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Just A Little Humor
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19 posts in this topic

I think every celiac should carry, not just an emergency medical card, but a card called a "UDUMB" card. This stands for "U Dont Understand My Body" card. This card should have answers to frequently asked questions and comments that people make. It will make life simpler for every celiac and gluten intolerant. These cards should be highly customizable.

I think with all the times people ask me whats wrong with me and why I am not involved in activities like I once was or why I act like everyone' s food is poison, Mine would read:

1. You dont need a doctor to tell you chili gives you heartburn so why do I need a doctor to tell me gluten makes me ill?

2. I am not fat I just have a wheat belly.

3. I am not picky; it is just my immune system that is.

4. If celiac were contagious, one in every 130 americans would be in quarantine.

5. No there is not a beano pill for gluten.

:lol:

What would yours say?

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1. No, I am NOT making this up.

2. Yes, as a matter of fact, it DOES hurt.

3. If just the smell of peanuts can kill someone with a peanut allergy, why do you insist that a couple of gluten crumbs won't hurt me, a Celiac?

3. No, Celiac is not something one gets over eventually.

4. Yes, when it comes down to hurting your feelings because I can't eat your food, or being sick for weeks, your feelings are going to lose every time.

5. Have you been to Celiac.com? I think you need to go there and read because it sure sounds to ME like you too have Celiac.

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laugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.gif What a riot Razzle! I love your sense of humor.

Just make mine say what yours does --- it's perfect.

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In addition to what has been mentioned, mine would say, Of couse I am lucky to have celiac in order to lose weight! Lucky, lucky, lucky me to have chosen this disease. <_< And no, I cannot have just one piece of cake.

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Oh, and don't forget the classic:

No, actually you WOULDN'T die if you had to give up bread!

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Oh, and don't forget the classic:

No, actually you WOULDN'T die if you had to give up bread!

YES!

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Mine would say:

(1) No, you don't wish you could lose weight like I did, I almost died and can't you SEE this balding head?

(2) Celiac ain't for sissies and you can't handle it.

(3)Gluten is my kryptonite. So, no I can't have "just a little."

(4) Maybe I don't look so bad now, but you should feel it from IN HERE.

(5) I'm sorry, but your "tummy ache" does not make you understand AT ALL what I've been through.

(6) Pain? You are having some pain? I zoomed past pain and went straight to "Just kill me now" a long time ago.

(7) Yes, all your symptoms sound like a gluten issue. That will be $150. please.

(8) Honey, you might as well have Celiac written across your forehead. Here is my doctor's phone number. Call him.

(9) No, I don't miss gluteny bread. No I don't miss gluteny bagels. No, I don't miss gluteny donuts. WHY, you ask? Because I don't miss feeling like sh*t every day of my life.

(10) I have Celiac, not leprosy; you don't have to avoid me.

(11) If you could walk in my shoes for just one week, you would know why this is no easy road. You would know why I am a warrior princess.

(12) and this one, courtesy of my pal, the Sassy Celiactivist ( of "friends" who are not there for us anymore ) :

“If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you don’t deserve me at my best”.

:)

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1. No, you can't kill gluten by cooking it.

2. You can eat rice if you have celiac.

3. You don't have IBS, you have celiac, but you seem to also lack the ability to accept that.

4. Please don't feel sorry for me because I don't eat gluten, feel sorry for yourself because you can't imagine your life without it.

5. I'm tired because I haven't been fed for 20 years, so don't talk to me about will-power. I have more of that than 10 of you (deadbreadheads) put together.

6. I wish there was a machine that would allow others to feel what I'm feeling. Then I wouldn't have to explain my symptoms to walls every day.

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How about this one:

Just because I can't eat what you do doesn't mean I can't have a social life. So if you were thinking about NOT inviting me to your party, please think again.

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1. No, I am NOT making this up.

2. Yes, as a matter of fact, it DOES hurt.

3. If just the smell of peanuts can kill someone with a peanut allergy, why do you insist that a couple of gluten crumbs won't hurt me, a Celiac?

