Jump to content

Follow Us:  Twitter Facebook RSS Feed            




   arrowShare this page:
   

   Get email alerts  Subscribe to FREE Celiac.com email alerts

 
Celiac.com Sponsor:                                    


Photo
- - - - -

You Find Out Who Your Friends Are...


  • Please log in to reply

Poll: You Find Out Who Your Friends Are... (28 member(s) have cast votes)

Have you lost any friends because of your celiac diagnosis?

  1. Yes and it sucks. (6 votes [20.69%])

    Percentage of vote: 20.69%

  2. No way, everyone has been very understanding. (17 votes [58.62%])

    Percentage of vote: 58.62%

  3. Yes but its good riddance anyway. (1 votes [3.45%])

    Percentage of vote: 3.45%

  4. My diagnosis has caused me to be the one to shy away from my old friends because I don't want to be a pain to them. (5 votes [17.24%])

    Percentage of vote: 17.24%

Vote Guests cannot vote

27 replies to this topic

#1 livelifelarge24

 
livelifelarge24

    Advanced Community Member

  • Advanced Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 186 posts
 

Posted 25 June 2012 - 07:14 PM

I was told when I was first diagnosed that with this disease you find out who your friends are... boy is that true!

I am finding that some of the people in my life are SO amazing and thoughtful, have read what they can, asked me questions, educated themselves in a way to be more understanding and helpful. My future in-laws and family have been amazing about letting me host all the family events so that I can do the cooking. My fiance has changed his lifestyle greatly in order to enable me to feel safe and healthy. I have friends that have sent me recipes and links, my mom buys me every gluten free cook book she can find. I am so blessed to have such great people in my life.

My "best friend" however acts completely put out about anything that has to do with the disease. She makes snyde remarks about it and asks me embarassing questions in front of groups of people that make me feel so stupid. She has made it clear that my condition is completely annoying to her. After the one time I travelled to visit her, bringin my own bag of groceries with of course, I felt so uneasy and uncomfortable in her home, around her kids and with her non-understanding that I haven't been back.

Recently I had my bachelorette party and she and I travelled to Las Vegas with 10 other girls as well as about 6 of the men that went for the bachelor party and my fiance's 30th birthday. We turned it into one big family trip to celebrate all three events. I was nervous about sharing living quarters with non-celiacs but I felt confident that everyone would be understanding. I sent an email to all of the women going explaining that because of my sensitivity I would be bringing a big can of super nice gluten free hairspray and a big bottle of lotion for everyone to share, etc. I also explained the food I would be keeping in the room and why they needed to keep their food and eating areas separate if they were going to eat cookies, crackers, etc. We got a few adjoining rooms and I suggested one be for the hair, makeup, getting ready etc. and it could be one of the rooms I wasn't sleeping in. I also did research ahead of time so that I would know what restaurants I could eat at there and I brought a ton of good food and shared with everone (home made guacamole, tacos, chips n salsa, etc.)

This is not how it went. Despite some of my friends amazing thoughtfullness, showing me their product labels, keeping their stuff seperate from mine, etc., my "best friend" was a nightmare. She spilled her malt liquor drinks all over my car and all over my legs and acted like I was being a prissy princess for needing to clean up. She would grab huge handfulls of cheez its and set them right on the bed and eat them one by one while doing other things. She sprayed at least four different types of hairsprays within a few minutes in our tiny room. She spilled her wheat-filled shampoo all over the room. It was a disaster. She could not have been any more rude or thoughtless. I was SO nervous and so upset the whole time feeling like I was surrounded by poison that I ended up making myself sick with an upset stomach. The second night I snuck off to a room by myself.

