Get email alerts Get Celiac.com E-mail Alerts  




Celiac.com Sponsor:
Celiac.com Sponsor:




Ads by Google:






   Get email alerts  Subscribe to FREE Celiac.com email alerts

Christmas Dinner And My Mom
0

10 posts in this topic

I was diagnosed with Celiac three weeks ago and since going gluten free my problems seemed to have gone away.

My sister has Celiac and she likes to cheat on her diet, I decided that this isn't for me and I want to be as healthy as possible. She is doing Christmas dinner and my mom is helping her. We are from Europe so a lot of dishes take time to find the right recipe to re-create. I recreated one of the soups and suggested to my mom that instead of making a regular gluten soup we can make this one and everyone can eat it and enjoy it the same because it tastes the same and takes the same amount of time. I even suggested I will make it.

The response I got from my sister was no problem, but my mom said I shouldn't make to much because she will make a regular one as well.

I asked her to make something for my birthday and put gluten free pasta in that I bought, instead she gave me everything prepared and made a separate gluten free pasta and a separate regular pasta.

My mom believes that I am overreacting because my sister cheats on her diet, and she thinks a little gluten won't hurt. I even stopped eating there. I am also considering bring my own food for Christmas.

My dad wants to get tested but she is talking him out of it and won't get tested either because she has no classic symptoms, when in fact she has many that could go with celiac and so does my dad.

I just don't understand why she would want me to get sick

Me and my husband talked about getting the kids on a gluten free trial as well but she watches our kids from time to time and she thinks I am crazy for even thinking to do this.

How do you deal with people like this especially when they are your close family?

I feel so sad and it just makes me want to cry, I just want her to understand and not lie to me, and its not like gluten free foods tastes any worst or that it will kill her.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites


Ads by Google:

I'm sorry that you are going through this. I have been there myself many times and have gotten sick almost every time. I now bring my own food prepared by myself everywhere I go. It stinks to do that but it's better than getting sick.

Do what you need to for you and your family.

Hang in there! I think all of us here have been through this.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh, hon, I do feel sorry for you and your mom. Probably one of the commonest and most heartbreaking themes on the board - how do you make your family understand? Food is involved so much in social interaction and it is mom's way of saying, here, look what I cook for you, I love you, eat my food.....:D And I won't eat your food because I like my food and I don't want to change, and I don't want your dad to change either because I want to cook my food and have him eat it and not cook his food because then I might have to eat it or cook twice all the time, and everything gets all involved with the food and the cooking and not changing anything!

If your sister cheats on the diet it is small wonder that she thinks that you can too. I don't think she truly understands that it will make you sick. Can you have a talk to your sister and ask that she not cheat when she is eating with your parents? Or does she live at home with them? Try to make her understand how difficult she is making it for you by cheating in front of your mom. And by the way, try to explain to her the harm she is doing to herself by cheating on herself :o.

Go ahead and make enough soup for everyone and then they can decide if the soup is good. You might even try a taste test to see if they can tell which is which (not on your mom because she will know - but have her taste it anyway). It is good to show people that gluten free food is not all those cardboard crackers or Ener-G rice bread.

Now having her look after your children is an entirely different kettle of fish, because unless she totally gets on board, you will not be able to trust her not to sabotage their diets.

Others who have had this problem of not having their family respect their needs will hopefully have more to offer you. But it is one of the hardest issues dealt with here on the forum.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

There's a really good chance that either your father or mother has celiac disease, since both you and your sister have been diagnosed. My mother was diagnosed but chose to be non-comopliant with the diet and deal with the consequenses. (There was a laundry list of consequenses.)

I know it's hard, but since you were so recently diagnosed, I'd suggest bringing your own food because you've committed yourself to healing your gut now, and improving your health.

It helps to pack a small cooler (a soft sided one with a long strap is perfect because you can just sling it over a shoulder). For holidays, I usually make a salad that can be shared (with a separate portion for me), homemade salad dressing, a pre-cooked sweet potatoe and a protein that can easily be microwaved or pan fried.) (Like a slice of ham, or a pre-cooked chicken breast.)

