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The Tale Of The Lemon Bars
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So, I made some lemon bars for my MT Elaine's sister (who is visiting her this week.)

She can never get good gluten-free bakery items where she lives.

In all my years of baking, I have never made these,

but I know Elaine loves them and she is so good to me. Her sister is also lactose intolerant, so no dairy.

okay, no problemo.... what can I use for a non-dairy alternative for butter in the crust?

I'll ask those in the know, I figure.

I use lard in pie crusts, but someone who has made these bars says, that will not work.

Use margarine, someone else suggests. Okee dokee.

Hubs buys it, and I read the label as I am about to make them, just to make sure and, damn!

Did you all know that margarine has milk in it? me neither.

Okay, sooo, we return the margarine.

Sunday, I go out and find Earth Balance sticks. (yuck--canola oil blend) I hate that taste.

I had to use that crap when I was dairy free for 10 months right after DX.

Blech, blech, blech. It makes me wanna hurl, but hey, it's not me eating them and so, I use that.

They come out okay, look okay, nice and lemony !! and except for

that "taste", they seem worthy of giving to someone as a gift.

Dust with powdered sugar on Monday morning before I leave and they'll be great.

This morning,,,,Um, no powdered sugar? whattaya mean? I had a whole bag of it.....

ooooo and I used it at Easter in the cream cheese frosting. ( :angry: insert MEGA swear words here)

Crappers! I have to bring them over this morning,when I have PT, so now what?

I know, stop at Wally world on the way in and buy some.

Brilliant, eh?

yeah, well, I wish you could have seen me sifting powdered sugar over them in the car in the parking lot.

I brought a mesh strainer and a spoon with me and did it right in the backseat. I know, I'm a whacko but I'm adept at back seat maneuvers and I am a determined sort.

If I am going to make these damn things, I'm making them the right way--with powdered sugar on them.

It was tricky, but I did it. Hardly any mess, well..

I did get some on my pants.

and shoes.

and on the car seat.

and the car floor.

and the door.

and on hub's shirt

which is interesting since he was in the FRONT seat. :blink:

and I am pretty sure I even got a little up my nose.

Those suckers had better taste good. I have this image of her sister tasting one and spitting it across the room saying

"Blech! what the hell? She used Earth Balance!! I hate that crap!!"

and giving them to Elaine's dog, Grover (who will promptly spit them out because he probably doesn't like powdered sugar :rolleyes: )

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IH, I am not even in the least bit interested in lemon bars, but when I saw that YOU were the one who started this thread I had to read it. I KNEW I'd get a good laugh out of it and I was right.

Now, tell us more about being adept at backseat maneuvers...um, on secong thought, never mind. :lol:

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"Now, tell us more about being adept at backseat maneuvers...um, on secong thought, never mind. :lol:"

You posted this while I was trying to eliminate all that nonsense about the lemon bars to get to the real important part! :D

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okay, what I meant was....I was the baby of the family with 2 siblings.

I had to sit in the MIDDLE of the back seat and my feet rested on the "hump"...is anyone old enough to recall that "thing" in the floor of the back seat??? (the drive shaft went through it, my car geek hubs tells me)

and I could also climb back and forth to sit between my Mom and Daddy with ease, like a monkey.

You know, in the olden days--- before seat belts?

UM, ladies......what did YOU think I meant? :huh:

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hehehe.... did I 'splain myself well enough to convince you THAT was what I meant? :lol:

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okay, what I meant was....I was the baby of the family with 2 siblings.

I had to sit in the MIDDLE of the back seat and my feet rested on the "hump"...is anyone old enough to recall that "thing" in the floor of the back seat??? (the drive shaft went through it, my car geek hubs tells me)

and I could also climb back and forth to sit between my Mom and Daddy with ease, like a monkey.

You know, in the olden days--- before seat belts?

UM, ladies......what did YOU think I meant? :huh:

I thought you meant having to go potty in the backseat on road trips and getting food out of the cooler... what else? ;)

(Also, you might try palm oil shortening next time you have to bake dairy free, it tastes good.)<--(whisper)

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hehehe.... did I 'splain myself well enough to convince you THAT was what I meant? :lol:

Nope. B)

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okay, what I meant was....I was the baby of the family with 2 siblings.

I had to sit in the MIDDLE of the back seat and my feet rested on the "hump"...is anyone old enough to recall that "thing" in the floor of the back seat??? (the drive shaft went through it, my car geek hubs tells me)

and I could also climb back and forth to sit between my Mom and Daddy with ease, like a monkey.

You know, in the olden days--- before seat belts?

UM, ladies......what did YOU think I meant? :huh:

I'm a middle child hump sitter too! LOL

I have to admit when you said you were good at back seat manuevers my mind went to a different place than "hump sitting' and wriggling between front and back seats. ;)

I applaud your sheer determination, and I'm sure those lemon bars are delicious. With all of the love you put into them they had to be good? :D

I can just picture you there in the parking lot..with your powdered sugar and tools..like an epsode of "I Love Lucy". Bless your Irish Heart. :lol:

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Well I remember a few makes and models of automobiles. :ph34r::rolleyes:

I do remember that hump thing (as described by IH too).

Adding lemon bars to the some of the images in my mind... :lol:;) Powdered sugar!!? right

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Well I remember a few makes and models of automobiles. :ph34r::rolleyes:

I do remember that hump thing (as described by IH too).

Adding lemon bars to the some of the images in my mind... :lol:;) Powdered sugar!!? right

;)

TODAY, I assure you, it was powdered sugar.

