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I Had Hoped To Never Return To This Place


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#31 IrishHeart

 
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Posted 02 January 2012 - 12:44 PM

I have been reading your posts for a long time and at first, I felt enormous compassion for your plight and gave you my best advice and some cyber- hugs of support and when I did not see you around for a while, I thought "Great, this beautiful girl with the beautiful children has made peace with this and is off happily living her life!" :)

Yet, here you are--and if possible, you are even angrier than you were before. This makes me very sad for you because honey, I think you make it harder for yourself than it has to be.

Everyone has given you some pretty solid advice, in the past ---and right now on this thread---but you told us up front that you know what we are going to say and it won't matter....so why ask, then, I wonder?

Because if you really have given up, you would not come on here hoping we would talk you out of this path of self-destruction you are going down.

People have given their empathy and their best thoughts to you once again--as this is the compassionate nature of the majority of the people on this forum----but I would like to add another perspective.

However, my usual "mother hen" approach has been put aside. Some people may be surprised by what I will say, but frankly, I think sometimes it is best to reflect back to the person what she has said so she can get a simple reality check.

You said:
"I don't know why I'm even writing any of this. I know exactly what you all are going to say. But I can't say it will matter. All I can say right now is that I have decided to not make a decision right now. Which means, I'm off the diet indefinitely. I'm living for today. And that may kill me tomorrow. But tomorrow isn't guaranteed, is it?"

But that's not true. You HAVE already decided. So,what else CAN we say???


You are choosing to eat gluten-filled foods because you say you are "living for today and it may kill you tomorrow and tomorrow isn't guaranteed."

Nope, you are right---it isn't. For ANYONE.

But that doesn't mean we should purposefully throw ourselves in front of buses to see if we can tempt fate either. :blink:

You said:
You were dealt a shitty hand.

Yes, in some ways, you were.
Many of us could say the same thing; hell, I could say the same the thing.

But you can run. (I can barely walk without agony)

You have children. (I had multiple miscarriages and no children and enormous heartache over it)

Celiac caused me IMMEASURABLE pain and I lost 4 years of my life, my brain function and nearly died and I developed dozens of other various autoimmune/neuro symptoms. I am rebuilding my muscles and strength so I can efficiently use my arms and legs again. I cannot even lay down without agonizing pain. I burn 24/7 with nerve pain and I cannot take any medications to stop it. Like you, I once thought death would be easier than the pain I lived in. But I would not give up and I will take years to rehab, if I recover completely at all.

Yes, it sucks. Big time.

But I can let it kill me emotionally and psychologically ---or I can choose to say "Screw you, celiac!"....I choose LIFE. And I know what needs to be done to DEAL with the shit sandwich life sometimes is.

This is what you need to come to terms with as well.

This isn't a death sentence. It's a dietary change and adaptation.It's just ONE FOOD PROTEIN for heaven's sake. It's a chance to OVERCOME the shit hand we have been dealt.

Now that I CAN swallow food again and keep it in me, I celebrate the food I can eat and there are no real limitations once you learn to bake with gluten-free flours.

And one way to stop the progression of most AI diseases is to stop the underlying factor--the inflammatory process in the body.

I know you are scared about the Liver disease--and I read all about PCS-- before I posted here ---so I could try to understand your fears.


If celiac is part of the mix in your health problems (and you can deny that all you want, kiddo---but I suspect your blunted villi is from celiac) and you CHOOSE NOT to treat it, then you are unwisely contributing to your own early demise by perpetuating that inflammation in your body.

To tolerate the liver transplant when the time comes, your body needs to be in optimal health, right? Well, then you need to remove gluten from your diet.

Honey, if you were my daughter and you were standing in front of me right now, I'd give you a big hug, have a good cleansing "poor us" cry with you, wipe your tears.... and then, quite frankly, I'd boot you in the arse for being selfish.

WHAT ABOUT YOUR CHILDREN????? They need their mother to be around for as long as she can.