Lesson learned, I will always book my own room when travelling. But man, my friendship with her is failing. She just can't be bothered and is SO annoyed by my condition. We ended up getting into a spat and we haven't really spoken since. She has always been the type of person that is selfish and can't understand anybody else's pain. If I broke my foot she'd told me to suck it up and quit complaining. So I know this is something she will never relate to. It makes me said because we've been friends since kindergarten. In many ways it is a toxic friendship and I know this - its not just the disease. But how awful to have to feel guilty over something I can do nothign about. I totally broke down crying on the trip because I just wished so badly that I could eat or drink whatever I wanted like everyone else. :/
  • 0
"A man too busy to take care of his health is like a mechanic too busy to take care of his tools." - Spanish Proverb

Celiac.com Sponsor:

#2 Jestgar

 
Jestgar

  • Advanced Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 9,755 posts
 

Posted 25 June 2012 - 07:27 PM

I'd fire her. Get a new best friend - one that actually cares about you/
  • 0
"But then, in all honesty, if scientists don't play god, who will?"
- James Watson

My sources are unreliable, but their information is fascinating.
- Ashleigh Brilliant

Leap, and the net will appear.

#3 rosetapper23

 
rosetapper23

    Advanced Community Member

  • Advanced Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,361 posts
 

Posted 25 June 2012 - 07:39 PM

Wow, what a "friend"! I have to admit that I haven't actually lost any friends, but "certain" friends will no longer ask me to go out to lunch. I used to have lunch out with my colleagues at work on Fridays, but now they no longer invite me....which is probably best, because they like to split the bill evenly, and my gluten-free meals always cost a lot more. This made me feel guilty even though they told me it was no big deal. However, because they favor Japanese and Chinese restaurants, they stopped asking me to join them and I didn't bother to ask if I could come. I miss having lunch with them! However, we're still pals at work--I just feel left out when it comes to doing anything outside of work.
  • 0

#4 Stu

 
Stu

    New Community Member

  • Advanced Members
  • Pip
  • 16 posts
 

Posted 26 June 2012 - 01:45 AM

Some people don't understand the difference between teasing and tormenting. Start spending time with those who do, and put this one on your "Fair Weather" list.
  • 0

#5 JNBunnie1

 
JNBunnie1

    Advanced Community Member

  • Advanced Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 3,326 posts
 

Posted 26 June 2012 - 03:13 AM

Some people don't understand the difference between teasing and tormenting. Start spending time with those who do, and put this one on your "Fair Weather" list.

You can shop for a new best friend among those that actually made an effort during your trip. Noone needs to feel the way she made you feel. At this point it's up to you to get healthy, which includes ending toxic relationships.
  • 0
If you're going through hell, keep going. ~Winston Churchill

#6 1desperateladysaved

 
1desperateladysaved

    Advanced Community Member

  • Advanced Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 2,220 posts
 

Posted 26 June 2012 - 03:51 AM

You can shop for a new best friend among those that actually made an effort during your trip. Noone needs to feel the way she made you feel. At this point it's up to you to get healthy, which includes ending toxic relationships.


Many of us have husbands like this. I really believe it is because they cannot understand.
  • 0

#7 JNBunnie1

 
JNBunnie1

    Advanced Community Member

  • Advanced Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 3,326 posts
 

Posted 26 June 2012 - 04:03 AM

Many of us have husbands like this. I really believe it is because they cannot understand.

'Cannot' and 'will not' are different. If an adult is capable of holding down a job, driving a vehicle, caring for children, doing their taxes.... They are capable of understanding Celiac. They are choosing not to.
  • 3
If you're going through hell, keep going. ~Winston Churchill

#8 ~**caselynn**~

 
~**caselynn**~

    Advanced Community Member

  • Advanced Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 353 posts
 

Posted 26 June 2012 - 08:16 AM

I was told when I was first diagnosed that with this disease you find out who your friends are... boy is that true!

I am finding that some of the people in my life are SO amazing and thoughtful, have read what they can, asked me questions, educated themselves in a way to be more understanding and helpful. My future in-laws and family have been amazing about letting me host all the family events so that I can do the cooking. My fiance has changed his lifestyle greatly in order to enable me to feel safe and healthy. I have friends that have sent me recipes and links, my mom buys me every gluten free cook book she can find. I am so blessed to have such great people in my life.

My "best friend" however acts completely put out about anything that has to do with the disease. She makes snyde remarks about it and asks me embarassing questions in front of groups of people that make me feel so stupid. She has made it clear that my condition is completely annoying to her. After the one time I travelled to visit her, bringin my own bag of groceries with of course, I felt so uneasy and uncomfortable in her home, around her kids and with her non-understanding that I haven't been back.

Recently I had my bachelorette party and she and I travelled to Las Vegas with 10 other girls as well as about 6 of the men that went for the bachelor party and my fiance's 30th birthday. We turned it into one big family trip to celebrate all three events. I was nervous about sharing living quarters with non-celiacs but I felt confident that everyone would be understanding. I sent an email to all of the women going explaining that because of my sensitivity I would be bringing a big can of super nice gluten free hairspray and a big bottle of lotion for everyone to share, etc. I also explained the food I would be keeping in the room and why they needed to keep their food and eating areas separate if they were going to eat cookies, crackers, etc. We got a few adjoining rooms and I suggested one be for the hair, makeup, getting ready etc. and it could be one of the rooms I wasn't sleeping in. I also did research ahead of time so that I would know what restaurants I could eat at there and I brought a ton of good food and shared with everone (home made guacamole, tacos, chips n salsa, etc.)

This is not how it went. Despite some of my friends amazing thoughtfullness, showing me their product labels, keeping their stuff seperate from mine, etc., my "best friend" was a nightmare. She spilled her malt liquor drinks all over my car and all over my legs and acted like I was being a prissy princess for needing to clean up. She would grab huge handfulls of cheez its and set them right on the bed and eat them one by one while doing other things. She sprayed at least four different types of hairsprays within a few minutes in our tiny room. She spilled her wheat-filled shampoo all over the room. It was a disaster. She could not have been any more rude or thoughtless. I was SO nervous and so upset the whole time feeling like I was surrounded by poison that I ended up making myself sick with an upset stomach. The second night I snuck off to a room by myself.

Lesson learned, I will always book my own room when travelling. But man, my friendship with her is failing. She just can't be bothered and is SO annoyed by my condition. We ended up getting into a spat and we haven't really spoken since. She has always been the type of person that is selfish and can't understand anybody else's pain. If I broke my foot she'd told me to suck it up and quit complaining. So I know this is something she will never relate to. It makes me said because we've been friends since kindergarten. In many ways it is a toxic friendship and I know this - its not just the disease. But how awful to have to feel guilty over something I can do nothign about. I totally broke down crying on the trip because I just wished so badly that I could eat or drink whatever I wanted like everyone else. :/


I'm sorry that you had to go through that, but you're right, you do find out who really cares. Now, as for this best friend, if you two have been best friends since kindergarten the. This warrants atleast an adult conversation. That's a long time to throw away! Perhaps you should send her an invite to your house where you two can talk it over, or choose neutral ground to meet on. I guess if she's not willing to sit and talk with you about such an important subject then you'll maybe need to put some space in your relationship. who knows, maybe she has things going on too that she can use your support on. It's too bad to see such a long friendship end, but if the toxicity continues I don't know that you have a choice unfortunately. :( good luck!!
  • 0
~**caselynn**~

#9 livelifelarge24

 
livelifelarge24

    Advanced Community Member

  • Advanced Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 186 posts
 

Posted 26 June 2012 - 09:32 AM

Many of us have husbands like this. I really believe it is because they cannot understand.


That is a good point. My good friend (one of my other bridesmaids) got diagnosed because of watching what I went through and although she is totally thriving now her husband makes every step of the way a fight for her. When it comes down to it I live my life in my home with my fiance and I am so completely lucky to have him there helping me and being almost 100% gluten free with me. There is no way I could handle the emotional part of all this otherwise!
  • 0
"A man too busy to take care of his health is like a mechanic too busy to take care of his tools." - Spanish Proverb

#10 Yumeji

 
Yumeji

    New Community Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 7 posts
 

Posted 27 June 2012 - 11:20 AM

That is a good point. My good friend (one of my other bridesmaids) got diagnosed because of watching what I went through and although she is totally thriving now her husband makes every step of the way a fight for her. When it comes down to it I live my life in my home with my fiance and I am so completely lucky to have him there helping me and being almost 100% gluten free with me. There is no way I could handle the emotional part of all this otherwise!