It's okay to be a "picky eater", even if you never were before. If anyone gives you flack about bringing your own food, remind yourself that you're doing it to preserve your health and to be there for your family when they need you. I might even pack a separate serving of the soup in a little thermos or somthing to heat on the stove or microwave, but that may be unnecessary.

As for your father, it sounds like Mom rules the roost. I would try to talk to him separately, and not during the holidays if you lve nearby.

Good luck to you. I don't know if it will help or not, but my standard reply when somebody wants me to eat what they cooked for the holidays is, "I know that's so good, wish I could try it." Then remind yourself that the holidays are not about food. It is all good.

Wish you well.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I hear ya! My mom seems to think that gluten-free things will taste weird and she simply won't serve them to the others. She always has me make a gluten-free whatever it is and she makes a regular one for the others. So... I just gave up on it.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites




Family situaions are hard and as simple as you would think this shoudl be there seems to be a lot of denial involved. We have been told all of our lives that whole grains and wheat are good for us and I think too many times people think the gluten-free diets are just another fad that is going to come and go. If your siste is cheating on her diet, it all the more proof to your mom that grains may not be the problem, in her thinking.

I have to admit I was one of thos e moms and I hate to say this now. My older daughters went off glutens a good 2 years before I did. They were on me about doing the same. Thank goodness my younger daughter never gave up on me. But I remember thinking they were on some new waved kick. Guess who ended up with the worst symptoms in the end, and who was diagnosed with celiac? Yep me, the non-believer!

However, now being on the otehr end of this and hearing your story I can say that your mom innocently does not get this, she really does not. I would encourage your dad with the testing as it does sound like there is a window of chance he may carry thru. There is nthing wrong with you taking your kids off gluten. I have 4 grandchildren who were never tested for celiac but none of them eat gluten. Your mom does not have to approve and she may think you are off your rocker but you have to do what is best for you and your family. Knowing now what I know about gluten, I feel everyone could benefit if they took it out of their diet. I wouldn't question your mom wanting to make her own recipe but that doesn't mean you can't make yours. Do what is best for you realizing you everyone else has the equla right to thier own choices as well.

I get frustrated with my hubby at times as I can see his life, weight, health could improve if he would go off gluten but anything I say to him falls on deaf ears. Sometimes it takes a person getting really really sick before they seek change and start listening.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I would explicitly ask her "Why do you want me to get sick?" When she says "but your sister does it and doesn't get sick", you say "one, we don't know that she doesn't feel the effects of it. two, didn't you teach me not to jump off a bridge just because someone else does. I know that it makes me sick, so either you think I'm intentionally lying, or you want me to get sick. Which one?"

Being round-about doesn't get the job done in something like this, because she doesn't even realize what she's really saying to you.

3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I would explicitly ask her "Why do you want me to get sick?" When she says "but your sister does it and doesn't get sick", you say "one, we don't know that she doesn't feel the effects of it. two, didn't you teach me not to jump off a bridge just because someone else does. I know that it makes me sick, so either you think I'm intentionally lying, or you want me to get sick. Which one?"

Being round-about doesn't get the job done in something like this, because she doesn't even realize what she's really saying to you.

I agree. Goodness, if you've tried to be tactful and that approach doesn't work you've gotta draw the line.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I would explicitly ask her "Why do you want me to get sick?" When she says "but your sister does it and doesn't get sick", you say "one, we don't know that she doesn't feel the effects of it. two, didn't you teach me not to jump off a bridge just because someone else does. I know that it makes me sick, so either you think I'm intentionally lying, or you want me to get sick. Which one?"

Being round-about doesn't get the job done in something like this, because she doesn't even realize what she's really saying to you.

Great response! I give Tarnalberry and an A+

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Agree with Marilyn.....Tarnalberry has a great response here!! What mom hasn't used that very analogy with their kids and a wonderful way to bring it home to mom that you are doing what is best for you!!

