Get email alerts Get Celiac.com E-mail Alerts  




Celiac.com Sponsor:
Celiac.com Sponsor:




Ads by Google:






   Get email alerts  Subscribe to FREE Celiac.com email alerts

Etiquette For Thanksgiving?
0

4 posts in this topic

Hello,

I wasn't sure which board this would be best for, so I'll try this one. My husband and I had planned a quiet Thanksgiving for just us and our boys (we don't have family nearby anyways), and have our gluten free meal planned and bought. A (newer) friend of ours was planning to do the same thing with her family, so I suggested maybe getting together for just dessert in the evening and invited them over. She then invited us to all of Thanksgiving dinner at her house instead. I offered to have them over, since I have so many food restrictions. (I should mention I am celiac, lactose intolerant, and 35 weeks pregnant with barely-controlled gestational diabetes). My friend hasn't told me yes or no yet, she just said we'd talk about it later.

My questions are regarding etiquette: Was it rude to turn her invitation down for the whole meal and to offer to have them over instead? Was it strange for me to initially only invite them over for dessert? My intentions were good: I knew we had both already planned our separate meals, and I figured doing 'just dessert' would be fun and easy without the pressure and our kids would have fun playing. (not to mention less contamination potential, and I can still make our whole meal gluten free without feeling odd about the food being a little 'different'). I would still prefer to do just dessert, but I'm not sure if it's just plain wierd. Just needed some other opinions.

Thanks and Happy Thanksgiving!

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites


Ads by Google:

You have the perfect excuse for just doing dessert! Your 35 weeks pregnant! Even with no food issues....you should not be making dinner for all or even leaving your house , where you can rest, for more than and hour or so.

Just tell her, you are so exhausted and sick with this pregnancy that having them over for dessert is all you can handle. But you would like to make the desserts and do it at your house so you can put your feet up and enjoy the adult company while the kids play.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No, and no.

Seriously, bail on the whole meal thing, tell her you'd love to get together in the future for dinner, but you are quickly realizing how stressful it's going to be for the next few months and a big dinner is more than you should be taking on. If she doesn't want to do desert, then plan a coffee and desert day in a couple weeks. Call it your shopping coffee break.

Two perspectives on your friend's motivation:

I love to cook and I love to feed people. I would totally invite over near strangers for dinner with only the slightest provocation.

My mom will never in her life ever agree to eat Thanksgiving dinner at someone else's house. She wants it her way, and anything else just wouldn't be Thanksgiving.

I don't know where your friend falls, but it could be either of these extremes. Blame the pregnancy, it covers a lot of excuses.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

There is no reason to feel rude for having turned down going somewhere for dinner. You already planned and bought a dinner! You can of course mention that if she brings it up again and say that you just had not only already planned on cooking, but purchased everything and didn't want to walk out on it. If she is aware of your food issues you can also mention that it is simply impossible for you to dine at someone else's house.

I agree though that maybe it's best to simply enjoy your quiet days at home separately. She'll want to bring something, you'll have to tell her no so she doesn't CC your whole meal, things could get awkward. I'd just give her a call and say that if she hasn't decided already you're hormonal (I love pregnancy excuses!) and weren't thinking and you guys should just stick with your quiet days at home.

Getting together for desserts is a splendid idea. It is something I've done with both friends and family in the past for holidays and just because. I don't find it weird at all. I like to plan fun games that involve socializing and some friendly competition, but that's just me. Things like pictionary were always great for groups of any size and included all the age groups together.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
0

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      104,695
    • Total Posts
      921,779
  • Topics