What about YOUR HUSBAND??--who must be suffering as he watches you harm yourself. The ONE thing that kept me fighting for my life for 4 years--was my devoted husband. I had to fight--for him, for us.

Get help NOW with your anger and grief (do not tell me there are no available therapists---you are making excuses here, honey)

and learn to bake gluten free goodies like the rest of us and live your life joyfully each day as if it were your last.

That's how we all should live anyway. Einstein said “There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle.”

I do not judge anyone EVER---because as I often gently remind others in my life--you do not walk in my shoes, so you cannot possibly know how I feel.
So I am NOT judging nor am I being critical. I WANT you to be HAPPY.

But you come on here looking for SOMETHING--and I am not sure what--because NONE of us are going to tell you to go ahead and kill yourself with gluten--because we know that is NOT the answer.

But I will tell you that what you are doing right now, eating gluteny foods--and wallowing in this bottomless anger and self-pity?--well, THAT approach is NOT working for you. It is eating you alive.

And yes, I have been in that pit myself--but I climbed out as fast as possible because living in anger and fear is WORSE than anything in the world--even worse than the dreaded gluten free diet.

And no gluteny cinnamon roll is going to help you get your head on straight. If anything, it may distort your thinking even further. Gluten is a neurotoxin and even if you have no overt gastro symptoms, I bet anything it is affecting your brain and creating anxiety and depression.

This is all IMHO and said sincerely with as much compassion and concern as I have in my heart. I feel for you, I really do--yet YOU NEED to get a grip, get some professional help and stop this nonsense. Take charge of your health right now.

I see that medal around your neck :) --you are rightfully proud of your accomplishment--now, take it one step further!

Go & Live wisely, eat wisely and play with your children. And be happy, kiddo--for each day and for all the gifts in your life. Jump one hurdle at a time.
Best wishes,
IH
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"Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way we cope with it makes the difference." Virginia Satir

"The strongest of all warriors are these two - time and patience." Leo Tolstoy

"If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else" Booker T. Washington

“If idiots could fly, the sky would be like an airport.”― Laura Davenport 

"Do or do not. There is no try. "-  Yoda.

"LTES"  Gem 2014

 

Misdiagnosed for 25+ years; Finally Diagnosed with Celiac  11/01/10.  Double DQ2 genes. This thing tried to kill me. I view Celiac as a fire breathing dragon --and I have run my sword right through his throat.
I. Win. bliss-smiley-emoticon.gif


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#32 Monael

 
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Posted 02 January 2012 - 02:18 PM

I think you are trying to work things out for yourself, just by being here and being so honest. I think that is what struck me the most about your post. That even though on the one hand you are in major denial, at the same time you are saying exactly how you feel.

I don't have the same problem as you regarding the anger at what I can't eat. I think you might be looking at things the wrong way because eating gluten free is not the end of the world. But while celiac is no picnic, your liver disease is much more serious, and I was glad to see that you are acknowledging that perhaps some of your anger and anxiety is from that.

Since this is stressing you out so much, I agree with several other posters who said to just eat gluten and retest later. And concentrate on coming to terms with your liver disease. I am sorry you are going through this. I hope that you find a therapist to help you. I had great success going to one when I had overwhelming anxiety and panic attacks a few years back. I also hope that you continue to let us know how you are doing. Best wishes :)
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#33 zus888

 
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Posted 02 January 2012 - 02:31 PM

I have to admit that I'm surprised that many of the responses are not what I expected to hear. So, I have been proven wrong in assuming I knew what all of you would say.

I've been given a lot of food for thought. Not just from you all, but also from friends.

I'm just trying to make some sense of my feelings. I know, rationally, what the correct thing to do is. I also know what I would tell my children. I know I need a new perspective, and, really, that's what it all boils down to. I am capable of doing the diet and sticking to it stringently. It's a matter of having the will to do it. It makes no sense that I'm doing so much to try to temper the one disease I have absolutely no control over and give in to the one I have full control over. It's not logical in the least.

