Get email alerts Get Celiac.com E-mail Alerts  




Celiac.com Sponsor:
Celiac.com Sponsor:




Ads by Google:






   Get email alerts  Subscribe to FREE Celiac.com email alerts

The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Sequel
0

2,226 posts in this topic

Oh fantastic!  I can blame my weight gain on all the gluten free bakers I have met! 

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites


Ads by Google:

Funny practical joke if you remember that a spider has 8 legs.  

 

 

1511095_716122945097655_5344006126439479

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Trying to keep SkiLIsa laughing (or groaning at some of these).  

 

In honor of The World Cup, some soccer jokes:

 

soccer-ball-smiley-emoticon.gif

 

Q: Why did Cinderella get kicked off the Football team?

 

A: Because she Kept running away from the ball. 

 

 

Q: Why do soccer players have so much trouble eating Indian food?

 

A: They think they can't use they're hands. 

 

 

Q: Why is a bad futbol team like an old bra?

 

A: No cups and little support. 

 

Soccer Pick Up Lines

Guy: Wanna go out? Girl: I have a boyfriend. Guy: It's just like soccer, just because theres a goalie doesnt mean you cant score.

 

Hey, did ya know I'm part of a soccer team? (Really?) Yeah, hopefully I score tonight.

 

Girl, can I get your Jersey? (What?) You know your name and number? 




source: http://www.jokes4us.com/sportsjokes/soccerjokes.html

 

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Karen, your cracking me up today...love it  :D

 

Gonna do the spider thing to my son, freak time...lol

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Snort! Quiet snort yet a snort just the same...laughter heals...Dave even got a laugh outta the ER doc doing his spinal tap...laughter is good...doc made a cornball joke at the end of the procedure :)

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites




So my Doctor says: Are you drinking enough water?  I say:  Oh yes, I'm adding ice cubes to my wine.

 

Colleen

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So my Doctor says: Are you drinking enough water? I say: Oh yes, I'm adding ice cubes to my wine.

Colleen

I'm on hospital time...I may have to pull the emergency wine pod from my emergency response team pack a bit before cocktail hour ;)
0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

How about some doctor/hospital jokes for SkiLisa & hub?

 

Five Doctors Duck Hunting
  Five doctors went duck hunting one day. Included in the group were a general practice (GP) physcian, a pediatrician, a psychiatrist, a surgeon and a pathologist. 

After a time, a bird came winging overhead. The first to react was the GP who raised his shotgun, but then hesitated. "I'm not quite sure it's a duck," he said, "I think that I will have to get a second opinion." And of course by that time, the bird was long gone.
Another bird appeared in the sky thereafter. This time, the pediatrician drew a bead on it. He too, however, was unsure if it was really a duck in his sights and besides, it might have babies. "I'll have to do some more investigations," he muttered, as the creature made good its escape. 

Next to spy a bird flying was the sharp-eyed psychiatrist. Shotgun shouldered, he was more certain of his intended prey's identity. "Now, I know it's a duck, but does it know it's a duck?" The fortunate bird disappeared while the fellow wrestled with this dilemma. 

Finally, a fourth fowl sped past and this time the surgeon's weapon pointed skywards. BOOM!! 
The surgeon lowered his smoking gun and turned nonchalantly to the pathologist beside him and said. "Go see if that was a duck, will you?"
1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A nurse was leaving the hospital one evening when she found the doctor standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

"Listen", said the doctor, "this is important and my assistant has left. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly", said the nurse, flattered that the doctor had asked her for help.

She turned the machine on, inserted the paper and pressed the start button.

"Excellent! Excellent!" said the doctor as his paper disappeared inside the machine.

"I need two copies of that"

 

 

 

 

doctor-examination.gif

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

n 80-year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. 

"I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?" 

The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day, he went out in a bit of a hurry, and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun." The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods, and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle. And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried. 

Dumbfounded, the old man replied, "No." 

The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!" 

"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that bear."

"That's kind of what I'm getting at," replied the doctor.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

"That's kind of what I'm getting at," replied the doctor.

 

hilarious!!!!

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks K...do believe you'll prevent the wine from flowing quite yet...no promises in a few hours ;)

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks K...do believe you'll prevent the wine from flowing quite yet...no promises in a few hours ;)

 

 

Do I have to get out M's joke book from first grade?  Or drag out the Boy Scout jokes?  How do you feel about Chuck Norris jokes?  

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Lol...after no sleep since Wednesday night...thinking the first grade book may be just about the correct speed ;)

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.

 

Chuck Norris once swallowed a frog, one day later he and pooped out a tadpole.

 

Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.

 

When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is courage?" He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.

 

Fear of spiders is called arachnophobia, fear of tight spaces is called claustrophobia, and fear of Chuck Norris is just plain logic.

 

Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.

 

chuckNorris2_logo.png

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Q. Why is 2+2=5 like your left foot?
A. It's not right.

 

knock, knock

Who's there?
Elmo
Elmo who?
You don't know who Elmo is?!

