Jump to content

Follow Us:  Twitter Facebook RSS Feed            




   arrowShare this page:
   

   Get email alerts  Subscribe to FREE Celiac.com email alerts

 
Ads by Google:
Celiac.com Sponsor:                                    


Photo
- - - - -

Struggling To Cope With Boyfriend's Mother


  • Please log in to reply

35 replies to this topic

#1 nikky

 
nikky

    Advanced Community Member

  • Advanced Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 208 posts
 

Posted 07 October 2011 - 12:01 PM

I'm slowly getting to the end of my teather with my boyfriend's mother. She shows no respect for my inability to consume anyting with gluten in it and whenever im at the house she tries to feed me bread, pastry, pizzas and gluten containing frozen foods including sausages and burgers that contain wheat flour. She also refuses to let me store food safely and whenever me and my boyfriend are trying to cook she will come into the kitchen and start telling me what I am and arent allowed, constantly giving me gluten containg options and getting agitated when I tell her that I'm unable to eat it because of the coeliac.

Both myself and my boyfriend have spoken to her on several ocasions, explaining to her foods that are/arent safe, why its easier for me to be allowed to look for things to eat and all about cross-contamination, but none of it seems to sink in. I've given her an official list of foods and ingredients that need to be avoided, and have even told her I'm prepared to supply some food myself provided i can store it safely when I'm staying.

Two weeks ago, she and her husband went on holiday,leaving me at the house with my boyfriend. Before she went, she promised to go shopping for food that we could both have. When we later looked, we found the fridge, freezer and cupboards full of sausage rolls, pies, pasties, wheat-flour containing soups, pizza, biscuits etc, and vertually nothing that was gluten - free.

I've also explained that I am not expecting specialist foods to be bought, but that just by changing brand a food can become safe or that life could be easier if i was allowed to sort it myself without interuption.

She has also said before that shes been tempted to 'experiement' with food for me and my boyfriend and last week my boyfriend told me to never leave her with anything I'm going to eat as he over heard her telling her best friend that she wanted to spread bread crumbs in my food. When the friend then raised the point that it would be harmful for me, she said 'I know, I dont care' :(.

I've tried several times to explain the seriousness of the condition, but she has convinced herself that I'll just get a 'bit of a bad stomach'. The last time i had gluten my lips were swelling up and it felt like there were knives in my throat and stomach.

Any advice???


(Just want to add, my boyfriend is completely supportive, and is constantly trying to learn about the condition and get his mum to listen.)
  • 0

"great works are performed not by strength but by perseverence"

 

Diagnosed coeliac - aged 14

                  Asthma

                 Osteopinia

                 High blood calcium

                 Crohn's disease -december 2012 


Celiac.com Sponsor:

#2 Diane-in-FL

 
Diane-in-FL

    Advanced Community Member

  • Advanced Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 158 posts
 

Posted 07 October 2011 - 12:11 PM

This woman obviously hates you if she wants to deliberately make you sick and tells her friend "I know and I don't care." She is dangerous. You and your boyfriend need to get your own place and never ever go back to her house. Would she feed sugar to someone with diabetes? Or peanuts to someone with a peanut allergy? She is mentally ill or something. What is wrong with people like that? It's really quite horrifying. :(
  • 2
Gluten Free since 2010

#3 Takala

 
Takala

    Advanced Community Member

  • Advanced Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 2,555 posts
 

Posted 07 October 2011 - 12:20 PM

any suggestions ?


Bring another girlfriend along next time, and introduce her as your new Official Food Taster, since the Mum -in- Law from Hell™ is into Court Intrigue.
  • 0

#4 kareng

 
kareng

    Gobble! Gobble!

  • Moderators
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 14,234 posts
 

Posted 07 October 2011 - 12:22 PM

Why are you in this evil person's house? If she told her friend she was going to stab you while you are sleeping, would you stay there? Would you even go for an hour visit?

Please do not have children with this guy. He may be OK but his mother isn't. And if she has a husband, he isn't good either. Your children would never be safe around her. Your life would be a constant battle with the kids father as he tries to take them to visit his mother. Or let's them be around her.

The fact is, she doesn't like you and she is a mean person. If it weren't gluten it would be something else. Be glad you found this out before you have her grandchildren or marry her son.
  • 3

Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare.  They are consumed in 12 minutes.  Half-times take 12 minutes.  This is not a coincidence.  - Emma Bombeck
 
dancing-turkey.gif
 
 
 
 

 


#5 ravenwoodglass

 
ravenwoodglass

    Advanced Community Member

  • Advanced Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 13,765 posts
 

Posted 07 October 2011 - 12:31 PM

I wouldn't even be cooking in her kitchen because it is likely a gluten minefield even if the food you are cooking is gluten free. The answer to the problem is to cook for yourself and your boyfreind at your home and to avoid hers like the plague. Eat your meals at home and just bring a wrapped snack with you. Why isn't your boyfreind laying down the law to her? If he isn't standing up firmly for you now for heavens sake don't even think of marrying or having children with him as it will only get worse.
  • 0
Courage does not always roar, sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying
"I will try again tommorrow" (Mary Anne Radmacher)


celiac 49 years - Misdiagnosed for 45
Blood tested and repeatedly negative
Diagnosed by Allergist with elimination diet and diagnosis confirmed by GI in 2002
Misdiagnoses for 15 years were IBS-D, ataxia, migraines, anxiety, depression, fibromyalgia, parathesias, arthritis, livedo reticularis, hairloss, premature menopause, osteoporosis, kidney damage, diverticulosis, prediabetes and ulcers, dermatitis herpeformis
All bold resoved or went into remission with proper diagnosis of Celiac November 2002
Some residual nerve damage remains as of 2006- this has continued to resolve after eliminating soy in 2007

Mother died of celiac related cancer at 56
Twin brother died as a result of autoimmune liver destruction at age 15

Children 2 with Ulcers, GERD, Depression, , 1 with DH, 1 with severe growth stunting (male adult 5 feet)both finally diagnosed Celiac through blood testing and 1 with endo 6 months after Mom


Positive to Soy and Casien also Aug 2007

Gluten Sensitivity Gene Test Aug 2007
HLA-DQB1 Molecular analysis, Allele 1 0303

HLA-DQB1 Molecular analysis, Allele 2 0303

Serologic equivalent: HLA-DQ 3,3 (Subtype 9,9)

#6 lynnelise

 
lynnelise

    Advanced Community Member

  • Advanced Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 474 posts
 

Posted 07 October 2011 - 12:44 PM

No offense but it sounds like this lady really does not like you and this is her passive-aggressive attempt to get rid of you.

I would no go to the woman's house. It's dangerous and you are clearly not welcome. I wouldn't want to be where I wasn't welcome.

Hopefully your boyfriend can come up with a solution to see you outside of his mom's home.
  • 1

#7 pricklypear1971

 
pricklypear1971

    Advanced Community Member

  • Advanced Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 3,684 posts
 

Posted 07 October 2011 - 12:46 PM

I don't think it's so passive.

Geez. Get away from that woman, don't eat at her house, don't stay at her house.

And yes, if you have children with your boyfriend you will be stuck with that wacky woman for life.
  • 1
Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today. ~ Mark Twain

Probable Endometriosis, in remission from childbirth since 2002.
Hashimoto's DX 2005.
Gluten-Free since 6/2011.
DH (and therefore Celiac) dx from ND
.
Responsive to iodine withdrawal for DH (see quote, above).

Genetic tests reveal half DQ2, half DQ8 - I'm a weird bird!

#8 nikky

 
nikky

    Advanced Community Member

  • Advanced Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 208 posts
 

Posted 07 October 2011 - 12:51 PM

This woman obviously hates you if she wants to deliberately make you sick and tells her friend "I know and I don't care." She is dangerous. You and your boyfriend need to get your own place and never ever go back to her house. Would she feed sugar to someone with diabetes? Or peanuts to someone with a peanut allergy? She is mentally ill or something. What is wrong with people like that? It's really quite horrifying. :(


Thanks for your advice, happily we intend to get a place when we are able to afford it, although that may be around another year. Its funny you mention diabetes, she's actually diabetic herself and so should have an understanding of the difficulty these things create.
  • 0

"great works are performed not by strength but by perseverence"

 

Diagnosed coeliac - aged 14

                  Asthma

                 Osteopinia

                 High blood calcium

                 Crohn's disease -december 2012 


#9 nikky

 
nikky

    Advanced Community Member

  • Advanced Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 208 posts
 

Posted 07 October 2011 - 12:54 PM

No offense but it sounds like this lady really does not like you and this is her passive-aggressive attempt to get rid of you.

I would no go to the woman's house. It's dangerous and you are clearly not welcome. I wouldn't want to be where I wasn't welcome.

Hopefully your boyfriend can come up with a solution to see you outside of his mom's home.


Yeh its a horrible feeling. He tries his best to come see me here but its not always easy with money. Thankyou for your help :)
  • 0

"great works are performed not by strength but by perseverence"

 

Diagnosed coeliac - aged 14

                  Asthma

                 Osteopinia

                 High blood calcium

                 Crohn's disease -december 2012 


#10 pricklypear1971

 
pricklypear1971

    Advanced Community Member

  • Advanced Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 3,684 posts
 

Posted 07 October 2011 - 12:57 PM

Oh geez. You LIVE there?

Find second-hand fridge and put it on your room, store your stuff there.

I'd find another way to get out of that house...get a place with roomates???? Even a gluteny slob is better than someone who intends you harm.
  • 0
Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today. ~ Mark Twain

Probable Endometriosis, in remission from childbirth since 2002.
Hashimoto's DX 2005.
Gluten-Free since 6/2011.
DH (and therefore Celiac) dx from ND
.
Responsive to iodine withdrawal for DH (see quote, above).