I talked to a friend today who cried about her frustration and sadness about two people in her life that are making choices that only hurt them in the long run. And I could see my husband in her tears. She wasn't even talking about me. But the theme was the same nonetheless. I'm not one to believe in signs or fate or the intervention from a God. But I found it uncanny the running theme of our discussion. I felt horrible for her pain, yet could not come up with a way to make her feel better since I was that person she was describing. I am the one making a choice to cause harm to myself in the long run.

I just need this to be a choice I make for myself, I guess. I need to look at the food, not at something that I can't have, but as something I don't want. There is a difference between the two. And, yes, it's a matter of perspective. It's going to take me a while to get there. Months, maybe. But I'm feeling more hopeful that I can be in a mental place to make a healthy choice for my body.

I truly appreciate all the responses because it has really helped me to think through this.
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Suzanna

#34 mushroom

 
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Posted 02 January 2012 - 03:04 PM

I am so glad that you are going to evaluate things in a new light, hon - even if you end up coming to the same decision in the end. Yes, perspective does make a world of difference in decision-making, but sometimes we are so busy fighting our way through the tall grass that we can't see the rainbow in the sky.

You may have seen that many of us on here refer to gluten as rat poison :D - that is the way we have come to look at it. It holds no temptation for us because we know its ramifications. It is the siren song, luring us...... but if we take the perspective that it is not yummy stuff at all, but the equivalent of rat poison to our bodies, it quickly loses its appeal. I truly feel revulsion when I see some of the Ihop commercials or see people scarfing down huge quantities of gluten in the food courts at the malls - but that is just my perspective. Most of us have found it helpful to make lists - not of the foods we can't eat, but of the foods we can. Several people have asked me, "But what DO you eat?" and I start with the letter A and say asparagus, artichokes, avocado, apples....., and I generally don't even have to bother going to the b's because they see that I can enjoy yummy foods despite the restrictions.

I gave up gluten not because of a diagnosis of celiac - indeed I was not even aware of celiac at the time and had never been tested, but simply because I was attempting to control my RA symptoms, another autoimmune disease by the way. I have not been entirely successful in doing that, but they are much better, as is my psoriasis, although I still do take medications for them both. So I was in control of my life at that time and it was strictly my choice. It was strange to me that my GI symptoms disappeared when I quit gluten, and then I learned about celiac. Perhaps if I had learned about it sooner my symptoms would not have been so severe. If you are predisposed to autoimmune diseases I believe you are at much greater risk from continuing to eat gluten... just one more thing to consider in your evaluation of your circumstances. The timing of your conversation with your friend was an amazing coincidence in enabling you to see the other side of the coin, that it is really not just yourself you are harming but also those who love you.

I wish you much love and wisdom in making the right choice for you. :)
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Neroli


"Everything that can be counted does not necessarily count; everything that counts cannot necessarily be counted." - Albert Einstein

"Life is not weathering the storm; it is learning to dance in the rain"

"Whatever the question, the answer is always chocolate." Nigella Lawson

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Caffeine free 1973
Lactose free 1990
(Mis)diagnosed IBS, fibromyalgia '80's and '90's
Diagnosed psoriatic arthritis 2004
Self-diagnosed gluten intolerant, gluten-free Nov. 2007
Soy free March 2008
Nightshade free Feb 2009
Citric acid free June 2009
Potato starch free July 2009
(Totally) corn free Nov. 2009
Legume free March 2010
Now tolerant of lactose

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#35 Aly1

 
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Posted 02 January 2012 - 03:13 PM

You know someone will look after your kids?? Wow. That may be the most stunningly selfish thing I have ever heard. I guarantee they will not see it quite the same way.

I've spent years in pain and in a wheelchair, with no diagnosis, and was only able to work two days a week, totally isolated other than my guy at the end of the day (Thank God for him.) I was so ill I had to decide which kitchen counter I would clean that day - IF I could manage it - and doing so would leave me exhausted and too sick to do anything but lie down with my eyes closed. I lost my thirties entirely. Was I depressed? Damn straight I was depressed. But I was never so selfish about it that I stopped considering the effect I had on other people.