 

Q. Why did the fox cross the road? 

A. To look for the chicken.

 

 

Q. Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
A. Because chickens weren't invented yet.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

:lol:  :lol:  Those are great Karen.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

1.  A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''

 

2.  ''I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.''

 

3.  ''Dyslexic man walks into a bra''

 

4.  A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!''

 

5.   Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.           

 

6.   Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.  'It's not unusual' he replied.     

 

7. I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.        

 

8.  A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: ''Pint please, and one for the road.''           

 

9..  I went to the doctor's the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.   

 

10.  My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.    

 

11.  I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah; I thought, ''He's trying to pull a fast one''.          

 

12.  A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, ''But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.''     

 

13.   I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.  

 

14.   ''My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that!!.''         

 

15.    Slept like a log last night........ Woke up in the fireplace.        

 

16.  A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, ''Is this some kind of joke?''

 

17..  A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says ''Sorry we don't serve food in here''       

 

18.  The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up, I said ''Did you get my drift?''.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

https://scontent-a-pao.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xaf1/t1.0-9/296031_401154889939564_499705971_n.jpg

Let's see if that link works...made me laff...which obviously isn't tough today ;)

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

smilie.gif

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My hubs keeps saying....what are you laughing at?  So good to laugh.

 

Colleen

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A bus filled with politicians on the campaign trail was driving through the countryside. The bus driver, caught up in the beautiful scenery, lost control and went off a bridge. 

A farmer living nearby heard the horrible crash and rushed out to discover the wreckage. With grim determination, he buried the politicians. 

The next day, the police came to the farm to question the man. "So you buried all the politicians?" asked the police officer. "Were they all dead?" 

The farmer answered, "Some said they weren't, but you know how politicians lie."

 

tractor-smiley-emoticon.gif

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

An elderly couple went into a doctor. They told the doctor "We’re having some trouble with our sex life. Could you watch and offer some suggestions?"

The doctor replied, "I’m not a sex therapist. You should find someone else."

The couple said, "No, No, we trust you."

After watching them make love, the doctor said, "You don’t seem to be having any troubles. I wish my sex life was as good. I can’t give you any suggestions."

This was repeated the next week and also the third week. After they had finished on the third week, the doctor said, "You aren’t having any trouble. Is this your idea of kinky sex?"

The man replied, "No, actually the problem is if we have sex at my house, my wife will catch us. If we have sex at her house, her husband will catch us. The motel charges us $75, and we can’t afford that. You only charge $50, and Medicare pays half of that."

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hubs home...off to pharm then date with pillow ... Thank you all for keeping my spirits up!

All tests except some blood for inflammation were good...likely contracted some sort of viral infection that caused inflammation at the base of brain/neck...got meds to manage until we see primary on Monday at which time I hope he'll already be kicking this bitch.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hubs home...off to pharm then date with pillow ... Thank you all for keeping my spirits up!

All tests except some blood for inflammation were good...likely contracted some sort of viral infection that caused inflammation at the base of brain/neck...got meds to manage until we see primary on Monday at which time I hope he'll already be kicking this bitch.

 

Hope you are both able to rest well tonight. 

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
0

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      104,642
    • Total Posts
      921,569
  • Topics