  • Posts

    • Advil (ibuprofen) is gluten-free, but can be a stomach irritant, especially if taken on an empty stomach. That said, I will also place my bet on the garlic and onions. As Raven said, eating more than once a day may also help. An empty stomach is likely to be an irritable stomach.
    • Another link: http://naldc.nal.usda.gov/download/7351/PDF
    • Thanks for posting.  I know it is difficult to talk about these sorts of things even on a webforum.  It is good thing for people to be aware though about celiac disease and that it can cause mental problems.  Gluten can cause brain damage and it can cause anxiety. If the brain does heal it may take a long time. I know that gluten can cause anxiety and obsessive thoughts.  My experience has been similar to your experience. When I first quit eating gluten I had a similar constant loop and strong negative feelings. There are lots of people on this forum who get anxiety when they eat gluten. Some people also experience gluten withdrawl where they experience anxiety after giving up gluten. It can take a long time for the body to heal and for obsessive thoughts to go away.
       It is normal for people to socialize with each other and to be comfortable about it. You said you have problems still socializing and being around people. It might be a depressing thought but it sounds to me like you still have problems with anxiety.  I would recommend considering what options you have available to treat the anxiety. When I quit eating Gluten I still had some symptoms, even though I felt much better. I have been slowly recovering over a period of about three years. I had obsessive thoughts even after I quit eating gluten.  Now I very rarely if at all think about those things. My experience is that my mind would latch on to certain things that caused me anxiety and focus on those things. Sometimes my focus would shift and I would latch onto other things. My ability to socialize has also improved greatly with time. I have made some dietary changes which I believe have helped greatly. It sounds to me like you have obsessive thoughts about things and maybe some brain damage. My experience has been that my obsessive thoughts about different things went away with time. I feel my obsessive thoughts were caused by gluten and not by what people did around me or any events. As my brain healed I became more self aware and things became less stressful.  I can't give medical advice on this forum but I can talk about my current diet and my experience with celiac disease. My experience with gluten is different from a lot of other people so it is a good idea to ask other people and to talk to a doctor.  I avoid oats and avoid almost all processed foods. I buy certified gluten free food. I eat healthy and I exercise every day. I take st John's Wort as I have read studies that say it may be as effective as some other anti-depressants for treating certain types of anxiety. It is available over the counter. I started with a small dosage and then stepped it up over time. I think it helps a lot.  This is also something that you should talk to a doctor about first. https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Martin_Mahoney2/publication/7426926_St._John's_wort/links/540d8acc0cf2f2b29a386673.pdf A lot of people with celiac disease have vitamin deficiencies.  Vitamin b deficiency can cause anxiety. Some people do not process the synthetic form of vitamin b (from normal pills)  very well, and do better on an activated form of vitamin b. I take:
      1 activated vitamin b12 daily
      1 activated vitamin b6 every once in a while. 1 regular vitamin b multivitamin
      1 magnesium pill every day.
      St Johns Wort daily.
      1 zinc vitamin daily
      I drink lots of Chamomile tea and decaf coffee. I avoid most caffeine. 
      I think each of these helps lower my anxiety level.  I eat fruit with every meal. Canned fruit from walmart is cheap and good for you. I eat salad and and vegetables and avoid dairy.  I eat frozen fish often as it has healthy proteins. Eating healthy is very important. I eat potatoes and rice. http://www.livestrong.com/article/454179-what-is-methyl-b12/ I avoid eating soy sauce, soy, cheese, aged meats and fermented foods (I do drink certain types of alcohol in moderate amounts.) These foods contain lots of Tyramine. I might (or might not) have "monoaine oxidase deficiency" and if so high Tyramine foods should be avoided.  I thought I might have problems with elevated ammonia in my blood, but I am not convinced of that anymore. I limited my consumption of meat for a while as well as dairy but I am not sure if i helped.  I have heard that Celiac disease can effect other organs besides the brain and those organs can have an effect on the brain.  My current diet is working so I am going to stick with it for now. I try not to worry about things that are outside of my control. Be patient as it took me a long time to recover.  Let me know if you have any questions. There is a lot of information on this site and people who are willing to help.
       
    • Thank you. This is really helpful. I will call around next week.  I just want to heal! 
    • My endoscopy showed i had decreased folds in my duodenum. The biopsy came back and showed that my villi were fine... i have been on a gluten free diet for 6 years because i was just told i was intolerant but never had any testing before. when i eat gluten i get sick for 2 weeks. i came down with issues of other foods in march so they were trying to figure out why and wanted to know if i had celiac are not because that would explain why dairy and fructose are a problem.. both intolerant test for both were negative but the fructose test made me extremely sick but it was negative...      Im trying to figure out why i have decreased  folds in the first place. my Gi doctor is stumped on that to why the endoscopy would show damage but the under the microscope are fine. She is going to call the dr who did my scope and then is supposed to get back to  me..    would being gluten free for 6 year make it so there was damage and then my vili are now fine but still cant be seen in the endoscope?
  • Upcoming Events

  • Blog Entries

  • Recent Status Updates

  • Who's Online (See full list)

  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      61,701
    • Most Online
      3,093

    Newest Member
    Dtroutmann
    Joined