't think you are being paranoid. I am scared for my life right now and you need to take this very very seriously! I wish there was a way we could talk in private like through email so we can figure out if its the same person, do not be alone in that house, do not eat or drink anything and maybe you should tell your husband to take your concern seriously and look up the number one sign of a serial killer, #1. Socially Awkward, (pervous). I will pray for you, I don't mean to scare you I'm sorry its just I really don't want you to second guess yourself, trust your instincts especially being a woman. Please keep us updated.


livelifelarge24 has not be logged in since September 17 according to her profile. If you click on her name it will go to her profile and you can try to email her via the "email me here" link on the left side towards the bottom.
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A simple meal with love is better than a feast where there is hatred. Proverbs 15:17 (CEV)

#24 mommida

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Posted 14 October 2011 - 01:58 PM

I hope our original poster is doing well!

Maybe Celiacs just know they have to listen to gut instincts.

This co-worker of my husbands just made my skin crawl. Nicest person, above and beyond acting like a gentelman. Not the slightest bit close to being labeled as "socially akward". Married. Wife was just as pleasant.
Just couldn't shake the feeling.
We had our first born and they had offered to babysit. Said they wanted to have kids and would love the practice.
Nope. Still totally creeped out. No explaination. I felt like running everytime I saw this guy.
Well turns out he was busted for child porn on his computer. Went to jail. It was a pretty serious case, even though it seemed there were no physical cases of him hurting children.
Oh don't let me forget about the wife.
Years later, and close to his release date. Talking to a police officer with specialization in the area of internet predators. (Just a social gathering off the wall conversation.) Mentioned wow you might have busted this person. The officer was chilled. Remembered the case quite well because of the wife. She showed no emotion, no distress, knew why the house was being raided. (Mind you, they had children together living in the house.) Usually wives tend to FREAK out. Law officers usually have to pull women off the man to save thier lives. The police realized she KNEW and possibly they missed getting another pedaphile off the streets.
YUCK!

Gut instincts.
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