  • Posts

    • Hey there! Welcome to the club you never wanted to be a part of. Boy, you are certainly throwing yourself one heck of a bang up pity party aren't you? PLEASE do not take that as a put down! I don't think there is a single solitary one of us who hasn't thrown ourselves at least 1 pity party. I know I've thrown at least 3. Oh, & crying meltdowns in the grocery store? Every one has been there, done that one too. It's all part of the process just like cyclinglady said. Ravenwoodglass is right on too about how it can mess with your head. Boy! Can it ever mess with your head! You really have been given excellent info. by all who have answered. I want to touch on something that hasn't been addressed yet but you mentioned it and that is kissing. You might call me an old lady as I'm just shy of 60 but I'm also a child of the 60's so remember that when you read what I'm going to tell you. BTW, I'm married to the same person, my only marriage, for 43 years. Anyone who cuts & runs because they have to brush their teeth before kissing you is not worth 2 minutes of your time and you are well rid of them! Be thankful that you have this "screening tool" because it will save you a lot of wasted time. If they won't even give you a chance when they hear about the precautions you have to take then they aren't worth a damn! Imagine someone like that standing by your side when times get tough. You can't can you? That's because they won't and you want a true partner who will support you and hang in there through the challenges we face in life & believe me, you will both face many life challenges.  Cooking. You don't have to be a gourmet. Cook simple. You know how to boil & scramble & fry eggs right? Only takes a couple minutes. Veggies? Aw heck, nuke 'em OR throw them on a baking pan spritz them with olive oil & spices of your choice & stick them in the oven. Smoothies are easy. Fresh fruit is well, fresh fruit - easy - peel it & eat it or just pop it in your mouth. Sweet potatoes can be nuked too & are wonderful for you. Salads are easy. Nut butters are a great source of protein. Karen had some great examples in her post too. Her "attitude adjustment" tips are great as well.  
    • I was only asking because when ferritin is low that you can experience hair loss/fatigue etc. even if your other iron levels are in range. This just happened to me so I thought I would share just in case it helps you. Ferritin should be above 50 to be optimal, not just "in range."  I've been on iron supplements and much better now. This may not be your problem at all, but I would have them check your ferritin levels. Low iron or anemia is common with celiac. The ferritin test is measuring how much iron is stored in your body. FYi: Iron binding capacity is really telling you how much protein your liver is making in order to carry that iron around. Usually, iron binding capacity will be higher in the range when iron is low. Edit: Also my blood pressure was low when my ferritin level got very low.
    • Hello I'm happy to join, any help is greatly appreciated as it can be difficult by times for sure. Unfortunately, I have been told my doctor has definitely not been doing anything correctly and very backwards about Alot of things. I live in canada, and there are celiac support groups I have found but I am about 2 hours away from any. I live in a pretty rural area. Although,  I have still received some help from them , they prefer a diagnosis before helping out to much. My doctor has me on a waiting list to see a gastrointestinal specialist but whenever I called her office to inquire about an appointment time I was told there was a very long wait and that I was considered to be a non emergency. So I am waiting to get an appointment. I have seen a dermatoligist for some of my rashes and she said it was dermatitis and gave me different creams for them.  It is frustrating because I don't know how to go about getting a actual diagnosis besides this biopsy. I was told to request a different specialist, but supposedly there is a waiting period for most in our area. 
    • Thanks for all of the replies. I've just found out I'm not getting to see a dietician because of not having a definite diagnosis which is another blow. I've had loads of bloods done but they just say they're all normal. I did have low vitamin D and high parathyroid but it's sorted itself out after a course of high dose vitamin D and they're not checking it again for a year. No chance of getting referred to endocrinology, gastro won't do it and neither will my gp. I've tried giving up coffee and all fizzy juice and it hasn't made a difference. I'm exhausted and scared and still have no clue what to do next. My gp has zero experience dealing with this type of thing - last time I was there she said it could be because I've restricted my diet too much and I should eat more gluten-free replacement products - everything I've read online says this is the worst thing to do! I'm asking for a copy of the last blood results this week so I can go through them myself but other than that I'm pretty stuck. 
    • I really am iffy on talking about this side of my gluten issues, I think I am about to ruin my reputation on this forum coming about as some extreme crazy guy saying this but I wanted to get this off my chest and perhaps see if anyone else might share a similar trauma. I get emotional recalling it, this side of my reactions, as it is most ingrained and very traumatizing experience, and I am not proud of it as the mentality I have now disgust me but I am going to come out about it. One of the scariest things in this world is when your own mind turns against you, when you can not think about what you want to think about, when you can not do what you know you should be able to do. When I got glutened really bad these where things I felt with my own mind would start looping, and thoughts would not come together. I would loose comprehension, feel like I know I should be able to think about something but my mind was not working. The same thing looped over and over and over like a broken record, This led to anger, anxiety, depression, panic, top it off with loss of feeling in my hands and feet, and the pains in the gut......it was a nightmare. I would go as far as beating my head against walls and punching them out of frustration as to why my own body and mind where not working, I just wanted it to end the pain to stop. I still have scars on my fist from punching into a nail in a stud once and kept going.....I scared everyone and myself distanced my self from loved ones. And started running a bucket list accepting that I was going to die soon. Hell to this day parts of the brain damage seem to be permanent as I can no longer do computer programing or some forms of math, they just no longer make any sense or connect. Then we learned what was causing it, and once the symptoms started to fade, I would get very angry if someone in the shared house did something stupid and got me sick again. The fear of going back to that caused violent and drastic actions to get away from what was making me sick. The sheer fear of my own mind turning on me led me to drastic actions to prevent it, throwing everything away I thought could make me sick, making sure no one else used that kitchen, used freezer paper and gloves when fixing my foods and working in there. I really destroyed and burned all bridges I had then and alienated myself from others. In the end it motivated me to learn how to cook, to get and renovate my own apartment in a building downtown, and start a business to pay for my new diet, by selling safe food to others with this issues locally at farmer markets. But it changed me on a very deep level, that traumatic experience to this day I have a issue looking at others and dealing with other humans who eat that stuff.......the stuff that breaks my mind and body so horrifically. If I have to compare it to something its like watching aliens drinking antifreeze and eating poison.....it causes a subconscious level of disgust and slight envy. I really can not even look at the stuff without recall what it does and feeling a twitch. I know I am the alien here, but it feels vise versa, and I look down on the normal people as odd creatures.  I go to the store and find myself overly avoiding contamination, keeping stuff in my own bags, asking the cashier to scan and bag it as I pass it not letting it touch that flour I see on the belt. I am hyper sensitive to the stuff I know and that fear semi dominates my mind as crazy as it sounds.  I am recovering and am forcing myself to try to mingle with other humans overlooking that one thing, but that deep rooted trauma still flares up as a protective measure especially around foods.  I could talk on and on about the other side effects but this one is the hardest to talk about it, and I feel others might be able to relate to it.    
  • Upcoming Events

  • Blog Entries

  • Recent Status Updates

  • Who's Online (See full list)

  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      61,648
    • Most Online
      3,093

    Newest Member
    Mileenabug
    Joined