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Best Friend Making Fun Of Me?


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#1 MenHen

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Posted 08 December 2011 - 01:22 PM

Any thoughts/experiences appreciated. I canít work through my brain how to deal with this situationÖ

One of my friends for years started dating a friend of my husband and me. My husband now works for this guy. DH told me that my best friend has been making fun of me due to being gluten free. Which of course this was told to him by our mutual friend. We became friends with this guy at the same time and he is an equal friend of us both. However, he is a guy. I donít know exactly what he said and I donít know if what he said was what my friend has actually been doing/saying. He could be exaggerating or taking it out of perspective. I donít know if it was a onetime joke or a regular occurrence.

Anyway, I donít know how I should handle it. I know if I confront her about it, she will know that her boyfriend told my husband, and that will cause problems for them. Part of me doesnít really care if that causes them problems, since if their relationship canít handle that then they have no business being together. At the same time, that causes problems for us and also I respect guy talk to an extent. On the other hand, I canít imagine continuing our friendship as is without saying something. It really, really bothers me, which makes me think I need to talk to her about it. I can deal with most people making fun of me over gluten free, but never expected my best friend to do so. I canít understand why she canít see the positive effect it has had on my life. Itís not something that I talk about all the time and try not to let it affect others, so I donít think she can be annoyed by it.

The day after I found out, Monday, I wrote her long email, but not to send. It made me feel better for awhile, but now, I am back to being completely unsure of what I want to do. I was really hoping to be over it and move forward. Hoping that it wasnít that big of a deal and that I can judge the type of friend she is based off of her past, present and future. After all, I am sure I have made fun of her about something before. Hopefully, nothing important like health. Speaking of, she has 2 autoimmune diseases, one being psoriasis (which is all over her legs) the other alopecia areata (so she has had different periods of bald patches on head, eyebrows and eyelashes). I would think she would have some understanding, but maybe since gluten problems are not always seen on the outside she doesnít understand it.

I donít want to continue a friendship with someone that makes fun of me, but I donít really think I can judge if she is truly doing this based off of what I heard. Any thoughts or experiences would be appreciated. I kind of feel I am being too sensitive, but then I go back to I donít want a friend who isnít truly a friend. Thanks in advance!

Oh and I have only been gluten free for roughly two months.
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#2 Jestgar

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Posted 08 December 2011 - 01:26 PM

I donít want to continue a friendship with someone that makes fun of me,

You don't know that she is. All you've heard is gossip.

Before making any decisions, why don't you have lunch with her and talk about it? Maybe her bf took something she said out of context. Maybe he's the one making fun but blaming it on her. Unless you get the story from her, you really don't know anything...
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#3 kareng

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Posted 08 December 2011 - 01:48 PM

You heard this third hand. Maybe she said something jokingly. Or even " This is delicious. too bad Menhen can't eat this.". He said something a little different to your hub. Hub is a bit sensitive about it & repeated it to you a bit differently. Then you are very sensitive about it & heard it another way.

Ever play that telephone game? Smeone whispers something, en they whisper it to the next person, etc & at the end it's something different from what the first person said.

I think I would get together with her or talk on the phone. See how she acts. Maybe mention how tough it is sometimes but that you feel better. See what she says. Judge from that.
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#4 Chad Sines

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Posted 08 December 2011 - 01:56 PM

A little ribbing from friends is part of the fun of having friends. I flaunt my hamburger patties in from a a vegetarian here all the time. Does she want to kill me...yeah..but then i tell her that she would be harming me, an animal..

No one should ever know everything that people say when they are not around. Most of us share concerns about friends that if they heard could be misconstrued.

Personally, I would just let it go.
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#5 MenHen

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Posted 08 December 2011 - 01:59 PM

Thanks! I was thinking it was way to gossipy to trust. Sometimes hard to see it clearly though when you have emotions involved. I will probalby just call her and talk to her and see how it goes. Find some way to incorporate the gluten issue in to get her response. I don't want to cause them a rif by straight out talking to her about it if I don't have to since its such 2nd/3rd hand knowledge. Hopefully, I can more clearly judge her reaction to any topics related to gluten now instead of assuming she will support me. That in itself should open up a window to directly confront her if I feel I need to and leave the guys out of it.
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#6 Booghead

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Posted 08 December 2011 - 02:35 PM

I have an aunt that is the biggest gossiper. And it isn't even gossip anymore. It's lies. Big huge lies. Everyone knows to take everything she says with a grain of salt. The sad thing is there 8 year old son thinks thats normal, to exagerate everything and lie. Its so strange how some people feel the need to lie.

In your case I would go out to eat with her. Order gluten-free and if she says anything then it can be a conversation starter. Some people don't understand and thats ok. I have some nice friends that understand and some that don't get it no matter how much I tell them. You still can be friends, I make fun of my friends and they make fun of me, not in a mean way though. Just talk to her.