You have kids. It's time to step up to the plate regardless of how you feel. YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE ANGRY. But you do not have the right to wallow indefinitely. Pick yourself off, give the finger to the universe for doing this to you, then do what you need to do to get as healthy as you can for your kids. You decided to be a parent, it means putting them first. Keep trying to find a therapist until you do. Block out the feelings of helplessness and depression, you've already spent enough time on those. It's time to do what you have to do as an adult - which means taking care of yourself even if you don't want to.
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#36 Aly1

 
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Posted 02 January 2012 - 03:16 PM

Ok. I just went off on you and as soon as I hit Post I regretted the intensity of it. My apologies, but your post really hit a nerve due to my own experience and having to fight off an intense depression myself. Reading further down I see you write again in a different tone. I should have read before I went off on you. You really can do this you know. I get it that you don't want to, but you can.
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#37 Aly1

 
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Posted 02 January 2012 - 03:24 PM

By the way (still thinking about you here, you struck a chord). I have an incredibly strong sweet tooth and was told I'd have to give up all sweetners at age 16. I was aghast. What I have learned over the years is this: Like anything you don't want to do - don't let yourself think too much about it. Just do it. No one wants to clean the toilet but it needs doing so we just do it. The more you think about the things you want to eat but can't, the harder it is to stand firm. Just shut off those thoughts. The second thing I learned is that like any muscle, the more you do it and the more consistent you are, the easier it is to stay on your diet. Good luck.
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#38 upwitht21

 
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Posted 02 January 2012 - 03:41 PM

I'm new to being gluten free but I recognize grief when I see it. At 19 years old I had a child with down syndrome and everybody wanted to tell me how to handle my pain but you have to grieve however you need to grieve. I commend you on your honesty and hope that it may be a step towards healing for you. It's a hard thing to feel broken inside but please know that there are many people here to lean on emotionally and we all wish you the best.
Jess
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#39 domesticactivist

 
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Posted 02 January 2012 - 03:52 PM

I just need this to be a choice I make for myself, I guess. I need to look at the food, not at something that I can't have, but as something I don't want. There is a difference between the two. And, yes, it's a matter of perspective. It's going to take me a while to get there. Months, maybe. But I'm feeling more hopeful that I can be in a mental place to make a healthy choice for my body.


Your post brought tears to my eyes. You are on the path and you will get to the place where you can make the best possible choices for your physical health and mental health. You are absolutely right - this is not something you "can't" have. It is your CHOICE. You are being very honest with yourself, and that will take you far, faster than you imagine, I think.
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Our family is transitioning off the GAPS Intro Diet and into the Full GAPS Diet.
Gluten-Free since November 2010
GAPS Diet since January/February 2011
me - not tested for celiac - currently doing a gluten challenge since 11/26/2011
partner - not tested for celiac
ds - age 11, hospitalized 9/2010, celiac dx by gluten reaction & genetics. No biopsy or blood as we were already gluten-free by the time it was an option.
dd - age 12.5, not celiac, has Tourette's syndome
both kids have now-resolved attention issues.

#40 IrishHeart

 
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Posted 02 January 2012 - 04:04 PM


I'm not one to believe in signs or fate or the intervention from a God. But I found it uncanny the running theme of our discussion. I felt horrible for her pain, yet could not come up with a way to make her feel better since I was that person she was describing. I am the one making a choice to cause harm to myself in the long run.


There are no coincidences, hon.... ;)

A sign, fate, divine intervention, the universe speaking? whatever! ....makes no matter what we call such things; you can call it "an awakening", perhaps?

In any case, I am glad to see you are "listening".

You are right; some things are Thrust upon us we did not ask for and we feel helpless ---but those things we can control??--well, that's completely up to us to do just that!

Be well.
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"Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way we cope with it makes the difference." Virginia Satir

"The strongest of all warriors are these two - time and patience." Leo Tolstoy

"If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else" Booker T. Washington

“If idiots could fly, the sky would be like an airport.”― Laura Davenport 

"Do or do not. There is no try. "-  Yoda.

"LTES"  Gem 2014

 

Misdiagnosed for 25+ years; Finally Diagnosed with Celiac  11/01/10.  Double DQ2 genes. This thing tried to kill me. I view Celiac as a fire breathing dragon --and I have run my sword right through his throat.
I. Win. bliss-smiley-emoticon.gif


#41 bumblebee_carnival

 
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Posted 02 January 2012 - 04:21 PM

Maybe I am just talking crazy, but have you ever thought of trying something like Overeaters Anonymous or some kind of eating issue related therapy? OA is not just for the overweight, but for anyone with an unhealthy relationship to food. I had an eating disorder and so much of what you said reminded me of others I've known with disordered eating.

I would ask yourself these two questions (not asking you to post the answers, just ask them of yourself)- who are you rebelling against and what in yourself are you trying to destroy?
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#42 cyberprof

 
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Posted 02 January 2012 - 04:30 PM

Zus, I truly feel you.

Watching other people (even my daughter or other relatives) eat my favorite Pagliacci Pizza - unbearably painful.

Walking into a PTO meeting, wedding, business event, Christmas party and watching every.single.person.there eat what they want, without thinking about it - excruciating.

Knowing that I'll never be able to travel to France or Italy or China and eat with abandon like others travelling - too sad to think about.

Walking through an airport or food court and not want to take a risk and being so hungry - annnoying.

Missing the care-free way of eating that 90% of people have - frustrating.

But...

Being at peace with it - priceless.

It is grief and it is something that all of us have to deal with at some time. Alcohol, cigarettes, too much sugar, too much fat. Or the reverse - too poor to obtain good, sufficient food. Many humans have some limitations. But celiacs have more grief than others because it is a wheat-full society. And the poster above that said if she was alergic to peanuts, she bets that most hosts/hostesses wouldn't serve PBJ or have peanuts on the table during the party - so true. What an interesting statement. Wheat is different and we are expected to suck it up. Now the above statements are/were true, but I have achieved peace with it. I carry nuts, LARA bars, fruit and though I hate missing out on party foods, it doesn't end up ruining my night anymore but it is a mental effort.

Others have good ideas about counseling but I think the best would be a support group for people with potentially fatal diseases - your liver grief and your celiac grief are intertwined IMHO.

Best wishes to you.
  • 1
Diagnosed by biopsy 2/12/07. Negative blood tests. Gluten-free (except for accidents) since 2/15/07. DQ2.5 (HLA DQA1*05:DQB1*0201)

Son, age 18, previously delayed growth 3rd percentile weight, 25th percentile height (5'3" at age 15). Negative blood work. Endoscopy declined. Enterolab positive 3/12/08. Gene results: HLA-DQB1 Molecular analysis, Allele 1 0201 HLA-DQB1 Molecular analysis, Allele 2 0503 Serologic equivalent: HLA-DQ 2,1(Subtype 2,5) Went gluten-free, casein-free 3/15/08. Now 6'2" (Over six feet!) and doing great.

"Great difficulties may be surmounted by patience and perseverance." Abigail Adams (1744-1818) 2nd First Lady of the United States

#43 Googles

 
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Posted 02 January 2012 - 05:15 PM

I was thinking more about your post. When I was first diagnosed I was so mad. I felt like my body had betrayed me, again. While I had come to accept that I suffered from depression and ptsd, I had accepted that my mental health was screwed up. But accepting that my physical body was damaged and had something wrong with it was a hard thing to accept. I was so angry with my body. I hated it. I wanted to punish it for what it had brought me to. That I would have to change my life because it couldn't keep itself healthy. It couldn't do it's simple job of being able to move me around and make it so I could do things. If it couldn't do those basic things, why should I care about it? It took me time to be able to forgive it, and myself for the new challenges I was going to have to face. I was wondering if you were feeling anything similar with your liver problems and possible celiac. When I was able to realize this it was easier to deal with. It was still hard, but easier.
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#44 pain*in*my*gut

 
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Posted 02 January 2012 - 06:58 PM

I have been reading your posts for a long time and at first, I felt enormous compassion for your plight and gave you my best advice and some cyber- hugs of support and when I did not see you around for a while, I thought "Great, this beautiful girl with the beautiful children has made peace with this and is off happily living her life!" :)

Yet, here you are--and if possible, you are even angrier than you were before. This makes me very sad for you because honey, I think you make it harder for yourself than it has to be.