Unfortunately, my boyfriend of almost 6 years (living together for 5) seems to be like this. He gets angry when I don't go out or do things with him after getting sick (gluten or dairy ingestion) and complains that "everything" sets me off. Just yesterday while walking the dog he suggested that perhaps it wasn't the food that was causing my symptoms and that's just the way I am. Despite the physical evidence (which I photograph for future documentation), he still questions the validity of it all! Just today he got upset that I didn't go to the gym with him, as I sit here typing with a hot water bottle on my abdomen.

In addition, I have been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome and he even gives me a hard time about that. He doesn't understand why I just can't understand social situations and cracks "retard" jokes all the time. Note: I have two older siblings with autism which he jokes about all the time as well. Unfortunately, his brother and mother are no better. Only the father seems to be sensitive to these types of "invisible disabilities," probably because he has food intolerances himself. Unfortunately, the family criticizes him for being a "hypochondriac."

I remember years ago my grandfather mentioned he had troubles digesting cilantro and to disprove this my mother switched the parsley one night with cilantro and didn't bother telling him. She said the fact that he didn't react means he was full of B.S. I worry that one day someone will "test" my gluten and dairy sensitivities the same way.
  • 0

#11 kareng

 
kareng

    HO! HO! HO!

  • Moderators
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 14,318 posts
 

Posted 27 June 2012 - 11:46 AM

Unfortunately, my boyfriend of almost 6 years (living together for 5) seems to be like this. He gets angry when I don't go out or do things with him after getting sick (gluten or dairy ingestion) and complains that "everything" sets me off. Just yesterday while walking the dog he suggested that perhaps it wasn't the food that was causing my symptoms and that's just the way I am. Despite the physical evidence (which I photograph for future documentation), he still questions the validity of it all! Just today he got upset that I didn't go to the gym with him, as I sit here typing with a hot water bottle on my abdomen.

In addition, I have been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome and he even gives me a hard time about that. He doesn't understand why I just can't understand social situations and cracks "retard" jokes all the time. Note: I have two older siblings with autism which he jokes about all the time as well. Unfortunately, his brother and mother are no better. Only the father seems to be sensitive to these types of "invisible disabilities," probably because he has food intolerances himself. Unfortunately, the family criticizes him for being a "hypochondriac."

I remember years ago my grandfather mentioned he had troubles digesting cilantro and to disprove this my mother switched the parsley one night with cilantro and didn't bother telling him. She said the fact that he didn't react means he was full of B.S. I worry that one day someone will "test" my gluten and dairy sensitivities the same way.


He makes fun of you, is rude to you and your family, gets upset when you don't do what
he wants. & his family is just like him....gosh! I can see why you love him! :(

For your mental and physical health, you should stay away from people like this.
  • 0

santa-dance.gif

 

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. - Dave Barry
 
“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.”  - George Carlin
 
“One can never have enough socks," said Dumbledore. "Another Christmas has come and gone and I didn't get a single pair. People will insist on giving me books.”  - J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's Stone
 
 
 
 
 

 


#12 Strawberry_Jam

 
Strawberry_Jam

    Advanced Community Member

  • Advanced Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 425 posts
 

Posted 27 June 2012 - 01:42 PM

Unfortunately, my boyfriend of almost 6 years (living together for 5) seems to be like this. He gets angry when I don't go out or do things with him after getting sick (gluten or dairy ingestion) and complains that "everything" sets me off. Just yesterday while walking the dog he suggested that perhaps it wasn't the food that was causing my symptoms and that's just the way I am. Despite the physical evidence (which I photograph for future documentation), he still questions the validity of it all! Just today he got upset that I didn't go to the gym with him, as I sit here typing with a hot water bottle on my abdomen.

