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Spouses Who Suck


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51 replies to this topic

#1 dani nero

 
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Posted 20 May 2012 - 03:36 AM

My darling spouse and I were planning to go on a trip to an island with friend for a week. It so happened that we couldn't take our cars with us, so we couldn't take any of the food with us because we didn't want to carry it around. I suggested they eat at a restaurant at the island since I had an emergency food box packed in my handbag that I could take with me and eat later. Now the restaurant had lots of good food, but my darling hubs chose pizza. Pizza. .. really? He prefers a pizza over being able to kiss me all day.and what if he forgets as he usually does and kissed me without thinking. He did it on a plane once before. We planned to have a good time together and I was really excited.I would understand if he had the option to brush his teeth but we're trapped on a bloody island. I feel so. .. betrayed. I can't understand why food to him is more important than having a romantic day out with me. I just want to cry x(
He should be thanking god every day for having me in his life!
  • 0
Self diagnosed January 2012, and on elimination, low-salicylate & low-iodine diet.
Also G6PD

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#2 ravenwoodglass

 
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Posted 20 May 2012 - 03:51 AM

They make little disposable single use toothbrushes that include the paste. They're small and would fit well in purse or pocket. Those would take care of the problem I would think.
  • 0
Courage does not always roar, sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying
"I will try again tommorrow" (Mary Anne Radmacher)


celiac 49 years - Misdiagnosed for 45
Blood tested and repeatedly negative
Diagnosed by Allergist with elimination diet and diagnosis confirmed by GI in 2002
Misdiagnoses for 15 years were IBS-D, ataxia, migraines, anxiety, depression, fibromyalgia, parathesias, arthritis, livedo reticularis, hairloss, premature menopause, osteoporosis, kidney damage, diverticulosis, prediabetes and ulcers, dermatitis herpeformis
All bold resoved or went into remission with proper diagnosis of Celiac November 2002
Some residual nerve damage remains as of 2006- this has continued to resolve after eliminating soy in 2007

Mother died of celiac related cancer at 56
Twin brother died as a result of autoimmune liver destruction at age 15

Children 2 with Ulcers, GERD, Depression, , 1 with DH, 1 with severe growth stunting (male adult 5 feet)both finally diagnosed Celiac through blood testing and 1 with endo 6 months after Mom


Positive to Soy and Casien also Aug 2007

Gluten Sensitivity Gene Test Aug 2007
HLA-DQB1 Molecular analysis, Allele 1 0303

HLA-DQB1 Molecular analysis, Allele 2 0303

Serologic equivalent: HLA-DQ 3,3 (Subtype 9,9)

#3 MitziG

 
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Posted 20 May 2012 - 03:55 AM

Dani, this is new to you- it is new to him too! He is not going to give as much thought to food as you- just isn't going to happen.

He probably felt it made no difference as you weren't eating, and really- does it? What are the chances that ANY restaurant he eats at is not going to be serving him gluten? Intentionally or not...

Now why exactly can't he take a toothbrush? If the island has restaurants, then they have washroom facilities. Can't he just brush his teeth after the pizza?

I know it is frustrating when people you care about are dismissive of your health problems- but we don't get to choose perfect people for friends, family, or spouses.

If he loves you and treats you well, be happy. A perfect husband who is always considerate and thinks things through...he doesn't exist!
  • 3

#4 Bubba's Mom

 
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Posted 20 May 2012 - 06:09 AM

My darling spouse and I were planning to go on a trip to an island with friend for a week. It so happened that we couldn't take our cars with us, so we couldn't take any of the food with us because we didn't want to carry it around. I suggested they eat at a restaurant at the island since I had an emergency food box packed in my handbag that I could take with me and eat later. Now the restaurant had lots of good food, but my darling hubs chose pizza. Pizza. .. really? He prefers a pizza over being able to kiss me all day.and what if he forgets as he usually does and kissed me without thinking. He did it on a plane once before. We planned to have a good time together and I was really excited.I would understand if he had the option to brush his teeth but we're trapped on a bloody island. I feel so. .. betrayed. I can't understand why food to him is more important than having a romantic day out with me. I just want to cry x(
He should be thanking god every day for having me in his life!

I understand your hurt feelings, but he probably didn't think anything of ordering the pizza? It's something he can't eat at home, so why not get it when he's out?
My hubby doesn't think about that type of thing either. It just isn't on their "radar". I carry damp paper towels in zip lock baggies for him to wipe his face and hands on once he's eaten "poison" when we're away from home. I try to be very mindful of not kissing him too. Even I forget about that sometimes! If you carry a purse..maybe carry a toothbrush for hubby? It could save a lot of trouble? He may find it annoying and be more mindful of what he orders in the future? ;)
I have to think of it like when my boys were babies/toddlers. I'd carry the damp towels, etc. for clean ups. With time, he should get used to the routine and think of it for himslf, but that comes with practice. This is all new for him too.
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#5 Jestgar

 
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Posted 20 May 2012 - 06:18 AM

Yah, he sucks. And he's mean. and big poo-poo head. with stinky pizza breath.


{{{{HUGS}}}}}


:) Did that help?
  • 5
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#6 MitziG

 
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Posted 20 May 2012 - 07:26 AM

Lol. Jestgar- I think you got it right. Sometimes what you need it a little pity, not practicality. Sorry Dani!
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#7 tuxedocat

 
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Posted 20 May 2012 - 08:14 AM

Sometimes when you have to micromanage the things that your mate does, like oversee their food and pack their paper towels and toothbrush and stuff, you start to feel like you're on a trip with a small child and not an equal.

I understand where she's coming from.

Solving the problem for him won't make it feel better and will likely make anxiety worse.
  • 0
2007 - dx'd with Graves' Disease
Suspected DH (no biopsy)
Tested negative for celiac (after gluten free two months)

2012 - Gluten free again after suggestion it might help my thyroid symptoms. Many strange one-off symptoms cleared up. Brain fog gone.

#8 GFinDC

 
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Posted 20 May 2012 - 08:35 AM

Sorry Dani, us men tend to learn slowly, if at all. Especially when it comes to the obvious and simple things. Make him carry his own dang toothbrush next time. They make them with little plastic carrying cases for travel. Then shove it in his face with a big bottle of listerine and point him towards the washroom right after dinner. Men do better with not so subtle hints sometimes.
  • 5
Proverbs 25:16 "Hast thou found honey? eat so much as is sufficient for thee, lest thou be filled therewith, and vomit it."
Job 30:27 My bowels boiled, and rested not: the days of affliction prevented me.
Thyroid cyst and nodules, Lactose / casein intolerant. Diet positive, gene test pos, symptoms confirmed by Dr-head. My current bad list is: gluten, dairy, sulfites, coffee (the devil's brew), tea, Bug's Bunnies carrots, garbanzo beans of pain, soy- no joy, terrible turnips, tomatoes, peppers, potatoes, and hard work. have a good day! :-) Paul

#9 bartfull

 
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Posted 20 May 2012 - 09:10 AM

"Dear Abby,

My wife and I, along with some friends, took a small vacation on an island. My wife has food allergies so she brought her own food, and suggested the rest of us eat at a restaurant. Although most everything on their menu contained, or was possibly cross contaminated with one or more of her allergens, my wife was so angry that I ordered pizza that I hear she is considering dumping me.

It is my contention that anything I ate would have been one of her allergens, and that since we were on vacation, I should be able to enjoy a food I don't usually get to eat. I think it is inconsiderate of her to expect me to eat ONLY foods that SHE can tolerate, ALL the time, even when on vacation. And I think she is over-reacting by saying she should dump me.
Confused Husband"


"Dear Confused Husband,
I agree that your wife is over-reacting, but she is probably at her wits end with the illness and dietary restrictions she must contend with. All marriages go through times when the spouses don't see eye to eye, but the important thing is that you love one another (so much that she fears growing ill from your kisses - KISSES - a sign that you DO love one another.) Perhaps a compromise might be reached for your next vacation. Bring a toothbrush so you can kiss each other to your heart's content. And in the meantime, YOU should be happy that she isn't so sick that you can't enjoy your time together, and SHE should be happy that you get to enjoy a treat that you normally don't indulge in for her sake. You should both keep in mind that as time goes on, you will both learn to cope with her illness in any situation, and that although mealtime will never be easy, there is a lot more to vacations (and life in general) than food. So next vacation, be mindful of each other's feelings while you enjoy the scenery, the shopping, the beach, and all of the rest.
Abby"
  • 3

gluten-free since June, 2011

Can't eat soy, corn, or foods high in salicylates.

