jasonD2

i think back on how i used to be so normal and how i used to feel so normal and what ive turned into.

I can recall a time where people would say "hey lets go get dinner!" and i would be all over it..didnt matter where we ate just as long as we were out.  the food was always so delicious and i always felt so satisfied after meals

Now im this nervous, obsessive finicky eater.  everytime i go out i have 6 different pills wrapped up in a piece of aluminum foil or tissue in my pocket.  i always order my food and then excuse myself to go to the rest room to pop the pills (these are enzymes for gluten, general digestion, probiotics, HCL and lactaid). i then return to the table and pray that i wont get indigestion from taking all the enzymes on an empty stomach and that my food comes quickly.  after i eat i pay attention to every thing i feel in my body...do my legs tingle? any bloating? etc. if there is a reaction it could ruin my whole evening..i start questioning was it gluten? something else? will the possible cc cause any problems? do i have celiac or gluten intolerance? is it ok if i get some cc? how will i feel tomorrow?

this viscous thought process takes place every time i go out, but it never prevents me from going out. I still refuse to eat at home all the time or bring food into a restaurant..if i do that then whats the point of anything anymore?

There is also a whole thought process i go thru when friends want to eat out.  i ask myself if i should eat before i go and then just say im not hungry? i call the restaurants and have been known to pull over on highways so i can look up menus and figure out if there is anything i eat.

anyway, its just hard to believe how different my life is and although ive been gluten free for almost 4 yrs and am always super careful It still gets me down.

I just started dating a woman again and up to this point things have been casual and ive been able to avoid dealing with food discussions but eventually it has to come up.  i still recall the look on my ex's face when i told her and how throughout our relationship the whole thing just seemed like a huge inconvenience for her and how horrible and abusive she was to me sometimes.

anyway, as you all can see im spending much less time on here but i still feel the occasional need to vent.  hope everyone is doing well

I appreciate the responses but im getting a little tired of everyone telling me i need counseling...thats not why i come here. I come here to share stories and experiences and to vent.  Its a cliche response that i can get from pretty much anyone I talk to.  Telling me i need counseling is counterproductive and is not going to make me do it any sooner..trust me.  So again I appreciate your concerns for me but please STOP telling me i need counseling

I spent 5 days with them and received nothing but constant ball busting about my dietary issues.  My uncle thinks i have OCD and said i need to talk to someone..my aunt is very accomodating but whenever i discuss health issues her response is "oh please jason,  your grandparents lived to their 90s and you cant worry about this all the time"  Meantime my cousin has chronic bloating, IBS and gas and drinks like a fish and they say nothing about that.  I'm sure they are right on some level...having health issues can cause people to be a bit OCD..especially if they are predisposed and yes life is short and you cant worry about everything all the time, but if I chose to live and eat certain way why cant people just accept it? At least I still eat out all the time..if i chose to just eat at home i can only imagine the grief I would get.

Well I can't not go to family functions and am not gonna isolate myself from the world.  Last night people got on my nerves but I was still able to have a great meal without any problems.  I guess i just have to cool my jets and not get so worked up when people cant accommodate me

it was such a tiny sip though

Never had the marinara before, but they are very strict about gluten and this sauce is made in house.

I thought all distilled alcohols are gluten free?

Ok so i went out with the girl im seeing last night.  we went to an italian place that has gluten free pasta and I always eat there and have never had a problem.  I tried a different sauce last night (marinara) and it had a lot of onions & garlic but i didnt have any upper GI discomfort and everything felt fine after dinner...a few garlic burps but they subsides after a while.  My lady friend had pumpkin ravioli (not gluten-free)- we didnt kiss or share anything.

we then went to see a film festival and they had drinks there. i got a wine & she got a can of guiness.  after the festival we walked to a nearby bar and i had another glass of wine and she had a jack and coke, which i took a sip of.

bout 30 min later my stomach started gurgling and i was gassy for the whole rest of the night.  normally i get that type of reaction when I ingest dairy but i didnt have any dairy.  Did I most likely get CC'd with gluten or could something else have caused this reaction?  we exchanged a few pecks on the lips at the bar but this was about an hr or so after her last sip of beer and she had already had some of her jack and coke which probably washed things down.

Am i reading into this too much?  i really dont want to worry and obsess about this on every date

thats an interesting way of looking at it I suppose...although I used to have an iron stomach

Glad you're doing better Sue!  im getting there too but i ate something a few weeks ago that upset the balance of my lower GI and everything has been off...going back to basics for now until i stabilize and will be getting retested soon

Counterproductive and pointless i know, but i keep thinking of all the ways i could have prevented my health problems from happening.  To this day i believe antibiotics and giardia triggered all my GI issues.  I got the bug on a river trip out west..probably because my intestinal immunity was low due to the antibiotics.  Why did i go on this trip? i had a blast but was it really worth my life and my future?  If i knew then what i know now i never wouldve even gotten sick..i woulda been on intense probiotic therapy and antiparasitic meds while on the river.  something simple as popping a pill could have saved me and i could be eating a slice of pizza now.  do you guys ever think about this stuff.  i feel terrible at how many bad decisions i made that caused this.  wish i could go back in time and deliver an in depth letter to myself ..ugh..