In addition, I have been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome and he even gives me a hard time about that. He doesn't understand why I just can't understand social situations and cracks "retard" jokes all the time. Note: I have two older siblings with autism which he jokes about all the time as well. Unfortunately, his brother and mother are no better. Only the father seems to be sensitive to these types of "invisible disabilities," probably because he has food intolerances himself. Unfortunately, the family criticizes him for being a "hypochondriac."

I remember years ago my grandfather mentioned he had troubles digesting cilantro and to disprove this my mother switched the parsley one night with cilantro and didn't bother telling him. She said the fact that he didn't react means he was full of B.S. I worry that one day someone will "test" my gluten and dairy sensitivities the same way.



move. out.
  • 3

gluten-free 25 Feb 2011
soy-free 30 March 2011

dairy-free 30 August 2011 (roughly)

25 yrs old
diagnosed Celiac through biopsy and blood test (WAY positive) as of 25 Feb 2011


#13 mommida

 
mommida

    Advanced Community Member

  • Advanced Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 2,961 posts
 

Posted 27 June 2012 - 02:22 PM

I try and warn new people that you will find out who your friends are. You have to learn to live with the new diagnoses, changing your diet, and akward social situations. The rose colored glasses have to come off too. Your family and friends tend to show a different side that you haven't seen before.

I can't put up with someone who puts Celiac (me) through a "test" to see how bad my reaction will be. (like the cilantro test)

I am very fortunate, my husband was the first to announce our house is gluten free. I told him maybe would keep some gluten things for him. His answer was NO WAY, not the way it makes you and our children sick.

So if the rules were different, (she was sick, and you weren't)would you act like this?
  • 0
Michigan

#14 bartfull

 
bartfull

    Advanced Community Member

  • Advanced Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 2,606 posts
 

Posted 27 June 2012 - 02:22 PM

I miss my late husband more than words can express. My husband was loving and supportive and if he were still alive I know he would do everything in his power to help me with my celiac.

The more I read here, the more I realize how lucky I am - first, that I got to spend much of my life with that wonderful man, and second, that I am blissfully single. No one to tell me what to do, make me feel guilty for being sick, no one making fun of me, no one to fear giving me an intentional glutening. No one to tell me NOT to come here for support and advice.

Yumeji, Diana, there ARE good men still out there. And even if you don't find one right away, it's OK to be alone. Yeah, I miss Ed, but I am having the time of my life with my business and my friends and my music. I am HAPPY. The moments of my life are stress free. Life can be so good. You BOTH deserve better.

Please forgive me if I am out of line.
  • 1

gluten-free since June, 2011

Can't eat soy, corn, or foods high in salicylates.

Nightshades now seem to bother me too.

 

BUT I CAN STILL PLAY MY GUITAR AND THAT"S ALL THAT MATTERS!

 


#15 IrishHeart

 
IrishHeart

    Warrior Princess

  • Advanced Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 10,558 posts
 

Posted 27 June 2012 - 02:30 PM

You said:
"In many ways it is a toxic friendship and I know this - its not just the disease. But how awful to have to feel guilty over something I can do nothign about."


Why should you feel guilty about a disease you have?

Would she treat you any "better" if you had cancer?
Probably not!

The friendship was already toxic and unhealthy.

This just makes it easier for you to see how unbalanced it really is. She's not going to change, hon. She has been this way since you met as wee ones.

Dump her. You deserve better.
  • 0

"Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way we cope with it makes the difference." Virginia Satir

"The strongest of all warriors are these two - time and patience." Leo Tolstoy

"If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else" Booker T. Washington

“If idiots could fly, the sky would be like an airport.”― Laura Davenport 

"Do or do not. There is no try. "-  Yoda.

"LTES"  Gem 2014

 

Misdiagnosed for 25+ years; Finally Diagnosed with Celiac  11/01/10.  Double DQ2 genes. This thing tried to kill me. I view Celiac as a fire breathing dragon --and I have run my sword right through his throat.
I. Win. bliss-smiley-emoticon.gif





0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

Celiac.com Sponsors: