I can recall a time where people would say "hey lets go get dinner!" and i would be all over it..didnt matter where we ate just as long as we were out. the food was always so delicious and i always felt so satisfied after meals
Now im this nervous, obsessive finicky eater. everytime i go out i have 6 different pills wrapped up in a piece of aluminum foil or tissue in my pocket. i always order my food and then excuse myself to go to the rest room to pop the pills (these are enzymes for gluten, general digestion, probiotics, HCL and lactaid). i then return to the table and pray that i wont get indigestion from taking all the enzymes on an empty stomach and that my food comes quickly. after i eat i pay attention to every thing i feel in my body...do my legs tingle? any bloating? etc. if there is a reaction it could ruin my whole evening..i start questioning was it gluten? something else? will the possible cc cause any problems? do i have celiac or gluten intolerance? is it ok if i get some cc? how will i feel tomorrow?
this viscous thought process takes place every time i go out, but it never prevents me from going out. I still refuse to eat at home all the time or bring food into a restaurant..if i do that then whats the point of anything anymore?
There is also a whole thought process i go thru when friends want to eat out. i ask myself if i should eat before i go and then just say im not hungry? i call the restaurants and have been known to pull over on highways so i can look up menus and figure out if there is anything i eat.
anyway, its just hard to believe how different my life is and although ive been gluten free for almost 4 yrs and am always super careful It still gets me down.
I just started dating a woman again and up to this point things have been casual and ive been able to avoid dealing with food discussions but eventually it has to come up. i still recall the look on my ex's face when i told her and how throughout our relationship the whole thing just seemed like a huge inconvenience for her and how horrible and abusive she was to me sometimes.
anyway, as you all can see im spending much less time on here but i still feel the occasional need to vent. hope everyone is doing well