Everyone has given you some pretty solid advice, in the past ---and right now on this thread---but you told us up front that you know what we are going to say and it won't matter....so why ask, then, I wonder?

Because if you really have given up, you would not come on here hoping we would talk you out of this path of self-destruction you are going down.

People have given their empathy and their best thoughts to you once again--as this is the compassionate nature of the majority of the people on this forum----but I would like to add another perspective.

However, my usual "mother hen" approach has been put aside. Some people may be surprised by what I will say, but frankly, I think sometimes it is best to reflect back to the person what she has said so she can get a simple reality check.

You said:
"I don't know why I'm even writing any of this. I know exactly what you all are going to say. But I can't say it will matter. All I can say right now is that I have decided to not make a decision right now. Which means, I'm off the diet indefinitely. I'm living for today. And that may kill me tomorrow. But tomorrow isn't guaranteed, is it?"

But that's not true. You HAVE already decided. So,what else CAN we say???


You are choosing to eat gluten-filled foods because you say you are "living for today and it may kill you tomorrow and tomorrow isn't guaranteed."

Nope, you are right---it isn't. For ANYONE.

But that doesn't mean we should purposefully throw ourselves in front of buses to see if we can tempt fate either. :blink:

You said:
You were dealt a shitty hand.

Yes, in some ways, you were.
Many of us could say the same thing; hell, I could say the same the thing.

But you can run. (I can barely walk without agony)

You have children. (I had multiple miscarriages and no children and enormous heartache over it)

Celiac caused me IMMEASURABLE pain and I lost 4 years of my life, my brain function and nearly died and I developed dozens of other various autoimmune/neuro symptoms. I am rebuilding my muscles and strength so I can efficiently use my arms and legs again. I cannot even lay down without agonizing pain. I burn 24/7 with nerve pain and I cannot take any medications to stop it. Like you, I once thought death would be easier than the pain I lived in. But I would not give up and I will take years to rehab, if I recover completely at all.

Yes, it sucks. Big time.

But I can let it kill me emotionally and psychologically ---or I can choose to say "Screw you, celiac!"....I choose LIFE. And I know what needs to be done to DEAL with the shit sandwich life sometimes is.

This is what you need to come to terms with as well.

This isn't a death sentence. It's a dietary change and adaptation.It's just ONE FOOD PROTEIN for heaven's sake. It's a chance to OVERCOME the shit hand we have been dealt.

Now that I CAN swallow food again and keep it in me, I celebrate the food I can eat and there are no real limitations once you learn to bake with gluten-free flours.

And one way to stop the progression of most AI diseases is to stop the underlying factor--the inflammatory process in the body.

I know you are scared about the Liver disease--and I read all about PCS-- before I posted here ---so I could try to understand your fears.


If celiac is part of the mix in your health problems (and you can deny that all you want, kiddo---but I suspect your blunted villi is from celiac) and you CHOOSE NOT to treat it, then you are unwisely contributing to your own early demise by perpetuating that inflammation in your body.

To tolerate the liver transplant when the time comes, your body needs to be in optimal health, right? Well, then you need to remove gluten from your diet.

Honey, if you were my daughter and you were standing in front of me right now, I'd give you a big hug, have a good cleansing "poor us" cry with you, wipe your tears.... and then, quite frankly, I'd boot you in the arse for being selfish.

WHAT ABOUT YOUR CHILDREN????? They need their mother to be around for as long as she can.

What about YOUR HUSBAND??--who must be suffering as he watches you harm yourself. The ONE thing that kept me fighting for my life for 4 years--was my devoted husband. I had to fight--for him, for us.

Get help NOW with your anger and grief (do not tell me there are no available therapists---you are making excuses here, honey)

and learn to bake gluten free goodies like the rest of us and live your life joyfully each day as if it were your last.

That's how we all should live anyway. Einstein said “There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle.”

I do not judge anyone EVER---because as I often gently remind others in my life--you do not walk in my shoes, so you cannot possibly know how I feel.
So I am NOT judging nor am I being critical. I WANT you to be HAPPY.

But you come on here looking for SOMETHING--and I am not sure what--because NONE of us are going to tell you to go ahead and kill yourself with gluten--because we know that is NOT the answer.

But I will tell you that what you are doing right now, eating gluteny foods--and wallowing in this bottomless anger and self-pity?--well, THAT approach is NOT working for you. It is eating you alive.

And yes, I have been in that pit myself--but I climbed out as fast as possible because living in anger and fear is WORSE than anything in the world--even worse than the dreaded gluten free diet.

And no gluteny cinnamon roll is going to help you get your head on straight. If anything, it may distort your thinking even further. Gluten is a neurotoxin and even if you have no overt gastro symptoms, I bet anything it is affecting your brain and creating anxiety and depression.

This is all IMHO and said sincerely with as much compassion and concern as I have in my heart. I feel for you, I really do--yet YOU NEED to get a grip, get some professional help and stop this nonsense. Take charge of your health right now.

I see that medal around your neck :) --you are rightfully proud of your accomplishment--now, take it one step further!

Go & Live wisely, eat wisely and play with your children. And be happy, kiddo--for each day and for all the gifts in your life. Jump one hurdle at a time.
Best wishes,
IH



This, exactly. Every. Single. Word.

Also, you have no right to deny your kids a mother over a freaking dinner roll. Once you choose to bring childen into this world, it's not about you anymore. Your kids need to have a mom, who is as healthy as she can be! You need to fight this demon that is keeping you from accepting your dx, and move on with it. If you can't do it for yourself, then fight for your life for them....
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Celiac DX 9/2011 ~ Gluten free ever since
Hashimoto's Thyroiditis 10/2011
Premature Ovarian Failure 11/2010
Rheumatoid Arthritis 10/2011
Sjogren's Disease 10/2011

"The best way out is always through" ~Robert Frost

#45 zus888

 
zus888

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Posted 02 January 2012 - 06:59 PM

I was thinking more about your post. When I was first diagnosed I was so mad. I felt like my body had betrayed me, again. While I had come to accept that I suffered from depression and ptsd, I had accepted that my mental health was screwed up. But accepting that my physical body was damaged and had something wrong with it was a hard thing to accept. I was so angry with my body. I hated it. I wanted to punish it for what it had brought me to. That I would have to change my life because it couldn't keep itself healthy. It couldn't do it's simple job of being able to move me around and make it so I could do things. If it couldn't do those basic things, why should I care about it? It took me time to be able to forgive it, and myself for the new challenges I was going to have to face. I was wondering if you were feeling anything similar with your liver problems and possible celiac. When I was able to realize this it was easier to deal with. It was still hard, but easier.


Funny you mention this. Right after my diagnosis of celiac, I wrote hate mail to my body. On facebook. I won't write what I posted on here because there's a lot of "colorful" language.

And, I feel terrible for airing my trials when I KNOW so many of you here have been through a much more nasty hell than I've ever experienced. But...it's my journey, I suppose. And I can only draw from my own experiences and, hopefully, learn from others.

I cannot tell you how much I appreciate all who have responded. I've been in a mentally dark place, and I don't wish to go back. I'm not fully out of it, but at least, I'm now in a place where I can hear what people are telling me without having it fall on deaf ears (which was the state I was in last week).

Thank you, again, everyone, for caring and taking the time to write.
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Suzanna




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