Jump to content



   arrowShare this page:
   

   Get email alerts  Subscribe to FREE Celiac.com email alerts

 
Ads by Google:
Celiac.com Sponsor:                                    


Photo
- - - - -

Dating Frustration


  • Please log in to reply
20 replies to this topic

#16 glutenfr3309

glutenfr3309

    Advanced Community Member

  • Advanced Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 88 posts

Posted 16 April 2012 - 03:16 PM

I think you two need to have a real heart-to-heart conversation about your diagnosis. This is lifelong for you and is not some phase. you need to explain this to him. it sounds like to me he just doesn't care. I understand this is overwhelming for you and him and it takes time to learn but it doesn't sound like he's trying to help you or understand. Unfortunately, being gluten free adds an extra "bump" in the world of dating (but it doesn't have to be! i.e. finding a place that has gluten-free pizza that you can eat).

I was in your situation in my last relationship. We dated for 1.5 years- only 5 of those months I was gluten free officially. He was around me when I was at my worst before diagnosis. When I was diagnosed he pretty much had an argument with me telling me I was being too paranoid and that I should "live" my life without restrictions. Not once did he try to read about celiac on his own or ask me questions about it to try to understand what I was going through. He didn't show me that he cared and I didn't trust him.

Now, I am in a relationship with a different person and it has been wonderful. From our first date I told him about being gluten free and we talk about it openly. He "gets" the whole food intolerance thing and I fully trust that he will always look out for me. He checks with me when he is unsure about an ingredient and he is fully willing to eat gluten free food when he is at my place. When we go out to eat we find a place that has options for me. From the beginning I have told him that I understand that it is difficult/a sacrifice for him as well and to let me know if something comes up that bothers him.

If you really like this guy then give him one more chance but honestly I would move on. Your health is your number one priority right now and you should not have to sacrifice this! This is the time that you need to focus on getting healthier and not be stressed out because he doesn't "get" it.
  • 0

Celiac.com Sponsor:

#17 Chad Sines

Chad Sines

    Advanced Community Member

  • Advanced Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 277 posts

Posted 16 April 2012 - 05:38 PM

Uhmm...Has anyone thought that he may just not understand? My family still gets confused on certain issues. My mom broke down and read a book to better understand it. Most of us did not get it for a while after we heard about it. If he is not a jerk in other areas, then I would be careful to not make any assumptions.

How about just saying "Let me pick the restaurants for this month" or find gluten free things he will like to eat as well.
  • 0

#18 Jetamio

Jetamio

    Community Member

  • Advanced Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 49 posts

Posted 17 April 2012 - 07:35 AM

You all make really good points. I talked to him a bit on Sunday about gluten again and what it has done to my body. He didn't say much so we'll see. He has suggested dinner this week sometime and I'm going to be direct if he wants to go some where I can't. I've suggested a couple of places that I know are good options as well. If he isn't supportive, then I think it's more about him not wanting to try. If he was trying and asking questions, I would feel a lot different.
  • 1
Dairy free since 2010
Gluten free 2/2012 after off the charts positive blood test
Soy and MSG sensitive
Have opted not to biopsy right now.

#19 dws

dws

    Advanced Community Member

  • Advanced Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 95 posts

Posted 17 April 2012 - 01:33 PM

Hi everyone...I just need to vent.

I've been seeing someone for a while now. We met last year, before my whole illness adventure began. He likes to go out on Saturday nights and usually wants to eat some where. I've told him, in depth, that I can't have gluten or dairy and why. I've offered him plenty of reading material on gluten. A friend gave me a book with restaurants that have gluten free options and I take that with us now. However, every time we go out, he wants to go somewhere that serves pizza, pasta, fried something... That would be ok except the places he wants to go don't have a gluten free menu and the risk of CC and me getting sick would be big.

I don't think he's doing it to be difficult. I really think he's having a hard time understanding what I can't have. He gets the dairy part but not the gluten. We went some place that I was able to get a salad from and I asked the waitress to double check that there weren't croutons. She left and he turned to me and said "didn't you want croutons?". I said no, I can't have croutons. "oh".

How can I help him understand what gluten free means? Am I expecting too much? I'm at the point I just don't want to go out to eat with him at all because I feel terrible telling him the places he wants to go aren't ok for me. Don't even get me started if he wants us to go eat with his family....I don't want to make a big deal out of food but I don't want to be sick either. Any suggestions would be great!

Jetamio

I just had to chuckle when I read your post because it reminded me of my father in law. I've been gluten free for 6 yrs or so and my inlaws live close by so we see them often. He is always offering me a regular beer, pizza, sandwich, etc. He has a heart of gold but he also has severe adhd. He's proven to me over and over again that he's there for me through thick and thin, but he just doesn't have the concentration level to remember I'm gluten-free. Some people are just like that. I'm not sure I could live with that trait in my significant other though. It would definitely get old fast.
  • 0

#20 Wise

Wise

    New Community Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 6 posts

Posted 22 April 2012 - 01:07 PM

First of all, I am very concerned for your health. I am an advocate of the transparent issues. I would suggest you complete your process
of diagnosis(the biopsy is what is used professionally for diagnosis
of a very serious illness like celiac disease). It is very important you take yourself seriously enough to see the difference between having any digestive disease, including celiac disease or an allergy to gluten.
Knowing well what you have will empower you to explain to your dates about your disease and your needs as a human being; you may be projecting insecurity at this point which your dates will pick-up. If they ask you what do you have and you respond vaguely they are not going to take you seriously. Now, if you can explain to them clearly:
"I have that because I was diagnosed with"... they will know what to expect.
If you are more confident about your health condition, you will attract confident and serious people to your life.

Wise
  • 0

#21 Chad Sines

Chad Sines

    Advanced Community Member

  • Advanced Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 277 posts

Posted 24 April 2012 - 12:18 PM

Many show negative on the tests or do not feel the biopsy diagnosis is worth the damage to get it back to positive. My docs were very happy to diagnose simply based on symptoms on results from gluten elimination. As they and we all say, there is only one treatment and it is free. No need for any doctor to tell you that you have celiac to get better.

You could simply tell people that you have been diagnosed. Come to think of it, I have never had a single person ask me if this was a self diagnosis or a physician diagnosis or a biopsy diagnosis. I simply say "I have celiac disease, so I will not be able to eat..." Works every time.
  • 1


0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

Celiac.com Sponsors: