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My Heart Is Broken....


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16 replies to this topic

#1 upwitht21

 
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Posted 22 February 2012 - 06:21 PM

We found out a few weeks ago that after years of trying and 10 rounds of fertility meds we conceived entirely on our own. I was diagnosed with celiacs back in November and have been gluten free every since.

Sadly our miracle baby didn't make it and I'm left with a sad heart. We saw a heart beat on Monday and this morning I miscarried. I'm scared to try again. I'm worried we will have to deal with miscarriage after miscarriage like so many others have and I don't know that my heart can handle that. I have had a dramatic change since going gluten free from less gray in my hair to my bones not hurting. I feel amazing. I run, lift weights, and eat very healthy and well balanced. So hard to understand why god makes the decisions he does sometimes.

My doctor said if my hormone levels continue to drop at the rate they are going she sees no reason why we can't try again after my next period. I've already passed the baby and all that is left is lining (thank goodness for that) it happened very naturally. A few word of encouragement would be great right now. I really don't feel like my celiacs effected anything (I'm super careful and dedicated to the diet). My doctor did say they will check my progesterone levels next time just to be sure they weren't the cause.

What a long, miserable day.
Jess
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#2 love2travel

 
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Posted 22 February 2012 - 06:28 PM

We found out a few weeks ago that after years of trying and 10 rounds of fertility meds we conceived entirely on our own. I was diagnosed with celiacs back in November and have been gluten free every since.

Sadly our miracle baby didn't make it and I'm left with a sad heart. We saw a heart beat on Monday and this morning I miscarried. I'm scared to try again. I'm worried we will have to deal with miscarriage after miscarriage like so many others have and I don't know that my heart can handle that. I have had a dramatic change since going gluten free from less gray in my hair to my bones not hurting. I feel amazing. I run, lift weights, and eat very healthy and well balanced. So hard to understand why god makes the decisions he does sometimes.

My doctor said if my hormone levels continue to drop at the rate they are going she sees no reason why we can't try again after my next period. I've already passed the baby and all that is left is lining (thank goodness for that) it happened very naturally. A few word of encouragement would be great right now. I really don't feel like my celiacs effected anything (I'm super careful and dedicated to the diet). My doctor did say they will check my progesterone levels next time just to be sure they weren't the cause.

What a long, miserable day.
Jess

Oh, Jess. I am SO very sorry. My heart aches for you. Miscarriages are so devastating. I've been there and understand, though mine happened before my celiac diagnosis. It made me so furious when people would tell me there wasn't enough for a bond and that it was probably for the best, anyway. Well, that was crap. Don't listen to people who mean well but, well, are cruel. Surround yourself with only positive things including your husband. Concentrate on you during this time.

Freely grieve as long as you need to. It must be extra difficult as you have been so diligent on the diet.

Though cliche, take one hour, then one day at a time. You will undoubtedly go through a range of emotions - let them happen naturally. Please take care of yourself, ok? I will be praying for you, as many others will as well.
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<p>Confirmed celiac disease February 2011 from biopsies. Strictly gluten free March 18 2011.Diagnosed with fibromyalgia April 13 2011.3 herniated discs, myofascial pain syndrome, IT band syndrome, 2 rotator cuff injuries - from an accident Dec. 07 - resulting in chronic pain ever since. Degenerative disc disease.Osteoarthritis in back and hips.Chronic insomnia mostly due to chronic pain.Aspartame free May 2011.

When our lives are squeezed by pressure and pain, what comes out is what is inside.

#3 luvs2eat

 
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Posted 22 February 2012 - 06:28 PM

I am so terribly sorry. I have no answers, but please know that you are in my prayers!
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luvs2eat
Living in the beautiful Ozark mountains in Arkansas
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Dairy free since July 2010 and NOT happy about it!!

#4 alex11602

 
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Posted 22 February 2012 - 06:35 PM

I am so sorry (((hugs))) I know that it is very difficult, but you just start by taking it one day at a time and you will always have that bond to your unborn baby, but in time it will be not as difficult to think of the baby. I wish you ease of the pain this has caused and best of luck to you.
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#5 Lisa

 
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Posted 22 February 2012 - 06:48 PM

Jess, I have been in your shoes as has my adult daughter. I told her, not to very long ago, that the reason may not be clear right now, but someday it will be. :)

Hugs to you and a good cry is required. xxxooo
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Lisa

Gluten Free - August 15, 2004

"Not all who wander are lost" - JRR Tolkien

#6 rosetapper23

 
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Posted 22 February 2012 - 07:07 PM

I am brokenhearted FOR you! This is the ultimate sadness....

Before I knew I had celiac, I miscarried three times...and I also had to take fertility medications. I know it is extremely difficult for you now, but I promise you--the grief DOES dissipate over time. It could be that your body still has not entirely healed from years of eating gluten, and you may be somewhat deficient in either vitamins or minerals that would have been necessary to help your baby grow. If you're currently underweight, please add healthy saturated fats to your diet (avocados, nuts, olives, organic butter, etc.). This will help your body absorb your fat-soluble vitamins...and having a bit more weight on your bones may help your hormones. Once my sister and I gained a bit of weight, we were both able to conceive and carry our babies to term. As you know, though, it was NOT your fault whatsoever that you lost your beloved baby. Some things cannot be explained...or understood.

In a few months, you'll see--your joy will return when you conceive again. In the meantime, my heart goes out to you....
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#7 lucia

 
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Posted 22 February 2012 - 07:40 PM

Your loss is so sad, and I'm sorry. It sounds like your pregnancy may have been possible though because of the changes in your body from a gluten-free diet. That's hopeful if or when you decide to try again.
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#8 Skylark

 
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Posted 22 February 2012 - 08:16 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Miscarriages are awful to endure, but it does not mean you cannot have a baby. You probably conceived because the gluten is out of your system. I bet you will conceive again if you can get up the heart to try. Just stick to the diet super-carefully and get very well-nourished to be sure things go well.
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#9 abaker521

 
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Posted 22 February 2012 - 08:44 PM

I am so so sorry Jess. I know words won't do much good now but just know that when things happen that are out of your control there's always a reason. Nature is smart. I know everything will work out for you soon and you'll have the baby you've been trying for. As you know I'm sort of in the same boat.. I want to have a baby very soon but I feel like my body just isn't healing as fast as I'd like. These things take time unfortunately and can be so very frustrating. My heart goes out to you.
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#10 kareng

 
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Posted 22 February 2012 - 08:58 PM

I'm so sorry. This may help or you may just send the guys in the white coats for me. I really haven't said this to anyone but my hub.

I had 2 early miscarriages that I knew of. The kind where you say " oh! I'm pregnant. Let me stop the caffiene.". When I miscarried, it was just a strong period. But each time I felt it was a boy and the same person. When I finally was pregnant with my oldest, I felt he was those babies. I don't have a belief in reincarnation. I'm just sure he was trying to be born to me. So.... Maybe that body wasn't quite perfect, but in a few months, he or she will be able to grow in a new, better body.

The other good thing is, the doctor's are now on notice. Some don't get too concerned until its the next pregnancy. This gives them something to go on.
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#11 rosetapper23

 
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Posted 22 February 2012 - 09:35 PM

kareng,

I can so relate! With my first miscarriage, I strongly imagined a little girl who resembled my mother. With my next pregnancy, I gave birth to a little girl who was the image of my mother. I, too, believed that she simply needed to be born. I've never spoken of this to anyone....and it amazes me that someone else felt this, too!
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#12 ravenwoodglass

 
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Posted 23 February 2012 - 06:50 AM

So sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you.
((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
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Courage does not always roar, sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying
"I will try again tommorrow" (Mary Anne Radmacher)


celiac 49 years - Misdiagnosed for 45
Blood tested and repeatedly negative
Diagnosed by Allergist with elimination diet and diagnosis confirmed by GI in 2002
Misdiagnoses for 15 years were IBS-D, ataxia, migraines, anxiety, depression, fibromyalgia, parathesias, arthritis, livedo reticularis, hairloss, premature menopause, osteoporosis, kidney damage, diverticulosis, prediabetes and ulcers, dermatitis herpeformis
All bold resoved or went into remission with proper diagnosis of Celiac November 2002
Some residual nerve damage remains as of 2006- this has continued to resolve after eliminating soy in 2007

Mother died of celiac related cancer at 56
Twin brother died as a result of autoimmune liver destruction at age 15

Children 2 with Ulcers, GERD, Depression, , 1 with DH, 1 with severe growth stunting (male adult 5 feet)both finally diagnosed Celiac through blood testing and 1 with endo 6 months after Mom


Positive to Soy and Casien also Aug 2007

Gluten Sensitivity Gene Test Aug 2007
HLA-DQB1 Molecular analysis, Allele 1 0303

HLA-DQB1 Molecular analysis, Allele 2 0303

Serologic equivalent: HLA-DQ 3,3 (Subtype 9,9)

#13 upwitht21

 
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Posted 23 February 2012 - 06:55 AM

If you saw me you would never think I was sick with anything I'm 5ft 4in and weigh 121 pounds with 22% body fat. I'm very fit and healthy. All of my vitamin levels are in the normal range and I feel great. I'm completely at a loss for words with the whole situations. Im very strict with the diet. We have a completely gluten free home and lifestyle, both of my children also have celiacs so we are extra careful with it.
I know in my heart that now wasn't the right time but I just want to throw a temper tantrum about it. I just don't understand why we had to try so hard to get pregnant for it to happen so easily when it did just to lose the baby in the end. I really don't see the whole point in that. I know god has a plan but is it to much to ask for him to send me a text to just clue me in a little.
Thanks for giving me a place to vent my hurt and frustrations.

Jess
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#14 Bubba's Mom

 
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Posted 23 February 2012 - 07:08 AM

I'm so sorry for your loss.
Do things that nurture you. Listen to music, read a good book, watch a silly movie. Continue on your healing path, and when the time is right, your baby will come.
Don't put pressure on yourself to "start over" right away. Feel your feelings.
(((hugs)))
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#15 researchmomma

 
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Posted 23 February 2012 - 09:48 AM

If you saw me you would never think I was sick with anything I'm 5ft 4in and weigh 121 pounds with 22% body fat. I'm very fit and healthy. All of my vitamin levels are in the normal range and I feel great. I'm completely at a loss for words with the whole situations. Im very strict with the diet. We have a completely gluten free home and lifestyle, both of my children also have celiacs so we are extra careful with it.
I know in my heart that now wasn't the right time but I just want to throw a temper tantrum about it. I just don't understand why we had to try so hard to get pregnant for it to happen so easily when it did just to lose the baby in the end. I really don't see the whole point in that. I know god has a plan but is it to much to ask for him to send me a text to just clue me in a little.
Thanks for giving me a place to vent my hurt and frustrations.

Jess


I have had five miscarriages due to endometriosis and the pain was all consuming.

Loves2travel has it right in my opinion....well meaning people say the dumbest things. Just ignore them and heal.

I finally conceived my son and I will tell you that I can't imagine having a different child. I know that is just talk to make myself feel better but I really can't picture it.

I am very sorry you are going through this. Big Hugs. Be good to yourself.
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