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
0

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      104,385
    • Total Posts
      920,612
  • Topics

  • Posts

    • SquirmingItch, I really appreciate you gathering info for me! To answer your questions, yes, I'm on Dapsone now and have been on it for about 4.5 weeks. I have been gluten free for the same amount of time. I started on 50 mg of Dapsone which didn't seem to help much. I spoke to my doctor about it and after about a week she raised it to 100 mg. Since then I did notice a huge improvement in both my rash and itch. I no longer have any active rashes and my itching isn't completely gone but it's very minimal. I have been getting weekly blood tests done and will soon be moving to monthly.  My DH skin biopsy was done before the gluten free diet and Dapsone. My results for the skin biopsy came back as inconclusive, but even with those results, my doctor was convinced I had DH. I specifically asked her about the fact that she took the biopsy directly from the lesion rather than next to it and if that affects the result. Her explanation was that if it's a fresh enough lesion that isn't scratched, there should be IgA antibodies present. But she said that an inconclusive result isn't surprising because the IgA antibodies come and go from the skin so quickly that it can be very difficult to get a positive result, even in someone who is positive.  That's when she decided to run the celiac blood panel on me. And even though those results came back positive for the deamidated gliadin and negative for tTg, she still is very convinced that I have DH. I am happy that my doctor seems to be certain, but I would just feel better if the results were more definitive. The one other thing I am waiting on is I have been asked to attend grand rounds at the local academic hospital in 2 weeks. I guess grand rounds is where all of the academic dermatologists and dermatopathologists get together to review certain complicated cases. They will meet with me, review all of my pictures, biopsies and blood tests. My situation has been so complicated so they asked me to come. I am hoping maybe then I will get some more answers. 
    • It sure is, it really is. 
    • shellyb, I have info. for you & you may yet be able to get an official dx from your dermatologist as she sounds like she would be willing to learn. If you are dx'd with dh it is definitive & no other testing is needed. You don't need to see a GI. Im in FL & have had a long day watching Tropical Storm Hermine & making preparations for it's track which is over where I live. I'm tired! I will have links for you to reputable medical info. on the rash but it make take me till tomorrow or even longer if we lose power.  I'll be back as soon as I can. Question: You're on Dapsone now? How long have you been on it? How is it working for you? Are you getting the proper testing at regular intervals to make sure it isn't doing bad things to you? Were you gluten free before the skin biopsy?
    • Thank you so much for your quick response, GFinDC. While I wouldn't be completely opposed to another skin biopsy, I already had 4 done (3 were done prior to my dermatologist suspecting DH) so I don't love the idea of  yet another hole and scar on my body. Plus, fortunately I don't have any fresh lesions now, which I believe is needed for the biopsy. I wish I would have known to see a GI before going gluten free but I was so desperate to get any relief that I started that and Dapsone as soon as my doctor mentioned it to me.  My rash is definitely symmetrical and I have it in all of the "classic" DH spots although it basically spread over my entire body. As much as I'd like a more formal diagnosis, I really don't think I can go through all of that again. It was so bad that not only was I getting no sleep but I had to change my sheets every morning because there was blood all over them. Sorry, TMI. The worst part is that this all developed during my ninth month of pregnancy and got much worse after I delivered my baby. So not only was I dealing with this insanely itchy rash but I had a newborn and a toddler to take care of.  My daughters' pediatrician did mention doing DNA testing on me first and then my daughters to see if there's any concern that they may be susceptible. I may just go that route for now. I was just curious if others have had similar test results to mine and how did their doctors treat it? Thanks again!
    • Hey guys, the last year and a month of transitioning to totally gluten free was hard, but I now seem to be healthy. The first six months I got horrible cramps that would suddenly come and hit hard, but I really havent seen any of those since about February-March. One thing that I wouldnt say has gotten better is my psyche. I was always sort of an anxious person (hard not to be when you dont feel well yet you have "IBS" and you're just "nervous", which all of you probably know), but I am borderline hermit now. I finally went to the doctor today and was prescribed prozac, so hopefully that helps, but I was just wondering about you guys? Thanks  
  • Upcoming Events

  • Blog Entries

  • Recent Status Updates

  • Who's Online (See full list)

  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      61,455
    • Most Online
      1,763

    Newest Member
    JLeigh
    Joined