3. No, Celiac is not something one gets over eventually.

4. Yes, when it comes down to hurting your feelings because I can't eat your food, or being sick for weeks, your feelings are going to lose every time.

5. Have you been to Celiac.com? I think you need to go there and read because it sure sounds to ME like you too have Celiac.

I like the peanut one its a good point. Number four is perfectly straightforward

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1. No, you can't kill gluten by cooking it.

2. You can eat rice if you have celiac.

3. You don't have IBS, you have celiac, but you seem to also lack the ability to accept that.

4. Please don't feel sorry for me because I don't eat gluten, feel sorry for yourself because you can't imagine your life without it.

5. I'm tired because I haven't been fed for 20 years, so don't talk to me about will-power. I have more of that than 10 of you (deadbreadheads) put together.

6. I wish there was a machine that would allow others to feel what I'm feeling. Then I wouldn't have to explain my symptoms to walls every day.

Lmbo! I love number four! That is great! Number one really! I cant believe someone asked that

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When you just simply can't hold your tongue :P

Riding the hospital elevator with a doctor, another doctor gets on and they start discussing first doc's leg and back problems.

First doc: "I'm trying to stay away from doctors."

Me (blurting): "I don't blame you.!! :lol:

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When people tell me they would just DIE without their bread, I tell them I would just die WITH their bread.

Oh, and my favorite, "I wouldn't have any willpower, I would have to just suffer." Well, I guess you've never actually suffered, have you? No, childbirth doesn't count. Childbirth ENDS.

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When people tell me they would just DIE without their bread, I tell them I would just die WITH their bread.

Oh, and my favorite, "I wouldn't have any willpower, I would have to just suffer." Well, I guess you've never actually suffered, have you? No, childbirth doesn't count. Childbirth ENDS.

Oh, also:

I was suffering, now I'm not. Shouldn't you be HAPPY?!?!?

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(9) No, I don't miss gluteny bread. No I don't miss gluteny bagels. No, I don't miss gluteny donuts.

Heh, I wish this one was true! ANY food I have to drop, I miss AND crave LOL. :D But I love to eat... be my downfall one day for sure. :lol:

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Heh, I wish this one was true! ANY food I have to drop, I miss AND crave LOL. :D But I love to eat... be my downfall one day for sure. :lol:

I think you missed my point.

Those foods almost killed me, <_< so no, I HONESTLY do not miss them at all. Honestly.

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I think you missed my point.

Those foods almost killed me, <_< so no, I HONESTLY do not miss them at all. Honestly.

Oh,m I assume it is true for you, just not me.

I miss foods that make me sick. No joke. I really have a problem I know! :lol: :lol:

Oh... esply sugary stuff... wow, I could binge RIGHT NOW on [insert any bad food here], knowing that I will be puking within 2 hours if I am lucky, potentially in the hospital is more realistic. :P

Back on topic for this thread... my "card" would simple say something like..

My son, My wife, and I are all currently training for our black belts and see any attempt to give my son gluten as a personal threat to his life. Therefor we will react with all necessary force to prevent it. If that is not clear, picture my boot slamming into your nose, at high velocity.

Its a bit long though, so I guess I will trim it.

Got Gluten for my son? Better have good insurance.

:D

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When people tell me they would just DIE without their bread, I tell them I would just die WITH their bread.

Oh, and my favorite, "I wouldn't have any willpower, I would have to just suffer." Well, I guess you've never actually suffered, have you? No, childbirth doesn't count. Childbirth ENDS.

Hahaha awesome!! And you're right! They obviously haven't suffered otherwise they'd have never uttered those words, and agreed, child birth doesn't count! I don't care how many times you've done it! ;)

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I like the peanut one its a good point. Number four is perfectly straightforward

I AM THE QUEEN OF #4 hahaha I used to apologize about it, but not anymore. My health is worth ALOT more than that to me. People will get over it, and of they're really your friends they won't let it hurt their feelings, THEY'll understand..... ;-D

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