Good Luck, and Have a great Weekend B)
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#7 MissHaberdasher

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Posted 08 December 2011 - 10:09 PM

Any thoughts/experiences appreciated. I can’t work through my brain how to deal with this situation…

One of my friends for years started dating a friend of my husband and me. My husband now works for this guy. DH told me that my best friend has been making fun of me due to being gluten free. Which of course this was told to him by our mutual friend. We became friends with this guy at the same time and he is an equal friend of us both. However, he is a guy. I don’t know exactly what he said and I don’t know if what he said was what my friend has actually been doing/saying. He could be exaggerating or taking it out of perspective. I don’t know if it was a onetime joke or a regular occurrence.

Anyway, I don’t know how I should handle it. I know if I confront her about it, she will know that her boyfriend told my husband, and that will cause problems for them. Part of me doesn’t really care if that causes them problems, since if their relationship can’t handle that then they have no business being together. At the same time, that causes problems for us and also I respect guy talk to an extent. On the other hand, I can’t imagine continuing our friendship as is without saying something. It really, really bothers me, which makes me think I need to talk to her about it. I can deal with most people making fun of me over gluten free, but never expected my best friend to do so. I can’t understand why she can’t see the positive effect it has had on my life. It’s not something that I talk about all the time and try not to let it affect others, so I don’t think she can be annoyed by it.

The day after I found out, Monday, I wrote her long email, but not to send. It made me feel better for awhile, but now, I am back to being completely unsure of what I want to do. I was really hoping to be over it and move forward. Hoping that it wasn’t that big of a deal and that I can judge the type of friend she is based off of her past, present and future. After all, I am sure I have made fun of her about something before. Hopefully, nothing important like health. Speaking of, she has 2 autoimmune diseases, one being psoriasis (which is all over her legs) the other alopecia areata (so she has had different periods of bald patches on head, eyebrows and eyelashes). I would think she would have some understanding, but maybe since gluten problems are not always seen on the outside she doesn’t understand it.

I don’t want to continue a friendship with someone that makes fun of me, but I don’t really think I can judge if she is truly doing this based off of what I heard. Any thoughts or experiences would be appreciated. I kind of feel I am being too sensitive, but then I go back to I don’t want a friend who isn’t truly a friend. Thanks in advance!

Oh and I have only been gluten free for roughly two months.


When I first got diagnosed with this, my own brother told me I was full of it. Yes, brother, I'm throwing away all of my favorite food for fun.

What gets me, is my friend's mom was gluten-free. We always thought it was in her head (she was kind of an attention hungry person. But we love her) and would express our doubts. Now I have the same thing. Karma, I tell ya. The point is, your friend just DOES NOT UNDERSTAND. You can explain it to him or let him do his thing. Don't take it too personally, if possible. This is something he won't fully comprehend unless he gets it himself. Don't doubt yourself.
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#8 dandt

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Posted 08 December 2011 - 11:17 PM

My friends have been like this. I say friends but they really aren't close friends anymore. Earlier in the year when I had been gluten free 3 months or so one of them got cranky that I wouldn't eat donuts because everyone else was. She said just to suck it up and I was just making it all up anyway. That really hurt because I considered her my best friend. It's been the same with alot of dining options. For example, any group outings have been organised to places like pizza restaurants that have no option for me etc. I didn't confront them because it wasn't worth it. I mean, I could go and just sit there but I was still at a stage where I was adjusting to the diet so it just didn't seem worth it. These were people I saw all the time so I didn't think it was that big of a deal.

I, like alot of others, probably would confront your friend about it. I would probably try to go out to lunch with her, or maybe invite her over to dinner and cook something gluten free. Like someone else said, you could mention how difficult the transition has been but how it is so worth it because you're feeling so great.

I think that it is almost impossible for anyone to understand unless they've been there. It's especially frustrating when people who think gluten free diets are ridiculous and not necessary totally accept someone being a vegetarian. I'm not against vegetarians (and I was one in the past) but in most cases it is a lifestyle choice, not medically necessary. I'm not talking about religious reasons, or health reasons here because obviously those aren't personal choices. I've just had friends say it's not like I'm gluten free for a noble reason like a vegetarian is.... no joke!!

Ahh sorry for my ranty and probably not helpful response :/
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#9 pricklypear1971

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Posted 08 December 2011 - 11:30 PM

That made me giggle....

Isn't it noble to oppose the slaughter of gluten - containing crops????
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#10 MenHen

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Posted 09 December 2011 - 07:42 AM

Thanks everyone! It is helpful to get opinions and experiences from those that understand. I've been fully prepared to lose a friendship or level of frienship through this as with any major life changes. That is just life and isn't always a bad thing. You find out who your true friends are through different situations. I am just going to drop it for now and give her the benefit of the doubt. I will call her or do something with her and find a way to talk about it. I am sure she doesn't understand a lot. Even though I knew about celiac and gluten intolerance, I really didn't understand it until recently. I was forgetting too that we all went camping shortly after I went gluten-free and she made sure to buy sausages that were gluten-free and brought her own cookware, etc. I was focused to much on the moment and feelings.
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#11 MenHen

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Posted 09 December 2011 - 07:50 AM

A little ribbing from friends is part of the fun of having friends. I flaunt my hamburger patties in from a a vegetarian here all the time. Does she want to kill me...yeah..but then i tell her that she would be harming me, an animal..

No one should ever know everything that people say when they are not around. Most of us share concerns about friends that if they heard could be misconstrued.

Personally, I would just let it go.


Yes, Chad, I agree. I love the making fun of each other with friends. Which that was something I learned from my husband. I wasn't raised in that environment and very thankful for being able to laugh at myself now. I guess I am used to that and really don't want to know what people say behind the scenes.
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#12 IrishHeart

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Posted 09 December 2011 - 07:55 AM

Everyone gave you great advice about the gossip aspect and how to deal.

I also know when I was still under the influence of gluten (even after 2 months gluten-free) I was sensitive and "touchy" (not at all like my personality :rolleyes: )

so let it go and have lunch together soon.

Good friends are hard to come by!
best wishes.
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#13 IrishHeart

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Posted 09 December 2011 - 08:05 AM

Speaking of, she has 2 autoimmune diseases, one being psoriasis (which is all over her legs) the other alopecia areata (so she has had different periods of bald patches on head, eyebrows and eyelashes). I would think she would have some understanding, but maybe since gluten problems are not always seen on the outside she doesn’t understand it.


um, not to be the "gluten police" or anything :lol: :rolleyes:

but these two AI diseases are OFTEN linked to gluten intolerance (I suffered alopecia myself) and "gluten problems are not always seen on the outside" --well, no, but many people have dermatological issues, including psoriasis, eczema, rashes and full- blown DH, and alopecia, etc.

The irony is: she may have a gluten issue herself. :blink:

IMHO
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"Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way we cope with it makes the difference." Virginia Satir

"The strongest of all warriors are these two - time and patience." Leo Tolstoy

"If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else" Booker T. Washington

‚ÄúIf idiots could fly, the sky would be like an airport.‚ÄĚ‚Äē Laura Davenport 

"LTES"  Gem 2014

 

Misdiagnosed for 25+ years; Finally Diagnosed with Celiac  11/01/10.  Double DQ2 genes. This thing tried to kill me. I view Celiac as a fire breathing dragon --and I have run my sword right through his throat.
I. Win. bliss-smiley-emoticon.gif


#14 MenHen

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Posted 09 December 2011 - 09:45 AM

Everyone gave you great advice about the gossip aspect and how to deal.

I also know when I was still under the influence of gluten (even after 2 months gluten-free) I was sensitive and "touchy" (not at all like my personality :rolleyes: )

so let it go and have lunch together soon.

Good friends are hard to come by!
best wishes.

Yep, I have been thinking that I may either have some affects of that or I have gotten some small amount of gluten somewhere. I am so not the sensitive person either and have been pretty sensitive the last couple of days.


um, not to be the "gluten police" or anything :lol: :rolleyes:

but these two AI diseases are OFTEN linked to gluten intolerance (I suffered alopecia myself) and "gluten problems are not always seen of the outside" --well, no, but many people have dermatological issues, including psoriasis, eczema, rashes and full- blown DH, and alopecia, etc.

The irony is: she may have a gluten issue herself. :blink:

IMHO


Exactly. When we were camping I actually told her that I kept seeing psoriasis and alopecia over and over on this site. I told her that if she thinks she has any of the symptoms or is so sick of nothing helping her conditions that she may want to look into gluten. I just left it at that. Who knows, maybe she will look into it one day.
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#15 IrishHeart

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Posted 09 December 2011 - 10:03 AM

Yep, I have been thinking that I may either have some affects of that or I have gotten some small amount of gluten somewhere. I am so not the sensitive person either and have been pretty sensitive the last couple of days.


Exactly. When we were camping I actually told her that I kept seeing psoriasis and alopecia over and over on this site. I told her that if she thinks she has any of the symptoms or is so sick of nothing helping her conditions that she may want to look into gluten. I just left it at that. Who knows, maybe she will look into it one day.


Hon,
In time, when she sees how well YOU are doing off gluten, she may ask your advice! Then, your friendship will be even more solid--and all your dining experiences together will be gluten free goodness ;)

I was a royal pest to my dear friend for almost a year (as she was a walking celiac if ever there was one) and she FINALLY heard me (yaaay!) and both she and her son are doing sooo well OFF gluten--for the first time in their lives.

You're still new at this and to be honest, my emotions were all over the map for a while there. I told myself repeatedly, it's just "gluten head" :lol:
and vitamin deficiencies and it will pass. I was so sick for so long
that I have to keep it in perspective. Long time to get this way---long time to recover.

If you are ever feeling out-of-sorts, come on here and vent.
WE. GET. IT. :)

Cheers, Irish
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"Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way we cope with it makes the difference." Virginia Satir

"The strongest of all warriors are these two - time and patience." Leo Tolstoy

"If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else" Booker T. Washington

‚ÄúIf idiots could fly, the sky would be like an airport.‚ÄĚ‚Äē Laura Davenport 

"LTES"  Gem 2014

 

Misdiagnosed for 25+ years; Finally Diagnosed with Celiac  11/01/10.  Double DQ2 genes. This thing tried to kill me. I view Celiac as a fire breathing dragon --and I have run my sword right through his throat.
I. Win. bliss-smiley-emoticon.gif



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