7 replies to this topic

[Juliebove]

I guess I have been lucky in that the last wedding I went to was something like 9 years ago. But now my nephew is planning his wedding. I already know the venue. It's a country club. I did look at the website and I see that they do catering there. I do not know if they will be required to use their caterer or not. I also do not know if they will have an actual meal. It looks like this place does breakfast, lunch and little snacky type things but not dinner. So I might be stressing out for nothing. Could be they will only serve cake. They already know that I don't eat cake no matter what it is made of. I just don't like the stuff and never have.

But if there is to be a meal? Oh boy. I am intolerant to so many things I think it would be next to impossible for me to eat a meal at such an event, ever. The menu even indicated that they put a dressing on their salad. Of course there might be the chance that they would put it on the side because like me, my nephew dislikes dressing. And of the snack opitions there is one of raw veggies but I think it is only listed on one of the various choices. So... Blah.

Yeah, I know to eat before or after or just to take something with me but I am foreseeing many problems with this meal if there is one. Several people in the family have food issues for various medical problems. So at least it's not just me or my daughter. But just blah.

[1desperateladysaved]

I recommend not to go if you are hungry.
DT

[Juliebove]

I recommend not to go if you are hungry.
DT

Why? It's not like hunger would make me eat something I shouldn't.

[1desperateladysaved]

Just now I am afraid that any of my attempts to eat others' food have been disastrous. If I didn't go there hungry, I wouldn't be tempted. I do think this is poor social behavior, but I don't see that I have any choice.

[~**caselynn**~]

I always go and take my own food, no one has cared yet. Also, I always like to see the boys "fight" over who's going to eat my cake haha, this has become a game to them, it starts as soon as the reception starts haha...and if there's good food I can't eat, that's fair game to them as well!! It's all in good fun, besides, I'm there to celebrate my friends happiness, whether it comes from marriage or "my" piece of cake haha 😃😃😃

[Juliebove]

Just now I am afraid that any of my attempts to eat others' food have been disastrous. If I didn't go there hungry, I wouldn't be tempted. I do think this is poor social behavior, but I don't see that I have any choice.

I know enough not to eat something if I can't tell what is in it. And luckily I don't get hungry often. If it were for a distant person then not going might be an option. But it's my nephew. So we have to go.

[SensitiveMe]

The year before last I had to go our local country club for 5 events, and right after having found out I can't have wheat, corn, soy or oats and have severe lactose intolerance. The first 4 events were funeral remembrance luncheon gatherings for members of the family who just passed away so I didn't have time to think or stress out about it. It was like baptism by fire suddenly being thrown into a situation surrounded by a world of food I couldn't eat. Sometimes I brought something to eat, sometimes I didn't, and one time I grabbed a big bag of organic potato chips on my way out of the door here.

I think you should try to find out what they are having and bring your own food accordingly. Even if the only thing I couldn't have was wheat I would never eat anything at my country club. They are not a restaurant business and their priorty is serving food for social gatherings whenever they occur. There is too much chance of cross contamination both in the kitchen and at the buffet serving stations where people usually serve themselves making their own plate and grabbing over trays of food to get a hard roll or sliced piece of bread and crumbs falling everywhere.

And I think you should go and concentrate on having a pleasant time no matter what comments, questions, or unwanted attention you may get. Attention to you is going to happen whether you bring something to eat or not. That's just how it is when someone isn't doing the same thing as the majority. I heard just about all of it...why aren't you eating, are you on a diet, go eat something you are too skinny, what are you eating, WHAT THE HECK are you eating, where did you get that, surely you must be able to eat something here, can't you even have a soda, you must be able to at least have something to drink, someone go get this poor little thing a seltzer water at the bar. Just let it all roll off you like water on a duck's back and have a good time.

The last event I went to there was not one which I felt I had to attend but one I wouldn't have missed for the world. It was a large event and set up as a wedding would be. It was my elementary school reunion and it was a lifetime since most of us had seen each other. We were something of a unique class as there were 100 of us and we were together for 9 years from kindergarten through to 8th grade. My daughter and brother kept questioning me about why I even wanted to go since I would not be able to eat or drink anything there. I kept having to say I wasn't going for the food and would bring my own food to eat. So I went and had a wonderful time in spite of not feeling well and driving through pouring rain to get there.

And something happened at this reunion to encourage me to just keep on keeping on no matter that circumstances never seem to change. When I went into the bathroom there was a former classmate sitting on a bench to rest for a bit because she was nauseaous. My mind flashed back and I saw the long steep staircase at her house I used to follow her up the stairs on when we were kids on the way to her room to do our homework. She now had no hair, her color was awful, and her face and body were obviously very bloated. She calmly and matter of factly told me she had been fighting ovarian cancer for 7 years now and was in her 13th time of having chemotherapy treatments. I can't even imagine myself having so much bravery and fortitude. But she considered herself still part of the class no matter what had come her way and she was going to be there with us.

[Juliebove]

Thankfully I think it will be a small event so there shouldn't have to be a lot of explaining to do.

Having been diagnosed with diabetes prior to learning of the food intolerances, I already managed to get over that self pity of not being able to eat what the others are eating and how to adjust to things. I was also a vegetarian for many years before that so also used to not finding foods I can eat at such events.

Then not long after we were diagnosed with the food intolerances, my mom's uncle died. My daughter had just met him for the first time just weeks prior to his death. She had never been to a funeral before and I really wanted her to go. But my mom wouldn't allow us to go. The funeral was actually not near here and because I am disabled, I can't drive long distances. So it would have meant riding with them. At first my mom used the excuse that there would be a catered lunch and there would be nothing we could eat there. She said it would probably be nothing but sandwiches and deli salads.

I countered this by saying that we'd bring our own food in a cooler and would just eat it in the car. This is no big deal to me and we have done it many times before and since. Well... This didn't set well with my mom.

So then she changed her tune and said that we couldn't ride in their car because I have gastroparesis and might throw up in the car. Yes, I have gastroparesis but I have not thrown up in a car yet. Actually I almost always throw up (if it's going to happen) in the middle of the night. Once it has happened after dinner.

So I guess overall I am fine with not being able to eat what is served so long as there is a way for me to eat something suitable. It just seems that it is the other people who are not fine with it. If they're not finding reasons why we shouldn't go then they are killing themselves trying to find a food that we can eat when they haven't got a clue to begin with.