Nightshades now seem to bother me too.

 

BUT I CAN STILL PLAY MY GUITAR AND THAT"S ALL THAT MATTERS!

 


#10 tuxedocat

 
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Posted 20 May 2012 - 09:04 PM

How many of us read about the gluten free girl and her love story with her chef, and now the bar is set impossibly high for our mates?

They try their best, but they are not the Chef, who to be honest is really, really a dreamboat and a sweetheart, he made his whole restaurant gluten free for her.

And on some level, I think we all want the Chef. I'm a gay woman and I want the Chef!
  • 0
2007 - dx'd with Graves' Disease
Suspected DH (no biopsy)
Tested negative for celiac (after gluten free two months)

2012 - Gluten free again after suggestion it might help my thyroid symptoms. Many strange one-off symptoms cleared up. Brain fog gone.

#11 Motherbird7

 
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Posted 20 May 2012 - 09:40 PM

How many of us read about the gluten free girl and her love story with her chef, and now the bar is set impossibly high for our mates?

They try their best, but they are not the Chef, who to be honest is really, really a dreamboat and a sweetheart, he made his whole restaurant gluten free for her.

And on some level, I think we all want the Chef. I'm a gay woman and I want the Chef!


HaHa I just read about the Chef and was trying to figure out how to get to the restaurant since I live in the same state! While I am lucky to have a husband who suggested the whole family be gluten free to make it easy on me....as if making enough gluten free bread to feed 9 people was easy! lol...I am realistic enough to know he will want his pizza and his donuts and his secret candy stash etc. and won't necessarily 'get it' completely.

After reading this thread I talked to him about the issues, so thanks for bringing it up...he suggested he would eat gluten free when we are alone for a date, but I would relax when we eat out with other people and he will pack a teeny toothbrush for after dinner.
  • 0
6 healthy pregnancies, 1 happy adoption
2 miscarriages (both @ 13 weeks)
Hashimoto's dx May 2011
Sister passed lymphoma/leukemia Jan 2012
Celiac dx Feb 2012
2 living sisters celiac dx Feb 2012
Gluten-free since March 2012
1 child dermatitis herpetiformis dx and gluten free July 2012
2 children with gluten sensitivity symptoms voluntarily Gluten-Free Aug 2012
HLA DQB1 0501/0604

#12 dani nero

 
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Posted 20 May 2012 - 11:31 PM

I'm sorry about this thread everyone... I posted it from my phone while we were sitting at the restaurant with our friends, because I really needed to blurp the vent out to someone who would understand how I was feeling at the time before I started crying or getting others aware of the situation. I didn't want to embarrass my hubs or myself and I knew our friends would have thought I was the type of woman who likes controlling her husband or something. He doesn't really suck, and I didn't really want to dump him.

Ranvenwoodglass, MitziG, and Bubba's Mom, your delicate way at putting it got me to re-evaluate the situation and be able to enjoy the rest of the day at the island with hubs and friends. Thanks for being frank, understanding and for the invaluable tip about the toothbrush! I probably would have spent most of the day sulking, but we ended up having a really fun day :-)

Jestgar, I read your response while we were in the car driving back home. It made me laugh out loud, so hubs asked what I was laughing about haha :-) He already knew I was upset earlier, but I explained to him about the post, and read your reply out loud, and he burst out laughing as well. Now being called stinky pizza breath will be one of our inside jokes!

GFinDC, that's ok.. Us women can be real hot-heads on the other side, but thank goodness for the men who are very understanding, regardless of how fast / slow they get used to things!! I really don't mind carrying the toothbrush for him, it'll fit in my handbag without problems :-)

bartfull, tuxedocat, and Motherbird7.. I'm not sure what to say. My hubs does get to indulge himself with gluteny things under normal circumstances, and I never read the story about a chef and his gluten free girlfriend. I set the bars as high as the expectations any woman would have when her hubs makes plans with her for a romantic day :0
  • 3
Self diagnosed January 2012, and on elimination, low-salicylate & low-iodine diet.
Also G6PD

#13 ravenwoodglass

 
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Posted 21 May 2012 - 03:46 AM

Don't apologize for the thread. We all need to vent sometimes and it is hard when we are sitting at a table with folks all eating the stuff we love to eat but now can't. I think I would want to strangle someone who dared to bring Long John Silvers battered shrimp or KFC and plop it down in front of me. Really glad the venting helped and you were able to enjoy the rest of the day.
  • 0
Courage does not always roar, sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying
"I will try again tommorrow" (Mary Anne Radmacher)


celiac 49 years - Misdiagnosed for 45
Blood tested and repeatedly negative
Diagnosed by Allergist with elimination diet and diagnosis confirmed by GI in 2002
Misdiagnoses for 15 years were IBS-D, ataxia, migraines, anxiety, depression, fibromyalgia, parathesias, arthritis, livedo reticularis, hairloss, premature menopause, osteoporosis, kidney damage, diverticulosis, prediabetes and ulcers, dermatitis herpeformis
All bold resoved or went into remission with proper diagnosis of Celiac November 2002
Some residual nerve damage remains as of 2006- this has continued to resolve after eliminating soy in 2007

Mother died of celiac related cancer at 56
Twin brother died as a result of autoimmune liver destruction at age 15

Children 2 with Ulcers, GERD, Depression, , 1 with DH, 1 with severe growth stunting (male adult 5 feet)both finally diagnosed Celiac through blood testing and 1 with endo 6 months after Mom


Positive to Soy and Casien also Aug 2007

Gluten Sensitivity Gene Test Aug 2007
HLA-DQB1 Molecular analysis, Allele 1 0303

HLA-DQB1 Molecular analysis, Allele 2 0303

Serologic equivalent: HLA-DQ 3,3 (Subtype 9,9)

#14 IrishHeart

 
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Posted 21 May 2012 - 05:42 AM

Men do better with not so subtle hints sometimes.


:) You mean like a sledge-hammer to the head? Oh boy, this sentence just begs for so many fun responses, but I'm gonna give you a pass this one time, Gee Eff, because you're a nice guy. ;)


Dani, hon, as Raven says, never, ever apologize for venting.

I am sorry you had a booger day, but in the end, this is all a learning curve. Now he knows.

I am eternally grateful that my hubs went gluten-free voluntarily with me, but I know he is not the norm. I was extremely ill and weak when Dxed and he felt it was best. He does not even think about eating gluten anymore.

Many of these gals live with GEs and they do all right--smooching and all!!

You guys are going to get there, too. :)
  • 0

"Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way we cope with it makes the difference." Virginia Satir

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“If idiots could fly, the sky would be like an airport.”― Laura Davenport 

"Do or do not. There is no try. "-  Yoda.

"LTES"  Gem 2014

 

Misdiagnosed for 25+ years; Finally Diagnosed with Celiac  11/01/10.  Double DQ2 genes. This thing tried to kill me. I view Celiac as a fire breathing dragon --and I have run my sword right through his throat.
I. Win. bliss-smiley-emoticon.gif


#15 Adalaide

 
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    It needs to be about 20% cooler.

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Posted 21 May 2012 - 06:00 AM

Many of these gals live with GEs and they do all right--smooching and all!!


Gross!!! Every time my husband gets his face near me I'm like "are you poisoned?" Generally this leads to a guilty look and him backing off. I have to admit I'd probably be more than a little peeved if we were out for a romantic day and he decided he'd rather than have pizza than kisses.
  • 0

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