25 replies to this topic

[kota]

I would encourage her to seek the help of a dietician for her children so she can become more educated about an appropriate diet and calorie intake for children. (and she may need other therapy herself, but it will only be helpful to her if she comes to a place where she wants to be helped).

I noticed several other posts stated to report her: I would weigh any decision to call cps very carefully, and being as objective about the situation as possible: you obviously care very much about your neice/nephew, and sometimes state involvement can have negative consequences for the kids.

[pricklypear1971]

Slightly off-topic, but I've heard of other people doing this.

Personally, I think it's gross.

But I've seen people snacking on uncooked ramen noodles - not because they didn't know to cook them, but they actually LIKED them uncooked. Weird, IMO, but my mother also prefers orange peels to the actual orange (which I think is even weirder.)

My son used to steal the rice stick noodles out of the pantry and eat them like crackers. He was little - 2 or 3??

[cap6]

A child that is told "no" when they are still hungry would concern me and sister or not I would report them.

[Juliebove]

A child that is told "no" when they are still hungry would concern me and sister or not I would report them.

My daughter used to constantly say she was hungry. She would throw down her fork in the middle of a meal and scream that she was hungry and needed a snack. This pretty much stopped once we learned of her food allergies. I guess I was just feeding her stuff she was allergic to pretty much all of the time! She must have mistaken the upset stomach for hunger. I don't know.

More recently she was diagnosed with a thyroid problem and pre-diabetes. That has lessened her hunger more.

She has been overweight most of her life though. Big difference. If she were too thin, that would be another issue. These kids sound too thin.

[Strawberry_Jam]

Children should NOT go hungry. They are growing. A little overweight is much better than a little underweight. Err on the side of health, err on the side of extra muscle and fat for growing bodies.

Please intervene in whatever way you find suitable. These children need to eat.

[UntchElliotNess]

Their_aunt, it sounds like your sister is in need of counseling. Her eating disorder is placing her children in danger physically and psychologically. Report her anonymously and articulate your concerns that the children have been placed in danger willfully by their mother by under feeding them, denying food when asked, and feeding them food that would make them otherwise sick, and their weight being noticibly under the norm. See you can get the kids for the weekend to make sure they eat more in the meantime. I doubt talking to her about a gluten free diet will help, I think she may lash out or blame you for her children's situation. Be cautious, keep your wits and wisdom about you, and I will pray for a better resolution for these poor kids.

[xjrosie]

People think really strange things. My daughter was at my friend's house when she was little and my friend asked me if she could have some Ramen noodles? This was long before we knew of her wheat allergy. I said she could. I was then horrified to learn that my friend gave them the noodles straight from the package. Uncooked! She told them they could sprinkle just a little of the powder on the noodles for flavor. But not too much because she had them on a low sodium diet. I was like... But... You give them GATORADE! It's loade with sodium! She kept denying it until her husband overheard and agreed with me. She then ran to the cupboard and looked. She looked horrified. I guess she didn't read labels. She also kept opened bottles of Gatorade in the cupboard, unopened.

She also told me she had put her middle daughter on a gluten-free diet and that it was really easy. Said to just give her rice instead of bread. Said that it didn't help her at all. Well knowing now what I know about what you really should do to go gluten-free, I doubt that she did it right.

Her kids were very thin and I was amazed at how little food she actually fed them. I think she herself had an eating disorder, living mostly on coffee and cigarettes and bragging that she just ate one meal per day. She had some other weird issues. Like wearing only white tops. She had hundreds of white tops, mostly all the same.

One day the Dr. told her she had to feed her littlest one more food. The girl was 3 I think and weighed only 20 pounds. I also saw the oldest one being screamed at by the dad for eating a whole bag of baby carrots. I think those kids were starving all the time.

It breaks my heart to read things like this. My parents starved my brother and I when we were little. I used to hide food in our bedrooms any time I could sneak it.

Now I hoard food - not in a bad way. I don't buy lots of snacks, but I have enough food to make it through about two weeks to a month if a disaster happened. I'm afraid of my kids never having enough to eat. Nevertheless, my 14 year old was told by her doctor it wouldn't hurt if she gained five pounds. Constantly telling her to put more on her plate. She never takes in to consideration the exercise she does for sports.

Ok, I'm rambling, sorry.

Anyway, to the main poster, I'm sure she doesn't mean any harm to her children, but remember that most people who suffer with eating disorders do so because they need to feel in control of something. If you can find a way to get her to attend some meetings for eating disorders and maybe some clinics about children's health and eating, it might help a bit.

As for reporting her for child neglect - don't do it. Those things have a way of getting found out and it could really cause more problems. If the children's health is truly in danger, the doctor is required to report it (in most states).

[pixter]

My mother in law is a retired nurse, she's always used white bread because she's allergic to wheat. She reads labels, but tends to assume she knows what things are made of instead. She's in her 70's and finally realizing she's been doing it wrong.

[domesticactivist]

As for reporting her for child neglect - don't do it. Those things have a way of getting found out and it could really cause more problems. If the children's health is truly in danger, the doctor is required to report it (in most states).

I've ended up having to report child neglect and abuse several times and it can be very obvious who made the report despite "confidentiality." Your sister's kids may need your support and it would be very bad if you got completely cut off from them. It is a decision to weigh very carefully, as a last resort. There are better ways to intervene, imo.

[livelifelarge24]

This is absolutely appalling. Those kids are at serious risk for so many problems both physical and emotional. A great point was already made, it should be pointed out to her that if her kids are doing so much better on this "gluten free" diet than it's definitely not a gluten issue or the whole wheat products she's feeding the would have them very I'll. Report her!

[Takala]

Now I hoard food - not in a bad way. I don't buy lots of snacks, but I have enough food to make it through about two weeks to a month if a disaster happened.

This isn't such a bad idea for people who have to have restricted diets for medical reasons. I learned this the hard way when we lost our electricity the better part of a week several winters ago, and there was not only significant flooding that limited road access, there was no electricity in many of the surrounding small towns - one assumes one can just drive somewhere and grocery shop.... not if there's no electricity, duh. I was damned lucky to find a functional gas station in a little patch of rural service area that hadn't lost power about 4 miles north of here, because if it had been known they were still open by the general public at large, they would have sold out quickly. I found ONE open grocery about 40 miles away, and they were scrambling to keep what food they had on the shelves. You should have seen the detours due to flooding.... try driving that with hundreds of other cars in pitch blackness. I had to stop at one point and get out with a flashlight and check what intersection I was at, to make absolutely sure I was not going to do something stupid. (the detour signs were taking us near river levees ) And the local news media was USELESS on covering this. That was the shocking part. It was as if it were not happening. None of the local radio stations are live content any more, all pre- recorded.

I follow the weather forecasts a lot more closely now. We purchased a generator (and have used it since then). I also drive my spouse a little batty sometimes with insisting we keep a lot of non perishable, back- up foods stocked in the pantry. This was when I also started experimenting with seeing if I could expand my diet if I had to, because it is more difficult to cook gluten free and grain free foods when you don't have electricity.