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Need Help Declining gluten-free Baked Goods Prepared By Friends


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8 replies to this topic

#1 CeliacMom2008

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Posted 10 December 2012 - 12:21 PM

My son (13) had a classmate who invited him to a party this weekend and then made him gluten-free cupcakes so he wouldn't feel left out. It was very awkward because she is also 13 and he was nervous about if she knew what she was doing and if there was an cross contamination, so he didn't eat them. He felt terrible, but he didn't want to risk it. I tried to explain to the girl's mom, but I didn't do a good job. I was very caught of guard by the gesture. Anyway, he called from school today to say she made him more cupcakes for today. This time because she had brought in cupcakes for the rest of the class and didn't want him to feel left out. This girl has an amazing heart! So now what?? He's very sensitive to CC. What words can I say that explain why he can't eat what she's making? I don't know her or her family well at all. Her mom did tell me that she made the first batch of cupcakes at her grandmother's house. I don't want to hurt her feelings.
Help!!!!!!!!!!!!
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#2 kareng

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Posted 10 December 2012 - 12:29 PM

I think I would say:" This girl has an amazing heart!" and "I don't want to hurt her feelings."

Then I would mention to the mom that even a little speck of flour hidden in a crack of the muffin tins or beaters, etc could make your son sick. Maybe suggest something that is gluten-free she could get next time if she wanted - M&M's Fritos, etc.
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#3 CeliacMom2008

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Posted 10 December 2012 - 12:37 PM

Ooo, I like the word "hidden" that sounds so much better than "accident" or "mistake."

It's so ironic...while my husband and I were waiting to go in and pick him up from the party we were discussing how difficult the dating years are going to be. We had just been out on "date" ourselves and were watching the young couples and it got us thinking. We had rationalized that if a girl didn't accept him for all that he is she wasn't the kind of girl we wanted for him, but still we recognized that it is going to make the whole scene much harder than it already will be. Then to walk in and find out that this girl went to all this trouble...well it just made me realize God sends us what we need when we need it.

What about giving her a little "gluten-free baking kit" with an inexpensive mixer, bowl, spatula, measuring cups and cupcake pan?? And then tell her to stick with Betty Crocker mixes and Betty Crocker frosting? Her mom said she loves to bake and cook. I could also explain that he would appreciate M&Ms or chips just as much...that he just appreciates someone thinking of him...and that it's so much easier on her...
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#4 red island

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Posted 10 December 2012 - 01:04 PM

Or you could invite her over to your house to do some baking with you and send some goodies home all wrapped up for her to put in her freezer. Then she could bring goodies that you know are safe when she brings in treats for the class.
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#5 Marilyn R

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Posted 10 December 2012 - 01:32 PM

My son (13) had a classmate who invited him to a party this weekend and then made him gluten-free cupcakes so he wouldn't feel left out. It was very awkward because she is also 13 and he was nervous about if she knew what she was doing and if there was an cross contamination, so he didn't eat them. He felt terrible, but he didn't want to risk it.


He sounds like such a great guy!

I think you should pat yourself on the back for raising him so well! I loved all the other great posts, just wanted to say how impressed I am that your 13 year old responded better than most adults would have. Yay for you and Yay for him! He passed a milestone without you there supervising.
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Positive improvement from elimination diet. Mother dx'd by Mayo Clinic in late 1980s. Negative blood tests and Upper & Lower GI biopsy. Parathyroidectomy 12/09. Recurring high calcium level 4/10. Gluten-free 4/10. Soy & Dairy Free 6/10. Corn free 7/10. Grain free except rice 8/10. Legume free 6/11. Fighting the battle of the battle within myself, and I'm going to win!

As of 2/12, tolerating dairy, corn, legumes and some soy, but I limit soy to tamari sauce or modest soy additives. Won't ever try quinoa again!

Discoid Lupus from skin biopsy 2011, discovered 2/12 when picking up medical records. Systemic Lupus Dx 6/12. Shingles 10/12.

#6 CeliacMom2008

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Posted 10 December 2012 - 05:18 PM

Thanks for the help!! He decided he would use the "hidden speck", plus facts on 20 parts per million and explain it to her again - and then invite her over to bake with me. I see her on Wednesdays, so I'll re-invite her. She and I get along really well, so hopefully she'll feel comfortable enough to come over.

Marilyn, I told him about your compliment and he said, "What's the big deal about not wanting to get sick?" He didn't understand how anyone would give in! YAY!!! I told him peer pressure can be a very tough thing to fight. Hopefully he'll be as strong if/when peer pressure happens about other topics.
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#7 KMMO320

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Posted 11 December 2012 - 07:17 AM

That is a tough one,
It is hard to decline when it is obvious they are trying to go out of their way for you. My mom once made cookies for me and was all excited that they were "gluten Free" I said, did you buy a gluten free mix and she said yes, here it is...she showed it to me. It was NOT Gluten Free...it was SUGAR FREE. To this day, she still thinks Gluten= sugar and that I am having a diabetes like problem. SHe even bought me WHOLE WHEAT rolls one time because she thought I couldn't eat the sugar in white rolls.

I try and try and I only seem to hurt her feelings because she does NOT understand how Gluten and wheat relate to each other. :(
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#8 GottaSki

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Posted 11 December 2012 - 08:25 AM

I wouldn't worry about the dating years - my son went gluten-free at 15 and it gave a shy young man a topic of conversation that is quite popular with teen girls - for good or bad gluten-free is popular - so being well versed in why these girls often feel better when they remove gluten is great knowledge for teen boys!
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-Lisa

Undiagnosed Celiac Disease ~ 43 years

3/26/09 gluten-free - dignosed celiac - blood 3/3/09, biopsy 3/26/09, double DQ2 / single DQ8 positive

10/25/13 - MCAD

Health history since celiac diagnosis became too long -- moved to the "about me" section of my profile

My children and I all have multiple copies of the genes for Celiac Disease, along with large variety of symptoms/resolution gluten-free

Current tally from me, three kids and two grands: 4 diagnosed with Celiac Disease, 2 NCGS

Get PROPERLY tested BEFORE REMOVING GLUTEN.

ALWAYS independently research health related information found on internet forums/blogs.

"LTES" a Gem :)


#9 Marilyn R

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Posted 11 December 2012 - 06:12 PM

Thanks for letting me know, CeliacMom. Your son's response should be quoted often. I love it!

If you happen to explore the other threads on the forum, I hope you'll remind people of your son's wisdom. And yes, I hope he learned early about caving in to peer pressure, suspect he has.

Happy holidays, all the best.
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Positive improvement from elimination diet. Mother dx'd by Mayo Clinic in late 1980s. Negative blood tests and Upper & Lower GI biopsy. Parathyroidectomy 12/09. Recurring high calcium level 4/10. Gluten-free 4/10. Soy & Dairy Free 6/10. Corn free 7/10. Grain free except rice 8/10. Legume free 6/11. Fighting the battle of the battle within myself, and I'm going to win!

As of 2/12, tolerating dairy, corn, legumes and some soy, but I limit soy to tamari sauce or modest soy additives. Won't ever try quinoa again!

Discoid Lupus from skin biopsy 2011, discovered 2/12 when picking up medical records. Systemic Lupus Dx 6/12. Shingles 10/12.


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