Once he didn't speak to me for 3 days because he said I bought hamburger that wasn't lean enough and if I loved him I would know this.
Oh dear lord, I had to laugh at this one, in a been-there/sympathy-hug kind of way. That is SUCH typical behavior for someone who is depressed! I understand that a lot of celiacs will get a seratonin crash after they are glutened, and this can be what causes some of these kinds of rages/anxiety issues. What I've read doesn't seem completely definitive, though, so I don't know if it's fact or theory. But one gal I was reading an article about said that she gets prescription tryptophan after she's glutened and it actually helps to curb it. I have NO idea if that's something doctors ever do here, or how effective it usually is, but it sounded worth looking into, for someone who really has rage issues.
My husband has some seratonin issues, from another problem, and he would be JUST like this when he was depressed! I still remember this one time everyone was yelling out items for me to get at the grocery store, as I walked out the door, and I forgot the orange juice he wanted. It was somehow a sign of how much I never thought about him and how if I really loved him, I would have remember his orange juice.
It's just so irrational when this kind of thing happens, like a full grown adult is suddenly reasoning at a 2 year old level, with tantrums to match. Makes no sense at all, and the fact that we don't see the issue the same way as they do seems to make 'em even angrier about it.
Gluten free since August 10, 2009.
21 years with undiagnosed Celiac Disease
23 years with undiagnosed sulfite sensitivity
25 years with undiagnosed mast cell activation disorder (MCAD)
Anyway - as the fights escalated, I actually started to calm down and just sit back and watch. I noticed that when he got this way, he wouldn't even look in my eyes. He would pace and rant, and follow me from room to room. Odd behavior. When we were in a "real" argument - one of us would mention what was bothering us, we'd talk about it and move on. Period. Maybe an hour of debate at best and then it was over and we would hug. It finally escalated when he threw my parents out of our house over Thanksgiving for feeding our dog a piece of turkey. I threatened to leave. Instead I researched. I told him that I thought it was a gluten allergy and made him an appointment. He went, and three years ago was diagnosed. Now we only have issues when he gets a serious hit of gluten - once it was in medication. We were still new at it, and didn't realize. But he had 10 days of this medication! Yikes.
Goodness, this sounds like me when my calcium went high. I think your husband might benefit from a vitamin test to see where he is. When the glutens affect the body they don't just effect the villa in the intestines. In many cases they will swell other organs. One that is common is the parathyroid which regulates calcium to the body and seritonin to the brain. When calcium levels go higher than normal they cause all kinds of starnge behavior. I went thru it. I wanted to hide at times and I could feel it but I also could not help what was happening. I am not saying this is what is going on with your husband but it sounds very much what happened to me. How long has your husband been on a gluten-free diet? and could he possibly be getting hidden gluten?
Yesterday is not ours to recover but today is ours to win or lose!
Miscarriage, Kidney stones, Anemia, Pneumonia, Migraines, Restless leg, Bone fractures, Blurred/Double vision, Extreme fatigue, Bone & Joint Pain, Thyroid nodule, Celiac diagnosed 2011, Spine and leg bone loss, GERD, Vitamin deficiencies, Malabsorbtion, Neuropathy issues, Ataxia, Raynaud's Syndrome. Currently on diet with limited grain and sugar.
I know all too well whats going in here. Im married and have a 10 year old daughter. I'm currently still eating gluten for my up comming test. I tell you what...most of the time, I dont even like living with myself. I dont know how to explain it. I go into ugly wife and ugly mom mode for no reason really. I just blow up and this is so not me. I feel so bad about it after it happens but something just triggers in me when I'm glutened up and I just snap. I'm sorry this is happening to you...if your husband is anything like me I'm sure he feels bad. I dont know why it happens. I wish I did and I wish I could stop it from happening.
I show things to my husband to read and I try to explain it to my family that its part of it but I dont think they really buy it
mg daughter is back on gluten for resting and some of her rages..wow is all I can say...my husband keeps saying its a normal 'terrible 2 ' moment, well he did until he saw a 3 hour meltdown when she put get shoes in the wrong feet!
my sister in law tells anyone who will listen how horrible my child is
we told whole family what is going on and surprisingly its her 72 yr old grandma who seems to 'get' what us going in, she,ll even take over during rages when she see I'm about to lose it
I am the wife of a super sensitive celiac and we experience the same thing. One of my husband's reactions to gluten is depression and anger. He'll say, "I'm just so angry!" and unfortunately as the one closest to him it often gets directed at me. I adore this man. He is the best friend, husband, and father, but when he gets glutened he turns into an awful person (temporarily.) I'm so thankful that we can at least understand that this is a reaction and that we have enough experience to know that it will pass. That makes it easier, but by no means easy. I just have to "turn off" my emotions and give myself a constant dialogue of "this is the reaction speaking, this is not him, etc. etc." I sometimes call a friend who is familiar with our situation to have a good cry. I'm proud of your husband for going out and getting away from you to go through it. I try to remind myself that I love a package and his difficulties when glutened are part of the package.
I know what you mean about feeling or being seen as "weak." We're not supposed to put up with verbal abuse, right? That's hard - because there are truely abusive situations - but, I don't know - it seems like the abuse I get when he's working through a reaction isn't him and fighting it only makes it worse. I kind of treat him like a child throwing a tantrum - I don't respond emotionally, I do my best to do/say what I know is right, and I try to keep my voice calm and low. Whenever possible, I send him to bed to "sleep it off."
That is how I have been acting towards my fiancee lately. I even broke down crying last night at a Christmas party b/c I was feeling overwhelmed while I was cooking for it. I got angry and thought my fiancee was just being lazy for not helping me, when in fact, I had already yelled at him when he had tried to help me with cooking earlier. So, I know how your guy feels, but it is not fair to you. I think distance is the best thing you can give to your Celiac partner. But also, calling him out is a good idea, b/c sometimes we don't realize how terrible we are being when this "demon" takes over. Good luck, and stay strong. You are awesome for taking on this battle with him, b/c I know it must be hard.
I've never seen them - do you know where I can get them? Great idea!
This is a good site. --> http://www.celiactravel.com/cards/ i'm planning on traveling as soon as i graduate university and because I get like your husband does my boyfriend and I are trying to think of everything before we actually go. There is also the option of researching restaurants that are good before you go out. That way if you show the card they will be more aware of what you mean. I think most countries have websites where you can search for good restaurants.
My husband gets that way when he has a cold. The more women I talk to, it is common for their man to act that way. It is not the gluten. They feel ill and they want to take it out on someone. That is what I think.