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I can just picture you there in the parking lot..with your powdered sugar and tools..like an epsode of "I Love Lucy". Bless your Irish Heart. :lol:

Thanks, BM--I knew someone would get the HUMP thing! :) XXOO

I FELT like Lucy ....and hubs often says to me "....you've got some "splainin to do....."

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Nope. B)

:unsure: huh? waa? huh???

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I thought you meant having to go potty in the backseat on road trips and getting food out of the cooler... what else? ;)

(Also, you might try palm oil shortening next time you have to bake dairy free, it tastes good.)<--(whisper)

You know what? you are so adorable, I want to adopt you. :)

I DID have to get the food out of the cooler and unwrap the sammies for everyone, too. (those were BIG back seats back then)

I have palm oil shortening right here, toots!

(Iffen I had yer email yesterday, you'd have 'tole me this,.... but then I would have had no escapade to talk about )

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Methinks when you were little were not the only escapades you had climbing back & forth to the backseat nor performing hump sitting maneuvers megal. Nah, you ain't got me fooled fer one darn minute thar. Irish gals be wild young uns I be told.wink.giftongue.gif

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You know what? you are so adorable, I want to adopt you. :)

I DID have to get the food out of the cooler and unwrap the sammies for everyone, too. (those were BIG back seats back then)

I have palm oil shortening right here, toots!

(Iffen I had yer email yesterday, you'd have 'tole me this,.... but then I would have had no escapade to talk about )

Well, I already have like 3 mamas and I don't know how many grammas but there's plenty of me to go around. B)

I was always on cooler duty too! I had to train hubby- If I'm driving, you have to retrieve and present the food. Took some time, but we have it down now...

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Methinks when you were little were not the only escapades you had climbing back & forth to the backseat nor performing hump sitting maneuvers megal. Nah, you ain't got me fooled fer one darn minute thar. Irish gals be wild young uns I be told.wink.giftongue.gif

I'm Polish, I don't think any culture has a lock on hump-sitting adventures! :lol:

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Well, I already have like 3 mamas and I don't know how many grammas but there's plenty of me to go around. B)

I was always on cooler duty too! I had to train hubby- If I'm driving, you have to retrieve and present the food. Took some time, but we have it down now...

I meant like an "older sister" <_<:lol:

gramma? gramma! sigh.

I'll take you for the "off season and lesser holidays" like Bastille day and arbor day, then...just kidding, you honey.....you're always welcome at my hone!!

Cooler duty. yeah, baby....I did it as a child and I STILL do it for hubs and vice versa B) .

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I'm Polish, I don't think any culture has a lock on hump-sitting adventures! :lol:

They don't. My best friend (since the first grade) is Polish and Irish and I know ALL her hump-sitting adventures.....

and what I mean by that is....she had to" man the cooler", too.

and make "Lemon bars".

and "sift the powdered sugar".

Step right up, everyone!!! ---as you witness IH multitasking like Lucy as she desperately tries to stay on topic...ta da!

If I only had some tiramisu and corn muffins, I'd have about 8 plates spinning in the air by now....

Now, who recalls the Ed Sullivan Show where the guy DID THAT???

:lol:

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They don't. My best friend (since the first grade) is Polish and Irish I know ALL her hump-sitting adventures.....

and what I mean by that is....she had to" man the cooler", too.

and make "Lemon bars".

and "sift the powdered sugar".

Step right up, everyone ---as you watch IH multitask like Lucy as she desperately tries to stay on topic...ta da!

I quite like 'man the cooler' as a clever euphemism. We may have to change our code phrase....

I have an older sister, it's never worked out very well. Prospective adopters can be my momma, I don't care if you're younger than me..... :ph34r:

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They don't. My best friend (since the first grade) is Polish and Irish and I know ALL her hump-sitting adventures.....

and what I mean by that is....she had to" man the cooler", too.

and make "Lemon bars".

and "sift the powdered sugar".

Step right up, everyone!!! ---as you witness IH multitasking like Lucy as she desperately tries to stay on topic...ta da!

If I only had some tiramisu and corn muffins, I'd have about 8 plates spinning in the air by now....

Now, who recalls the Ed Sullivan Show where the guy DID THAT???

:lol:

Oh for the love of Pete, if you can't go off-topic in the CHAT room, where can you???

That's it, I'm talking about immigration.

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Oh for the love of Pete, if you can't go off-topic in the CHAT room, where can you???

That's it, I'm talking about immigration.

I always say "for the love of mike". If you say "for pete's sake" or the "love of Pete", Peter shows up and says...hey, what did I do?? :lol: :lol:

Immigration, you say?

IH winds up....and..delivers:

Two Irishmen walk into a bar and ask for some lemon bars with powdered sugar and a lovely Polish girl, sitting nearby asks....

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I quite like 'man the cooler' as a clever euphemism. We may have to change our code phrase....

but "I can smell your peanut butter lies" was so cool and only lasted a millisecond.

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but "I can smell your peanut butter lies" was so cool and only lasted a millisecond.

By 'our' I meant me and hubby, not a board euphemism.

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By 'our' I meant me and hubby, not a board euphemism.

oooooo. ok.....you mean WE, we.... not we, US...gotcha ;)

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oooooo. ok.....you mean WE, we.... not we, US...gotcha ;)

Yes, I hadn't really thought of 'I can smell your peanut butter lies' as a euphemism, thus far we have been using it in context, but I can see the confusion.

I WOULD LIKE TO USE 'MAN THE COOLER' AS MY HUSBAND AND I'S CODE PHRASE FOR SEX.

That better?

:lol: :lol: :lol:

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