Genetic tests reveal half DQ2, half DQ8 - I'm a weird bird!

#11 nikky

 
nikky

    Advanced Community Member

  • Advanced Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 208 posts
 

Posted 07 October 2011 - 12:58 PM

Why are you in this evil person's house? If she told her friend she was going to stab you while you are sleeping, would you stay there? Would you even go for an hour visit?

Please do not have children with this guy. He may be OK but his mother isn't. And if she has a husband, he isn't good either. Your children would never be safe around her. Your life would be a constant battle with the kids father as he tries to take them to visit his mother. Or let's them be around her.

The fact is, she doesn't like you and she is a mean person. If it weren't gluten it would be something else. Be glad you found this out before you have her grandchildren or marry her son.


Firstly, I havent been to the house since she said that.

secondly, it is not my boyfriend that is the issue, if he had the money hed be away from her by now. As it is we are moving next year for me to go to uni.

And if i had married him, would you suggest i divorce him? I dont think so..
  • 0

"great works are performed not by strength but by perseverence"

 

Diagnosed coeliac - aged 14

                  Asthma

                 Osteopinia

                 High blood calcium

                 Crohn's disease -december 2012 


#12 nikky

 
nikky

    Advanced Community Member

  • Advanced Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 208 posts
 

Posted 07 October 2011 - 01:01 PM

Oh geez. You LIVE there?

Find second-hand fridge and put it on your room, store your stuff there.

I'd find another way to get out of that house...get a place with roomates???? Even a gluteny slob is better than someone who intends you harm.


no i dont live there... i live with my parents, we dont have a place on our own because we cant afford it at the moment
  • 0

"great works are performed not by strength but by perseverence"

 

Diagnosed coeliac - aged 14

                  Asthma

                 Osteopinia

                 High blood calcium

                 Crohn's disease -december 2012 


#13 nikky

 
nikky

    Advanced Community Member

  • Advanced Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 208 posts
 

Posted 07 October 2011 - 01:06 PM

I wouldn't even be cooking in her kitchen because it is likely a gluten minefield even if the food you are cooking is gluten free. The answer to the problem is to cook for yourself and your boyfreind at your home and to avoid hers like the plague. Eat your meals at home and just bring a wrapped snack with you. Why isn't your boyfreind laying down the law to her? If he isn't standing up firmly for you now for heavens sake don't even think of marrying or having children with him as it will only get worse.


Thanks for your advice, yeah, the kitchen is a minefield, i go in and clean like crazy in there. I do want to point out though that he does stand up for me, they've had shouting matches over it, the week we were on our own, he went out and spent all the money he had to get me safe food, he is really good to me.
  • 0

"great works are performed not by strength but by perseverence"

 

Diagnosed coeliac - aged 14

                  Asthma

                 Osteopinia

                 High blood calcium

                 Crohn's disease -december 2012 


#14 pricklypear1971

 
pricklypear1971

    Advanced Community Member

  • Advanced Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 3,684 posts
 

Posted 07 October 2011 - 01:08 PM

Firstly, I havent been to the house since she said that.

secondly, it is not my boyfriend that is the issue, if he had the money hed be away from her by now. As it is we are moving next year for me to go to uni.

And if i had married him, would you suggest i divorce him? I dont think so..


Well, it appears you have it under control since you aren't visiting her house anymore.

You can't fix crazy. And while I wouldn't advise you to divorce your husband, or leave your boyfriend because he has a crazy mother...I can tell you from experience that if y'all have children together you will be bound to this woman and you WILL be forced into situations where she can attack you -with gluten or her new weapon of choice.

You can't fix VINDICTIVE crazy -which is what she is. She isn't eccentric, colorful, or quirky. Wack jobs like her are forever, and she will go after you for the rest of her life.
  • 2
Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today. ~ Mark Twain

Probable Endometriosis, in remission from childbirth since 2002.
Hashimoto's DX 2005.
Gluten-Free since 6/2011.
DH (and therefore Celiac) dx from ND
.
Responsive to iodine withdrawal for DH (see quote, above).

Genetic tests reveal half DQ2, half DQ8 - I'm a weird bird!

#15 nikky

 
nikky

    Advanced Community Member

  • Advanced Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 208 posts
 

Posted 07 October 2011 - 01:15 PM

Bring another girlfriend along next time, and introduce her as your new Official Food Taster, since the Mum -in- Law from Hell™ is into Court Intrigue.


This one made me chuckle :) sounds like a fun idea actually lol
  • 0

"great works are performed not by strength but by perseverence"

 

Diagnosed coeliac - aged 14

                  Asthma

                 Osteopinia

                 High blood calcium

                 Crohn's disease -december 2012 





0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

Celiac.com Sponsors: