Jump to content

Follow Us:  Twitter Facebook RSS Feed            




   arrowShare this page:
   

   Get email alerts  Subscribe to FREE Celiac.com email alerts

 
Celiac.com Sponsor:                                    


Photo
- - - - -

Struggling To Cope With Boyfriend's Mother


  • Please log in to reply

35 replies to this topic

#16 ravenwoodglass

 
ravenwoodglass

    Advanced Community Member

  • Advanced Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 13,791 posts
 

Posted 07 October 2011 - 01:24 PM

Thanks for your advice, yeah, the kitchen is a minefield, i go in and clean like crazy in there. I do want to point out though that he does stand up for me, they've had shouting matches over it, the week we were on our own, he went out and spent all the money he had to get me safe food, he is really good to me.


Glad to hear he is sticking up for you. This woman may find herself very lonely in her elderly years as if she keeps going like she is she will drive her son away from her forever whether he is with you or someone else.
  • 0
Courage does not always roar, sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying
"I will try again tommorrow" (Mary Anne Radmacher)


celiac 49 years - Misdiagnosed for 45
Blood tested and repeatedly negative
Diagnosed by Allergist with elimination diet and diagnosis confirmed by GI in 2002
Misdiagnoses for 15 years were IBS-D, ataxia, migraines, anxiety, depression, fibromyalgia, parathesias, arthritis, livedo reticularis, hairloss, premature menopause, osteoporosis, kidney damage, diverticulosis, prediabetes and ulcers, dermatitis herpeformis
All bold resoved or went into remission with proper diagnosis of Celiac November 2002
Some residual nerve damage remains as of 2006- this has continued to resolve after eliminating soy in 2007

Mother died of celiac related cancer at 56
Twin brother died as a result of autoimmune liver destruction at age 15

Children 2 with Ulcers, GERD, Depression, , 1 with DH, 1 with severe growth stunting (male adult 5 feet)both finally diagnosed Celiac through blood testing and 1 with endo 6 months after Mom


Positive to Soy and Casien also Aug 2007

Gluten Sensitivity Gene Test Aug 2007
HLA-DQB1 Molecular analysis, Allele 1 0303

HLA-DQB1 Molecular analysis, Allele 2 0303

Serologic equivalent: HLA-DQ 3,3 (Subtype 9,9)

Celiac.com Sponsor:

#17 kareng

 
kareng

    HO! HO! HO!

  • Moderators
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 14,317 posts
 

Posted 07 October 2011 - 01:31 PM

Firstly, I havent been to the house since she said that.

secondly, it is not my boyfriend that is the issue, if he had the money hed be away from her by now. As it is we are moving next year for me to go to uni.

And if i had married him, would you suggest i divorce him? I dont think so..


I think I said it a good thing you haven't married or had kids. Just like everyone else said. It's good you found this out now. You can make an informed decision.

And, if he expected you to visit a person who has said she will hurt you, I would suggest divorce. But sounds like he might be cool with cutting ties with her and keeping you safe. Or at least not letting her near you.
  • 0

santa-dance.gif

 

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. - Dave Barry
 
“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.”  - George Carlin
 
“One can never have enough socks," said Dumbledore. "Another Christmas has come and gone and I didn't get a single pair. People will insist on giving me books.”  - J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's Stone
 
 
 
 
 

 


#18 Gluten Free Traveller

 
Gluten Free Traveller

    Community Member

  • Advanced Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 41 posts
 

Posted 07 October 2011 - 01:37 PM

This is ridiculous. Your boyfriend's mother is clearly a horrible person. Personally I would just stay away from here for good. It sounds as though you've done to best to explain things to her and she doesn't care. The solution is obvious...don't visit her. Why would you ever want to be around someone so nasty who is trying to make you sick!
  • 0
Helping celiacs to explore the world without gluten

Diagnosed as celiac in August 2009
Travelled gluten free to UK, USA, Netherlands, Norway, Denmark, Finland, Malta, Iceland, Argentina, Chile, Uruguay

#19 Mango04

 
Mango04

    Advanced Community Member

  • Advanced Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 2,618 posts
 

Posted 07 October 2011 - 01:47 PM

You can just keep your food issues away from your boyfriend's mother. Don't cook at her house or eat with her, and if she tries to bring up the subject of food just tell her you're not comfortable talking about your personal health issue and would rather keep it to yourself. If it's a holiday or something an you have to eat a family dinner with her, bring your own food. I find this whole thing easier to deal with if I don't expect other people to understand or try to accommodate me. You really don't ever need to talk about food with this woman at all. You also don't ever have to eat food that she touches.
  • 1
"Let food be thy medicine, and let thy medicine be food." - Hippocrates

#20 srall

 
srall

    Advanced Community Member

  • Advanced Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 528 posts
 

Posted 07 October 2011 - 05:53 PM

You can just keep your food issues away from your boyfriend's mother. Don't cook at her house or eat with her, and if she tries to bring up the subject of food just tell her you're not comfortable talking about your personal health issue and would rather keep it to yourself. If it's a holiday or something an you have to eat a family dinner with her, bring your own food. I find this whole thing easier to deal with if I don't expect other people to understand or try to accommodate me. You really don't ever need to talk about food with this woman at all. You also don't ever have to eat food that she touches.



TOTALLY agree. I never ever ever rely on anybody else to feed me no matter where I go (I mean at someone else's house). I bring my own food. If it's my parents (mom is gluten free so it's not a big deal there) or my in laws, all I ask is that I can go shopping for my own food as soon as I get there, and can I store it somewhere and can I cook my own food? Or...food for everyone if they'd like to eat yummy gluten free that night. I would NEVER expect someone who wasn't even related to me to accommodate me in any way.
  • 1

#21 srall

 
srall

    Advanced Community Member

  • Advanced Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 528 posts
 

Posted 07 October 2011 - 06:07 PM

Oh, and re: spreading bread crumbs in your food? O.M.G. I wouldn't be in the same room with that witch. I'm assuming you are younger (sorry if you're not), but writing as a middle aged woman who has BTDT, I would seriously think about marrying into that family. Marriage and kids is a long and stressful marathon, and bad in-laws can make your life hell. I have several girl friends who are in therapy just because of dealing with terrible in-laws.

Good luck...
  • 1

#22 AVR1962

 
AVR1962

    Advanced Community Member

  • Advanced Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,107 posts
 

Posted 07 October 2011 - 11:46 PM

Buy her a book abnout Celiac and ask her to read it so she can understand what you are dealing with.
  • 0
Yesterday is not ours to recover but today is ours to win or lose!

Miscarriage, Kidney stones, Anemia, Pneumonia, Migraines, Restless leg, Bone fractures, Blurred/Double vision, Extreme fatigue, Bone & Joint Pain, Thyroid nodule, Celiac diagnosed 2011, Spine and leg bone loss, GERD, Vitamin deficiencies, Malabsorbtion, Neuropathy issues, Ataxia, Raynaud's Syndrome. Currently on diet with limited grain and sugar.

#23 nikky

 
nikky

    Advanced Community Member

  • Advanced Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 208 posts
 

Posted 08 October 2011 - 02:58 AM

TOTALLY agree. I never ever ever rely on anybody else to feed me no matter where I go (I mean at someone else's house). I bring my own food. If it's my parents (mom is gluten free so it's not a big deal there) or my in laws, all I ask is that I can go shopping for my own food as soon as I get there, and can I store it somewhere and can I cook my own food? Or...food for everyone if they'd like to eat yummy gluten free that night. I would NEVER expect someone who wasn't even related to me to accommodate me in any way.


I DO cook for myself there, i dont expect anything like that. As i mentioned in my original post I have asked to be allowed to get food for myself and store it there but she always turns it away... At 18 years old its not always easy not to have anything to do with someone or let them near your food in their own house.
  • 0

"great works are performed not by strength but by perseverence"

 

Diagnosed coeliac - aged 14

                  Asthma

                 Osteopinia

                 High blood calcium

                 Crohn's disease -december 2012 


#24 srall

 
srall

    Advanced Community Member

  • Advanced Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 528 posts
 

Posted 08 October 2011 - 05:28 AM

I DO cook for myself there, i dont expect anything like that. As i mentioned in my original post I have asked to be allowed to get food for myself and store it there but she always turns it away... At 18 years old its not always easy not to have anything to do with someone or let them near your food in their own house.



Oh, Nikky, I am sorry. You're younger than I even realized. I know it's hard when everyone is still living with parents. Just be careful (I know you will be) and try and not eat anything she prepares. She sounds just abusive.
  • 0

#25 ElseB

 
ElseB

    Advanced Community Member

  • Advanced Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 289 posts
 

Posted 08 October 2011 - 08:31 AM

My mother in law constantly comments that she truly believes that since my illness came on so suddenly, one day it will just as suddenly go away and I'll be cured. Oh yeah, and did I mention she's a doctor? No wonder we all have such bad experiences with doctors! My husband and I have politely told her on many occasions that it will never go away. But next time I don't think I will be so polite because I'm getting a bit tired of it. Having said this, she does cook gluten free for me when I'm over there.
  • 0

#26 ravenwoodglass

 
ravenwoodglass

    Advanced Community Member

  • Advanced Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 13,791 posts
 

Posted 08 October 2011 - 10:19 AM

I DO cook for myself there, i dont expect anything like that. As i mentioned in my original post I have asked to be allowed to get food for myself and store it there but she always turns it away... At 18 years old its not always easy not to have anything to do with someone or let them near your food in their own house.


Could you get some stuff like pnut butter, crackers, dinty moore beef stew or other shelf stable stuff that you can keep in your boyfreinds room?
While it sounds like this woman is a real witch she may have fears that you and her son are going to do something like get married or move in together and he will forgo college or that you may end up having a child together soon and 'ruin' her dreams for her son. In other words she might try to drive any girlfreind away from her 'darling son' and it may have nothing to do with you being celiac but that you are a threat to those 'dreams'. I know I was terrified of that happening when my DD was a senior in high school and was talking about marrying her then boyfreind. While I didn't get hostile I was very relieved when she started to apply to colleges and they ended up at schools close to each other then broke up a month into their freshman year. Perhaps reassuring his mom that you have no intention of marrying until you have both finished at the university might help your relationship with her a bit.
  • 1
Courage does not always roar, sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying
"I will try again tommorrow" (Mary Anne Radmacher)


celiac 49 years - Misdiagnosed for 45
Blood tested and repeatedly negative
Diagnosed by Allergist with elimination diet and diagnosis confirmed by GI in 2002
Misdiagnoses for 15 years were IBS-D, ataxia, migraines, anxiety, depression, fibromyalgia, parathesias, arthritis, livedo reticularis, hairloss, premature menopause, osteoporosis, kidney damage, diverticulosis, prediabetes and ulcers, dermatitis herpeformis
All bold resoved or went into remission with proper diagnosis of Celiac November 2002
Some residual nerve damage remains as of 2006- this has continued to resolve after eliminating soy in 2007

Mother died of celiac related cancer at 56
Twin brother died as a result of autoimmune liver destruction at age 15

Children 2 with Ulcers, GERD, Depression, , 1 with DH, 1 with severe growth stunting (male adult 5 feet)both finally diagnosed Celiac through blood testing and 1 with endo 6 months after Mom


Positive to Soy and Casien also Aug 2007

Gluten Sensitivity Gene Test Aug 2007
HLA-DQB1 Molecular analysis, Allele 1 0303

HLA-DQB1 Molecular analysis, Allele 2 0303

Serologic equivalent: HLA-DQ 3,3 (Subtype 9,9)

#27 nikky

 
nikky

    Advanced Community Member

  • Advanced Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 208 posts
 

Posted 08 October 2011 - 12:28 PM

My mother in law constantly comments that she truly believes that since my illness came on so suddenly, one day it will just as suddenly go away and I'll be cured. Oh yeah, and did I mention she's a doctor? No wonder we all have such bad experiences with doctors! My husband and I have politely told her on many occasions that it will never go away. But next time I don't think I will be so polite because I'm getting a bit tired of it. Having said this, she does cook gluten free for me when I'm over there.


Oh dear.. thats not reassuring for her patients is it? a worrying amount of doctors seem to have very little, if any, understanding of this condition...
  • 0

"great works are performed not by strength but by perseverence"

 

Diagnosed coeliac - aged 14

                  Asthma

                 Osteopinia

                 High blood calcium

                 Crohn's disease -december 2012 


#28 nikky

 
nikky

    Advanced Community Member

  • Advanced Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 208 posts
 

Posted 08 October 2011 - 12:41 PM

Could you get some stuff like pnut butter, crackers, dinty moore beef stew or other shelf stable stuff that you can keep in your boyfreinds room?
While it sounds like this woman is a real witch she may have fears that you and her son are going to do something like get married or move in together and he will forgo college or that you may end up having a child together soon and 'ruin' her dreams for her son. In other words she might try to drive any girlfreind away from her 'darling son' and it may have nothing to do with you being celiac but that you are a threat to those 'dreams'. I know I was terrified of that happening when my DD was a senior in high school and was talking about marrying her then boyfreind. While I didn't get hostile I was very relieved when she started to apply to colleges and they ended up at schools close to each other then broke up a month into their freshman year. Perhaps reassuring his mom that you have no intention of marrying until you have both finished at the university might help your relationship with her a bit.


thanks for your advice...

After my last visit, I left a jar of sweet and sour and some soup in my boyfriends room, which he later found her trying to take out of there to use herself. When asked her excuse was that i wasnt there, when my boyfriend pointed out that it was me that paid for it and therefore it was mine and she had no right to use it, her answer was that it was in her house and therefore was hers.

I can understand the concern there... but my boyfriend doesnt want to go to uni, where as i do, you are right though, we dont want children or marraige until afterwoods. He does tend to look after his younger sisters a lot though, even when I'm there they just get dumped on us for hours at a time, and secretly i think she could be concerned about losing her child care and the money he pays her to stay at the house as she always makes comments about how little money they have (neither her, or my boyfriend's step-father work).
  • 0

"great works are performed not by strength but by perseverence"

 

Diagnosed coeliac - aged 14

                  Asthma

                 Osteopinia

                 High blood calcium

                 Crohn's disease -december 2012 


#29 ravenwoodglass

 
ravenwoodglass

    Advanced Community Member

  • Advanced Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 13,791 posts
 

Posted 08 October 2011 - 01:18 PM



I can understand the concern there... but my boyfriend doesnt want to go to uni, where as i do, you are right though, we dont want children or marraige until afterwoods. He does tend to look after his younger sisters a lot though, even when I'm there they just get dumped on us for hours at a time, and secretly i think she could be concerned about losing her child care and the money he pays her to stay at the house as she always makes comments about how little money they have (neither her, or my boyfriend's step-father work).


I can't know for sure but I think what you said that I bolded may hit the nail on the head. Maybe he can take the money he gives her and get a small studio apt somewhere or find a place that needs another roommate. I am so sorry you two are having to go through this. She has no business going through his room. I never would have done that with my young adults that is just going too far. You may want to get a small lockable box to put food in until you two are able to get him out of there.
  • 0
Courage does not always roar, sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying
"I will try again tommorrow" (Mary Anne Radmacher)


celiac 49 years - Misdiagnosed for 45
Blood tested and repeatedly negative
Diagnosed by Allergist with elimination diet and diagnosis confirmed by GI in 2002
Misdiagnoses for 15 years were IBS-D, ataxia, migraines, anxiety, depression, fibromyalgia, parathesias, arthritis, livedo reticularis, hairloss, premature menopause, osteoporosis, kidney damage, diverticulosis, prediabetes and ulcers, dermatitis herpeformis
All bold resoved or went into remission with proper diagnosis of Celiac November 2002
Some residual nerve damage remains as of 2006- this has continued to resolve after eliminating soy in 2007

Mother died of celiac related cancer at 56
Twin brother died as a result of autoimmune liver destruction at age 15

Children 2 with Ulcers, GERD, Depression, , 1 with DH, 1 with severe growth stunting (male adult 5 feet)both finally diagnosed Celiac through blood testing and 1 with endo 6 months after Mom


Positive to Soy and Casien also Aug 2007

Gluten Sensitivity Gene Test Aug 2007
HLA-DQB1 Molecular analysis, Allele 1 0303

HLA-DQB1 Molecular analysis, Allele 2 0303

Serologic equivalent: HLA-DQ 3,3 (Subtype 9,9)

#30 tarnalberry

 
tarnalberry

    Advanced Community Member

  • Advanced Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 9,542 posts
 

Posted 08 October 2011 - 08:10 PM

I can tell you from experience that if y'all have children together you will be bound to this woman and you WILL be forced into situations where she can attack you -with gluten or her new weapon of choice.


No, she will not be forced into situations where the mother can attack her. She doesn't have to interact with her (possible) MIL ever. And, if it is that bad, neither do her children. She (and her possible husband) can CHOOSE how they interact with the woman, and this sort of danger (that she would intentionally make the girlfriend sick) is a darn good reason to choose those interactions very carefully.
  • 0
Tiffany aka "Have I Mentioned Chocolate Lately?"
Inconclusive Blood Tests, Positive Dietary Results, No Endoscopy
G.F. - September 2003; C.F. - July 2004
Hiker, Yoga Teacher, Engineer, Painter, Be-er of Me
Bellevue, WA




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

Celiac.com Sponsors: